Punch (98.1890)

234

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[Mat 17, 1890.

THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY.

"Please look a little Pleasant, Miss. I know it 's hard ; but it 's onlt foe a Moment I"

" BABY BUNG."

Nurse JR-tch-e loquitur:—

Which no doubt at the best it's a bothersome babe ; though my

bounden duty it were to make much of it;
I'm free to say, if I had my way, it's the dickens a hit I should

come within touch of it. [windy;

'Tis a greedy child, and a noisy too, of a colicky turn, and pertikler
And, wherever the blessed infant's found, you may bet your boots

there '11 be stir and shindy.

The family is a ruektious one from their cradles up, and the plague
of nusses.

You may cosset and cordial 'em up as you will; though you Cills

'em "blessings," you finds 'em cusses.
Many a monthly they've worritted out of her life, almost, with

their fractious snarlings,
Though it's most as much as your place is worth to aggerawa'e 'em

—the little darlings!
And this one—well, it would raise a yell you might fancy came from

_ a fog-horn's throttle,
If it wasn't for that there soothing-syrup I've artfully smuggled

into its bottle.

It's strongish stuff, and I've dropped enough in the Babby's gruel
to prove a fixer ;

For this kid's riot you cannot quiet with Lawson's Cordial or
Caine's Elixir.

Them parties think they can mix a drink as '11 take the shine out o'

Godfrey or Damt,
But they 're both mistook, they don't know their book, though one is

"genial," and t'other chaffy.
They 'll raise a row when they find out how I have managed to

silence the child, by drugging.
Wot's the use of fuss ? Where's the monthly nuss as can manage

without a bit of 'umbugging!

And now, bavin' fixed the hinfant up, I'm a going to drop him in

somebody's doorway.
Hullo! Here's the house of that County Council I I fancies now it

is rather in your way!

You 're up to every think, you swells are, from " Betterment" to the
claims of Cabby.

You've a lot to learn; so jest have a turn—as I hope you '11 like—at
this Blessed Babby!

It " turns up on a doorstep unbeknown," like the child referred to
by Dickens's Sairey.

Come! _ Here '_s the Babby, and there's the Bottle! I'm no mono-
polist— quite contrairy.

Without its Bottle I couldn't leave it; the babe might 'unger, wich
Evins forbid of it!

But, havin' purvided for it so nicely, I '11 shunt it on you, gents,—
(aside)—and glad to get rid of it!

" Allowed to Staeve."—The Editor begs to acknowledge remit-
tance from "Miss G. D." and " W. M.," in aid of the Balaclava
Survivors, which he has handed to the Editor of the St. James's
Gazette, who is in charge of this Fund.

WARE BRUMMAGEM!,

" As sure as a gun " is a worthy old phrase

That doesn't quite seem to apply in our days ;

And that man is a cynic, or talking in fun,

Who says he's "as sure as an ' African' gun."

The Birmingham gun-makers loudly protest

That their products are good, if they 're not quite the best.

Mr. Punch with the Brummagem boys will not quarrel,

But all guns should be trustworthy, stock, lock and barrel;

Be the game one is after an Arab or pheasant,

The chance of a barrel that bursts is not pleasant.

Good work brings good pay, as it always has done;

That (in the old sense) is " as sure as a gun 1"

Mrs. R. has been uncommonly humorous lately. She observed,
" What a foolish remark it was of Dr. Johnson's to say that Vho
makes a pen would pick a pocket.' Unless," she added, struck with
a brilliant idea, " he was thinking of ' steel pens.' But I don't
think there were any in his time."