Punch: Punch (70.1876)

234

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 10, 1876.

LAST NEWS FROM THE SPIRIT-WORLD.

Medium. "The Spirit of the late Me. Jones is present." Jones s Widow (with emotion), "I hope you are happy, Jones!"

Jones (raps out). " Far happier than I ever was on Earth !"
Jones's Widow. " Oh, Jones! then you must be in Heaven!" Jones. " On the contrary!"

THE SCIENCE SHOW, SOUTH KENSINGTON.

The following' Notes are extracted from a Catalogue found by the
Police in the Exhibition of Scientific Apparatus, now open at South
Kensington. There is no name in the Catalogue—"Puffing Billy"
scribbled on the title-page appears to refer to a venerable steam-
engine—but the owner was evidently a man of an independent and
original mind, disposed to view the instruments in the Collection in
novel aspects, and not tied and bound to any preconceived scientific
theories, or overridden by narrow intellectual assumptions. Certain
of those who have had the privilege of examining this Catalogue
and its marginal Notes, seem to think that some at least of them may
have been made without the writer seeing the objects they refer to—
a question of considerable importance, on which we should be glad
to receive the opinions of learned bodies and distinguished men of
science both at home and abroad.

Notes.

" Slide Rule." As this instrument may be applied (among other
purposes) "to find areas," no Policeman, who has a proper regard
for his own comfort and hajjpiness, ought to be without one.

" Napier Bones." Mysterious, dismal, chilly. To which of the
many celebrated Napiers did these bones belong, and how is it that
they are not in their natural resting-place P

"Instruments of Precision." Invaluable to those innumerable
vague persons of both sexes, who are totally unable to detail what
they hear, read, or see, in any accurate, clear, or intelligible manner.
But can they be taught how to use these instruments ?

" Plotting Scales." Harmless enough here, but likely; to arouse
suspicion in countries fertile in conspiracies, secret societies, and
revolutions.

" The Wealemefna." What can this be ? A new patent medicine,
or hair-dye, or a strange wild animal from India, would clearly be
out of place in a Collection of this character. Perhaps it is another
sewing machine.

" Measures of Capacity." What a boon to constituencies choosing

new Members, masters and mistresses engaging fresh servants
youthful persons of both sexes selecting partners for life, and
parents determining on the future career of their progeny!

" Delicate pressure Gauge." By the aid of this ingenious instru-
ment, a diffident man will be able to estimate exactly the amount of
encouragement he may derive from the " delicate pressure " of his
hand by the beautiful being who is the source of all his thoughts,
dreams, schemes, hopes, fears, and palpitations.

" Yon Jolly's Spring-balance." The mere title puts one in
spirits for the whole of the day. We forget the lateness of the
season, and the North-East wind, and the Eastern Question, and
everything else that is uncomfortable and depressing.

" A 12-mile Protractor." Consult Payson Weston, or some other
eminent pedestrian, as to the uses and advantages of this instrument,
before going into training.

"'s. Gravesande's Apparatus to demonstrate the Theory of the
Wedge." There is something irresistibly fascinating and provoking
to the curiosity about that initial "'s." Does the Theory of the
Wedge apply to the whole, or only the thin end of it ?

" Soldier Experiment." Strongly recommended to the notice of
the Horse Guards and War Office.

" Revolution Indicator." Must be of the greatest possible service
in countries, where Revolutions occur with a frecpiency to make some
sure warning of their approach invaluable to those inhabitants who
are wise enough to sell out of the Funds and change their residence.

" Whistles for producing Shrill Notes." Any one who has the
misfortune to live near a railway will condemn these as a superfluous
and terrible invention. _

" Set of Vowel Forks." The attendant, on being asked why this
set was incomplete—there being no Consonant Knives—was mute.

"Siren," and "Double Siren" {see Homer's Odyssey). Sure to
draw enormous crowds. Except, perhaps, a Mermaid, the origi-
nators of the exhibition could not have sought and obtained a greater
attraction. (They are perfectly harmless.) With the ample material
at their disposal, the Committee might arrange a most telling con-
cert. The Sirens, of course, would be the principal vocalists, the