Punch: Punch (100.1891)

280

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 13, 1891.

TTT A VWQ VTJAM A P A "NTTiTTi A TFQ T>TAT)V IQ the middle of dinner there wag a fiendish, row outside. I saw

L_&AVL£> ±itUM A OAl\JJlL>Al.& 5 jpoor Mrg Choekle turn pale? while the Colonel got purple with

Bilhbury, Sunday, May 25.—Choekle's dinner came off last: fury, and upset his champagne as he turned to say something to the
night. The dinner-hour was seven o'clock. Choekle's house is in \ butler. Discovered afterwards that the disturbance was caused by
The Grove, a sort of avenue of detached houses shaded by trees. The two of the young Chorexes, who had got out of their bedrooms, and
Colonel himself was magnificent. He wore a most elaborately-frilled were lying in ambush for the dishes. Hobbes Leviathan Choekle
shirt-front, with three massive jewelled studs. His waistcoat was \ had carried off a dish of sweetbreads, for which Stbaefobd
beautifully embroidered in black with a kind of vine-leaf pattern, Thobough Choekle had expressed a liking. The result was,
the buttons being of silver, with the regimental badge embossed that Hobbes Leviathan got his head punched by Steaeeoed
upon them. His handkerchief was a gorgeous one of blue silk. He ; Thoboegh, who then rubbed his face with sweetbread,
wore it in his waistcoat, carefully arranged, so as to show all round | After dinner there was music, but not_a whiff of tobacco
above the opening. It looked something like the ribbon of some
Order at a distance. Mrs. Choekle is rather a pleasant woman,
with a manner which suggests that she is much trampled on by her
domineering husband. How on earth she ever induced herself to
marrv him I can't make out. The chief guests were Sir Chables

MITRED MISERY

June 6th.—E,ather gratifying to and that my service to the
and Lady Penfold. Sir Chables's father was a large Billsbury Church—I don't mean Church Services—have at length been recog-

Mother comes to open the Bazaar on Wednesday.

politics, occupying himself
chiefly in hunting, &c, but
they are people of great con-
sideration in Billsbury ; in fact
Lady Penfold is the leader of
Society in Billsbury, and not
to know them is to argue your-
self unknown. Sir Chables
himself is an Oxford man, and
we had a good deal of talk
about the old place.

" Yes," he said, " I was at
the House more than thirty
years ago, and to tell you the
truth, it's the only House (with
a capital H), that I ever wanted
t® be in."

The fact of the matter, so
Jekbam told me, was that Sir
Chables did once want to
stand for Parliament, but
somehow or other the scheme
fell through, and since then
he's always spoken rather bit-
terly of the House of Com-
mons. Their daughter, whom
I took in to dinner, is a very
pretty girl of nineteen, with
plenty to say for herself. She
told me they were going to be
in London for about three
weeks in June and July, so I
hope to see something of them.
Besides the Penfolds there
were Mr. and Mrs. Tolland ;
Mrs. Tolland in a green silk
dress with more gold chains
wound about various parts of
her person than I ever saw on
any other woman. Two officers
of Choekle's Volunteers were
there with their wives, Major
Wobbots, an enormous, red-
whiskered man who doesn't
think much, privately, of
Choekle's ability as a soldier, and Captain Yatman, a dapper little
fellow, whose weakness it is to pretend to know all about smart
Society in London.

Altogether there were twenty guests. Precisely at seven o'clock a
bugle sounded on the landing outside the drawing-room to announce
dinner. Everything in the Choekle family is done by bugle-
calls. They have reveille at 7 a.m., the sergeants' call for the
servants' dinner, and lights out at eleven o'clock every night. As
soon as the call was finished, Choekle went up to Lady Penfold.
" Shall we march, Lady Penfold ? " he said. " Sir Chables will
bring up the rear with Mrs. C." And thus we went down-stairs.

The dinner was a most tremendous and wonderful entertainment,
and must have lasted two hours, at the very least. There were two
soups, three fishes, dozens of entrees, three or four joints—the mere
memory of it is indigestive. The talk was almost entirely about
local matters, the chief subject of discussion being the Mastership of
the Foxhounds. The present Master is not going to keep them on,
as he is a very old man, and everybody seems to want Sir Chables
to take them, but he hangs back. Difficulties about the subscrip-
tion, I fancy.

contractor, who made no end of money, and represented Billsbury in nised. Just received intimation of my appointment to Bishopric of
the House a good many years ago. He was eventually made a Kicbborough. How wild it will make my dear old friend, Canon
Baronet for his services to the Party. The present Sir Chables | Staebottle, to be sure I Well—I must accept it as a call, I suppose "

doesn't take much interest in._ __July. — Had no idea being

made a Bishop was such an
expensive business. No end of
officials connected with Cathe
dral, all of whom demand their
fee. After spending at least
£500 in this way, found there
was an additional fee of a
hundred guineas for "induc-
tion into the temporalities."
As there are no temporalities
nowadays, this is simply ex-
tortion. Remarked so to the
Dean, who replied (nastily, I
think), " Oh, it's for the inte-
rest of the Church not to have
paupers for Prelates." I re-
torted at once, rather ably,
that "I could not conceive a
better plan for bringing Pre-
lates to pauperism than the
exaction of extortionate fees
at Installation." Dean re-
plied, sneeringly, " Oh, if you
don't value the "honour, I sup-
pose there's still time for you
to resign." Resign, yes ; but
should I get back my five or
six hundred pounds ?

Next Year.—Strange, how
I seem to be singled out for
preferment. Am to be" trans-
lated," it seems, to diocese of
Minchester. Can't very well
refuse, but really am only just
getting over drain on my purse
last year owing to my accept-
ing Bishopric here. And on
inquiry, find that fees at Min-
chester much heavier than any-
where else! Is this really a
call P Certainly a call on my
pocket. And my family cost
such a tremendous lot. And
then I've had to do up the
Palace, left by my predecessor
in a perfectly shocking state of disrepair!

Later.—My worst apprehensions were realised ! Fee for Consecra-
tion huge ! Fee for Installation, monstrous ! Fee for Investiture, a
perfect swindle! Isn't there a song beginning "Promotion is
vexation, Translation is as bad ? " Translation is worse ! _ Shall
really have to consider whether there would be anything unepiscopal
in negotiating a little loan, or effecting a mortgage on the Palace.

Year Later. — Have been offered vacant Archbishopric ! No,
thanks! Late Archbishop almost swamped by the fees, and he was
a rich man. Iam a poor man—thanks to recent preferments—and
can't afford it. An Archbishop in the Bankruptcy Court would not
look well. " His Grace attributed his position to expenses connected
with the various Installation ceremonies, and offered a composition of
one-and-sixp ence in the pound, which was unanimoiisly declined by
the creditors." When will they do away with gate-money in the
Church ?__

Some savants were the other day puzzling their heads to find a
convenient and familiar word for the illumination produced by the
electric spark. Surely it is JSdisunlight.

ASSISTED EDUCATION BILL.