DOI issue:
February 2, 1856
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0057
February 2, 1856.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
if Ik
(J sage
i e-ivp,
THE PREDICAMENTS OF PLUSH.
^.TJB friend Jenkins, of the
Morning Post, will get him-
self into trouble if he does
riot mind what he is about.
He boasts, not untruthfully,
in his leading articles, that
he receives information from
very great people. But very
great people will not con-
tinue to give him information,
if he cannot remember a mes-
re when his fellow-footman
jives it him. If he is allowed
to ring the Servants' Bell,
and to get Jeames or
Ciiawles to ask the valet
or the lady's-maid to find out
from my Lord or my Lady
whether Prussia is friendly,
or what milliner is to supply
Lady Evangeline's trous-
seau, Jenkins must really
raind the answer that is sent
down to him, and not joke
with the under-servants, or
badiner (as he would say)
with the baker, until his mind
is unfitted for the reception
and retention of information.
Of his millinery blunders we
need say nothinar, the way
the poor fellow gets quizzed
by the housemaids on these
points is enough; but if
Lord Palmerston or M. de
Persigny sends him down a
scrap of war news, Jenkins
shouid attend to the words.
The scandal of his tremendous announcement in large letters, and as "Latest Intelligence,"
that "On the fall of Sebastopol, the Bussian Fleet had left Nicoliev for Archangel and
Astrakan," had scarcely ceased, when he recklessly terrified us again with the tidings
that the Bussian army had received a great reinforcement. Luckily he mentioned the
name of the General whose Bussian division he imagined had been thus strengthened, and as
this personage happened to be a French General of Division, the funds were not percep-
tibly agitated. But this sort of thing cannot go on, and though Jenkins, in his jaunty
way, alleges that the dowagers, milliners, and menials, who are his chief patrons, know no
better, and that one word is as good as another for them, his "sources of information " will
he stopped up if he does not recollect his position and his messages. Let, this be a hint to
him, as he swings his manly leg through the area rails, and chaffs the cook while Cuawles
tries to see master.
With our veneration for Jenkins's general accuracy, we should hesitate to condemn any-
body on his unsupported testimony, and we
therefore say at once that we have not collated
the works, of which we are going to speak,
with Jenkins's quotations. But we happened
to see that in the curious heap of common-
place twaddle, called Snorts and Scratches,
by virtue of which the Morning Post is sup-
posed to assume a literary character, Jenkins
brings in the names of Goethe and Dr. Whe-
well, in order to introduce a splendid bit of
servants' hall morality. Goethe, (whom Jen-
kins in private life pardonably calls Goaty,)
is taken to task for having treated woman's
affection too lightly, and for having sacrificed
hearts to his ambition. Dr. Whewell is re-
primanded for having written (according to
Jenkins) that a promise of marriage may be
fulfilled in an immoral manner, that is to say,
when the feelings that induced the formation
of the engagement have ceased, and when it is
better that such a promise should be cancelled,
and one party left to remorse, and the other to
grief, than that a mocking union of mere hands
should take place.
Of Goaty we need say nothing. A man has a
right to remain unmarried, but if he indulge in
vivisection, that is, Jenkins, lacerating hearts
for whim or for experiment, he is simply a rascal.
But Dr. Whewell's doctrine was evidently
calculated to outrage 1»he Servants' Hall. What—
no marriage—when perhaps the chaney and plate
is bought, and domestics is engaged, and the
trueso bordered, and a ouse taken?—" What,'5
says Jenkins, " a man cannot command his
feelings, but he ca?i keep his promise" " In
course," replies the butler, " if a man's an honest
man, let him act as such." "Ah! you speak
like a gentleman, Mr. Jenkins," sighs the lady's
maid. "A man's word's his bond," says
Chawles. " Take my life, take my honour."
says Jeames. " And no mistake," squeaks little
Buttons. " What's a marriage," continues
Jenkins, encouraged by the approbation of his
fellow servants. " What's feelins to do with it ?
Is there settlements ?—Is there a hincomer—Do
the parties move in the same spear ?—Is it, in
fact, Heligible?" And if these questions can
be answered in the affirmative, the union is a
marriage : if not according to anything so Com-
mon as the Prayer Book, according to Jenkins
and the Morning Post.
So now, young ladies, you know what the foot-
man behind your carriage means by a Marriage.
THE NIGHTINGALE AT OXFOBD.
Samuel, of Oxford has, very properly, been dropping words of oil
into the locks of Oxford money-boxes. The Bishop's sentences had
the required beauty, according to the Portuguese canon, of the sonnet,
—beginning in a key of silver, and closing with a key of gold. Besides
Samuel of Oxford, there is Samuel of Bolt Court, Fleet Street;
namely, Samuel Johnson, who must be heard in advocacy of the
Nightingale Fund. " Sir," said Johnson, the conversation running
upon the young poets in his student-days at Oxford, " Sir," said
Johnson, " we were a nest of singing-birds'" We have no doubt that,
in the present case, Oxford will keep up its repute, by sending to the
Nightingale Fund a very numerous deputation of melodious goldfinches.
The Pen and the Sword.
The people ha^e given swords to the soldiers of the War,—where-
fore should they not give testimonial pens to the chroniclers thereof ?
Why should not William Bussell have his pen of diamonds,—no
diamond brighter than his own pen's point ? Why should he not have
his testimonial standish of purest gold; for can the Euxine itself con-
tain greater treasures than William Bussell has drawn from his
Crimean ink-bottle, his own Black Sea ?
a testimonial wanted.
When will Lord Strateord de Bedcliffe, the English Ambas-
sador at Constantinople, be presented by his Government with the
good eld Turkish testimonial of—the Sack ?
FULNESS OF DBESS.
It was announced, the other day, that Lord Palmerston would
give, on the 30th instant, a "full-dress " Parliamentary banquet. Our
phrase, "full-dress banquet," must puzzle foreigners; especially
Americans. Is full dress exceptional at an English dinner, and are the
guests usually half-naked ? Is the banquet in general only partially
dressed and never thoroughly done but on great occasions ? These are
questions that must perplex the stranger; who may perhaps also
wonder, whether a full-dress dinner does not mean that ample kiod of
meal the consumer whereof is, in a popular metaphor, described as
" blowing his jacket out."
Noble Magnanimity on the Part of a British Nobleman.
It is said that Lord John, the moment he heard the earliest
rumour of the probability of a Peace Congress, rushed off in the
greatest haste to Lokd Palmerston, and, in the most generous spirit,
offered his services to the Government as England's representative.
a parliamentary prospect.
Last year Lord John postponed his Beform Bill in consequence of
the War.
This year you will see that he will postpone it in consequence of the
Peace.
A Puffing Advertisement Bationally Answered.—" What
Magazine shall we take this year ?" The biggest in Cronstadt.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
if Ik
(J sage
i e-ivp,
THE PREDICAMENTS OF PLUSH.
^.TJB friend Jenkins, of the
Morning Post, will get him-
self into trouble if he does
riot mind what he is about.
He boasts, not untruthfully,
in his leading articles, that
he receives information from
very great people. But very
great people will not con-
tinue to give him information,
if he cannot remember a mes-
re when his fellow-footman
jives it him. If he is allowed
to ring the Servants' Bell,
and to get Jeames or
Ciiawles to ask the valet
or the lady's-maid to find out
from my Lord or my Lady
whether Prussia is friendly,
or what milliner is to supply
Lady Evangeline's trous-
seau, Jenkins must really
raind the answer that is sent
down to him, and not joke
with the under-servants, or
badiner (as he would say)
with the baker, until his mind
is unfitted for the reception
and retention of information.
Of his millinery blunders we
need say nothinar, the way
the poor fellow gets quizzed
by the housemaids on these
points is enough; but if
Lord Palmerston or M. de
Persigny sends him down a
scrap of war news, Jenkins
shouid attend to the words.
The scandal of his tremendous announcement in large letters, and as "Latest Intelligence,"
that "On the fall of Sebastopol, the Bussian Fleet had left Nicoliev for Archangel and
Astrakan," had scarcely ceased, when he recklessly terrified us again with the tidings
that the Bussian army had received a great reinforcement. Luckily he mentioned the
name of the General whose Bussian division he imagined had been thus strengthened, and as
this personage happened to be a French General of Division, the funds were not percep-
tibly agitated. But this sort of thing cannot go on, and though Jenkins, in his jaunty
way, alleges that the dowagers, milliners, and menials, who are his chief patrons, know no
better, and that one word is as good as another for them, his "sources of information " will
he stopped up if he does not recollect his position and his messages. Let, this be a hint to
him, as he swings his manly leg through the area rails, and chaffs the cook while Cuawles
tries to see master.
With our veneration for Jenkins's general accuracy, we should hesitate to condemn any-
body on his unsupported testimony, and we
therefore say at once that we have not collated
the works, of which we are going to speak,
with Jenkins's quotations. But we happened
to see that in the curious heap of common-
place twaddle, called Snorts and Scratches,
by virtue of which the Morning Post is sup-
posed to assume a literary character, Jenkins
brings in the names of Goethe and Dr. Whe-
well, in order to introduce a splendid bit of
servants' hall morality. Goethe, (whom Jen-
kins in private life pardonably calls Goaty,)
is taken to task for having treated woman's
affection too lightly, and for having sacrificed
hearts to his ambition. Dr. Whewell is re-
primanded for having written (according to
Jenkins) that a promise of marriage may be
fulfilled in an immoral manner, that is to say,
when the feelings that induced the formation
of the engagement have ceased, and when it is
better that such a promise should be cancelled,
and one party left to remorse, and the other to
grief, than that a mocking union of mere hands
should take place.
Of Goaty we need say nothing. A man has a
right to remain unmarried, but if he indulge in
vivisection, that is, Jenkins, lacerating hearts
for whim or for experiment, he is simply a rascal.
But Dr. Whewell's doctrine was evidently
calculated to outrage 1»he Servants' Hall. What—
no marriage—when perhaps the chaney and plate
is bought, and domestics is engaged, and the
trueso bordered, and a ouse taken?—" What,'5
says Jenkins, " a man cannot command his
feelings, but he ca?i keep his promise" " In
course," replies the butler, " if a man's an honest
man, let him act as such." "Ah! you speak
like a gentleman, Mr. Jenkins," sighs the lady's
maid. "A man's word's his bond," says
Chawles. " Take my life, take my honour."
says Jeames. " And no mistake," squeaks little
Buttons. " What's a marriage," continues
Jenkins, encouraged by the approbation of his
fellow servants. " What's feelins to do with it ?
Is there settlements ?—Is there a hincomer—Do
the parties move in the same spear ?—Is it, in
fact, Heligible?" And if these questions can
be answered in the affirmative, the union is a
marriage : if not according to anything so Com-
mon as the Prayer Book, according to Jenkins
and the Morning Post.
So now, young ladies, you know what the foot-
man behind your carriage means by a Marriage.
THE NIGHTINGALE AT OXFOBD.
Samuel, of Oxford has, very properly, been dropping words of oil
into the locks of Oxford money-boxes. The Bishop's sentences had
the required beauty, according to the Portuguese canon, of the sonnet,
—beginning in a key of silver, and closing with a key of gold. Besides
Samuel of Oxford, there is Samuel of Bolt Court, Fleet Street;
namely, Samuel Johnson, who must be heard in advocacy of the
Nightingale Fund. " Sir," said Johnson, the conversation running
upon the young poets in his student-days at Oxford, " Sir," said
Johnson, " we were a nest of singing-birds'" We have no doubt that,
in the present case, Oxford will keep up its repute, by sending to the
Nightingale Fund a very numerous deputation of melodious goldfinches.
The Pen and the Sword.
The people ha^e given swords to the soldiers of the War,—where-
fore should they not give testimonial pens to the chroniclers thereof ?
Why should not William Bussell have his pen of diamonds,—no
diamond brighter than his own pen's point ? Why should he not have
his testimonial standish of purest gold; for can the Euxine itself con-
tain greater treasures than William Bussell has drawn from his
Crimean ink-bottle, his own Black Sea ?
a testimonial wanted.
When will Lord Strateord de Bedcliffe, the English Ambas-
sador at Constantinople, be presented by his Government with the
good eld Turkish testimonial of—the Sack ?
FULNESS OF DBESS.
It was announced, the other day, that Lord Palmerston would
give, on the 30th instant, a "full-dress " Parliamentary banquet. Our
phrase, "full-dress banquet," must puzzle foreigners; especially
Americans. Is full dress exceptional at an English dinner, and are the
guests usually half-naked ? Is the banquet in general only partially
dressed and never thoroughly done but on great occasions ? These are
questions that must perplex the stranger; who may perhaps also
wonder, whether a full-dress dinner does not mean that ample kiod of
meal the consumer whereof is, in a popular metaphor, described as
" blowing his jacket out."
Noble Magnanimity on the Part of a British Nobleman.
It is said that Lord John, the moment he heard the earliest
rumour of the probability of a Peace Congress, rushed off in the
greatest haste to Lokd Palmerston, and, in the most generous spirit,
offered his services to the Government as England's representative.
a parliamentary prospect.
Last year Lord John postponed his Beform Bill in consequence of
the War.
This year you will see that he will postpone it in consequence of the
Peace.
A Puffing Advertisement Bationally Answered.—" What
Magazine shall we take this year ?" The biggest in Cronstadt.