Punch (30.1856)

30

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January 19, 1856.

CONSOLATION.
Yownq Snobley. " Ah, Jim ! Noble Birth must be a great Advantage to a
Cove !"
Jim (one of Natures nobility). " H'm ! P'raps !—but egad ! Personal Beauty
ain't a bad Substitute ! "

GOOD RIDDANCE OF BAD RUBBISH.
An auctioneer has just enjoyed the privilege of "knock-
ing down a prison." That well-known, but by no means
favourite resort, the Borough Compter, has recently been
brought to the hammer, or, rather, the hammer has been
brought to it, and the whole has been knocked down in a
variety of lots to the highest bidders. We do not quite
understand the motives of the various purchasers at this
sale ; for we do not see what use can be made of a quantity
of spikes, a parcel of iron bars, and a mass of miscellaneous
prison properties. Perhaps to some people there would be
a sort of excitement in fitting up a room as a prison, and
undergoing a little voluntary incarceration, by way of
giving a zest to liberty. That there must be some such
feeling in existence, is proved by the fact stated in the
reports, that "several persons took the opportunity of
visiting the prison." We did not hear that some persons
took the opportunity of getting our. of the prison, which
would have been in our eyes a far more sensible movement.
We cannot think that much could have been realised by the
sale; for handcuffs are out of date, spikes are of no use to
anybody—not even excepting the owner—and, as to fetters,
they are not in demand even for dancing hornpipes on the
stage, which is the last use we ever heard of their having
been put to.

AN END TO BEGGING.
(A Bint to Sir R. W Garden.)
There would very soon be an end to begging, if the
following penalties were strictly carried out:—
For the First Offence. A Tine of Five Shillings.
For the Second. A Fine of Five Pounds.
For the Third. Three Months' Imprisonment.
The above punishments we would have fall, not on the
beggar, but on the man wno relieves the beggar; for inas-
much as he encourages begging, he is in truth the real
beggar, and he should be punished accordingly. Two or
three fines of Five Pounds, or one powerful infliction of
Three Months' Imprisonment on any Old Lady m Fashion-
able Life convicted of relieving a mendicant, and our word
and circulation for it, there would soon be an End to Begging!

Sum for Mb. Cobden.—How many Russian Steppes are
equal in politics to one English League ?

AN OFFICER OF THE " LINE."
It is rather a disagreeable sign of the times, that Calcraft, the
Hangman, was compelled to postpone an execution, the other day, on
account of what he was pleased To delicately call "a previous engage-
ment." Society must be tainted by a great deal of crime, when we
see the public hangman compelled to look carefully to his diary, lest
he should find himself previously " engaged " on a day designed for the
infliction of capital punishment. With a sort of instinctive politeness,
Calcraft may, possibly, have offered an apology to the criminal whom
he put off, in order that another might be "turned off" with due
punctuality.
We had hoped that Calcraft would have been the last of l is race,
and that he would have outlived that institution—the gallows—with
which his name will be always associated; but we are now beginning
to fear that the fatal tree will demand some junior branch of the
family tree of Calcraft, when the present head of the house shall
have broken the thread—in his case we should rather say the rope—ot
his existence. If it should happen that Calcraft is the last of his
line,—a line to which so many have been attached—we suspect it will
be difficult to establish the hangmansbip in any other family. Perhaps,
however, he may have a few hangers-on who will consent to continue
the deadly dealings with the halter, which can always be made to
supply a loop-hole for the conscience under the plea of public duty or
private necessity.

Thankful for Small Mercies.
A " Turf-man " writing fo the press, mofesses great indignation
against a contemporary, who,discussing the Rugehy case, says he "could
have found consolation had a couple of dozen of betting-men been got
rid of." All we can say is, that knowing how many of these worthies
infest the country, our contemporary is more easily comforted than we
should be.

FACT FOR THE PEACE SOCIETY.
The other day we heard a fine little boy, aged about three years,
who was running about the house with a tin sword in one hand and a
toy rifle in the other, express his young idea of the present state of
things, by thus singing, to the tune of Fop goes the Weasel—
" Up and down Sebastopol,
In and out the ocean ;
Every time a gun goes off,
Down falls a Russian ! "
Rather another thing, this, than Let Bogs delight, my friends, isn't
it ? A better thing, too, just now, my calico friends. Tyrt^eus for
Dr. Watts at present!—if TyrtjEUS were wanted, which he happily
is not. See, my peace-makers, what a spirit your peace-breakers have
excited among us, both old and young;—observe how young! They
have not only aroused the British lion—but the British Lion's cubs.
Go on, friends; praise, excuse, defend your peace-breakers, and blow
up the fire which they have kindled, if it wants blowing, which—now
that babies are singing nursery rhymes about their slaughter and
destruction—seems hardly necessary.

A LITERARY TRIUMPH.
Scene—Chambers somewhere in the Temple.
Tom. I say, Jim. hand us down those two volumes of Macaulay's
History of Fngland.
Jim. Don't bother—I'm looking for the backgammon-board.
Tom. Well, you ignoramus, that's the very thiug!
Jim. Why, it used to be Hume and Smollett P
Tom. Precisely ; but don't you know that Hunt a^d Smollett are
out of date, and that Macaulay is all the game now. Thar, is why I
have promoted the old trump to the backgammon board. It will never
do to be behind-hand in one's history! Cut on [throwing.) Cinq-ace !