Punch: Punch (70.1876)

262

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 24, 1876.

"SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD!"

Compassionate Curate, ""What's the Matter with little Billy, Mrs. Dodder?"

Suffolk Mother (who has becn correcting her Son). "Matter wuth'm? There's alltts suff'n the Matter wuth'm! You can't

DEAV WRONG a-HIDIN' of'M ! If HE bean'T in MlSCHEIF, he 's JUST a-goin' in, THELSE JUST a-COMIN' OUT ! !"

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEND.

(Song for the Stock Exchange.)

If yon invest in foreign funds, brave boys, let cask be lent
With sole regard to int'rest—not per sentiment, per cent.
The man who talks of moral wrong, upholding tyrant rule,
Aiding aggression, robbery, war, and bloodshed, is a fool.

No matter if yon should suspect, or even if you know

You 're laying out your capital to help a foreign foe

With iron-clads and monster guns. Ne'er stick to lend him aid ;

Care not but for the, assurance that you '11 get your interest paid.

But oh, make very sure of that, and keep a weather-eye

To the use for which your Despot wants the funds which you supply.

You can't be too particular, if all he gets he spends

As well upon unrighteous as unprofitable ends.

Oh lend not e'er a sixpence to be so much money lost
In wild attempts at plunder which will ne'er defray its cost,
Or on barren speculation spent, and sunk, and thrown away !
Gauge your borrower's means of payment; guess how long he's like
to pay.

On his palaces and pleasures if he simply wastes your cash,
When he no more can borrow, then he needs must go to smash.
Meanwhile he has but paid you back a fraction of your loan.
Like smoke the rest, both principal and interest, is flown.

Lend money with a single, not a purblind eye to gain.
Think, will an o'ertaxed people bear oppression's further strain ?
Blood from a post you can't extort by any power of screw ;
And hence it comes that dividends are oft not paid when due.

In venturing an investment that will serve immoral ends,
Mind you've a borrower capable of cheating him who lends.
Whence, mourning love of lucre, too confiding City Cents
Wish they had been contented with their native Three-per-Cents.

MAGISTERIAL AUDACITY!

Chief Justice Gascoigne and Prince Henry have been left
nowhere, like Kisber's opponents in the Grand Prix. A Duke's
Steward has bowed to the decision of a bench of Magistrates! Here
is the account, from a daily contemporary :—

" Fining a Duke.—The Duke of Portland was fined £5 and costs
on Monday, at the Dronfield Petty Sessions, for allowing a locomotive engine
to travel on the turnpike road without having provided a person to carry a red
flag'not less than sixty yards before the said engine,' as required by law.
When Mr. Cripple, the Duke's steward, who appeared as his Grace's repre-
sentative, heard the Magistrates' decision, he said,' Gentlemen, I bow to your
decision, but I am sure that the Duke will be very much dissatisfied.' "

Good Heavens! why did not Mr. Cripple say as much before ?
Of course the Magistrates would have had a more becoming sense of
their situation than to have fined a Duke. Supposing the Duke
were not only to be dissatisfied, but vexed, or even angry ! But we
forbear—such possibilities are too dreadful to contemplate.

PHYSIOLOGY IN FRANCE.

An active interest in the Vivisection Bill now before Parliament
is taken by the inhabitants, especially the shopkeepers, of Boulogne,
They would, it is said, have petitioned the House of Commons for
the enactment of that measure, but for the late decision according to
which their petition could not be received. It is proposed, should
the Government Vivisection Bill, in its present shape, become law,
to establish at Boulogne a School of Physiology, which, being within
convenient distance, will be easily accessible to British Medical Stu-
dents, desirous of obtaining instruction such as can only be acquired
under conditions of unfettered investigation; and whereat, also,
British Professors will enjoy legal facilities for practising the
experiments needful to enable them to prosecute Physiological
Researches on terms of equality with Continental men of Science,
and without being liable to be interfered with by a Policeman.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No 30, Loraine Boad, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in ths County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew, 4: Co., Lombard
Stieet, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No, 85, Fleet Street, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London. Saturday, June 21,187b.