DOI issue:
April 5, 1856
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0147
Aphil 5, 1S5G.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
139
A STRAY CHAPTER ON HEADACHES.
little Book rn Headaches has just
been published by Dr. Weight. It
contains every possible variety of mal
detete, excepting perhaps, tbe splittin
MINISTERS' MONEY IN AUSTRALIA.
The people of Victoria have just obtained what is called Responsible
Government; the first effect ot which has been the turning our, of the
whole of the Ministers of the Colony. These gentlemen may have served
the public well, and they no doubt think themselves well entitled to pen-
neadache, which was the cause of[SK)ns; but their correspondence with the Governor, in which they all
Minerva springing into the world. \ make their retiring allowances the most prominent point in their letters,
has a look about it, which is by no means dignified or agreeable. "We
subjoin the letters of the dismissed Ministers:—
However, there are one or two
omissions in the book, and they sur-
prise us, on the part of a physician
who seems to have devoted his head
so thoroughly to the subject as D&.
Wbight. The Headaches omitted are
" Colonial Secretary's Office, November 26th, 1855.
" Sir,—I have the honour to acknowledge the receipt of your Excellency's letter of
this date, in which you state that, &c. &c, it is your Excellency's duty to inform me
that I must consider myself released, on political grounds, from the office I now hold.
I- \ r + +) „(- w„ " As under the provisions of the Constitutional Act, I become entitled to a retiring
01 sucu Irequent Occurrence irjai we allowance on being released from the office of Colonial Secretary on political grounds,
shall make no apology for alluding to I have the honour to request that your Excellency will be pleased to authorise the
them. They may be divided into payments to be made to me, which are sanctioned by the Act.
"Male Headaches," and "Female1 " I have the honour to be, &c.
Headaches." „ „. „ „ - _ „ ,rn„ „" (Signed) W. C. Haines."
" His Excellency Sir Charles Hotham, K.C.B."
Amongst the Male Headaches may I _
be specified:—
. , it j. " Attorney-General's Chambers, 26th November, 1855.
THE SALMON HEADACHE. Any One who has frequented puOllC dinners, \ " Sir—I have the honour, &c. &c, and request that the necessary instructions may
or dined much at Greenwich Or Blackwall, must know what this Headache ' oe giv«n respecting the retiring allowance, to which, under the New Constitution Act,
is. It is exceedingly severe of its kind _ It is said to arise the next,1 aui entitled- „ 1 have the honom. to h„ &Cj
''(Signed) William F. Stawell."
" His Excellency Sir Charles Hotham, K.C.B."
morning after a person has been " drinking like a fish ; " but this is a
gastronomical fiction, for it is perfectly well known that the " Salmon
Headache" never results from any particular excess. It is a singular
fact that the most abstemious are invariably the most subject to this
ichthvolog;cal disorder. Those persons who " scarcely touched a thing "
are afflicted with it to the most agonising extent. It is imagined that
there is some secret intoxicating property in the Salmon that affects the
brain like a strong stimulant, in spite of the various_ antidotes (such
as two or three small glasses of brandy, and other liquids) that a person
generally takes afterwards to counteract it. Hence, persons, who are
constitutionally subject to " Headaches" after dining out, cannot be too
careful in refraining from that too-exciting fish. One slice of Salmon
has heen pronounctd to be as dangerous, in its Way, a3 a bottle of British „ Surveyor-General's Office, Melbourne, 26th November, 1855.
Brandy. | "Sir,—I have the honour, &c. &c, your Exa-Ilency will be pleased to assign to me
" Custom House, Melbourne, 26th November, 1855."
"Sir,—I have had the honour, &c. &c, and make formal application for authority
to draw from the Colonial Treasury the retiring allowance of eight hundred and sixty-
six pounds thirteen shillings and fourpence, to which i am now entitled, and i have
very respectfully to request that instructions may issue accordingly.
" i have the honour to be, &c,
" (Signed) Hugh C. H. Childers."
" His Excellency Sir Charles Hotham, K.C.B."
There is, also, the "Derby Headache," which attacks clerks the
day before the Derby, and is so trying that the poor sufferer is com-
pelled to beg the indulgence of a day's rest at home. It rarely lasts
longer than a day, and invariably disappears after the first game of
"Knock-'em-downs" on the race-course.
The "Museum Headache1" is the consequence of the thickening
effluvium which arises from poring over musty old books in a badly-
ventilated room. Several officers, since the recent appointment of
Mr. Panizzi, have bad a violent attack of the " Museum Headache;"
in fact, the appointment itself—a foreigner being put at the head of
our great National Library — may be instanced as an insufferable
specimen of the Museum complaint. Tbe heads of those intelligent
Englishmen, over whom this lucky Italian has been carried by favour,
the pension to which, under the provisions of the abovenamed Act, I am now entitled.
" I have the honour to be, &c.
"(Signed) Andrew Clarke,
" His Excellency the Governor-in-Chief." Captain, R.E."
The gist of the above letters appears to be, that the writers, one and
all, "have the honour" to want, as much as they can get out of the
public treasury. We may be told that this is the object of public men
at home, as well as in the Colonies; but we do not remember any instance
in which the fact has been so unpleasantly put forth, as in the string
of communications from which we have quoted. There may be plenty
of patriotism at Port Philip; but it is rather awkward that all its
principal public servants should, in a body, make a claim to be pen-
sioned, the moment an opportunity offers. Irresponsible Government
must ache terribly with mortification at the blow cruelly visited upon j is now defunct, and it has left a sort of legacy in the shape of retiring
■them. allowances to those who belonged to it; but it is rather disgusting to
The Female Headaches are innumerable, but they arise principally find th^m elamourmg for their due before the deceased is cold in the
from vexation and disappointment. Thev mav be divided into I ^r^ve> to which it has been consigned by the general consent of the
"Nervous" and "Sick" Headaches. The" Nervous is irritable, and whole community
cannot bear being spoken to; the Sick is despondent, or sulky, and
bursts into tears at the least contradiction. When a lady cannot have
her own way, a Headache is the painful consequence. An unpopular
visitor, brought home accidentally to dinner, will produce an alarming
attack of Headache, and the symptoms that successively follow are—
instant loss of appetite, deafness, peevishness, hysteria, and finally a
precipitate retreat to the bedroom. The poor servants feel the effects
of the Headache as much as anyone, and do not stop in the room longer
than they can help. These unfortunate Headaches are very frequent
about that time of the wear when every one is, or is supposed to be,
out of town, and do not cease until the patient has been carried to the
seaside for change of air. The milder forms will vanish upon the
application of a piece of jewellery ; or if the forehead is wrapped up in
a new shawl, it is astonishing with what rapidity the pain disappears.
Sometimes a shifting of the scene is requisite, and thus a box at the
Opera has been known to produce an instantaneous cur,e, even when
the Headache in question has been of the most stunning description, and
the Opera played h»s been one of Verdi's !
But, after all, Headaches touch men much more intimately than
women. If Dr. Weight would publish a companion little book, as
agreeable as the one he has already written, uooq the subject of
Heartaches,—taking care to give prescriptions and cures for every
phase of that terrible disorder—we prophesy that he would soon
become the most courted and popular physician of the day amongst the
fair sex. With widows alone, he would be sure to reap a fortune.
To young men, this little book of Headaches is invaluable. No bottle
of soda-water is complete without it!
MORE " THINGS NOT GENERALLY KNOWN."
B y Mr. John Tjmbs, or any one else.
That Ered Peel is a greater man than his father.
That Lord Cardigan is a Hero.
That Mr. Drummond knows his own mind.
That Mr. Barry is in a hurry to complete the Houses of Par-
liament.
That Sir James Graham and Sir Charles Napier love one
another.
That Bernal Osborne has got the Mantle of Grimaldi.
That the Duke op York's debts have been paid.
That Lord Lucan is an injured individual; and
That Frederick William of Prussia is the Gough of Kings.
The Indian Difficulty.
It appears that the East India Company experience great difficulty
in making up their revenue; insomuch that they are annually £2,000,000
in excess of expenditure over income, and two years in arrear to boot,
or rather to the reverse. Under these circumstances, it is perfectly intel-
ligible that Government should experience corresponding difficulty in
producing, before the House of Lords, the papers relative to the
collection of that revenue by means of torture.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
139
A STRAY CHAPTER ON HEADACHES.
little Book rn Headaches has just
been published by Dr. Weight. It
contains every possible variety of mal
detete, excepting perhaps, tbe splittin
MINISTERS' MONEY IN AUSTRALIA.
The people of Victoria have just obtained what is called Responsible
Government; the first effect ot which has been the turning our, of the
whole of the Ministers of the Colony. These gentlemen may have served
the public well, and they no doubt think themselves well entitled to pen-
neadache, which was the cause of[SK)ns; but their correspondence with the Governor, in which they all
Minerva springing into the world. \ make their retiring allowances the most prominent point in their letters,
has a look about it, which is by no means dignified or agreeable. "We
subjoin the letters of the dismissed Ministers:—
However, there are one or two
omissions in the book, and they sur-
prise us, on the part of a physician
who seems to have devoted his head
so thoroughly to the subject as D&.
Wbight. The Headaches omitted are
" Colonial Secretary's Office, November 26th, 1855.
" Sir,—I have the honour to acknowledge the receipt of your Excellency's letter of
this date, in which you state that, &c. &c, it is your Excellency's duty to inform me
that I must consider myself released, on political grounds, from the office I now hold.
I- \ r + +) „(- w„ " As under the provisions of the Constitutional Act, I become entitled to a retiring
01 sucu Irequent Occurrence irjai we allowance on being released from the office of Colonial Secretary on political grounds,
shall make no apology for alluding to I have the honour to request that your Excellency will be pleased to authorise the
them. They may be divided into payments to be made to me, which are sanctioned by the Act.
"Male Headaches," and "Female1 " I have the honour to be, &c.
Headaches." „ „. „ „ - _ „ ,rn„ „" (Signed) W. C. Haines."
" His Excellency Sir Charles Hotham, K.C.B."
Amongst the Male Headaches may I _
be specified:—
. , it j. " Attorney-General's Chambers, 26th November, 1855.
THE SALMON HEADACHE. Any One who has frequented puOllC dinners, \ " Sir—I have the honour, &c. &c, and request that the necessary instructions may
or dined much at Greenwich Or Blackwall, must know what this Headache ' oe giv«n respecting the retiring allowance, to which, under the New Constitution Act,
is. It is exceedingly severe of its kind _ It is said to arise the next,1 aui entitled- „ 1 have the honom. to h„ &Cj
''(Signed) William F. Stawell."
" His Excellency Sir Charles Hotham, K.C.B."
morning after a person has been " drinking like a fish ; " but this is a
gastronomical fiction, for it is perfectly well known that the " Salmon
Headache" never results from any particular excess. It is a singular
fact that the most abstemious are invariably the most subject to this
ichthvolog;cal disorder. Those persons who " scarcely touched a thing "
are afflicted with it to the most agonising extent. It is imagined that
there is some secret intoxicating property in the Salmon that affects the
brain like a strong stimulant, in spite of the various_ antidotes (such
as two or three small glasses of brandy, and other liquids) that a person
generally takes afterwards to counteract it. Hence, persons, who are
constitutionally subject to " Headaches" after dining out, cannot be too
careful in refraining from that too-exciting fish. One slice of Salmon
has heen pronounctd to be as dangerous, in its Way, a3 a bottle of British „ Surveyor-General's Office, Melbourne, 26th November, 1855.
Brandy. | "Sir,—I have the honour, &c. &c, your Exa-Ilency will be pleased to assign to me
" Custom House, Melbourne, 26th November, 1855."
"Sir,—I have had the honour, &c. &c, and make formal application for authority
to draw from the Colonial Treasury the retiring allowance of eight hundred and sixty-
six pounds thirteen shillings and fourpence, to which i am now entitled, and i have
very respectfully to request that instructions may issue accordingly.
" i have the honour to be, &c,
" (Signed) Hugh C. H. Childers."
" His Excellency Sir Charles Hotham, K.C.B."
There is, also, the "Derby Headache," which attacks clerks the
day before the Derby, and is so trying that the poor sufferer is com-
pelled to beg the indulgence of a day's rest at home. It rarely lasts
longer than a day, and invariably disappears after the first game of
"Knock-'em-downs" on the race-course.
The "Museum Headache1" is the consequence of the thickening
effluvium which arises from poring over musty old books in a badly-
ventilated room. Several officers, since the recent appointment of
Mr. Panizzi, have bad a violent attack of the " Museum Headache;"
in fact, the appointment itself—a foreigner being put at the head of
our great National Library — may be instanced as an insufferable
specimen of the Museum complaint. Tbe heads of those intelligent
Englishmen, over whom this lucky Italian has been carried by favour,
the pension to which, under the provisions of the abovenamed Act, I am now entitled.
" I have the honour to be, &c.
"(Signed) Andrew Clarke,
" His Excellency the Governor-in-Chief." Captain, R.E."
The gist of the above letters appears to be, that the writers, one and
all, "have the honour" to want, as much as they can get out of the
public treasury. We may be told that this is the object of public men
at home, as well as in the Colonies; but we do not remember any instance
in which the fact has been so unpleasantly put forth, as in the string
of communications from which we have quoted. There may be plenty
of patriotism at Port Philip; but it is rather awkward that all its
principal public servants should, in a body, make a claim to be pen-
sioned, the moment an opportunity offers. Irresponsible Government
must ache terribly with mortification at the blow cruelly visited upon j is now defunct, and it has left a sort of legacy in the shape of retiring
■them. allowances to those who belonged to it; but it is rather disgusting to
The Female Headaches are innumerable, but they arise principally find th^m elamourmg for their due before the deceased is cold in the
from vexation and disappointment. Thev mav be divided into I ^r^ve> to which it has been consigned by the general consent of the
"Nervous" and "Sick" Headaches. The" Nervous is irritable, and whole community
cannot bear being spoken to; the Sick is despondent, or sulky, and
bursts into tears at the least contradiction. When a lady cannot have
her own way, a Headache is the painful consequence. An unpopular
visitor, brought home accidentally to dinner, will produce an alarming
attack of Headache, and the symptoms that successively follow are—
instant loss of appetite, deafness, peevishness, hysteria, and finally a
precipitate retreat to the bedroom. The poor servants feel the effects
of the Headache as much as anyone, and do not stop in the room longer
than they can help. These unfortunate Headaches are very frequent
about that time of the wear when every one is, or is supposed to be,
out of town, and do not cease until the patient has been carried to the
seaside for change of air. The milder forms will vanish upon the
application of a piece of jewellery ; or if the forehead is wrapped up in
a new shawl, it is astonishing with what rapidity the pain disappears.
Sometimes a shifting of the scene is requisite, and thus a box at the
Opera has been known to produce an instantaneous cur,e, even when
the Headache in question has been of the most stunning description, and
the Opera played h»s been one of Verdi's !
But, after all, Headaches touch men much more intimately than
women. If Dr. Weight would publish a companion little book, as
agreeable as the one he has already written, uooq the subject of
Heartaches,—taking care to give prescriptions and cures for every
phase of that terrible disorder—we prophesy that he would soon
become the most courted and popular physician of the day amongst the
fair sex. With widows alone, he would be sure to reap a fortune.
To young men, this little book of Headaches is invaluable. No bottle
of soda-water is complete without it!
MORE " THINGS NOT GENERALLY KNOWN."
B y Mr. John Tjmbs, or any one else.
That Ered Peel is a greater man than his father.
That Lord Cardigan is a Hero.
That Mr. Drummond knows his own mind.
That Mr. Barry is in a hurry to complete the Houses of Par-
liament.
That Sir James Graham and Sir Charles Napier love one
another.
That Bernal Osborne has got the Mantle of Grimaldi.
That the Duke op York's debts have been paid.
That Lord Lucan is an injured individual; and
That Frederick William of Prussia is the Gough of Kings.
The Indian Difficulty.
It appears that the East India Company experience great difficulty
in making up their revenue; insomuch that they are annually £2,000,000
in excess of expenditure over income, and two years in arrear to boot,
or rather to the reverse. Under these circumstances, it is perfectly intel-
ligible that Government should experience corresponding difficulty in
producing, before the House of Lords, the papers relative to the
collection of that revenue by means of torture.