Punch: Punch (33.1857)

110 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 19, 1857.

RACY LITE RAT DUE.

In the " Sporting Intelligence " of a contem
porary we find it stated that—

" Ireland has presented attractions powerful enough to
draw fiom England many of the leading book-makers."

A little farther on is mentioned the circum-
stance, rather remarkable in connection with the
above statement, that—

" 2 to 1 was laid against Ignoramus, who was backed in
the aggregate for about £700."

We should like to know who are those leaders
in the world of literature that Ireland has been
able to attract from this part of the United
Kingdom. Still more do we desire to be in-
'ormed of the real name of the individual stig-
matised as "Ignoramus :" and we wonder what
extremely enterprising publishers can have
ventured to back that author, against whom, if
he deserves his name, the chances of success
with an enlightened British Public must be
more than 2 to 1.

The Tax of Letter-Writing.

Jones [busy scribbling). I say, how do you escape
so easily from the bore of correspondence ?

Brown {busy smoking). Why, you see, I am a
very lucky fellow. I have the gift of a confound-
edly bad hand-writing. My friends, when they
get one of my letters, don't forget it in a hurry,
1 can tell you. They have so much difficulty
in reading it, that they never think of asking me
EFFECT OF NOT TAKING NOTICE for a second.

OUR OVER-CROWDED THOROUGHFARES.

It has been for years a national conviction, that if there be one
quality more than any other for which the British nation is egregiously
famous, it is that we are so pre-eminently practical and time-saving a
people. Of this our public orators are constantly reminding us, and
after-dinner auditors rejoice to clink their glasses in approval of the
sentiment. Placuit semel et rkcies repetita placebit.
Now, as we have no fear of lessening our popularity (for out of our

exercise of our not a bit too solid flesh, we should probably have been
confirmed in our pedestrianism, had we not discovered that the pave-
ments were almost as crowded as the roadways ; and that we had to
elbow our way through, in a manner that we feared would soon wear
our elbows out. On one occasion too (which was our first and final
experiment in walking") we were requested by a lady to escort her
across the street; ana the street being Cheapside, we could see by
Bow Church Clock that our gallantry cost us precisely seven minutes,
and even then we narrowly escaped being driven over.

innumerable myriads of readers we can spare without missing them We think we have sufficiently shown cause why, for our own relief
some few hundred thousands), we do not shrink from openly avowing j as well as that of the public, the choking up of streets must not be
our persuasion, that in believing itself practical and time-saving, the | suffered to continue. Were we m Parliament (which for our ears' sake
nation pins its faith to a complete and utter fallacy. However indi- ! we are thankful we are not) we should be disposed next session to
vidually we may merit those two epithets, when taken in the aggregate introduce a Bill for the Prevention of Over-Crowded Thoroughfares,
we deserve the reverse of them. Of this we have a score of proofs at «v which all street obstructives should be summarily dealt with,
our pen's tip, but as in point of space our liability is limited, we must I Within four-and-twenty hours -from the passing of our Act, any rail-
be content with bringing forward only one. The instance we adduce, : way van or brewers' dray or coal wagon found in any thoroughfare
then, is the way we waste our time through the overcrowding of our after eight o'clock a.m. should be sold by the police, and the proceeds
streets, to which our notice is directed bv a recent correspondent, with Elven to the hospitals to which these London Juggernauts have sent
whom fexcent in the slisht matter of his snpllino- the word " ocular" so many victims. All omnibus races we would likewise put a stop

whom (except ia the slight matter of his spelling the word " ocular
with two c's instead of one) we may state that we entirely and
cordially agree.

many victims. All omnibus races we would likewise put a stop
to, and it should be penal for these vehicles of abuse to stop at certain
corners as they now do, not so much to pick up passengers as quarrels

Putting aside the question of its inconvenience, and viewing it with their rivals. Correspondents write to Punch complaining of these
solely from a business point of view, a thoroughfare so crowded that nuisances, and m their warmth they coolly look to us tor instant
its name is a misnomer must cause a loss of time which, being money, measures of relief. Now, really, we should need the manual apph-
our economists ought certainly to take more heed of. To say nothing ances of half-a-score of Briarei were we to take m hand the work which
of its influence in fostering bad passions, and tending to the increase IS thus daily handed over; to us : and until we have cleared away the
of that national malignity for which we are by foreigners so ridiculed Leadenhall Street Obstructives we cannot undertake to rid the City ot
and censured, we should like to know the cost, per minute, of a the Van Demons. Besides, the nation can t expect its Punch to be
" block," such as in the City is so constantly occurring. The Statis- Reformer General without investing him with absolute authority over
tical Society would do the State some service, if they collected some ; even the "authorities." Were 85 Fleet Street to supplant the
statistics of these stoppages of traffic, and apprised us of their average , Mansion house, the supervision of the City streets would rightly be a

recurrence and duration. We are convinced that were they closely to
investigate the matter, many City firms would find these street
obstructions occasion no slight increase of their yearly trade expenses.
By reason of the frequent detention of their clerks, they have of course
to keep a larger staff than they would find sufficient were the streets
more passable: and the same cause also operates where business
vehicles are kept, in which case too the cost of wear and tear is much
increased by the collisions which the " blocks " are each attended with.

As an additional incentive to its struggles for street clearance, the
aation should reflect upon the wear and tear of mind and body, which

part of Mr. Punch's office ; but until he supersedes the Lord Mayor
and Corporation (which at no far distant date will probably be asked
of him) he cannot undertake to discharge their proper functions.

Nevertheless, as a prescription in our letter-box assures us it would
do the civic magnates good to " have their heads Punched," in our
benevolence we pardon the offence of this mild jokelet, and if we do
not quite believe the efficacy of the suggested treatment (for even
Punch's baton sometimes fails to make impression on the thick heads of
the City) we admit at least that there is wisdom in prescribing a cor-
rective which we have exclusively the right of making up. It is, we

these street blockades cause daily to its Punch. We calculate we lose , think, vitally essential to the City that its arteries no longer be impas
a daily average of twelve minutes and three-quarters through the | sably choked up, and if any dose of ours can give a freer circulation,
stoppage of our Hansom in its progress to and from our office. I we shall once a week be ready to supply it, every Wednesday, price
Indeed, not long ago we seriously inclined our mind to the necessity J only threepence, or fourpence if impressed with the Government
of walking, and iu spite of the hot weather and the melting by the | Stamp.