DOI issue:
September 5, 1857
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16620#0111
Sbptbmbee 5, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
101
THE HOUSE OF COMMONS EARLY CLOSING
ASSOCIATION.
TEMPORARY OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET.
PROSPECTUS.
Attention having been directed to the over-worked condition of
our Members of Parliament, and the merciless protraction of their
hours, and weeks, of business, the humane idea has been conceived of
starting an Association, with the object of procuring them an earlier
release. It is considered this may be effected without in any way
impairing the efficiency of Parliament, or causing any diminution in
the annual amount of work transacted by the House. On the con-
trary, indeed, there is sufficient reason to believe that the legislative
body has been weakened by confinement, and that by enjoying greater
relaxation it will gain more vigour to discharge its business duties.
In confirmation of this view, a collection of statistics is now in course
of making, by which it will be shown that (with but one or two
exceptions, which may serve to prove the rule) the shorter Sessions
have been far more useful than the longer: and the detention of the
House to a protracted period, has rarely been attended with much
legislative benefit.
It will therefore be the aim of the proposed Association, to devise
the means of shortening the sittings of the House without interfering
with the standing orders, or curtailing in the least the freedom of
debate. By the plan they have in view, every Member will be still
allowed to speak as much and as often as he pleases; with this advan-
tage to the nation, that, whatever his prolixitv, he will not impede the
course of business by so doing. The most Gladstonian of orators will
be suffered unrestrained expression of his sentiments; only instead
of his delivering his speeches " in his place," he will be provided with
a private room until his spouting fit is over. This, it is considered,
can in no way be regarded m the light of a privation: for if he were to
speak in presence of the Speaker, it is more than probable that he
would either waste his eloquence upon deserted benches, or address
his arguments to those who, even if they1 listened, would in no one
whit be biassed by them. Moreover, any Member who desires it, will
be supplied with a reporter, so as not to be debarred the privilege of
reading his prolixities in print. Such luxuries, however, like children
in an omnibus, must be personally paid for; and to afford relief to
constant readers of the Newspapers, the insertion of such speeches will
be strictly confined to the advertising columns, and be subject to a duty
of certainly not less than fifty pounds a foot.
The Association will discard the Utopian idea that it can ever serve
completely to stop the stream of prosy verbiage which, so long as
Parliament exists,
" Labitur, et labetur in omue volubili3 Hansard."
But although it would be futile to endeavour to dam up this
Niagara of talk, the means above proposed may at least divert the
current; and by providing proper outlets, save the House from
being swamped by the nightly flood of eloquence which hitherto has
overwhelmed it. Members known as fluent speakers will be placed
throughout the Session under strict surveillance, and their flow of
words will be confined to private channels, so as not to run athwart
the course of public business. Thus, instead of the few measures
which now yearly escape drowning, there will be in future plenty of
survivors, and abundant crops of legislation will be annually housed,
without such floods of speech delaying them as heretofore while they
are being carried.
Regarding it merely as a humane institution, there is little doubt-
that the Association will command a fair support. But when it is
considered what a saving it will cause to the national Exchequer—for
it is assumed that " time is money " as well in Parliament as out of it
—of course every economist, political or not, will recognise at once a
strong additional incentive for promoting its success. In the event,
however, of its becoming ever needful to appeal to the public, there is
little question that the call will meet with a most liberal response ;
and fetes maybe given at the Crystal Palace, after the manner ot those
which, in aid of other Early Closing Funds have been lately held there.
By consenting once a-year or so to play at politics at Sydenham,
Members may rely upon obtaining a good audience ; and the " Sports
and Pastimes of St. Stephens," if properly placarded, will be pretty
sure to prove attractive to the public. The announcement of a
Wrangling Match will doubtless draw as largely as a Jingling ditto;
and instead of the amusement caused by Jumping in Sacks, a hearty
laugh may be got up at the way some speakers have, of jumping to
conclusions. The sport of Drawing the Long Bow may also be
announced, in which the Leadenhall Street champions will distance
most competitors; while doubtless crowds will flock to see an Irish
Members' Row, or such sparring as the late set-to between the
gladiator Gladstone and the bruiser Bethel. As regards the
n.usical arrangements, there will be no need to have professional
assistance. The anti-Palmerstonians have not yet left off singinsr
small, and Mb.. Disraeli as well as Sir C sables Napier still keen
up their practice in the blowing their own trumpets.
The success of the Association being placed beyond a doubt, there
can be no question of its proving of advantage. By shutting up those
gdted with the gab who now obstruct the public business, the House
may put its shutters up much earlier than formerly: and by attending
to the maxim " Acts, not Words," it will get through its work in less
than half the time now wasted on it. Domestic Members thus, instead
of danv choking with their hasty chop in Bellamy's, may leisurelv
enjoy their wives' three courses and dessert, and spend their evenings,
as they should do, m the bosom of their families: while the sporting
ones in future need be under no anxiety, lest they be forced to spend
the twelfth of August in Committee, and be on their legs in West-
minster when their hearts are in the Highlands.
To those who know the benefits induced by early rising, it need not be
explained how much the House will be advantaged by it. If the Associ-
ation prosper, early hours will be secured: and there will be an end to
those complaints of working over-time which weakly Members have of
late been almost daily breathing. Their health will be no more im-
paired by their too sedentary habits, and thus their lives may be
prolonged by shortening their sittings.
CONSIDERATION EOR DOCTORS' COMMONS.
The sum of £100,000 a-year is to be divided among the proctors, by
! way of compensation for the business of which they will be deprived
by the Probates and Letters of Administration Bill. This information
will perhaps occasion some imaginative foreigners to conceive a great
idea of the usefulness of proctors, and of the benefits which they nave
conferred upon the British public. Finding that the parties to whom
compensation is awarded deserve it about as much as spiders do when
walls are whitewashed, or as rats when sewers are flushed or repaired,
or when a granary upon stone pillars is substituted for a barn, what an
immense notion the foreigners of imagination must form of English
generosity! What enormous superannuation allowances they must
suppose granted to clerks worn out in public service; to officers ana
men disabled in fighting their country's battles, and to their widows
and orphans ! If those English make such ample provision for eccle-
siastical lawyers thrown out of practice, no doubt their charity is very
open-handed towards frozen-out gardeners. If they subsidise their
proctors at so enormous a rate, at what incalculable sums they must
pension their poets! Such must be the reflections of imaginative
foreigners, if they are endowed with logic as well as imagination,
and know not with how little reason and common sense the affairs of
the British nation are conducted.
The Order of Release.
" What a shame that so many millions should be spent every year
upon those Napoleon fetes ! " " Yes—but then you must take into
consideration the number of persons that are pardoned on those occa-
sions. At the last Napoleon fete no less than 1,142 prisoners and
exiles received their pardons!" " Ah! I see, you woidd have me
consider the extravagance as a pardonable offence ! "
{The above was overheard, between ttco cups of coffee, at the Cafe
Rotonde, in the Palais Royal.
Domestic Poultry.
" Allow me," said Arthur, looking pleadingly at Angelica, the
other morning at breakfast; " allow me to send you a little duck.
Unless," he timidly added in a half whisper, "that is like sending
coals to Newcastle." The little duck answered, that he was a great
goose, but did not altogether look as if she thought so.
101
THE HOUSE OF COMMONS EARLY CLOSING
ASSOCIATION.
TEMPORARY OFFICE, 85, FLEET STREET.
PROSPECTUS.
Attention having been directed to the over-worked condition of
our Members of Parliament, and the merciless protraction of their
hours, and weeks, of business, the humane idea has been conceived of
starting an Association, with the object of procuring them an earlier
release. It is considered this may be effected without in any way
impairing the efficiency of Parliament, or causing any diminution in
the annual amount of work transacted by the House. On the con-
trary, indeed, there is sufficient reason to believe that the legislative
body has been weakened by confinement, and that by enjoying greater
relaxation it will gain more vigour to discharge its business duties.
In confirmation of this view, a collection of statistics is now in course
of making, by which it will be shown that (with but one or two
exceptions, which may serve to prove the rule) the shorter Sessions
have been far more useful than the longer: and the detention of the
House to a protracted period, has rarely been attended with much
legislative benefit.
It will therefore be the aim of the proposed Association, to devise
the means of shortening the sittings of the House without interfering
with the standing orders, or curtailing in the least the freedom of
debate. By the plan they have in view, every Member will be still
allowed to speak as much and as often as he pleases; with this advan-
tage to the nation, that, whatever his prolixitv, he will not impede the
course of business by so doing. The most Gladstonian of orators will
be suffered unrestrained expression of his sentiments; only instead
of his delivering his speeches " in his place," he will be provided with
a private room until his spouting fit is over. This, it is considered,
can in no way be regarded m the light of a privation: for if he were to
speak in presence of the Speaker, it is more than probable that he
would either waste his eloquence upon deserted benches, or address
his arguments to those who, even if they1 listened, would in no one
whit be biassed by them. Moreover, any Member who desires it, will
be supplied with a reporter, so as not to be debarred the privilege of
reading his prolixities in print. Such luxuries, however, like children
in an omnibus, must be personally paid for; and to afford relief to
constant readers of the Newspapers, the insertion of such speeches will
be strictly confined to the advertising columns, and be subject to a duty
of certainly not less than fifty pounds a foot.
The Association will discard the Utopian idea that it can ever serve
completely to stop the stream of prosy verbiage which, so long as
Parliament exists,
" Labitur, et labetur in omue volubili3 Hansard."
But although it would be futile to endeavour to dam up this
Niagara of talk, the means above proposed may at least divert the
current; and by providing proper outlets, save the House from
being swamped by the nightly flood of eloquence which hitherto has
overwhelmed it. Members known as fluent speakers will be placed
throughout the Session under strict surveillance, and their flow of
words will be confined to private channels, so as not to run athwart
the course of public business. Thus, instead of the few measures
which now yearly escape drowning, there will be in future plenty of
survivors, and abundant crops of legislation will be annually housed,
without such floods of speech delaying them as heretofore while they
are being carried.
Regarding it merely as a humane institution, there is little doubt-
that the Association will command a fair support. But when it is
considered what a saving it will cause to the national Exchequer—for
it is assumed that " time is money " as well in Parliament as out of it
—of course every economist, political or not, will recognise at once a
strong additional incentive for promoting its success. In the event,
however, of its becoming ever needful to appeal to the public, there is
little question that the call will meet with a most liberal response ;
and fetes maybe given at the Crystal Palace, after the manner ot those
which, in aid of other Early Closing Funds have been lately held there.
By consenting once a-year or so to play at politics at Sydenham,
Members may rely upon obtaining a good audience ; and the " Sports
and Pastimes of St. Stephens," if properly placarded, will be pretty
sure to prove attractive to the public. The announcement of a
Wrangling Match will doubtless draw as largely as a Jingling ditto;
and instead of the amusement caused by Jumping in Sacks, a hearty
laugh may be got up at the way some speakers have, of jumping to
conclusions. The sport of Drawing the Long Bow may also be
announced, in which the Leadenhall Street champions will distance
most competitors; while doubtless crowds will flock to see an Irish
Members' Row, or such sparring as the late set-to between the
gladiator Gladstone and the bruiser Bethel. As regards the
n.usical arrangements, there will be no need to have professional
assistance. The anti-Palmerstonians have not yet left off singinsr
small, and Mb.. Disraeli as well as Sir C sables Napier still keen
up their practice in the blowing their own trumpets.
The success of the Association being placed beyond a doubt, there
can be no question of its proving of advantage. By shutting up those
gdted with the gab who now obstruct the public business, the House
may put its shutters up much earlier than formerly: and by attending
to the maxim " Acts, not Words," it will get through its work in less
than half the time now wasted on it. Domestic Members thus, instead
of danv choking with their hasty chop in Bellamy's, may leisurelv
enjoy their wives' three courses and dessert, and spend their evenings,
as they should do, m the bosom of their families: while the sporting
ones in future need be under no anxiety, lest they be forced to spend
the twelfth of August in Committee, and be on their legs in West-
minster when their hearts are in the Highlands.
To those who know the benefits induced by early rising, it need not be
explained how much the House will be advantaged by it. If the Associ-
ation prosper, early hours will be secured: and there will be an end to
those complaints of working over-time which weakly Members have of
late been almost daily breathing. Their health will be no more im-
paired by their too sedentary habits, and thus their lives may be
prolonged by shortening their sittings.
CONSIDERATION EOR DOCTORS' COMMONS.
The sum of £100,000 a-year is to be divided among the proctors, by
! way of compensation for the business of which they will be deprived
by the Probates and Letters of Administration Bill. This information
will perhaps occasion some imaginative foreigners to conceive a great
idea of the usefulness of proctors, and of the benefits which they nave
conferred upon the British public. Finding that the parties to whom
compensation is awarded deserve it about as much as spiders do when
walls are whitewashed, or as rats when sewers are flushed or repaired,
or when a granary upon stone pillars is substituted for a barn, what an
immense notion the foreigners of imagination must form of English
generosity! What enormous superannuation allowances they must
suppose granted to clerks worn out in public service; to officers ana
men disabled in fighting their country's battles, and to their widows
and orphans ! If those English make such ample provision for eccle-
siastical lawyers thrown out of practice, no doubt their charity is very
open-handed towards frozen-out gardeners. If they subsidise their
proctors at so enormous a rate, at what incalculable sums they must
pension their poets! Such must be the reflections of imaginative
foreigners, if they are endowed with logic as well as imagination,
and know not with how little reason and common sense the affairs of
the British nation are conducted.
The Order of Release.
" What a shame that so many millions should be spent every year
upon those Napoleon fetes ! " " Yes—but then you must take into
consideration the number of persons that are pardoned on those occa-
sions. At the last Napoleon fete no less than 1,142 prisoners and
exiles received their pardons!" " Ah! I see, you woidd have me
consider the extravagance as a pardonable offence ! "
{The above was overheard, between ttco cups of coffee, at the Cafe
Rotonde, in the Palais Royal.
Domestic Poultry.
" Allow me," said Arthur, looking pleadingly at Angelica, the
other morning at breakfast; " allow me to send you a little duck.
Unless," he timidly added in a half whisper, "that is like sending
coals to Newcastle." The little duck answered, that he was a great
goose, but did not altogether look as if she thought so.