Punch (36.1859)

CHARIVARI.

M

TRYING IT ON.

STANZAS EOE THE SENTIMENTAL.

On a Tear which Angelina obseroed upon my Nose oh
Christmas Day at bed-time.

What, though a silent tear may fall

A down this chiselled nose,
Deem not that I past griefs recal,

Or weep for present woes

A future sadness bids me mourn,

And pangs of anguish feel,
As when one finds one's favourite corn

Beneath some fat man's heel.

Think not in what has caused my grief,

That thou hast any part;
I would not suffer that belief

To wound thy loving heart.

Think not a too tight boot my toes

So cramps I fain would cry ;
It is not this that gems my nose,

And dims my glistening eye.

A heavier cause, 'tis meet you hear,

O'erwhelms my aching breast;
I've eaten too much pudding, dear,

And fear 'twill spoil my rest'

DR. EPPS'S INFINITESIMAL FEBRIFUGE.

Mistakes will happen in the best regulated families; mistakes in
medical as well as other matters. Mistakes, for instance, might be
made in taking precautions against scarlet fever. That, if possible,
there should be uo mistake on this point, the celebrated physician Dr.
Epps has written to the Daily News a letter on the subject, thus
commencing:—

" Sir,—In your paper of this day is a letter from a medical gentleman, containing
suggestions as to the course to be adopted in relation to the social parties of children
at this season of the year, these suggestions having reference to the fact that many
children have returned home from schools where the scarlet fever has prevailed."

Dr. Epps does not approve of the suggestions to which he alludes ;
because children—thoughtful little things—are dangerously alarmed by
the solicitude which they betray; for

" The suggestions given would tend, by exciting fear, to create the very evil which
they seek to prevent, as all inquiries respecting the fact, whether this or that child
nas been exposed to contagion, will have a depressing tendency."

Indeed, Dr. Epps does not approve of anv suggestions of the kind,
! —that is to say, of any suggestions that could be afforded by common
I science or common sense. He affirms that,

" Besides, all these suggestions are needless ; since every one who is acquainted
with the medical literature of the age must be aware that a globule of belladonna,
taken night and morning, is as perfect a protective against the attack of scarlet
j fever as is vaccination against the attack of small-pox."

This is a very wonderful statement. We will suppose, for the sake
of argument, that Dr. Epps verily believes in the virtues of infinitesimal
globules, and really thinks that such a globule of belladonna taken into
the stomach is sure, first, to be absorbed into the system, and next, to
have so powerful an effect, when it gets there, as that of a preservative
against scarlet fever. Dr. Epps may possibly believe all this, which he
asserts; but how can he believe, what he also asserts, that every one
who is acquainted with the medical literature of the age must be aware
of it ? The great majority of the Colleges of Physicians and Surgeons,
and the Society of Apothecaries, consider themselves aware of quite
the reverse. They are, indeed, aware that the fact asserted by Dr.
Epps is alleged in homoeopathic treatises,—the Apocrypha of medical
literature. Some of them think it a falsehood; the others, fudge.
They would be divided in opinion whether the author of the ensuing
assertion ought to be confined as an impostor or as a lunatic:—

" All that is required is, that, where scarlet fever is prevalent, the individuals in
the families in that neighbourhood should take a globule of belladonna once or twice
a day, and they will escape."

All that is required! No flushing of sewers; no scouring of drains ;
no abolition of filth ; no abatement of nuisances ? Swallow your
infinitesimal globule of belladonna, and never mind the indefinite
quantity of infinitesimal particles of sulphuretted hydrogen which you
breathe into your lungs ! Never mind regimen; eat and diink as much
as you like, and as little as you must. Gulp only your belladonna
globule, and, robust or weak, plethoric or emaciated, in good or bad

condition, you will be equally insusceptible of scarlet fever. Eor, adds
i hat confident physician, Dr. Epps,—

" I write this as a fact established by the experience of multitudes, and also by
the experience of myself. " I am, Jfec,

" 89, Great Russell Street, W.C., Dec. 2£." " JOHN EPPS, m.D."

Wherever scarlet fever rages, the majority generally escape it,
whether they take globules of belladonna or no. Anybody who has
been in the way of scarlet fever without catching it may assert, as a
fact established by the experience of multitudes as well as his own,
t he infallibility, as a preventive remedy of scarlet fever, of nothing
whatever.

The foregoing remarks are not Ukely to do much good, for none of
our readers are probably fools enough to be persuaded by Dr. Epps to
neglect every precaution against scarlet fever, except that of taking an
infinitesimal pill of belladonna night and morning.

Mr. Barnum, the other evening, obliged the British Public with a
new definition of Humbug, which he described as the puffery of that
which was wholesome or harmless in itself. Perhaps he will see reason
to amend that definition in the letter on homoeopathy which has been
published by Dr. Epps.

MORALITY TEACHING BY EXAMPLE.

Mr. Black has been addressing a commercial audience at Glasgow,
endeavouring to impress upon his hearers the commonest principles of
morality and the plainest maxims of prudence. Such lectures are
much needed in the commercial world, and calculated to do a vast
amount of good if those who hear them would pay much attention to
them. To preach prudence, however, at Glasgow may seem somewhat
like carrying coals to Newcastle; but even caution appears to have
deserted the commercial mind of Scotland itself A series of dis-
courses on crime and its consequences, which would be more practi-
cally interesting than the inculcation of mere precepts, might have a
salutary operation if delivered in any of our great centres of business,
Scotch or English. If, for example, any competent speaker and
moralist would read the Newgate Calendar in our principal Town Halls
— the reading duly illustrated by diagrams and designs relative to penal
discipline, much fraud and embezzlement would probably be nipped in
the bud. Were the task undertaken by any lover of his species,
anxious to reclaim the wanderer, and gifted with the requisite talents
and endowments of heart and head, we should cordially wish him
good speed.

\ VOID AND DISCOURAGE HOT SUPPERS. Promote the serving
-<A of Tea at an early part of the evening. Avoid Card-playing. Rake out the
Fire before you retire up-stairs. Don't Read in bed. Wind up your Watch, and
Blow out the Candle, before you go to sleep. N.B. Retire half an hour earlier ou
Saturday nights, or as often as you take a hot footbath.— Eakly-Goixg-to-JJku
Association, Clapham.