Punch (98.1890)

30 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 18, 1890.

THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY.

Miss Amy. "And do you admikb Miss Travers, Mr. Goslin ?"

Mr. G. "Yes—awf'ly I She's so unlike all other Girls, dok'tchee-know 11"

PLAIN ENGLISH!

John Bull loquitur:—
"English as she is spoke," my little friend,
Is not precisely what your pundits deem it.
Let me give you a lesson ! This must end.

That flag, however lightly you esteem it,
Has not so long waved folds fair, broad, and
ample

To all earth's winds for you at last to trample.

No ! "What the mischief is your little game ?
Monkeyish tricks help neither power nor
dignity.

A little country heir of much fair fame,

I'd liketo treatwith patience and benignity;
But memories of Camoens and De Gama
Should save you from the clown's part in
earth's drama.

Clowning it is to caper in this style,
Trying to make a foot-oloth of my banner.

You ought to know the temper of our Isle,
You've tested it in circumstantial manner.

Down before Soult and Junot you'd have
gone

Bat for that very flag, and Wellington.

Old friends ? Of course we are. Old rivals too,
In commerce and adventure the world over.
From John the Great's time to the present,
you

In Africa have been a daring rover ;
"The Rover's free"! Ahl that's good

lyric brag—
He is not free to trample on my flag!

Vasco de Gama and Cabral, no doubt, _
Held an exceedingly free hand aforetime.

Cocks of the walk were those adventurers
stout, [your time.

But then their time was different from
In what you call your " civilising labours,"
You'll have to think a little of your
neighbours,

" Prancing proconsuls" often stir up strife,
Which to abate diplomacy must strain.

Your Pinto seems to mean war to the knife—
He's too much given to the 'Ercles vein.

I'm sure I do not want to hurt your feelings,

I simply say I can't stand Seep a's dealings.

Plain English this, my little Portuguee,

And Bakros Gomes will tell you I mean it.
Eight ? Pigmy versus Titan ? Fiddlededee !
My meaning—without menaces, you '11
glean it— [" nag,"

Is this — I would not hector, no, nor
Only, my lad—you '11 just come off that
Flag !

LONDON FOR THE LONDONERS;
Or, How to Please Everybody.

Sceue— Railway Compartment. Brown and
Jones discovered reading Newspapers.

Brown {putting doivn his journal). Not
much news, Sir.

Jones {following the example). Quite so,
Sir—not much.

Brown. Perhaps, Sir, the most interesting
item is this talk about London Improvement.

Jones. So I think. Sir. But what do we
want with this plan for widening the Strand,
and making a road to Holborn ? It seems to
me, Sir, that the suburbs are being neglected.

Brown. I agree with you. Sir. Now, if
they would develop the North of London, it
would be more to the purpose. If they
would run a road direct from Charing Cross
to, say, Zanzibar Terrace, Upper Kensal
Green, West, it would really be of service
to the public.

Jones. Very likely, Sir—very likely. For
my part, it seems to me that Chiswick also
requires a helping hand. The construction of
a broad boulevard running from Charing
Cross in a straight line to, say, Upham Park
Road, would tend to show that the County
Council justly appreciated its own responsi-
bilities. And I say this, knowing the neces-
sities of Chiswick, for in that neighbourhood
I happen to reside.

Brown. And I, too, Sir, am equally cogni-
sant of the requirements of Upper Kensal
Green West. As a matter of fact, Sir, I
happen to have a comfortable house in
Zanzibar Terrace.

Jones. And I, Sir, a delightful villa in
Upham Park Road.

[ Whistle. Train enters tunnel, and further
conversation is drowned by the rattle of
the carriages.

A Musical Anticipation,

Feed Co wen's Viking
Sure to be striking.
Think there is luck in
Bahton McGuckin.

Unsought Honoue.—Af ter his last Birth-
day, Mr. Gladstone was unanimously elected
a Member of " the Eighty Club."