Punch: Punch (70.1876)

July l, 1876.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 265

GOOD NEWS FOR THE HORSES.

is it the dulness of the season, or can it be that we are getting
Sensible, at last, that we See so much of this Sort of Thing in the
Park ? If only they would drop the Bearing-Rein in Harness, the
Horses would be all Right—both Heads and Tails.

ROUSED AT LAST!

Urged by the Deputation from the Meeting held at
Lambeth, the Authorities propose issuing' the following'
Memoranda for the public guidance in the event of a
recurrence of flooding by the Thames :—

1. When an extraordinary high tide is threatened all
male persons should tuck up their trousers. In the case
of females petticoats should not be worn long.

2. Carpets should be taken up : by the police, if neces-
sary.

3. During the continuance of the flood, anything like
ennui may be dissipated by making an analysis of the
Thames water. Fishing from sitting-rooms will not be
forbidden. No extra water-rate will be charged.

4. The moment the water is seen coming out of the
chimneys it is time to leave the house.

5. Flat Irons, being liable to sink, should be conveyed
to a place of safety.

6. Drags in constant readiness. Office, Charing Cross.

7. Any person wanting compensation will be per-
mitted to want it.

8. In the event of anybody's Mother-in-law being
drowned, the Authorities will require to be recompensed.

9. Cbildren in arms should be taught to swim.

10. The best method of accustoming oneself to the
effects of water could, no doubt, be ascertained from Sir
Wilfrid Lawson. by Order.

A Moral Converse.

Another American gentleman besides Mr. Winslow,
a Mr. Brent, wanted by his country's Police for alleged
forgery, has had to be discharged from custody by the
Queen's Bench, on account of a legal disagreement on
the part of our Government with that of the United
States about the joint effect of the Extradition Treaty of
1842, and the Extradition Act of 1870. Replying to the
application for his release, the Attorney-General stated
in Court that:—

" The two Governments had been engaged in a correspondence
on the subject, and had not succeeded in coming to an agree-
ment."

The old proverb runs—" When rogues fall out, honest
men come by their own." It would seem that the con-
verse holds, and "when honest men disagree, rogues
come by other people's."

THE CEUSADE AGAINST CEUELTY.

Don't suppose our Crusade will but check Vivisection
So-called. We propose to march on by degrees,

To the length of extending the shield of protection
Over all living things, down to mites, gnats, and fleas ;

To guard them not merely from Med'cine's professors,

Or physiological students alone :
'Gainst your unscientific and common transgressors,

O'er all victims as well shall our segis be thrown.

We 're determined to screen the live eel from the skinner;

Living cod we '11 from crimping secure by-and-by—
Though that process may make it the better for dinner ;

And your lobster, before your cook boils it, shall die.

And your oyster shall be, in its native condition,
Consigned, at a gulp, to your epicure's maw,

Unscathed and unstung by the painful addition
Of pepper and vinegar—banished by law.

And the gates of a prison your butcher we '11 shut on,
If without anaesthetics to yield them relief

He fit lamb for mint sauce, reduce.live sheep to mutton,
Turn calf into veal, or cut ox up for beef.

Under chloroform save when the patient reposes,
ISTo farrier's blade shall prune cattle or kine ;

Either ether shall lull pigs when rung through their noses,
Or laughing-gas make it but fun for the swine.

But, as for your sportsmen, there's no mitigation
Of pain which as plea for their acts will avail;

A live bait could scarce, by humane legislation,
Have an anodyne ointment applied to its tail.

We won't let the squires, sensibility blunting
By cruel amusements with rod, dog, and gun,

Go wantonly fishing and shooting and hunting
And mangling and maiming poor creatures for fun.

Against Yivisectors the victory winning,

By the facts we pervert, and the " crams " we allege,
The fissure we '11 widen from that small beginning

By use of our friend, the thin end of the wedge.

Sayings for the Marines.

Once a Lieutenant, always (at least for fifteen years) a Lieu-
tenant.

Patronage is the Mother of Merit.

Take care of the Subalterns, and the Field Officers will take care
of themselves.
Promotion has no laws.

'Tis. a long Military career (generally over twenty years'service)
which has no majority at the end of it.

A step in time often saves nine (husband, wife, and seven
children.)

A friend at Whitehall is worth two in Somerset House.

A Colourable Pretext.

"Indigo.—This year the indigo imported was valued at £1,545,473; last
year in the same period, £1,375,439,"

If therefore we hear from Correspondents at Glasgow and Dundee
that this year, in comparison with the year gone by, things are
looking more generally blue, it is not such a bad sign—for the
indigo-importers.