Punch: Punch (91.1886)

December 25, 1886.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARI.

305

MEMOIRS OF A SECRET MISSION.

(Extracted from the Diary of Btto, M.P.)

asta, Monday.—When " the
Government" who came aboard
at Elba lamented the fate -which
brought personally home to him
the miseries g of Napoieon's
exile, he spoke 1 fondly of Civita
Vecehia. Had formerly been
"Government" there. "Ah,
Civita Yeechia! " he sighed.
Didn't say anything more, but
that enough to conjure up ideas
of earthly paradise. Rather
anxious to see Civita Vecehia ;
still more anxious to leave it.
A curiously dirty place, cold
™ withal, for now we have the
"Tramontana," a wind from
the North. But Civita Vecehia
is only the stopping-place for
Rome, and thither we went on
the morning after arrival.

Train forty minutes late; a
little incident that made all feel
homesick. " So like the South-
Western ! " the Sailing-master
said. Spent some days in Rome, severely doing our duty. Saw St.
Peter's. Don't think the interior view a patch upon Cologne Cathedral.
Striking for vastness, of course ; but prefer the stately simplicity of
Cologne. Too much mixing up of colours in variegated marble and
gilt. Just now things made much worse by hanging strips of scarlet
cloth at intervals over the walls. Regarded from the outside, would
rather look upon St. Paul's in the early morning from a point on the
Embankment somewhere about Waterloo Bridge. But then Some
cannot boast the marvellous mist that in some aspects lends beauty
to common objects in London.

The various departments of the Vatican let out in lots to seedy
gentlemen with sharp eyes. Each one is armed with authority
to demand half-a-franc from the visitor. One of these men in every
room, prowling about with stealthy footsteps, hovering ever by the
door of exit, lest, peradventure, absent-minded visitor escape with-
out leaving a wrack behind in the shape of half-a-franc. It is the
same in all the public galleries in Italy, as far as I have seen them.
For example, at the Capitol there is an admission-fee of half-a-franc
if you visit the Museum, and bang goes another fivepence if, regard-
less of expense, the visitor crosses over to the Palace of the Con-
servator!. At Naples there is a charge of a franc for admission to
the National Museum. This payment at the doors is better than the
prowling men in the rooms ; but surely Italy is rich enough to throw
open its National Collections without these paltry charges. Suppose
we charged sixpence a-head to the British Museum, or had men
prowling for sixpences in every room in the National Gallery. How
the enemy would blaspheme ! It is different at the excavations at
Pompeii (two francs) or at the Catacombs in Rome (two francs),
though it is a little odd to stumble into the resting-place of the
ancient dead through a turnstile of modern construction. Still, work
is going on in these places, and the gate-money goes to extend the
operations. It is otherwise in the National Picture Galleries.

A very leisurely people the Romans of to-day. Driving through
the older parts of the town leading to the Appian Way, came upon
narrow street where two carriages might pass each other but no room
for a third. The concatenation of rope and string that comprised the
harness of a two-horsed cart had broken down. The driver stopped
to mend it, thereby blocking up half the roadway, and stopping the
flow of traffic going westward. It was a much frequented thoroughfare
and a busy hour of the day. Gradually some twenty cabs, omnibuses
and carts, were blocked, but the youth in charge of the two-horsed
cart in nowise distressed; proceeded with provoking leisure to mend
the harness. More remarkable still the acquies-
cence of the intercepted throng. With a single
exception not a protest was made, everybody save
one quietly waiting till the knots were re-tied and
the cart moved on.

The exception was the Sailing-master ; but his
temper had been ruffled by an incident which had
taken place just before we left the hotel. The
Sailing-master, sitting down to the breakfast-
table, threw back his Inverness cape. Officious
waiter eager to help the English Milord, coming
up behind caught hold of the sleeve of the Sailing-
master s frock-coat under the impression that it
belonged to the cape; violently tugged at it.
bailrng-master loudly protested; waiter thought

Milord jWith the irritability of the English was urging him to greater
exertions. Tugged at the coat-sleeve with maddened energy, and
nearly pulled the frock-coat off before he was himself forcibly removed.
Hence the Sailing-master growled threateningly, when we halted ten
minutes in a thoroughfare whilst a youth re-tied his horse's harness.

Driving home later, met the Oueen of Itaxt taking the air in an
open carriage with servants in the livery of England's cruel red. A
pleasant-faced lady; greeted me with a beaming smile and a gracious
bow. Evidently recognised me, in spite of my attempts at disguise.
Several old friends in Rome, Members of the Parliament disestab-
lished at the last Election. They are Liberals, but emphatically
not Gladstonians. Interesting to hear the unanimity of their con-
demnation of his taotics at last Eleotion. Only for him they would
all have been re-elected. Try to win them over to our side. Paint
in glowing colours the advantage of belonging to the Disunited
Unionists under our Great Leader. No actual converts yet; but fancy
I've sown some seed that will bear fruit.

SUB PUNCH-AKD-JTJDICE.

H-wk-ns, J.
I snouted and sniffed a
week ago,
As I gave the Jury
my charge;
For the winds blew
high, and the winds
blew low—
They were " all very
fine and large."

D-nm-n, J.
And now you sit and
you take your
ease—
It's all very well for
you—
But I'm outside, and
I shiver and sneeze.
Now, isn't there room
for two ?

H-wTt-ns, J.
If you want to eject,
you must title
show;
My title's without a
flaw,

S-wk-ns, J. "Room for two? 0 dear, no! ^"^t vou'ltow

f°l NeWmark6t- 1 CaU " 'Th6 HaTteen'LTd^

u s ' points at law.

Then take an example at once from me,

For you've only yourself to thank
If you catch a big cold in your head, Brother D.,

When we 're sitting together in Banc.

The Chbistmas Cabd-Teick.—" Oh, yes, Waekeb ! Exactly
B0_" Walkee & Co." The hand-pamted on leather, pearl inlaid,
are bee-autiiul! Among the comic ones the paper " dickies " and
cuffs are so good that no one to whom a dicky is offered can possibly
be half-fronted.

"New Brooms sweep clean" in most departments. This may be
true of Brooms, but why doesn't it apply to Raises at the Post-
Office ?___

Postponed bt Oedee oe the Police [with their Compliments to
the would-be Champions of England).— Boxing Day.

CHRISTMAS GAMES. By D. Crambo, Junior

Dumb-Cram-Beau. Hunt the Slipper. For Fits.