Punch: Punch (100.1891)

June 27, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 303

ETON JUBILEE
CURIOSITIES.

[If the following have been
omitttd firm the Catalogue,
any visitor to Eton is en-
titled to call on the Provost,
Fellows, and Head Master,
and ask for an explanation.]

1. " Vm Monarch of
all I Survey" Original
copy of ballad sung by the
First Eton Ten-oar.

2. Old Sketch (land-
scape) of the Yery Cross
Roads near Snrley Hall.
Also portrait of Surly
Hall himself.

A Night on the
Old poem, sup-
posed to be the original
of the scene "on the
Brocken" in Faust. A
curious mistake of
Goethe's, probably due to
his not having been edu-
cated at Eton.

4. The original
"fanny" owned by Has-ter
Joseph Miller, supposed
to have provided him with
the notion for his first jest.

*»* Also the original j est
itself, bottled in high
spirits, and in a fair state
ot preservation. As clearly
as cm be deciphered, the
legend is something about
"an Indian," "an oars-
man," and "feathering a
scull," or " skull."

5. A dissertation on the
text that "The weak-
est goes to the "Wall,"
showing how this proverb
has been for many years
directly contradicted, not
only in theory but in prac-
tice daring the Foot-ball

FLCREAT ETON A !

Mr. Punch {to King Henry's "holy shade '). " Congratulations, Your
Majusty, on the 400 th Anniversary I"

time ; it being at Eton the
strongest who invariably
goto "the Wall."

6. A finely illus-
trated poem on a bathing
subject. It is called " The
Passing of Arthur." The
picture shows the Masters
on the bank at Cackoo
Ware, while one small na-
tational Candidate is still
in a puut shiveringly
awaiting the command to
jump in again and swim
the regulation distance.
From the title, it may be
taken for granted that
this Arthur did "pass"
after all. Poor little chap !

7. " Going a Cropper
off the Acropperlis at
Athens." Another bathing
sul j ect —unsigned.

Mo on Manipur.

Sentim.^ t, Gdrst, to your

stern soul,
May seem a " Simple

Simon ; "
But if there be a cheaper

role,

'Tis that of twopenny
Timon!

Twin Motto. —" You
mustn't speak to the Man
at the Wheel" has become
a proverbial expression. It
stood alone. Now it has a
companion; it comes from
the hand^of " A Master."
It is, " You must not speak
to the Gtntlemen of the
Jury" The exceptions
which prove this rule are in
favour of the Judge, the
Counsel, the Clerk, and the
Usher.

THE LOST SERGEANT.

[In a recent case before Mr. Justice Chitty, a
doubt was expressed as to whether thi-re was still
such an officer as the Sergeant-at-Arras attending
the Courts. His services had not been required
since 1879. After eome iuquiry, however, he was
discovert d.]

Serge am - at - Arms, where wert thou ?
Haply pensioned

In some remote and solitary spot;
By lips judicial never even mentioned,

The Courts forgetting, by the Courts forgot.
Far from thy kind in some provincial village,
Didst thou devote thy hoary age to tillage ?

Didst thou, perchance to lower heights de-
clining

Lately, as busman, strike for higher pay ?
Or, to the lash of fate thy soul resigning,

Wear a red cap and drive a brewer's dray ?
Or didst thou on a hansom seek to fleece
men,

And scorn the fair, and battle with policemen ?

Or, didst thou play (as often I have seen a
Musician play in snow, or sleet, or rain)

The cornet or expansive concertina
Outside a public-house, and all in vain ?

Music hath charms, but public-house men
mock it,

Let loose an oath, but button up their pocket.

Or, didst thou write, as some have done, a
shocker,

And sell it on the stalls of Mr. Surra ?

ANCIENT "BLOCK SYSTEM!" AT ETON.

The Head Master. "Here's wishing you well!"

N.B.— The rod may not be a ichaek-simxU of the
original, but our old Eton Boy says il is quite near
enough, and, "in his position at the time," as he
adds with truth, " it was impossible to see it."

Or, write us versicles like Frederick Locker,
Or, Andrew-I<ang-like, talk aboutamyth'f
Or, by thine own success amazed and
staggered,

Make Zulus make thee rich, like Mr.
Haggard ?

Or, like Buchanan, didst thou quite exhaust
in

One volume such abuse as fits a barge ?
Twitter and chirp like Mr. Alfred Austin,

Or make a trifle mystically large,
Like S win borne, round whose verse the fog

grows stronger
Just in proportion as his lines are longer ?

Whate'er thou didst, where'er thou wert,
we found thee.

"Behold!" we cried, "the Sergeant re-
appears."

Let not our welcome overmuch astound thee,
Whom we have missed through twelve

unhappy years.
Restored at length to England, home, and

beauty,

Sergeant-at-Arms advance, and do thy duty!

The 'Bu9 Strike being at an end, the news-
papers will discontinue writing de Omnibus
rebus, and must employ themselves upon
quibusdam aliii.

"Just a Goin' to Begin."— The Fourth
Centenary of the Foundation of Eton College
is the Festival of the First Saint''Enery.