DOI issue:
December 12, 1857
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16620#0256
24d
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[December 12, 1857
NO CALLING NAMES.
"Mr. Punch,
" There's a music-seller in Bond
Street as advertises a son? of the name of
'Dirti ben mio non vorrei.' Now I say, sur, this
here's a comen of it too strong. In course it's
quite clear who they means by Dirti ben. The
honble Member for Bucks mayn't be over-
partikler in his opposition manoovers; but he
ain't so bad as that comes to. They all flings a
little dirt at each other now and then, and they
harn't got no call to make songs about he for
doing of it, as thof he was any more dirtier
than the rest on 'em. T begs to sign myself,
accordin to what I be told to by a scollard,
" Your sarvunt to command,
'' Gricoler."
" P.S. I don't know French nor Jarman; but
I can guess. ' Dirti ben non vorrei' I fancy,
means to tell un not to worry. Means that for
wit I spose. Yaa !"
Contemplative Dustman (loq.). " Ha I if them Slops fitted him yesterday, -what a Hawful
Night the Poor Felltr must ha' Passed to Pull Him Boivu no ! "
A Counterblast for Puffing.
(To be Committed to Memory.)
My son, each rogue esche w
Of the Advertising pack.
He's generally a Jew,
Invariably a Quack.
The Wheel of Fortune.— Lt must have
belonged originally to an omnibus, for it is
continually "taking up" and "putting down"
people.
ANOTHER COMMERCIAL FAILURE.
Following the example of his City acquaintance, our young friend
Mr. Tickbury Squander on Saturday last affixed the following
notice outside the black door of his chambers in Gray's Inn.
to my creditors.
" Gentlemen, December 5, 1857.
" It is with the utmost regret that I inform you, that I have
been reduced to the necessity of suspending cash payments.
"Practically, I trust, this announcement will cause you little incon-
venience, as the considerable interval which has elapsed since my last
liberation of capital will have enabled your affairs to adjust themselves
without reference to any extensive issue either of paper or of gold on
my part.
" I have handed over my books to my relatives, Messrs. Melter
and Threeball, at the corner of the first passage to the left, and I
have every hope that in due time I shall be able to redeem all my
pledges.
"Without entering unnecessarily into detail, I am bound to state,
that the conduct which has been pursued by the Bank of England has
entirely deprived it of my confidence, and that had sounder and more
liberal principles actuated parties in possession of capital, it might not
have been necessary for me to address you upon the present occasion.
I cannot too strongly condemn the course taken by those who
are ready to advance money when it is not urgently needed, and
having thus created fictitious wants, decline accepting fictitious
securities.
" In the course of a few days a Schedule will be laid before you,
comprising the total amount of my liabilities, with a scheme for liqui-
dating them, which will, I trust, not only meet your approbation, but
that of a distinguished legal personage who will act as arbitrator
between us.
" There is a small balance at present in my possession, which I shall
feel it a duty to hand over for the benefit of my creditors. It is one of
Messrs. Mordan's, for weighing letters, and though rather rusty,
and somewhat diminished in value by the loss of the weights, will show
my desire to resume metallic operations.
" To preclude any premature efforts of a recuperative character on
your part, I will add that, in justice to yourselves, I have retired into
provincial seclusion, to make up our accounts, and to prevent the
possibility of my assets being diminished by any measures of an
aggressive nature, I have taken with me both my laundress's key and
hiv own.
" That wiser and better times may return, accompanied by myself,
is, Gentlemen, the sincerest wish of
" Your obliged and obedient Servant,
" Gray's Inn." " Tickbury Squander."
POPULATION OF THE ANIMATED KINGDOM.
We read that " in Austria the Census has begun for animals as well as
for human beings!" This is an improvement, we fancy, upon the English
plan of merely dotting down the heads or different members of a family.
It is true, difficulties might occur, and if there is a Wombwell in the
Austrian dominions, he will have to send in a tolerably long list. We
can imagine the case of an old maid being awfully puzzled with her
Census-paper. If one antiquated Fraulein, who lives near the Lust-
Garten, in Vienna, sends in all the particulars of her domestic menagerie,
it will present some such miscellaneous collection as the following:—
"5 canaries, of which 3 are hens and the other 2 draw up their own
water by means of little buckets : 1 dormouse that is always asleep ; one
hedgehog in the kitchen to eat up the filthy blackbeetles ; 3 guinea-pigs,
that feed out of your hand; 1 Italian greyhound, that is always shiver-
ing from the cold, though he has a beautiful pardessus on, made of
the finest pink merino, and trimmed with blue rosettes and ribbons ;
1 Malay parrot, that talks five different languages, and imitates all the
cries of the town, besides giving all the words of military command
quite as loudly as Radetsky ; 1 cockatoo; 1 spaniel (real Blenheim);
1 French poodle (very clever—beats a drum, rings the bell, rolls a
wheelbarrow, and fires off a small cannon); 1 Angola cat; 1 Persian
ditto : 12 tortoiseshell ditto; 1 tame squirrel, (follows you all over the
house, like a Jesuit); 7 white mice ; 28 kittens, of various ages, colours,
and sizes, more or less ! " The above list would be exclusive of the
Cochin-chinas, bantams, and other pets of the poultry-yard.
You may be sure, there is an equal amount of brute wealth in England.
If a similar Census-paper for animals were circulated here, we have a
strong suspicion that the returns would prove that in tame squirrels,
accomplished canaries, polyglot parrots, and encylcoptedical dogs and
poodles, we were the richest country in the world. Why in cats alone,
we should lick the rest of the universe!
Neat thing by a Dublin University Man.—A Lady was showing
him some terrier puppies, and deploring what they had to undergo.
"Their tails are fated," she remarked. " Yes, M'm, as we say in the
classics, Talia fatur " was his sparkling reply.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[December 12, 1857
NO CALLING NAMES.
"Mr. Punch,
" There's a music-seller in Bond
Street as advertises a son? of the name of
'Dirti ben mio non vorrei.' Now I say, sur, this
here's a comen of it too strong. In course it's
quite clear who they means by Dirti ben. The
honble Member for Bucks mayn't be over-
partikler in his opposition manoovers; but he
ain't so bad as that comes to. They all flings a
little dirt at each other now and then, and they
harn't got no call to make songs about he for
doing of it, as thof he was any more dirtier
than the rest on 'em. T begs to sign myself,
accordin to what I be told to by a scollard,
" Your sarvunt to command,
'' Gricoler."
" P.S. I don't know French nor Jarman; but
I can guess. ' Dirti ben non vorrei' I fancy,
means to tell un not to worry. Means that for
wit I spose. Yaa !"
Contemplative Dustman (loq.). " Ha I if them Slops fitted him yesterday, -what a Hawful
Night the Poor Felltr must ha' Passed to Pull Him Boivu no ! "
A Counterblast for Puffing.
(To be Committed to Memory.)
My son, each rogue esche w
Of the Advertising pack.
He's generally a Jew,
Invariably a Quack.
The Wheel of Fortune.— Lt must have
belonged originally to an omnibus, for it is
continually "taking up" and "putting down"
people.
ANOTHER COMMERCIAL FAILURE.
Following the example of his City acquaintance, our young friend
Mr. Tickbury Squander on Saturday last affixed the following
notice outside the black door of his chambers in Gray's Inn.
to my creditors.
" Gentlemen, December 5, 1857.
" It is with the utmost regret that I inform you, that I have
been reduced to the necessity of suspending cash payments.
"Practically, I trust, this announcement will cause you little incon-
venience, as the considerable interval which has elapsed since my last
liberation of capital will have enabled your affairs to adjust themselves
without reference to any extensive issue either of paper or of gold on
my part.
" I have handed over my books to my relatives, Messrs. Melter
and Threeball, at the corner of the first passage to the left, and I
have every hope that in due time I shall be able to redeem all my
pledges.
"Without entering unnecessarily into detail, I am bound to state,
that the conduct which has been pursued by the Bank of England has
entirely deprived it of my confidence, and that had sounder and more
liberal principles actuated parties in possession of capital, it might not
have been necessary for me to address you upon the present occasion.
I cannot too strongly condemn the course taken by those who
are ready to advance money when it is not urgently needed, and
having thus created fictitious wants, decline accepting fictitious
securities.
" In the course of a few days a Schedule will be laid before you,
comprising the total amount of my liabilities, with a scheme for liqui-
dating them, which will, I trust, not only meet your approbation, but
that of a distinguished legal personage who will act as arbitrator
between us.
" There is a small balance at present in my possession, which I shall
feel it a duty to hand over for the benefit of my creditors. It is one of
Messrs. Mordan's, for weighing letters, and though rather rusty,
and somewhat diminished in value by the loss of the weights, will show
my desire to resume metallic operations.
" To preclude any premature efforts of a recuperative character on
your part, I will add that, in justice to yourselves, I have retired into
provincial seclusion, to make up our accounts, and to prevent the
possibility of my assets being diminished by any measures of an
aggressive nature, I have taken with me both my laundress's key and
hiv own.
" That wiser and better times may return, accompanied by myself,
is, Gentlemen, the sincerest wish of
" Your obliged and obedient Servant,
" Gray's Inn." " Tickbury Squander."
POPULATION OF THE ANIMATED KINGDOM.
We read that " in Austria the Census has begun for animals as well as
for human beings!" This is an improvement, we fancy, upon the English
plan of merely dotting down the heads or different members of a family.
It is true, difficulties might occur, and if there is a Wombwell in the
Austrian dominions, he will have to send in a tolerably long list. We
can imagine the case of an old maid being awfully puzzled with her
Census-paper. If one antiquated Fraulein, who lives near the Lust-
Garten, in Vienna, sends in all the particulars of her domestic menagerie,
it will present some such miscellaneous collection as the following:—
"5 canaries, of which 3 are hens and the other 2 draw up their own
water by means of little buckets : 1 dormouse that is always asleep ; one
hedgehog in the kitchen to eat up the filthy blackbeetles ; 3 guinea-pigs,
that feed out of your hand; 1 Italian greyhound, that is always shiver-
ing from the cold, though he has a beautiful pardessus on, made of
the finest pink merino, and trimmed with blue rosettes and ribbons ;
1 Malay parrot, that talks five different languages, and imitates all the
cries of the town, besides giving all the words of military command
quite as loudly as Radetsky ; 1 cockatoo; 1 spaniel (real Blenheim);
1 French poodle (very clever—beats a drum, rings the bell, rolls a
wheelbarrow, and fires off a small cannon); 1 Angola cat; 1 Persian
ditto : 12 tortoiseshell ditto; 1 tame squirrel, (follows you all over the
house, like a Jesuit); 7 white mice ; 28 kittens, of various ages, colours,
and sizes, more or less ! " The above list would be exclusive of the
Cochin-chinas, bantams, and other pets of the poultry-yard.
You may be sure, there is an equal amount of brute wealth in England.
If a similar Census-paper for animals were circulated here, we have a
strong suspicion that the returns would prove that in tame squirrels,
accomplished canaries, polyglot parrots, and encylcoptedical dogs and
poodles, we were the richest country in the world. Why in cats alone,
we should lick the rest of the universe!
Neat thing by a Dublin University Man.—A Lady was showing
him some terrier puppies, and deploring what they had to undergo.
"Their tails are fated," she remarked. " Yes, M'm, as we say in the
classics, Talia fatur " was his sparkling reply.