Punch (33.1857)

136

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 3, 1857.

SPOBTING INTELLIGENCE.

ith the return of the Shoot-
ing Season it is common to
find paragraphs inserted in
the papers, giving full sta-
tistics of the bags which
ave been made at the coun-
try seats and shooting-boxes
of the sporting aristocracy.
As these descriptions little
vary in their dull and dry
monotony, and can be of no
great interest to the general
reader, we are somewhat
puzzled to account for their
annual insertion; and we in-
cline to the belief, that they
are paid for as advertise-
ments, and are intended to
attract the notice of the
poulterers. Noble sports-
men could not, without sacri-
fice of dignity, announce that
they were open to supply the
trade with game, and that

the propensity for shooting is so rapidly developed; but that his
youthful lordship promises to be a first-rate shot will be at once
inferred, when we state that on Saturday, assisted only by his nurse,
he succeeded in bagging more than twenty brace of blue-bottles."

TOAD-EATING.

As for the courtesy of the Emperor of the French towards the
English officers who visit Chalons, it is all hollow. His Majesty loses
no opportunity of insulting our authorities by offering some violent
contrast to their proceedings. It was only a few days ago that we
read how a French officer had invented a great improvement in the
screw for propelling steamers. He calls it the Flute-screw, and its
marvellous advantages were seen on an experiment. But this not
being large enough, what does the Emperor, our pretended ally and
friend, do. In common delicacy, while English officers of rank were
about him, he would have conformed to their customs; would, first
have snubbed the Flute man, then dawdled and dallied for months
before giving him a trial; then, having reluctantly conceded a trial,
would have tipped the underlings the wink, and taken care that the
trial should be like that accorded the other day to Mb,. Prideaux (of
the steam boilers); namely, one in which he should be obstructed in
every unfair manner by officials predetermined that he should not
succeed. Finally, if the Emperor had any of the courtesy attributed
to him, he would further have complimented English officers by taking
the invention for nothing, and breaking the inventor's heart. Instead

'__„„ ,ii uie invention lor noming, anu ureajung me inventor s neari. juisit

their preserves were so well Qf ^ graceM attention to Ms gue°stSj Loms Napoleon acts

m

diametrically opposite fashion, he commands the invention to be "at
once applied to one of the largest ships in the French, navy, the
inventor to have every assistance in working it out, with the certainty
of a reward and honour, if successful." And we call this Sovereign
our ally, and praise his frank hospitality and courtesy ! John Btjll,
you are an avaleur de couleuvres.

stocked that the largest or
ders could be executed with
the^ promptest possible des-
patch : but by simply stating what they kill per diem, they leave the
trade to draw its inference, and take down their address.

If our assumption be correct, there is some reason in thus adver-
tising what sport has been enjoyed by owners of estates, and the con-
coction of such paragraphs may be looked upon as part ot everv
steward's business. Occasionally, however, we find notices inserted
which seem more the composition of the flunkey than the steward, and
m which we are completely at a loss to see the use or reason, buch a
one, for instance, we take to be the following, which, merely altering
the name, and spelling it to suit the flunkeyish pronunciation, we quote
verbatim from a country print:—

"The youthful Earl of Pheasinkton has been spending his September on his
family estates. We understand his lordship gives early promise of becoming an
excellent shot."

Now, we have no wish to speak slightingly of his lordship's sports-
manship : on the contrary, indeed, having some pretentions to that
quality ourselves, we think a boy may do worse things than aim at
being a good shot. As far as our acquaintance goes, a good sportsman
is by no means therefore a bad fellow: and had we the teaching of his
lordship's young idea, we should be pleased to find we had so promising
a pupil. For the credit of the Pheasinktons, if for no other reason,
we trust the youthful Earl will prove (at one-and-twenty) a man of his
word, and that, if only for his poulterer's sake, he will keep his promise
to "become a good shot."

But although we see no harm in the young Earl's early learning how
to use his gun, we certainly can see no good in taking public notice in
the papers of his prowess. It cannot interest the nation to know what
bags he makes ; while the mention of his sporting feats may lead him
to forget that there are higher things to aim at than partridges and
pheasants. As an Earl, his future place will be among the Lords as
well as on the heaths and commons, and he will find befitting exercise
in the field of politics not a whit less readily than in those of beet or
turnips.

We think, therefore, that paragraphs such as we have quoted serve
no end but that of filling up a paper. If it be deemed requisite that
notice be directed to the talents and the prowess of the rising aris-
tocracy, let it be reserved for other columns than the sporting ones.
With all our admiration for the skill of a good shot, we would rather
see a youthful Earl the subject of a leader in the Times than of the
most flaming notice in Belt's Life. Besides, there is no saying, if
these paragraphs continue, to what absurd misuses they may come at
last. If the flunkeyism by which they are dictated be unchecked, we
shall soon find the prowess of our noble sportsmen recorded in the
papers from their very bib-and-tuckerhood, from their first shot with
the popgun and their first trial of the tops—both the leathers and the
peg-tops. Having a remarkably robust imagination, we can just
conceive how it would edify the public to find inserted gravely some
fine morning in the Times, as a pendant to the foreign or political
intelligence, or whatever else might happen at the time to have chief
interest, some such a paragraph as that which follows :—

" We are delighted to inform our readers that the infant heir of the
most noble house of Blazeaway, who still takes an airing daily in the j Are the " miserable sinners " whom these open seats contain:
family perambulator, was last week, for the first time in his young | Oh ! the cloud of summer-muslins—oh! the flowered and beaded show
existence, trusted with a fly-gun. It is seldom at so tender years that I Of tiny summer bonnets, in gorgeous row on row !

THE TWO CHURCHES.

THE NEW.

is Sunday at our watering-
place by the broad blue
German Ocean;
The streets are still, the
sands are bare, the cliffs
forlorn and bleak;
The fly-boys and fly-horses
have a pause in their de-
votion,
For if to labour be to pray,
they've been praying all
the week.
A Sabbatb stillness reign-
eth over earth and sea
and sky,
All Nature round has gone
to Church, so wherefore
should not I ?

The crack Church at our
watering-place is very
fine and new;
Pure Gothic down to rere-
dos, and sedilia, and pis-
cina ;

With poppy-heads on open
seats—we scorn the cush-
ioned pew—

And our curate he intoneth, so that nothing can be finer;
And we've candles on the altar, and occasionally flowers—
In short, a small St. Barnabas is this new Church of ours..

" So primitive ! " our Curate says—" so truly Apostolic!

No Protestant distinctions of private seats and free !
Each portion of the building has significance symbolic : "

Though, save the poppy-heads, nought 5s significant to me.
Their soporific meaning is clearly to be seen,
Thanks to the comment furnished by the sleeping heads between.

But finer than our fine new Church—tiles, altar-cloth, and all,—

The gules, and or, and azure on nave and chancel-pane,—
And early-English lettering emblazoned on the wall,-