Punch: Punch (100.1891)

300

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

[June 20, 1891,

against the wall, and, picturing the evils that would befall my
country if its institutions were thus demoralised, I said I would die
before I would lend a hand to free the schools. But you see, Toby,
I haven't died, and that changes the whole situation. Not only

enables me to retain my place in Govern-
ment bringing in Free Education, but
permits me, as Chancellor or the Ex-
chequeb, actually to find the means for
carrying out the system. Can't under-
stand a fellow like this Knatchbull-
Htjgessen sticking to his principles when
becomes expedient to swallow them,
a disgrace to a family that counts
Bbaboubne as its head."

" Hlgessen's a good fellow," said Isaac-
son; "wears well, but is politically a
fossil. Now I'm a progressive
Conservative, which I think
you '11 find, Toby, my boy, to
be about the time of day."_

Business done. — Assisted
Education Bill; firmly led up
to table by Habt Dyke.

Wednesday. — Lively fight
round Deceased Wife's Sister
Bill. Ascot in vain held forth
its attractions; supporters of
the Bill hoped opponents would
go ; opponents came down
rather expecting Heneage's
virtue would have given way,

and Ascot would have claimed

A Progressive Conservative." * him ag itg 0WQ> But eyery_

^VxdeDod.) body there-MAKLNs's men with

long list of Amendments ^warranted to keep things going till half-
past five, when progress must be reported, and chance of Bill for
present Session lost. Makins himself in high oratorical feather.
Osbobne-ap-Mobgan, having made a proposition and subsequently
withdrawn it, Makins, putting on severest judicial aspect, observed,
"It is all verv well for the Right Hon. and learned Gentleman to
make a legal Jonah of himself and swallow his opinions."

" Bless us all! " cried Rowntbee, looking on with blank amaze-
ment, " Makins evidently thinks that Jonah swallowed the whale."

Bill seemed to shatter friendships and dis-
sever old alliances. Sqttibe of Malwood
naturally at home in the fray, but rather
startling to find Home Secbetaby running
amuck at Chambeblain. Matthews in his
most hoity-toity mood; quivered with indig-
nation; thumped the table; shook a forensic
forefinger at the undesignedly offending Joseph,
and, generally, went on the rampage. As for
Heneage, he filled up any
little pause in uproar by
diving in and moving the
Closure. Once, whilst

Gebge was opposing an
Amendment hostile to
Bill, Heneage dashed in
with his Closure motion.
Gebge's face a study;
mingled surprise, indig-
nation, and ineffable re-
gret mantled his mobile
front.

"To think," he said
afterwards, that just
when I was coming to
Heneage's help with an
Bless us all!" argument founded on

profound study and pointed with legal lore, he should suddenly
jump up, lower his head, and, as it were, butt me in the stomach
with the Closure. It is more than I can at the moment com-
prehend."

Gedge so flurried that when Members returned, after Division on
Closure, he being, in accordance with the rule, seated and wearing his
hat, wanted to argue out the question with Cobbtney.

"I submit, Sir," he said, "that the Hon. Member, in moving the
Closure, controverted Rule 186."

The Chairman : " I think the Hon. Member can scarcely have read
the Rule."

Mr. Gebge: "I have read the Rule. Sir. This is what it says—"
Chairman : 4 Order i Order! " and Gebge subsided.
Then Tomlinson fortuitously turning up on Treasury Bench, joined
in conversation. But Coubtney turned upon him with such a
thunderous cry of "Oder! Order!" that Tomlinson visibly

shrivelled up, and his sentence, like the unfinished window in
Alladin's Tower, unfinished must remain.

Wrangling went on till a quarter past five, when Talbot inter-
posed, and with most funereal manner moved to report progress.
Heneage almost mechanically lowered his head and had started to
butt at Talbot as he had upset Gebge when he was providentially
stopped and convinced that further struggle with obstruction was
hopeless. So, Clause I. agreed to, Bill talked, out. Makins, growing
increasingly delightful, protested that a Bill that had been fifty
years before the country, was not to be rushed through the House on
a Wednesday afternoon. Argal, the more familiar the House is
with the details of a measure, the more necessary is it to debate it.

Business done.—Marriage with a Deceased Wife's Sister. Banns
again objected to.

Saturday, 1*25 a m.—Land Bill just through report stage. Nothing
left now but Third Reading. " Well, Knox," said Winbbag Sex-
ton, " that will be our last opportunity, and we must make the most
of it. In meantime I think we've done pretty well. I'm especially
pleased with you. You 're a boy of great promise. If anything
happened to me—a stray tack in the bench, or a pin maliciously
directed, and the wind-bag were to collapse—you'd do capitally,
till I got it repaired."

Winbbag Jttniob blushed. As Old Mokaltty remarks, Ingenuous
youth delights in the Approbation of Seasoned Seniority.

Business done.—Land at last—I mean Land Purchase Bill through
at last.

THE GENERAL OF THE FUTURE.

Scene—Tent in rear of a Battle-field. Political Officer in attendance
upon Army, waiting for Military assistance.

Political Officer {impatiently). Now then, Orderly, have you not
been able to secure a General for me ?

Orderly {saluting). Beg pardon, Sir, but it's so difficult, since they
have passed that new Royal Warrant, to know which is which.

Pol. Off. {more impatiently). Nonsense!—any General Officer
will do. Ord. Very good, Sir.

[Exit. Political Officer stamps his foot irritably, when enter
First General Officer, hurriedly.

First Gen. Off. Well, Sir, how can I assist you ?

Pol. Off. {cordially). Glad to see you, General. Fact is, supposing
we arrange a treaty, do you think it would be wise to surrender the
fortress on the right side of the river, if we retain the redoubt near
the wood as a basis of operations ? You see-

First Gen. Off. {interrupting), Yery sorry, but don't know anything
about it.

Pol. Off. {annoyed). But aren't you a General ?

First Gen. Off. Certainly. General-Surgeon. Ta, ta I [Exit.

Pol. Off. Weil of all the-{Enter Second Gen. Off.) Well, Sir,

what is it ? Who are you ?

Second Gen. Off. I am a General Officer, and I was told you
required my poor services.

Pol. Off. So I do. The fact is, General, supposing we arrange a
treaty, do you think it wise for us to surrender the fortress-

Second Gen. Off. {interrupting). Alas! my dear friend, I fear I
can be of no help to you—it is entirely out of my line.

Pol. Off. {annoved). But aren't you a General ?

Second Gen. Off. Certainly. A General-Chaplain. Farewell,
dear friend. [Exit.

Pol. Off. Well of all the-{Enter Third General Officer.) Well,

Sir, who and what are you ?

_ Third Gen. Off. {briskly). A General. Now then, look sharp I No
time to lose. Hear you require me. How can I help you ?

Pol. Off, {aside). Ah, this is the sort of man I want! {Aloud.)
Well then, General, we are arranging a treaty, and I want your
advice about retaining a fortress on the right of the river--

Third Gen, Off. {interrupting). Sorry. Can't help! Not my
province. Good bye ! [Exit.

Pol. Off. {shouting after him). But aren't you a General ?

Third Gen. Off. {voice heard in the distance.) Yes. General-
Postman !

[Scene closes in upon political official language unfit for publication.

Musical Notes.—Saturday Afternoon.—Albert Hall jubilant.
M. Plancon or Plancon—the production of the "c" depending on
the state of his voice—was encored and "obliged again." So did
Madame Albani, who was in superb voice. But her accompanist,
M. Cabbodtjs, who had given us one violin obbligato, did not obbligato
again, and so Madame sang, admirably of course, the ever-welcome
"Home, Sweet ITo?ne." Giulia Ravogli gave her great Orfeo^song,
and Dbtjbiolanus, practising courtly attitudes, as one preparing to
receive a German Emperor, smole beamingly on the gratified audience.
At The Garden, Mireille, revived on Wednesday last, hasn't much
life in her, but Miss Eames charming.

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