DOI Heft:
December 5, 1857
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16620#0246
Our Friend, MA CLUCK I ESP EC IT, mistrusting those confounded Banks, reso.rcs to carry his Capital in his Trousers pocicets—,Tis so comforting
to have a feeling of Security.
A HAPPY END FOR HOGS.
" Mk. Punch, Honek'd Zur,
" I zee as how, by one o' they Northern peeapers, they've a
got a new way up there o' killun pigs. I thought, we know'd all as
could be know'd about that zubject down Zouth here : but howsome-
dever I baint so much consarn'd wi pigs as to be pig-headed; and
ahuv larnun from them as got zummut to tache, whoever they be.
The Carlisle Examiner 'tis. as gies t he 'count, on't. It sez as how,
'tother day, there wus a pashuut in the Kendal osspuddle, as had to
undergoo zumkind o' cuttun or disseckshun for zummut or other, and
was accardunly put under clorifarm fur to have ut done. As luck 'ood
have ut, 'twus likewise pig-killun day at the osspuddle. The doctor
he heerd the pig squake, as o' course you knows pigs be apt to when
they be offended, and cries out, afore they he hurt even, aa, as zoon,
zumtimes, as ever they zees the pig-butcher. What, does the doctor do
but perposes to stupidly the pig wi clorifarm, like the Christian, zo as
a shouldn't zuffer nothun whiles they wus a killun of un. Zo sed, zo
done. They got a spunge, zoaked ut, in the clorifarm stuff, clapped ut
on to the hog's nose, and zent uu off in a crack, as quiet as ever you zee
are a babby rocked azleep. In that are state of uonsensiblenuss they
stuck un : and a died, as I may zay, without knowun of't—gied up
the ghwooast without a kick or a grunt.
" Well, now, Zur, the proof o' the puddun's in the atun, as the
sayun is, and that are's true o' black pudduns as well as plum, and of
beeaacon likewise. There's no knowun, afore you tries, whether your
clorifarm meddn't spile your poork or your beeaacon, or your black
pudduns; otherways 'twoud be a gurt help and savun in makun of
the latter. Bat if zo be as how clorifarm doan't hurt the poork, sartun
'tis ut pervents the poork-butcher vrom hurtun the pig. It zaves the
poor cretur vrom beun punished onnecessary, and a feller oodn't be
more crooler to a dum animle, and sarve un wuss nor a could help;
'ticklerly a pig as he'd vatted his zelf and took a pride in un. 'Sides
witch, pig-killun ain't a musickle opperaaishuu to naaiburs, them as
bain't used to't, and not very meloadjus to sitch as be. The ladies,
I heers, complaains on't, and sez it disturbs um in bed of a marnun,
and spiles their breckvust. Zo, therefour, I thinks I shall try killun
my pigs under clorifarm ; only I be afeard 'tis rayther dear stuff. In
that case I opes to be sported if I claps on a little extry on the price
o' my pigsmate; and if you looks out 1 dare zay you 'll zoon zee zum
in the shop-winders, wi tickuts on't marked, " Humanaty Beeaacon—
Kill'd Under Clorifarm—Tenpence Farden a Pound."
"I be, Mr. Punch, your Bespectful umble Sarvunt,
" MilbrooJc, Dec. 1, 1857. " Clement Fatstock."
PBOGBESS OF CIVILISATION.
There is an imitation of Punch regularly published at Turin.
There is to be a Punch, also, in St. Petersburgh.
The latter, at all events, will be a novelty, though we can hardly
understand "Wit dancing a hornpipe in fetters." Our vanity will not
allow us to believe that Punch will be any the better for being "bound
in Bussia," and for having clasps put by the Censorship to each volume ?
However, the two facts above are highly promising. As the world
grows more civilised, we shall next hear of Punch appearing, as a
second Pasquin at Borne, or at Naples, perhaps ; and who knows but
we may yet see a Punch in Paris, appearing every week with large
caricatures right under the nose of Louis Napoleon? It is the one
remaining beauty that Paris wants, to be perfect.
Lord P.'s Last.
Lord Palmerston said rather a neat thing to Mr. Punch at the
Beform Club, last Tuesday, about a quarter before three p.m. Mr. Punch
was urging him to give something better than a baronetcy to Sir
Henry Have lock. " He ought to have all possible honours," said
-Mr. Punch, " here, the man has won nine battles." " That's just itj
said Palmerston, " at Nine, honours don't count." " Let's liquor,"
said Mr. Punch.
"is old double dead?"
India's and England's Governments must mingle:
We '11 win the Indian Bubber by a Single.
to have a feeling of Security.
A HAPPY END FOR HOGS.
" Mk. Punch, Honek'd Zur,
" I zee as how, by one o' they Northern peeapers, they've a
got a new way up there o' killun pigs. I thought, we know'd all as
could be know'd about that zubject down Zouth here : but howsome-
dever I baint so much consarn'd wi pigs as to be pig-headed; and
ahuv larnun from them as got zummut to tache, whoever they be.
The Carlisle Examiner 'tis. as gies t he 'count, on't. It sez as how,
'tother day, there wus a pashuut in the Kendal osspuddle, as had to
undergoo zumkind o' cuttun or disseckshun for zummut or other, and
was accardunly put under clorifarm fur to have ut done. As luck 'ood
have ut, 'twus likewise pig-killun day at the osspuddle. The doctor
he heerd the pig squake, as o' course you knows pigs be apt to when
they be offended, and cries out, afore they he hurt even, aa, as zoon,
zumtimes, as ever they zees the pig-butcher. What, does the doctor do
but perposes to stupidly the pig wi clorifarm, like the Christian, zo as
a shouldn't zuffer nothun whiles they wus a killun of un. Zo sed, zo
done. They got a spunge, zoaked ut, in the clorifarm stuff, clapped ut
on to the hog's nose, and zent uu off in a crack, as quiet as ever you zee
are a babby rocked azleep. In that are state of uonsensiblenuss they
stuck un : and a died, as I may zay, without knowun of't—gied up
the ghwooast without a kick or a grunt.
" Well, now, Zur, the proof o' the puddun's in the atun, as the
sayun is, and that are's true o' black pudduns as well as plum, and of
beeaacon likewise. There's no knowun, afore you tries, whether your
clorifarm meddn't spile your poork or your beeaacon, or your black
pudduns; otherways 'twoud be a gurt help and savun in makun of
the latter. Bat if zo be as how clorifarm doan't hurt the poork, sartun
'tis ut pervents the poork-butcher vrom hurtun the pig. It zaves the
poor cretur vrom beun punished onnecessary, and a feller oodn't be
more crooler to a dum animle, and sarve un wuss nor a could help;
'ticklerly a pig as he'd vatted his zelf and took a pride in un. 'Sides
witch, pig-killun ain't a musickle opperaaishuu to naaiburs, them as
bain't used to't, and not very meloadjus to sitch as be. The ladies,
I heers, complaains on't, and sez it disturbs um in bed of a marnun,
and spiles their breckvust. Zo, therefour, I thinks I shall try killun
my pigs under clorifarm ; only I be afeard 'tis rayther dear stuff. In
that case I opes to be sported if I claps on a little extry on the price
o' my pigsmate; and if you looks out 1 dare zay you 'll zoon zee zum
in the shop-winders, wi tickuts on't marked, " Humanaty Beeaacon—
Kill'd Under Clorifarm—Tenpence Farden a Pound."
"I be, Mr. Punch, your Bespectful umble Sarvunt,
" MilbrooJc, Dec. 1, 1857. " Clement Fatstock."
PBOGBESS OF CIVILISATION.
There is an imitation of Punch regularly published at Turin.
There is to be a Punch, also, in St. Petersburgh.
The latter, at all events, will be a novelty, though we can hardly
understand "Wit dancing a hornpipe in fetters." Our vanity will not
allow us to believe that Punch will be any the better for being "bound
in Bussia," and for having clasps put by the Censorship to each volume ?
However, the two facts above are highly promising. As the world
grows more civilised, we shall next hear of Punch appearing, as a
second Pasquin at Borne, or at Naples, perhaps ; and who knows but
we may yet see a Punch in Paris, appearing every week with large
caricatures right under the nose of Louis Napoleon? It is the one
remaining beauty that Paris wants, to be perfect.
Lord P.'s Last.
Lord Palmerston said rather a neat thing to Mr. Punch at the
Beform Club, last Tuesday, about a quarter before three p.m. Mr. Punch
was urging him to give something better than a baronetcy to Sir
Henry Have lock. " He ought to have all possible honours," said
-Mr. Punch, " here, the man has won nine battles." " That's just itj
said Palmerston, " at Nine, honours don't count." " Let's liquor,"
said Mr. Punch.
"is old double dead?"
India's and England's Governments must mingle:
We '11 win the Indian Bubber by a Single.