Punch (77.1879)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 8, 1879.

AWFUL RESULT OF IMMODERATE TEMPERANCE!

Edwin and Emma feel uncommonly well; but they want
to feel better still—so they resolve, once for all, to give
up the use of stimulants altogether.

Now Total Abstinence acts upon different People in

different ways. behold edwin and emma a twelvemonth
after their virtuous resolution !

Only Reformers' names are on the books. Celebrated for cbops and
steaks.

REGENT CIRCUS.—One of the most amusing entertainments in
London. Open free to everybody. Change of performances every
quarter of an hour. The trained steeds are well worth seeing, and
the business between Clowns, Swells, and Policemen, excellent.

REGENT'S PARK.-Only different from Hyde Park in having no
Powder Magazine. Its broad walks and side alleys are great places
for rendezvous. Here nursery-maids abound, and leaving the peram-
bulators listen to their lovers' vows. This is a good reason for keep-
ing no Powder Magazine, as in Hyde Park. There being so many
young sparks about besides the Great Regent Spark itself, it would
be highly dangerous.

REGENT STREET—Where George the Fourth, when Prince
Regent, used to walk on Sundays. " This," he one day said to Beau
Brummel, "is the Regent's treat." It was called after him, but he
took no notice of it. It is now spelt differently, and the joke lost.

PtEGISTRARS.—Any two persons can go and be married before a
Registrar, unless the Registrar is married before them.

RESTAURANTS.—First started in the time of the Restauration.
They are everywhere, and you can drive about in a cab and dine
d la carte. Verrey's is about the oldest Restaurant in London—
at least Verrey old. Some pronounce it " Vary's." This is wrong,
for it is almost always good, and seldom varies. It was so celebrated
at one time, and may be now, for its petit tas of coffee, that the
motto proposed to be adopted was "Magna est Verrey tas!'" A
little lower down in Regent Street is the Cafe Royal, pronounced
" Kaffy Royarl." The idea is French, of course. According to the
old nursery jingle, " chief " in the second line is evidently chef.—

Kaffy was a Frenchman,

Kaffy was a chief,
Kaffy keeps a kaffy-house,

And don't take any beef.

This of course was the old John-Bullish notion of the " Mossoo " in
generations long gone by. Then there is Kettner's,1 in Church Street,
Soho, a little beyond Dean Street, where you may find a good deaner.
There is the fiolborn Restaurant, where an excellent band of

music performs appropriate airs. Here the sound of the flutes
ushers in an entree of flageolets, sparkling dance music accom-
panies the caper sauce, Morceaux from Operas-Bouffe give a zest
to the tripe, two glasses of pale ale are announced by a melody
arranged for the Double Bass, and a second demand for porter is at
once suggested by a strain from Meyerbeer, which comes from a
tap on the Conductor's desk. To express the descent of a Waiter
into the caves below to fetch some "fine old crusted," one of the
orchestra goes as low as he can on his violin-cellar. The Waiters keep-
ing time to the music, in double sets of five, dance a-ten-dance, and
the entire suite, when handing the sweets, are always puddin' their best
foot foremost. On the appearance of the liqueur, a " go," that goes
with the coffee, the Band play a hunting air, to indicate the chasse ;
and. with the cigars comes something of an Off-an-baccy character.
The Horse-Shoe is another large establishment where the customer
pays on the nail ; but here the specialite is a first-rate American
bar, showing the connection between Horse-Shoe and "Shoddy!"
Messrs. Bertram and Roberts—so clearly the operatic Bertram
and Roberto—do the restauration for the Aquarium, and the Italian
Romano's—or "Roman Nose," if you want to direct the cabmen,
who will call the Vaudeville the Vordyveal—in the Strand, will
repay the consommateur. There's a good Restaurant at St. James's
Hall, and, as the Christy Minstrels are under the same roof, you may
expect to see lots of Dinahs at feeding time, and can always be sure
of grilled Bones.

ROUS CLUB;—Motto, "Our 'Ouse at home." Called after the
celebrated Admiral, not the Bravo.

ROWING.—Depends on its pronunciation for its treatment Row-
ing in the street should be immediately stopped by a Policeman.
Rowing on the water has nothing pugnacious about it, except where
the Rower comes across a brawling stream.

ROYAL EXCHANGE—We don't want one. . Quite satisfied with
our present Royalty.

ROYALTY THE ATRE—(Vide " Miss Kelly's " Post-Office
Directory.—It is now the home of The Bruce.)

RUSSELL CLUB.—Chiefly for Ladies. Name misspelt. Vide
Rustle.