Punch: Punch (70.1876)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [June 3, 1876.

DERBY COSTUME A LA CHRISTY MINSTREL.

(a very slight addition to one of Mr. worth's latest parisian

Novelties.)

the first bar (which we 'crossed on leaving) to the last, it was the
worst thing I have ever come across. In fact, he never knew what
a Sea in alt was till now.

" I am not myself at.all," said the Maestro to me one evening, as
the Steward was bringing him a nice basin of hot soup (but he
couldn't stand the association of ideas, and so I ate it myself).
"I'm not myself at all," says he ; " and often wish I were back
again."

I wouldn't lose the chance of an English yew de mot, and gave it
him at once.

" Ah ! " says I; " you don't feel yourself ; and you wish you were
offen back again."

I explained it to him, and he smiled. I am with him for the
double purpose of writing an English or American Libretto, and
teaching him English jokes, so that he may grasp our idea of
Burlesque. When he does grasp it, he '11 be a wiser and a better
man, or a bitter man.

Poor Composer! He had hardly a note of music about him last
week, though he took several composing draughts, without effect.
In spite of the stormy sea the boats, manned by Musicians, came out
to meet us.

Up they went! Such a pitch! Trombones flying, ophicleide up
m the air, the players holding on for their life to the boats, and
Offenbach bending over the side of the ship—bowing, as they
thought. It was a picture of the "Heart boived doivn." The
musicianers tried to serenade him, but it wouldn't be serene, and
they would soon_ have been beyond all aid; so they went back, and
awaited his arrival, which would be his first appearance on any
American Landing-stage. How glad he was to touch terra ftrma.'
How he enjoyed the change of air, even though"the air was Yankee
Doodle. But for a while, after.['quitting the ship, he was a wreck;
and though I sang him three of his own songs, I .couldn't cheer him
up. So when the people with flags, and lights, and music came to
serenade him at the hotel (they 're always serenading people with
lights—I don't know how they treat people without lights—but that's
neither here nor there), I just slipped on a false nose, and a pair

of pince-nez, and stepped out on the balcony. In a broken English
voice I said, " Sir, I thank you," which was received with shouts
and cries of " Chantez, Mossoo! Chantez quelque chose, out of
your own darned works! Allez, you cuss! Go it! "

Then I gave it them. My rendering of " Je suis, moi, le General
Bourn ! " was magnificent. I heard poor Offenbach calling me to
come in, but the people wanted me to come out.

However, in view of the future, I thought it better to bow and
retire. Offenbach thanked me sincerely, and then went to bed.
He is going to dine at the Lotos Club, and is learning from me
" porter et repondre aux toasts."

Interested as you must be in eve^thing musical, I am sure you
will be delighted to hear of the Compositeur's doings en Amerique.
When anything further turns up, I will write. I don't suppose much
will turn up—except himself when he returns.

Jacques 0. sends you " ses'meilleures poignees de main," as also
do I, and am, Tours ever,

Mister L'Accompanista di Pianista.

P.S.—What boat ought Offenbach to voyage on ? AP an' O boat.
Lomprenez ?

GONE WRONG !

a new novee. by miss rhody dendron,

Authoress of " Cometh Down like a Shower," "Red in the Nose is She,"
" Good/ Buy Sweet Tart!" "Not Slily, But don't Tell"

Chapter the Last.— What Jenny says.

" My dear Bella," I say, after we have left Towner's room—she
first, and myself a quarter of an hour after—" he has given me a
promise of marriage."

"To you,for me?" inquires Bella, anxiously, with a tender
trouble in the shady depths of her cool, green eyes.

To me, for myself ! " I reply, with quiet triumph, and giving an
instance of the great common sense for which I have always been so
justly celebrated. Then I add, "In two days' time we shall be
married. Had he refused, I should have written to his Bishop, and
exposed him."

"And what am I to do ? " asks Bella, with a mutinous pout.

"Good Heavens!" I reply; "send to Orliss, or Percy, or

Desoyer, or "—I add, cynically—" some new fellow."

She pauses for a moment; then, sitting down at the table, she

sends a telegram to Orliss Gwynnin.

******

In less than an hour Orliss is at her side. _ He has come from the
Antipodes, and travelled post-haste. The difference of time allows
of his arrival here exactly two days and a half before the letter was
written to which his coming is the answer. This, at another time,
might have caused a muddle ; it does not do so now. He is welcome.

■Sff '3(f ^ ft rfff W

The Rev. Thomas Hassock, dressed in white goloshes, and peer-
ing, happily, with little pink eyes through pale green spectacles,
takes me, Jenny St. John Villars, to wife, marrying me himself,
to save the fees. Then he puts on his surplice, and performs the
ceremony for Percy Shortwynd, who has presented himself in the
full uniform—now as seldom'seen as the Archbishop's coronation robes
on the very stateliest of state occasions, and then solely and only
when occurring on the first of May—of one of " My Lords ; " while
the Lady Virginia Creeper is a triumph of red and white
flowers, of glorious gold and silver spangles, with a long bright
ladle in her hand (presented to her as a wedding present by Sir Guy
Focksday), in which to collect the offerings of the devoted peasantry.
Orliss Gwynnin is the best man, and makes himself very amusing,
appearing in his yeomanry costume (of white with red spots and
stripes) of the Drollshire Merrimen, the motto on the cap being,
in old Norman French, "Nous voysy ongkor!"—while Belli is
the chief bridesmaid. Then Bella is married to Orliss, and my
husband, Tommy Hassock, acting upon my common-sense sug-
gestion, takes the fees'for this also; and, during the intervals and
pauses, he plays appropriate tunes on the concertina, thus dis-
pensing with the services of the organist, (to whose honorarium my
husband became thereby entitled), while I, with great care, officiate
as clerk, make the necessary reponses, and pocket the gratuities.
The Rev. Thomas Hassock will bless the day when he married
so experienced, so steady, so sensible a person as Miss Jenny
St. John Villars, elder sister of Bella, and hitherto a sort of
Cinderella in the family. Sometimes I catch him in corners sigh-
ing, and then I make him give me a kiss on my sweet, soft, shy lips.

3|t "5jf flt

As [for Bella I believe she is getting on happily enough with
Orliss Gwynnxn ; but, since our marriage, as my husband is very
much taken up with parish work and visiting, and as I never allow
him to go, anywhere without me, we have been compelled to_ bd
" out" to the Gwynnins whenever they have called. I don't think
Orliss is weU off, and Bella hasn't a farthing. They profess to