Punch: Punch (100.1891)

96

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 21, 1891.

Report stage ; Thursday next is taken for Third Heading, and I'm
put off till Monday."

" And who arranged all this ? " I asked, with unfeigned sympathy.
"Well, it was our fellows, you know, with assistance of Irish
Members. We are all so anxious to have it out with Prince Arthur
that we made it impossible for debate on his iniquities to come on

this week. Tut Heaxt suddenly deve-
loped personal interest in Tithes Bill,
Put down several new Clauses. So suc-
ceeded in perhaps indefinitely deferring
debate on my Resolution. You know little,
Toby, of the thirst for battle. It's more
exhausting than the conflict itself. You '11
excuse me, I '11 take another turn ; to walk
off the restless excitement is the only hope
left for me."

And crossing his hands behind him,
honest John was off again, down the cor-
ridor, his red necktie gleaming in the
further recesses like the lurid light of
battle.

Business done, — Tithes Bill through
Report stage.

Wednesday. — Marriage with Deceased
Wife's Sister Bill on again. A hardy
annual, carefully cultured in Commons,
and regularly nipped in Lords. The
speeches to-day naturally did not present
any features riotously novel. Hall of
Oxford (not the University, but the Brew-
ery) seconded Motion for rejection of Bill.
A beautiful speech, I thought, full of
touching sentiments, delivered with_ much
■Walking it Off unction. His plea for the sanctity of

sisterhood brought tears into eyes unused
to excessive moisture. Didn't seem to have much to do with the
Bill, but very touching.

" Like evening bells," I said to the Member for Sark.
" More like a barrel-organ," he responded, gruffly. " Hall has the
oratorical manner of a street-preacher, and the emptiness of a tankard
that a thirsty porter has held to his lips for sixty seconds. Like
a skilfully-drawn glass of his own four-half, he's mostly froth;
only, after all, there's something under the froth in the glass of

Hirsute Hints for Lord Randolph ; or, the Art of Political Make-up.

'Hall's Hextra,'and there's nothing beneath the sound of Hall's
ambitious common-places."

Sark often says nasty things"; seems in particularly disagreeable
mood to-day.i Even fell foul of the inoffensive Member for Crewe.

Walter McLaren", whilst declaring himself strongly in favour of
Bill, wanted to throw it out because it didn't provide opportunity
for women to marry their deceased husband's brother.

" McLaren," snarled Sark, "is one of those typical Radicals who
have no toleration. He's the sort of man who would bite off his
nose to spite his face. Quiet, gentle, almost feminine, in his
manner, he would think nothing of boiling you and me in molten
lead if we didn't cross our t's exactly at the height he is accustomed
to do, or dotted our i's at an angle which did not conform with his
views. Scratch a Radical, Toby my boy, and you'll find the
Tyrant."

I '11 take care to do no such thing.

Busi?iess done.—Deceased Wife's Sister Bill read Second Time by
202 Votes against 155.

Thursday.—After long period of anxiety, House to-night reassured.
Gedg-e, who hasn't been seen since he disappeared after obstructing
passage through Committee of Tithes Bill, turned up again.
Curiously regarded by House; looked for signs of privation, but no
falling off visible, whether in physical contour or volume of voice.
Tithes Bill during his.'absence has gone through Committee and
Report stage. Now awaiting Third Pleading. Gedg-e proposed to
continue his speech interrupted by stroke of Midnight, when House
in Committee. Fixed himself obligingly behind Goschen and Hicks-
Beach, so that they should miss nothing of his counsel, and started
off. Instantly arose stormy cries for Division. Gebge, wherever he
has been, seems to have been well-fed, and kept generally in good
fettle. Cheerfully accepted challenge to vocal contest. Every time
he commenced sentence the boisterous chorus, "'vide ! 'vide! 'vide!"
rang though House. Opposition, who didn't want Bill, started it;
Ministerialists, anxious to see Bill pass, took it up; a roaring,
excited crowd; amid them Gebge, grey-faced, imperturbable, with
mouth wide open, shouting in the ear of the pleased Chancellor of
the Exchequer. Business done.—Tithes Bill read Third Time by
250 Votes against 161.

Friday.—The United Services come nobly to the front to-day, all
about Nelson's Pillar in Sackville Street,
Dublin. However it may be at West-
minster, Irish Members can't abear
obstruction at home; brought in Bill
to remove Monument lower down street;
long debate ; towards close Admiral
Fie lb suddenly hove in sight; bore
down on enemy.

" As humble naval officer," he roared,
as through a speaking-trumpet, "I
protest against addressing our immortal
naval hero in the words of the Poet,
saying unto him, ' Friend, go down
lower.' "

General Fraser, V.C., sitting next
to Admiral on Front Bench below the
Gangway; bosom swelled with generous
emulation ; Navy attacked; duty of
Army to come to its assistance. General
doesn't often speak; appearances as
public orator chiefly confined to re-
sponding to patriotic toast at dinners.
This led him a little astray. Drawing
himself up to full height, setting hands
on hips, he began, in deep bass voice,

" In rising to respond to this toast-"

Then, remembering where he was, he
executed strategic retreat, and addressed
himself to Speaker.

Spectacle of the two veterans defend- . . f*"

ing memory of Nelson deeply touched In nsms to respond."
House. Nevertheless, Bill carried. Business done— Counted Out at
Half-past Seven.____

In Montagu Williams' Later Leaves there is a small error, but
of importance to the historian of the English Stage, which can be
corrected in the next edition : — Mr. Keeley never played Bob
Nettles, and there is no such character in Tom Taylor s Our Clerks.
Bob Nettles is one of the principal characters m To Parents and
Guardians, and it was played by Mrs. Keeley, her husband playing
Waddilove. Middle- aged play-goers will remember both pieces ; and
in the latter, no one will forget Alereb Wigan as the French Tutor.

Civil Service Note.—The Directors of the Covent Garden Opera
Company present their compliments to the C. S. Examiners, and
trust that they will reconsider their determination to exclude the
Italian language from their list of subjects. The Directors will be
happy to give every facility to students during the forthcoming Opera
season. Box Office now open. Reduction on taking a quantity.

£jp NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Fruited Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, wiii
in no case he returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Enveiopa, Cover, or "Wrapper. To this roia
there will be no exception,