Punch (74.1878)

April 20, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVAKI.

173

That, of course, was before the rash came out. She herself
noticed no difference, in the glass. There she might have seen her-
self as others saw her, and rested content. For their part—

"The friends with whom I stayed in the country said I looked quite
lovely."

Yery likely—before the washes brought on a rash. The loveliness
was natural, needing no improvement. But loveliness like that of
a rose or a lily, or of lilies mingled with roses, is too often combined
with an intelligence not greatly exceeding a senseless flower's. It
is this order of intelligence which, not content with youth and
beauty, desires to be made beautiful for ever, believes in advertise-
ments offering to work that miracle, and buys solutions which cause
an eruption at a guinea a bottle.

THE WHOLE HOG.

" Qualification and explanation both weaken the force of what is said, and
are not always likely to be with patience received ; so also those who desire to
misunderstand or to oppose have it always in their power to become obtuse
listeners or specious opponents."—Ruskin.

Rough-and-ready Patriot loquitur .—

hut up ! Blow rea-
s'ning! I don't
mean it rude,
But it's dry work
and doesn't do no
good.

I like plain-sailing
and I don't like
fog,

And I am all for go-
ing the whole hog !
Reason ? Fair-play ?
0 bless me, yes, /
know.
Soot I can under-
stand, and likewise
snow,
But this new-fangled
neutral sort o'

grey,

Blest if I cotton to it

any way.
You see your notions

of the situation
Want such a precious
lot of explanation!
"Rooshia is black,"
says you, " and
Turkey blacker.
We don't ought lightly to be either's backer."
Well, right you are; but must we then stand by
While Rooshia works her will ? That's all my eye!
" You don't mean that at all —I dare say not.
I make no doubt you mean a thundering lot;
But what your meaning is I'm blest if i"know,
Them Rooshians want to collar land and rhino;
Grab is their game, my friend. You do not doubt it ?
Then where's your call to make this shine about it ?
Stop it, I say, and stop it short and sharp.
That's straight. You only quibble, hedge, and carp.
Your Cossack client's bad, my boy. Eh? What?
" Rooshia is not your client ? " Now that's rot.
Don't you defend the beggar ? J abhor him,
And hold that he who's not against is for him.
" Tou are for right, not Rooshia ? " That your song ?
Well, all serene, then ; Rooshia's in the wrong,
And so it's all the same. You 're on our side.
I welcome your return to sense with pride.
" Rooshia, perhaps, mayn't be all wrong ?" Ah, there I
Hedging again! " At least, one should be fair ? "
I hate the word, it's cocktail, canting, shabby—
What chaps of your sort call "fair," I call flabby.
Balancing matters in that mincing style,
Is just the way a Nation's nerve to spile,
Like fighting on a tight-rope. What d 'ye say ?
" The road of right is oft a ticklish way,
No reason, that, why it should not be tried ;
Justice is rarely all upon one side ? "
Now, look you here, I am a patriot, I am;
Britain's my home, not Rooshia, France, or Siam.
I back old England; England can't be wrong.
I like things in plain English—short and strong.

Take sides with Rooshia 'gainst John Bull ? Not me!

Gladstone may howl, but I shall back Lord B.

Suppose he leads us wrong f 0 that be shot I

You own yourself that Rooshia's a bad lot.

That is not quite the question ? Isn't it ?

Then p'raps you '11 say what is. It bangs my wit.

" What 's ivrong in Europe, how to put it right

With patient justice, and without a fight,

To play our part as fits a mighty nation,

Too calmly brave to stoop to aggravation.

To let nor fear, nor hate, nor pride of race,

Blind us to the true issues of the case,

The righteous, the enduring, and the just,

And fight for these alone, if fight we must—

A task which needs more pluck and patriotism

Than braggart bounce or blatant Jingoism.'1

Don't like the programme ; looks half funk, half fog.

'Twould leave us bilked, and landed in a bog.

No, put our foot down, show the brutes we 're strong,

Stow cackle! Here's old England, right or wrong !

[Drinks deeply to " Our Noble Selves ! "

PEERS AND PHYSICIANS.

Homoeopathy is looking up. It threatens to render the labours
of the Medical Council superfluous. London supports a Homoeo-
pathic Hospital. At the Annual Meeting of this Charity, held
the other day in the Hospital itself, Great Ormond Street, Lord
Ebury took the chair. The year's subscriptions amounted to £1,576,
the donations to £518 ; the Hospital Saturday and Sunday Funds to
£89 and £217 ; Legacies to £700 ; Special Purposes Fund to £265 ;
and the year's Receipts to £5,112; the smallest of all these sums
being aby no means infinitesimal quantity. The name of Lady Cairns
was added to the list of lady visitors. It was announced that the
Earl of Dunmore and Lord Bobthwick had consented to act on
the Board, and the Duke of Westminster was enrolled amongst
the Yice-Presidents. Of course these distinguished members of the
Nobility are personages of such education and culture as to be inca-
pable of patronising a system of therapeutics which they have not by
study qualified themselves to form an opinion about. Their patron-
age of Homoeopathy must be alarming to the regular Faculty. It
implies, at any rate, their conviction, valeat quantum, that Medi-
cine, as taught and practised by the Medical Profession, is humbug.

A Policy of Suspicion.

Suspicion now rules us and stimulates ire ;

Let us hope we mayn't learn in the school of disaster
This maxim o'er-true, that Suspicion, like fire,

Though an excellent servant's a terrible master.

What the School Boards are Asking.

The promotion of the noble Lord, the Member for Middlesex, to
the office of Yice-President of the Committee of Council on Educa-
tion has raised the question whether the " Hamiltonian System " is
about to be introduced into the national instruction of this country.

Punch, to Salisbury.

I hold it true, whate'er befall,
Though Jingo bounce and patriot rail,
'Twere better far to meet and fail,
Than never try to meet at all.

In the Royal Chapel (about 12-20 p.m.).

Remotely possible Sunday Thought:—

" How many thousands of my poorer subjects
Are at this hour asleep ! "

maccoll s short way.

How to Prevent any more Impaling of Christiatis.—Don't leave
the Mahometans a Stake in the country.

Appropriate Title (for the College to train Natives for the Indian
Civil Service).—Le Palais d'Hindoostrie.

Parallel to Bolting a Door with a Carrot.—Keeping tbe
Shebeen door open with a Murphy.