Punch: Punch (100.1891)

220

[Mat 9, 1891.

MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN.

(Co7idensed and Revised Version by Mr. P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenitt.)]
No. III.—HEDDA G ABLER.
Act. in.

Scene.—The same Room, hut—it being evening—darker than ever—
The crape curtains are drawn. A Servant, with black ribbons %n
her cap, andred eyes, comes in and lights the gas quietly and care-
fully. Chords are heard on the piano in the back Drawing-room.
Presently Hedda comes in and looks out into the darkness. A
short pause. Enter Geoege tesma-f.

George. I am so uneasy about poor Lovboeg. Fancy! he is not at
home. Mrs. Eltsted told me he had been here early this morning,
so I suppose you gave him back his manuscript, eh ?

Hedda {cold and immovable, supported by arm-chair). No, I put
it on the fire instead.

George. On the fire ! Lovboeg1 8 wonderful new book that he read
to me at Bbace's party, when we had that wild revelry last night

George. Fancy! I will dedicate my life—or all I can spare of
it—to the task. I seem to feel I owe him some slight amends,
perhaps. No use crying over spilt milk, eh, Mrs. Elvsted ? We '11
sit down—j ast you and I—in the back drawing-room, and see if you
can't inspire me as you did him, eh ?

Mrs. E. Oh, goodness, yes! I should like it— if it only might be
possible!

[Geoege and Mrs. E. go into the back Drawing-room and become
absorbed in eager conversation ; Hedda sits in a chair in the
front room, and a little later Beace crosses over to her.
Hedda (in a low tone). Oh, Judge, what a relief to know that
everything—including Lovboeg's pistol—went off so well! In the
breast! Isn't there a veil of unintentional beauty in that ? Such an
act of voluntary courage, too !

Brack (smiles). Hm!—perhaps, dear Mrs. Hedda.--

Hedda (enthusiastically). But wasn't it sweet of him! To have
the courage to live his own life after his own fasbion—to break away
from the banquet of life—so early and so drunk! A beautiful act
like that does appeal to a superior woman's imagination !

Brack. Sorry to shatter your poetical illusions, little Mrs. Hedda

Fancy that ! But, I say, Hedda—isn't that______ hut, as a matter of fact, our lamented

rather— eh? Too bad, you know—really. A f!fTm ~ ='~" , *—*i friend met his end under other circum-

great work like tbat. How on earth did you ml., i ill) Ml mill I ill stances. The shot did not strike him in

come to think of it ? i\\\\tl\ rHv\' ■\\d\lllinl\iMmilvillll the 6reas.—but- [Pauses.

Hedda (suppressing an almost imperceptible jj f//jillfj||k/ ,1 f iS%ii»_''/i j/ [ l'//npil/fr /////' Hedda (excitedly). General Gablee's

smile). Well, dear Geoege, you gave me a toler- /'f' m |tf ifIW. _f;/)l ///jf I _____W___f III fill 1 111 i pistols! I might have known it! Did

ably strong hint. j -I /jtim'llnlFWiilwllillIHmHUIrIiIlltf Mil '• ' they ever shoot straight ? Where ivas

George. Me? Well,_ to be sure — that is a •' ' '/ ;l [ he hit, then?

joke! Why, I only said that I envied him for ! jj jll |l| ||SM Brack {in a discreet undertone). A

writing such a book, and it would put me en- !,! jf Mi | j M little lower down !

tirely in the shade if it came out, and if any- In? ?{mil4l''^^9_yHlHMnfllIrlI'll 11 Hedda. Oh, how disgusting! — how

thing was to happpn to it, I should never forgive i .Mlf Wy, -^MrWKKSk IHIlM'Jff / 'II' vulgar'—how ridiculous!—like every-

myself, as poor Lovboeg couldn't write it all over ! / ! I fllffll Wi4!§j&v * '?^?^^1__8_I81H ' 'i thing else about me!

again, and so we must take the greatest care of | I : Ww , \_MI!fl i Brack. Yes, we're realistic types of

it! And then I left it on a chair and went away j 1 ."'1 i;^Jj'_/^JM__0____|_M___El-_4_g__fe^/flosi vTp^l human nature, and all that—but a trifle

—that was all! And you went and burnt the 'I'j 'lffl V r\ squalid, perhaps. And why did you

book all up! Bless me, who ivould have ex- ' 111<{L Iw^m^^m^MK^^^^^^. v -> \ 8lve Lovboeg your"; pistol, when it was

pected it ? ! j U' (|fflfr^^^^ffl^M|^^^^ \ \ certain to be traced by the police ? For

Hedda. Nobody, you dear simple old soul! ,|j i/jjlfc^ l\ a charming cold-blooded woman with a

Bat I did it for your sake —it was love, 'I'll 11W L'l clear head and no scruples, wasn't it

Geoege! ~J jI§!,:///ffK ij/J just a leetle foolish ?

George (in an outburst between doubt 1W vjm wK^BKBKBm^W'^ f Hedda. Perhaps; but I wanted him

and joy). Hedda, you don't mean that! yffflflM \ ;|/ to do it beautifully, and he didn't! Oh,

Your love takes such queer forms some- I >• - /WgKBKBSS^^j! \ //ill i I've just admitted, that I did give him

times. Yes, but yes—(laughing in excess \ / /II,I'[(' IMt^MwpBBP^^^&j^1 //'|| the pistol — how annoyingly unwise of

of joy),, why, you must be fond of me! \ / ///If \ 'Ml ffiHHHHHmwV'' $1 I me! Now I'm in your power, I suppose ?

Just think of that now ! Well, you are '/ / ji\ ji'MwMt^WiWm^hfiii ' ' I Brack. Precisely — for some reason

fun, Hedda ! Look here, I must just \ —f /■' /'/MYW \7 \\\ it's not easy to understand. But it's

run and tell the housemaid that — she \^^^^7m\ 1/ W"^*^^^'^mfMw.<^ w P inevitable, and you know how'you dread

will enjoy the joke so, eh ? ' iWfflwi^ • lM\ anything approaching scandal. All your
Hedda (coldly, in self-command). It \^n^S/ _1Mf mSvM>■ IV- li'■ past proceedings show that. (To Geoege
is surely not necessary, even for a clever ^v^ls^^flr^X '^^^^fellllflw1li \'^ I If an^ ■^•> come in together from
Norwegian man of letters in a realistic M^^^aM^^ -S^i^^^^^iiif fmi^l wJ the back-room.) Well, how are you get-
social drama, to make quite such a fool /M/M •M/y^^ ' -^^^ii^^^gBH. , \ \jt^/. ting on with the reconstruction of poor
of himself as all that ? m^^^^^^/^S^ "~s:^pH|Ls^P Lovboeg's great work, eh r

George. No, that's true too. Perhaps "Im"/ - tJMjM/l\ ~ ' ^*=^ny~*£j!rb. George. Capitally; we've made out

we'd better keep it quiet — though I ^^^a*_____y^^^^ui Jfyf. ^^P^ the first two parts already. And really,

must tell Aunt Julie—it will make her " V Hedda, I do . believe Mrs. Elvsted is

so happy to hear that you burnt a manu- << what! the accounts of all those everlasting bores settled ? " inspiring me ; I begin to feel it coming

script on my account! And, besides, I on. Fancy that!

should like to ask her whether that's a usual thing with young wives, i Mrs. E. Yes, goodness! Hedda, wonH it be lovely if I can. I
( Looks uneasy and pensive again.) But poor old Ejleet's manuscript! j mean to try so hard !

Oh Lor, you know ! Well, well! [Mrs. Elvsted comes in. , Hedda. _)o, you dear little silly rabbit; and while you are trying

Mrs. E. Oh, please, I'm so uneasy about dear Mr. Lovboeg. I will go into the back drawing-room and lie down.

Something has happened to him, I'm sure I [She goes into the back-room and draws the curtains. Short

Judge Brack (comes in from the hall, with a new hat in his hand). pause. Suddenly she is heard playing " The Bogie Man"

You have guessed it, first time. Something has ! within on the piano.

Mrs. E. Oh, dear, good gracious! What is it"? Something George. But, dearest Hedda, don't play " The Bogie I/arc" this

distressing, I'm certain of it! [Shrieks aloud, evening. As one of my aunts is dead, and poor old Lovboeg has

Brack (pleasantly). That depends on how one takes it. He has
shot himself, and is in a hospital now, that's all!

George (sympathetically). That's sad, eh? poor old Lovboeg!
Well, 1 am cut up to hear that. Fancy, though, eh ?

Hedda. Was it through the temple, or through the breast ? The
breast? Well, one can do it beautifully through the breast, too.
Do you know, as an advanced woman, I like an act of that sort—it's
so positive, to have the courage to settle the account with himself—
it's beautiful, really!

Mrs. E. Oh, Hedda, what an odd way to look at it! But never
mind poor dear Mr. Lovboeg now. What we've got to do is to see
if we can't put his wonderful manuscript, that he said he had torn
to pieces, together again. (Takes a bundle of small pages out of the
pocket of her mantle.) There are the loose scraps he dictated it to
me from. I hid them on the chance of some such emergency. And
if dear Mr. Tesmaw and I were to put our heads together, I do think
something might come of it.

shot himself, it seems j ust a little pointed, eh ?

Hedda (puts her head out between the curtains). All right! I '11 be
quiet after this. I'm going to practise with the late General
Gablee's pistol!

[Closes the curtains again ; Geoege gets behind the stove, Judye
Beack under the table, and Mrs. Elvsted under the sofa.
A shot is heard within.
George (behind the stove). Eh, look here, I tell you what—she's hit
me ! Think of that!

[His legs are visibly agitated for a short time. Another shot
is heard.

Mrs. E. (under the sofa). Oh, please, not me I Oh, goodness, now
I can't inspire anybody any more. Oh !

[Her feet, which can be seen under the valance, quiver a little,
and then are suddenly still.
Brack (vivaciously/from under the table). I say, Mrs. Hedda, I'm
coming in every evening—we will have great fun here togeth-