Punch: Punch (100.1891)

276 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. V™* 6> 1891.

House," said Jokim, nervously rubbing bis hands, " must await the
return of my Right Hon. friend, which we expect will be celebrated
on Wednesday."

"Well," said Haecouet, in one of his stage asides, "this is a
revelation indeed. Always thought Old Moealitt was an easy-
going gentleman, deferential in manner, unassertive in action.
It seems he's a regular tyrant, a sort of unapproachable Padishah. In
his bosom are locked all the secrets of State, all the purposes of
the Ministry. He takes no one into his confidence, but broods over the
destinies of tbe Empire in the haughty solitude of the watch-tower at
Walmer. When he goes away for short holiday, public business
entirely dislocated. No one can say or do anything except hoarsely
whisper his name. Jokim lives in a state of terror, and even the
martial spirit of Geoege Hamilton cowers in recollecting his
presence. Only shows how prone humanity is to error. We and the
Public generally have created for ourselves an Old Moealitt, a
genial, beaming, modest, unobtrusive personalty, always ready to
oblige, desirous of meeting the views of Members in all parts of the
House, anxious only to do his duty to his Queen and Country.
Whereas it is clear he is a martinet of the severest type, a ruthless
tyrant, a man who rules with a rod of iron, and keeps his followers
in a condition of abject personal terror."

Business done.—Vote on Account taken. Incidentally, Old
Mobalitt's character brought out in its true light.

Tuesday.—Amubath to Amubath succeeds. We had a Lord
Elcho, and, thank Heaven! we have one still—not exactly the

same, but curiously reminiscent
in voice and gesture. This suc-
cession of son to sire is one of
the happiest arrangements of the
British Constitution, one most pro-
mising for its maintenance and
prosperity. If the House of Lords,
peremptorily and selfishly, appro-
priated our Elchos and our Ga-
thoene Habdys, turning: them
into Earl of Wemtss, and Viscount
Cbaebeook, leaving us no substi-
tute or compensation, that long-
threatened institution would be
finally doomed. But, by bene-
ficent arrangement, when Elcho
and Gathobne Haedt fared forth,
the one to become Earl of Wemtss,
and the other Lord Cbanbbook,
behold! there step into their places
other, and younger men, bearing
the old name.

Thus is the wind tempered to the
shorn lamb. The system works
beneficently in two ways. _ Like
the quality of mercy, it is not
strained. It blesseth him that
gives, and him that takes. The
House of Lords is strengthened by
the new recruits, and we still have
our Elcho to make jokes, and our
Haedt to preach sermons.
Listening to Elcho, jauntily
After the Adjournment. moving adjournment over Derby

Day, I say all this to the Sage
of Queen Anne's Gate, who shortly replies, " Fudge I " Remark
does not seem consequential; not at all sure that it is Parliamentary.

Long debate on Budget Bill; Haecouet discourses at large on
Jokim's finance. Jokim sits listening with amused air. Life is on the
whole to him a serious thing. But there is one episode that suffuses it
with a gleam of humour ; that is to hear Haecouet talking Finance.
" One of the very few things," Jokim says, "of which he knows ab-
solutely nothing." Now J. A. Picton, on the contrary, thinks a good
deal of Haecouet's aptitude for finance, and when Jokim had girded
at him for the space of half an hour, the Squlee of Milwood had
the satisfaction of hearing Julius 'Annibal Picton publicly describe
his criticism as " a most formidable attack on the financial scheme
of the Chancellor of the Exchequer."

Business done.—House agrees to make holiday on the Derby Day.

_ Thursday.—Old Moealitt back to-night; everyone glad to see
him; with trnmpets also and shawms would we have greeted him,
but Speakeb ruled proposed demonstration out of order; so only
cheered. With exception of slight Italian accent (particularly
noticeable in his pronunciation of the word " Newfoundland ") he's
just the same. Before sitting far advanced, wished he had lingered
for another twenty-four hours on the waters of the tideless sea.

Newfoundland Fishery Question on; the delegates to be heard
at Bar. Members, eager as school-boys for new sensation,
crowded the Benches, in expectation of half an hour's amusement.

Old Mobalttt, fresh from Cabinet Council, knew that hope would
be disappointed. Government had deoided to accept compromise
proffered by Newfoundland Legislature • consequently Sir William
Vallance Whitewat, K.C.M.G., would not appear at the Bar.

It is Old Moealitt's little way to put on appearance, in whatever
startling development of affairs, as if what was happening was
exactly what had been expected. To-night, at end of questions, he
quite casually mentions settlement arrived at, and proposes that
without debate Second Reading of Newfound-
land Fisheries Bill shall be taken. "A mere
form, you know," he said, nodding in friendly
fashion across the table at Haecouet. " Every-
thing is amicably settled; we certainly won't
mention Bill again for three weeks, and then
only to withdraw it. Let us read it now a
second time just for the fun of the thing."

Crowded House sat for a moment in gloomy
disappointment, irresponsive to the cheerful
presence of Old Moealitt, who succeeded in
looking as if he had said something which,
though of no serious importance, was calculated
to be generally acceptable. Actual position
was something akin to what used to happen in
St. James's Hall when Manager came for ward to
announce that, owing to sudden cold, Mr. Sims
Reeves would not be able to sing. Members
glared round as if they were going to ask for
their money back; increasingly aggravating to
have Old Moealitt still nodding and smiling
on Treasury Bench. If he thought they were
going to be put off in that way, should learn
he was mistaken ; so Debate raged over three
hours, at end of which, Old Moealitt, swear-
ing he would ne'er consent to adjournment of
Debate, consented.
Gone Over to the Just n0W( Akees-Douglas moved Writ for
Majority. New Election-m tue City, and for the moment

Members turned from Newfoundland to think kindly of genial,
hearty, honest " Yah I Yah ! " gone over to the majority.
Business done.—Newfoundland Fisheries Bill shelved.

Friday.—Jokim had another tumble. Came down with light
heart at Morning Sitting, proposing to run Budget Bill through
Committee. Henet Fowlee, certainly not an obstructive party,
objected, on constitutional ground, that Chancellob oe Exchequeb
was asking House to propose taxation for purposes not yet defined,
" Give us your Education Bill first," said Fowlee, " and then we '11
vote the Budget that provides ways and means. No Education Bill,
no Budget."

Argument irresistible. Jokim meekly withdrew, and House took
up other business.

This continuous blundering not cheerful for Ministers ; wonderful
how Akees-Douglas bears up ; more than usually beaming to-night.
Don't understand till Gazette comes out, when, looking down Birth-
day List, find they've made him a Privy Councillor.

" My Right Hon. friend, if I may call him so," says the Membeb
for Sabk, "richly deserves the honour. I've known a good many
Whips in my time, but I never came across one who did equally
effective work with less friction, than does the Right Hon. Aketas
Akees-Douglas."

A. A. Douglas is of course a mistake; his real initials are Al
Douglas.

Business done.—In Committee of Supply.

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

Mt Deab Babon,—Let me recommend to your favourable notice,
and to that of your readers, " Stories told at Twilight" by Mrs.
Chandlee Moulton, the American poetess, who has demonstrated
how deftly she can touch the lyre, and shows what a clever story-
teller she can be. These are not ghost-stories as one might imagine,
but tales for children, told with so much grace and feeling that they
will also secure a large audience among children of a larger growth.

Also look at Old Time Punishments, by Mr. William Andbews,
who gives an exhaustive account of ancient punishments, copiously
illustrated, and so graphically described, that he makes us congra-
tulate ourselves in not having flourished in the olden times, or we
might have become practical illustrations of the discipline of our
forefathers. How are you getting along with Geobge Mebedlth's
One of Our Conquerors f Yours,

Head Cleek in the Booktng-Office.

Reply from Baron de B.- W.—Mislaid " The Geo. M.'s" first
volume of One of Our Conquerors just when I had reached the
middle of it, and the story was beginning. Most unfortunate. Must
advertise for it. Babon de Book-Wobms.

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