Punch (77.1879)

October 4, 1879.]|

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVAPJ.

149

CHANCELLOR ON CETEWAYO.

[By our own Interviewer.)

0, now he is taken,
you wish to know
what I tliink of
Cetewato ? Un-
successful as he
has been, he is a
great man: the
greatest & man in
Africa. ; Cete-
wato is great in
the greatest of
knowledges. He
knows how to
work with blood
and iron. But he
can only carry out
his blood and iron
in half measures.
Blood ,he: has at
command in quite
an enviable
quantity. But he
is not equally well
supplied witb
iron. "What he
has he gets from
Birmingham. So
much for Free
Trade!

As to bis quarrel
witb the English,
Cetewayo was in
the right, as far as
the weaker party
can be. They ob-
jected to his kill-
ing his own people.
But, as he said,

his people wouldn't mind him unless he did kill them. When people will not
mind their ruler unless they are killed, they ought to be. killed. Then the
Cape Government would not, let him "wash his spears." We wash our
bayonets. We washed our bayonets in Schleswig-Holstein. We washed them

again at Sadowa. The French wanted to wash their
bayonets in Germany. We washed ours in France
instead. There is nothing but imprudence and miscal-
culation, when there is anything, to blame in washing
bayonets, or spears.

Cetewato, in wishing to wash his spears, perhaps
somewhat misconceived his duty towards his neighbours.
It is our duty towards our neighbours to improve them
—if sometimes off the face of the earth. The British
Government has too little resolution to improve away
the Zulus; and the British Public has had to pay, as
the public always must in the long run, for its half-
heartedness.

Cetewato's heathenism, of course, is horrible, not-
withstanding all his fine qualities. What a pity he is
not a Christian ! It is impossible to sympathise with
him altogether. Otherwise, when I imagine him leading
his army, as pictured by Lord Elcho in the House of
Commons, like a gorilla brandishing a rifle, I say to
myself, after your Nonconformist divine, '' There, but
for the blessing of having been reared in the true

religion, goes Otto von B-! " Your health in a pot

of Sillery and Barclay and Perkins. Pros't!

DONNING THE TOGA.

Turkey. General disarmament ? Bismillah! But who's
to begin P

Russia. Won't you f I '11 promise, on my word of
honour as a gentleman, to follow suit—almost imme-
diately.

Italy. A true act of homage to the great goddess of
universal liberty. Let only Austria lead the way, and
her old friend, United Italy, won't be very far off.

Austria. A capital idea! But in what order are we
to execute the movement ?

Germany. Why, all together, of course.

France. All but France, who is trusted by Europe,
and _ is best fitted, by the universal confidence she
inspires, to act as the European police force.

England. I am prepared to take off one of the Horse
Guards in Parliament Street, and to meet Europe half-
way on the road to disarmament, with pleasure. You
have only to let me know when you We all ready !

CO-OPERATIVE CLERGYMEN.

Deault Beloved Punch,

As a British Tradesman in a small way, being a Chandler and
Grocer, licensed to deal in Tea, Coffee, Tobacco, Snuff, Yinegar, and
Pepper, allow me in consert with the Conference of the Traders'
Defence Association as met the other day in that Assembly-room of
the Saints what used to be, now, alas! " To Be Sold," Exeter All,
for to rise my voice and uplift my Testimony agen the unwarrantable
and injurious System of Civil, Military, and Naval Service Co-
operative Stores. Yea, and moreover to protest and declare my
cordial concurrence in the Resolution voted unanimous by my
Christian friends at the above highly respectable Meeting in con-
demnation of the Same.

But a Rider as was subsekently added to the Original Resolution,
and likewise carried by exclamation, is quite a different thing, and
Oh, with your help, may my affectionate remonstrance as a humble
Instrument indoose them beloved Brethren for to resind that addition
which they passed as follows :—

" That it is the opinion of the meeting that the clergy should he included
in the resolution, and that they be prohibited from engaging in trade."

Nay, Christian friends, not so. Combining, as I do, the calling
abovementioned with that of a Minister of a Congregation, mostly in
indignant circumstances which they are unable to contribute him
sufficient for an Independent livelihood, and I am consequently
necessiated to eak out my Subsistence by means of the Shop as a
supplement to the Pullpit, I must remonstrate for the free and.
perfect liberty of the Clergy to engage in any trade whatsoever
olesale or retail as is lawful for any Body else. I mean, of course,
the Clergy of all denominations, including them of the Establish-
ment, and if they ain't allowed to belong to Co-operative Stores, keep
Shop, or get their own living anyhow they choose or can if they can't
by their hearers that sits under them, how I should like to know is
the State Church ever to be Disestablished and Disendowed ?

So, therefore, as my Clerical Brethren and fellow Labourers in the
Yinyard, I desire for the Clergymen of the Established Church not
on no account to be denied, but by all means to be granted the
Christian privilege of honest Industry, labourin, if needs be, with

their own ands, and which I also claim for to continue to enjoy
myself, being a Reverend as well as them, though my only Estab-
lishment is my Shop, and my place of Business is a little one, the
same as the Flock of which I remain, yea verily, beloved Funch,
alway, and evermore Your faithful and affectionate Shepherd,

Tabernacle Walk, Goose Day, 1879. Nahtjm Stiggins.

P.S.—I inclose \ a Dozen Tracts & my Business Card.

OUR BADLY-USED BOYS.

The following piteous tale will but corroborate the touching
accounts we have lately seen in the papers of the starving of our
over-worked and under-fed sons. It needs no comment:—

Mt Dear Mama.

I am glad to see that the Guvernor has been riting to the
papers about the feeding at Scools for it is disgreaceful here, just
fancy, we have been back a weak, and we have'n't yet seen a
partridge for dinner That old sneak Staevum is his nickname
among the fellows says they are scairee.

I do'n't believe it, it is only that he is so beastly mean, then we
have always had the chickens plain rosted, instead of being made
eetable with mushrooms and truffles, he actually talked of giving us
goose for dinner on Michaelmas day vulgar beast. We are starved
here, the potatos are always boiled, never fried in chips or Materdotel
or anything tasty. They never give us peeches or apricot tart, or
anything but pears and plums and grapes, it is a beastily chouse._

1 felt quite ill the day after I came, 1 am sure it was from having
so little food I could eat, for I was obliged to buy a jam tart before
dinner, as I had finished the hamper of Tuck I brought.

I wish the Guvernor wold write and say all scholmasters should
know how to cook it would be much better than Lattin and speling
and that stuff. your aff_ gon> ^

P.S.—Could you send me some of that fwa gra patty you said
might tempt Aunt Ltjct's appetite, it is a pitty to waist it on any-
body who is not as hungery as me.

P.S.—You may send this to the times if you like.