DOI Heft:
October 17, 1857
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16620#0175
October 17, 1857.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
165
MR. JOHN THOMAS ON THE ENLISTMENT QUESTION.
ir, — mister punch,
you've wunce or
twice hinserted
what i've rote,
So praps you'll now
be good enuff to
publish, this year
note :
My spellink may be
doutful, and my
English not the
Kween's,
But I fumly ope
there 1 be no doubt
that what i sez i
means.
" Lasts Sattaday as
ever were I found
just after 2,
[ were like them
chaps in man-
chester oo've got
no work to do ;
So to drive away my onwee, which the wulgar calls it Wapers,
I set me down & set to work a readink of the papers.
With hintrest the Court Stickler were the fust thing i perused,
Wicli narrated in the I Lands how the queen had been emused,
While the prince, which for is music they now calls im a Consort,
Had every day been deerstorking, & ad some fustrate sport.
1 've not been at that game myself, but with them as ave I've talked,
And been surpriged to hear m say what miles a day they've walked;
A perfessinil Pedestring it may suit to be a stalker,
But as 4 the enjiment I should say it were all Walker !
Then while the deers is wisible U musnt speak a word.
Lor though theyre miles away peraps your wices mite be herd;
There may be sport in deerstalking but tizzent to my mind,
Which I'm partial to Dears talking of a sociabler kind.
" The fashnable Hintelligence of course I next surweyed,
Whitch it puts one up to all the moves in I life as is made :
And when one's on the Move 1 self in course one likes to no
That others is a movink too, which makes it come ill fo.
Then I red the leadink articles, and with M quite agreed
That of men to serve in Hinjy now the country were in need :
And ime glad as they've consented to rejuice the Standard Ite,
Which there aint no call for giants now with Minnies they must fite.
Six footers isnt nessary for just to pull a trigger,
"Wich a man of 5 foot i may do as well as im who's bigger.
But there were a suggestion in a letter as I red,
Which to write this ear in anser like has put it in my ed:
The writer though aperiently in trade seemed up to snough,
He owned that at the charnnk of the Times he'd cut up rough;
Lor e coodent c y britons in the counterjuinping line
Should 'ave their valour doubted cos the Gards they didn't jine :
Which it wozzent want of Pluck he said as kep M from enlistin,
But want of better Prospex, as the press is now insistin.
Lor he thort unless by merit from the ranks a man could rise
The army wornt a temptink spec in any shopman's eyes.
But Y not arst the nobs to spare their useless men says B,
(Which though he calls em Useless he means sich men as Me)
They 're most on em 6-Phooters, ave good legs and shoulders broad,
And their whiskies by the female poppylation is adored:
As Warriors they'd be Waliant—bein Brittings one can't doubt em—
And by iring women suvnts Nobs mite easy do without em :
Y not send them to Hinjy ? -which if I'd been on the spot
I'd have thanked this here bold writer, and have eckercf his Y not.
" We 're most on us big fellers, far above the standard ite,
And to crush them Bengal Tigers all like lions brave we'd fite :
We've good carves and constitutions, & oncommon breadth o' shouder,
And from avink it upon our eds we 're used to smelling powder;
We 're used to hidjus Youniforms, which our livery's a disgrace
To them as might be Eroes now if they but change their place :
And as for them there baynits we could use 'em at a Push,
Wich them blacks wood show white feathers when we charged M in
the Bush.
" So all you Galliant Lootmin, from the suthud and the norrud,
And the eastud and the westud, now I opes as you'l come forrud.
There's good Sittiwations open if you're milinktry inclined,
And a preshus sight more Honrable than them you leaves beind ;
i or the best of British flunkies it 4 certing can't demean
lo leave a menial suvvice for the Service of the Queen !
1 here's good pay if you are mussnary, there's Glory in addition,
And who'd not lend a & to send them miscreents to perdition ?
Which every man Jeames of you must feel his blood a biling
At them inhuman retches who man's name has been defiling!
" Up, Llunkies ! then, and At 'em ! like the gards at Waterloo—
In the service of your country who more tit to serve than U ?
Change the salver for the saber, for the red coat doff the plush,
Show Old England that its Lootmen 4 their walour needn't blush,
While your limbs r stout & stalwart phlunkey work is a disgrace,
And wile you serve your country you '11 b never out of place.
Which to show you 're Liyal Subjex, and ave arts both staunch & true,
England Xpex (and so does i) as you'l now go and do !
"To Ems! then, galliant Phootmen! cut the Plush each mother's Sun!
Tell the nobs as with their livveries you've been & gone, & done.
As flunkeys, with Hotheiler say, your hockeypation's gone,
As Sojers there's more need of you, & Wengeance spurs you on.
To Funs ! then, Gallink Lootmen ! you've big hearts, and boddies able
Lor to go where Glory waits you, which it duzzent wait at table.
U carnt 'objeck to travle' at them brutes to have a shy,
Witch after doing nothink active service you'll enjy.
Turn no deaf ears to my calling—you'11 but fiud as I persist
Like the Gost of Amlefs father in a crying 'List! 0 'List!
Theres injuicement for to come out in the millinktery line,
And to do the State some Suwice now the harmy you should jine ;
Leave the pantry for the napsack—show you've strength as well as nerve
Lor to puunish them wile rebbels in the way as they deserve.
Of those Murderers who spared not as unsparing be the slorter,
'Tis Justice bids as them who gave should not be givn no \.
The Nation now enroused as it were rarely roused before,
At them tigers has cried Avelock ! and let slip the dogs of Wor.
Which till those etrocious raskles all is made to sing Peccavy,
There's one as wont be heasy—wiz.
" john ToMMUS of belgravy."
A MEDIAEVAL BAUBLE.
Among the antiquities in the Exhibition of choice handiworks at
Manchester, in Wall-case U, is enumerated a curious horse-headed
pastoral staff, contributed by Cardinal Wiseman. We should like
to know the history of this object. Conjecture will naturally assign
the horse-headed staff to the "Boy-Bishop" who, in the middle-ages,
used to be elected on St. Nicholas's day, or on the eve of that festi-
val—St. Nicholas having been, and being still, we suppose, according
to those wrho believe in mediaeval saints, the patron saint of children.
He is said, by the way, to have other clients than infants ; but we will
not too plainly allude to them, because we suppose that Cardinal
Wiseman himself governs Middlesex and the adjacent counties under
the patronage of his canonized namesake, and we should be loath to
even seem to cast such an unwarrantable imputation on his clerical
character as to hint t hat his Eminence was in any way connected with
the fraternity of St. Nicholas's Clerks. Such an insinuation, indeed,
would be directly contrary to a suspicion which we have very strong
reasons for entertaining.
If the horse-headed staff above mentioned belonged to a boy-bishop,
no doubt it was carried by the juvenile prelate in the way _ in
which the majority of lively young gentlemen would carry a stick
having a similar ornament on the top of it. Of course_ the
boy-bishop used to carry the staff in such a manner as to give it
the appearance of carrying himself; was accustomed to hold it
near the head, passing it lengthwise behind him, and between his
legs. Perhaps this staff is the identical Art Treasure alluded to in a
venerable nursery rhyme which makes mention of a pilgrimage to the
Cross of Banbury, achieved on a Cock-horse. The pilgrim was a
boy-bishop; he rode through the air; the ride was miraculous : it was
performed on a horse-headed pastoral-staff: and this is the relic.
It is not for us to lift the veil of secrecy behind which Cardinal
Wiseman has a right to indulge in his private recreations: but we
cannot help imagining that we see the horse-headed staff behind that
veil, between a pair of red-stockings. What then ? The amusement
is perfectly innocent; and to give up a plaything, for several months,
to be exhibited for the entertainment ot others, is being very good-
natured. It may, however, be said in a sense, that in sending his
horse-headed staff to the Manchester Exhibition the Cardinal does
not altogether cease to ride his hobby.
An Expert Dentist.
A German Cartwkight (Herk Stumpf) winds up a programme
of his extraordinary merits by the following boastful recommendation :
" P. S. Gentlemen Professors, Students, and others, need not be
under any needless alarm that it is at all necessary for them, during
the dental operation, to put aside their beloved pipes. On the con-
trary, they may continue smoking with the most blrssful impunity, and
they will only find that, between two whiffs of tobacco, their tooth has
quietly gone !! 1"
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
165
MR. JOHN THOMAS ON THE ENLISTMENT QUESTION.
ir, — mister punch,
you've wunce or
twice hinserted
what i've rote,
So praps you'll now
be good enuff to
publish, this year
note :
My spellink may be
doutful, and my
English not the
Kween's,
But I fumly ope
there 1 be no doubt
that what i sez i
means.
" Lasts Sattaday as
ever were I found
just after 2,
[ were like them
chaps in man-
chester oo've got
no work to do ;
So to drive away my onwee, which the wulgar calls it Wapers,
I set me down & set to work a readink of the papers.
With hintrest the Court Stickler were the fust thing i perused,
Wicli narrated in the I Lands how the queen had been emused,
While the prince, which for is music they now calls im a Consort,
Had every day been deerstorking, & ad some fustrate sport.
1 've not been at that game myself, but with them as ave I've talked,
And been surpriged to hear m say what miles a day they've walked;
A perfessinil Pedestring it may suit to be a stalker,
But as 4 the enjiment I should say it were all Walker !
Then while the deers is wisible U musnt speak a word.
Lor though theyre miles away peraps your wices mite be herd;
There may be sport in deerstalking but tizzent to my mind,
Which I'm partial to Dears talking of a sociabler kind.
" The fashnable Hintelligence of course I next surweyed,
Whitch it puts one up to all the moves in I life as is made :
And when one's on the Move 1 self in course one likes to no
That others is a movink too, which makes it come ill fo.
Then I red the leadink articles, and with M quite agreed
That of men to serve in Hinjy now the country were in need :
And ime glad as they've consented to rejuice the Standard Ite,
Which there aint no call for giants now with Minnies they must fite.
Six footers isnt nessary for just to pull a trigger,
"Wich a man of 5 foot i may do as well as im who's bigger.
But there were a suggestion in a letter as I red,
Which to write this ear in anser like has put it in my ed:
The writer though aperiently in trade seemed up to snough,
He owned that at the charnnk of the Times he'd cut up rough;
Lor e coodent c y britons in the counterjuinping line
Should 'ave their valour doubted cos the Gards they didn't jine :
Which it wozzent want of Pluck he said as kep M from enlistin,
But want of better Prospex, as the press is now insistin.
Lor he thort unless by merit from the ranks a man could rise
The army wornt a temptink spec in any shopman's eyes.
But Y not arst the nobs to spare their useless men says B,
(Which though he calls em Useless he means sich men as Me)
They 're most on em 6-Phooters, ave good legs and shoulders broad,
And their whiskies by the female poppylation is adored:
As Warriors they'd be Waliant—bein Brittings one can't doubt em—
And by iring women suvnts Nobs mite easy do without em :
Y not send them to Hinjy ? -which if I'd been on the spot
I'd have thanked this here bold writer, and have eckercf his Y not.
" We 're most on us big fellers, far above the standard ite,
And to crush them Bengal Tigers all like lions brave we'd fite :
We've good carves and constitutions, & oncommon breadth o' shouder,
And from avink it upon our eds we 're used to smelling powder;
We 're used to hidjus Youniforms, which our livery's a disgrace
To them as might be Eroes now if they but change their place :
And as for them there baynits we could use 'em at a Push,
Wich them blacks wood show white feathers when we charged M in
the Bush.
" So all you Galliant Lootmin, from the suthud and the norrud,
And the eastud and the westud, now I opes as you'l come forrud.
There's good Sittiwations open if you're milinktry inclined,
And a preshus sight more Honrable than them you leaves beind ;
i or the best of British flunkies it 4 certing can't demean
lo leave a menial suvvice for the Service of the Queen !
1 here's good pay if you are mussnary, there's Glory in addition,
And who'd not lend a & to send them miscreents to perdition ?
Which every man Jeames of you must feel his blood a biling
At them inhuman retches who man's name has been defiling!
" Up, Llunkies ! then, and At 'em ! like the gards at Waterloo—
In the service of your country who more tit to serve than U ?
Change the salver for the saber, for the red coat doff the plush,
Show Old England that its Lootmen 4 their walour needn't blush,
While your limbs r stout & stalwart phlunkey work is a disgrace,
And wile you serve your country you '11 b never out of place.
Which to show you 're Liyal Subjex, and ave arts both staunch & true,
England Xpex (and so does i) as you'l now go and do !
"To Ems! then, galliant Phootmen! cut the Plush each mother's Sun!
Tell the nobs as with their livveries you've been & gone, & done.
As flunkeys, with Hotheiler say, your hockeypation's gone,
As Sojers there's more need of you, & Wengeance spurs you on.
To Funs ! then, Gallink Lootmen ! you've big hearts, and boddies able
Lor to go where Glory waits you, which it duzzent wait at table.
U carnt 'objeck to travle' at them brutes to have a shy,
Witch after doing nothink active service you'll enjy.
Turn no deaf ears to my calling—you'11 but fiud as I persist
Like the Gost of Amlefs father in a crying 'List! 0 'List!
Theres injuicement for to come out in the millinktery line,
And to do the State some Suwice now the harmy you should jine ;
Leave the pantry for the napsack—show you've strength as well as nerve
Lor to puunish them wile rebbels in the way as they deserve.
Of those Murderers who spared not as unsparing be the slorter,
'Tis Justice bids as them who gave should not be givn no \.
The Nation now enroused as it were rarely roused before,
At them tigers has cried Avelock ! and let slip the dogs of Wor.
Which till those etrocious raskles all is made to sing Peccavy,
There's one as wont be heasy—wiz.
" john ToMMUS of belgravy."
A MEDIAEVAL BAUBLE.
Among the antiquities in the Exhibition of choice handiworks at
Manchester, in Wall-case U, is enumerated a curious horse-headed
pastoral staff, contributed by Cardinal Wiseman. We should like
to know the history of this object. Conjecture will naturally assign
the horse-headed staff to the "Boy-Bishop" who, in the middle-ages,
used to be elected on St. Nicholas's day, or on the eve of that festi-
val—St. Nicholas having been, and being still, we suppose, according
to those wrho believe in mediaeval saints, the patron saint of children.
He is said, by the way, to have other clients than infants ; but we will
not too plainly allude to them, because we suppose that Cardinal
Wiseman himself governs Middlesex and the adjacent counties under
the patronage of his canonized namesake, and we should be loath to
even seem to cast such an unwarrantable imputation on his clerical
character as to hint t hat his Eminence was in any way connected with
the fraternity of St. Nicholas's Clerks. Such an insinuation, indeed,
would be directly contrary to a suspicion which we have very strong
reasons for entertaining.
If the horse-headed staff above mentioned belonged to a boy-bishop,
no doubt it was carried by the juvenile prelate in the way _ in
which the majority of lively young gentlemen would carry a stick
having a similar ornament on the top of it. Of course_ the
boy-bishop used to carry the staff in such a manner as to give it
the appearance of carrying himself; was accustomed to hold it
near the head, passing it lengthwise behind him, and between his
legs. Perhaps this staff is the identical Art Treasure alluded to in a
venerable nursery rhyme which makes mention of a pilgrimage to the
Cross of Banbury, achieved on a Cock-horse. The pilgrim was a
boy-bishop; he rode through the air; the ride was miraculous : it was
performed on a horse-headed pastoral-staff: and this is the relic.
It is not for us to lift the veil of secrecy behind which Cardinal
Wiseman has a right to indulge in his private recreations: but we
cannot help imagining that we see the horse-headed staff behind that
veil, between a pair of red-stockings. What then ? The amusement
is perfectly innocent; and to give up a plaything, for several months,
to be exhibited for the entertainment ot others, is being very good-
natured. It may, however, be said in a sense, that in sending his
horse-headed staff to the Manchester Exhibition the Cardinal does
not altogether cease to ride his hobby.
An Expert Dentist.
A German Cartwkight (Herk Stumpf) winds up a programme
of his extraordinary merits by the following boastful recommendation :
" P. S. Gentlemen Professors, Students, and others, need not be
under any needless alarm that it is at all necessary for them, during
the dental operation, to put aside their beloved pipes. On the con-
trary, they may continue smoking with the most blrssful impunity, and
they will only find that, between two whiffs of tobacco, their tooth has
quietly gone !! 1"