DOI Heft:
February 5, 1859
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16623#0059
February 5, 1859.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON
CHARIVARI.
51
Our once Facetious Contemporary is by no means Funny this Week.'
[ Vide Bright, in his Great Political Organ, the " Morning Star.'
DROPS OF AXIOMATIC COMFORT.
If a baby is troublesome, and you complain of the noise, it is certainly a great
relief to learn—for some one is sure to volunteer the information—that "we
have ail been babies once."
There must be an end to everything, even to a Chancery-suit. In the mean-
time, why deprive yourself of the pleasant prospect there is for several years
before you ? on the contrary, why not bask in it ? when you must know, lor it
is very well known, that "distance lends enchantment to the view."
To be summoned on a jury is not at any time agreeable, but to be summoned
on the very day that one has a grand dinner-party at home is perhaps one of
those contretemps that certainly would, if anything could, "try the patience of a
saint." Never mind, even though you are locked up all night, it is some comfort
to think that your friends have been enjoying themselves in your absence.
You arrive late at the railway—there not being another train till Bradshaw
only knows when—and the railway officials keep telling you _ (there must be some
fancied solace in the information, or else they would not din it in your ears so
often) "you have only just missed it, Sir, by half-a-minute—rather less than
half a-minute."
Photographs are very deceptive, but still your amour-propre will never allow
you to believe that that dark, ill-favoured, Saracens'-head, Coburg-brigand of a
fellow in the least resembles yourself! No—no—that's too much of a good thing !
However, what can you say when, the photograph being handed round, all your
friends exclaim, in a tumultuous unanimity, "Oh! it's wonderfully like you!"
You are obliged to pay for the libel, because your vanity will not allow you to
hold out against their verdict.
Should the baby be offered to you to carry, why should your stupid pride stand
in the way of your feelings as an affectionate parent ? It is useless objecting.
You had better take the little thing at once—even though^ it should be in the
street, and some members of your club are sailing down full in front of you—and
" bear it Hke a man."__
The Mediterranean Frogs.
The Ionian Islanders were always as noisy and discontented as the frogs in
the table, but the likeness wiT now be complete. They would not be satisfied
with the Logs they have baa for Governors, so they are now going to have
Storks
THE HOEEOES OF THE H OMB LIBIT ST E S„
by an unprotected female.
0 lawks ! now them Nusses
Keeps working the busses !
'Tis quite dangersome by 'em to ride now
For all the Peliec
There's no comfort or peace,
. Whicn it's hawful the scrowgmg inside now!
Them as 'ails a Saloon
Might as well 'ail the Moon,
'Taint the lessest use, there ain't no doubt on't;
Both before and be'ind
There's a Gin'ral, you '11 find,
YVhien they gin'rally dodges you out on't.
Then they 're in sich a 'urry
And worry and scurry,
All along o' their running of races :
Afore one 's half in
They starts on agin,
And one's pattens flies into folks' faces !
By prepayin' your fares
You may ride anywheres,
" Correspondence " they calls it in Fi ance, Sir:
But the time one's kep' waiting
Is so aggeriwating,
Which I says "corresponding " don't answer !
Them drivers they've 'a d
A'most drives people mad,
And as for them cads, ah! I'd slap 'em !
When one wants for to go
To Oxton or Bow,
One gits often as not took to Clapham!
1 said " Ighgit"
As plain has I could speak,
And to Ighbury me thev did take out:
Which it wasn't till I'd
Paid the brute for my ride,
That I found what he called my mistake out.
Then to give one a treat,
They pulls hup in mid-street,
And the mud one must wade through—ah! drat it!
Then they cries "Full inside—
But prehaps Mum ull ride
On the knife-board! "—I see myself at it!
In short, what with them Nusses
And scrowges and scrushes,
Of all worries these wehicles wust is :
They 're a-driving folks mad—
Which Lord Darby he 'ad
Ought to wote a Reform Bill for Bustes !
OUR LAST ADVICES."
Never forget to put the stopper into a leech-jar.
Letters to be delivered by hand rarely come to hand.
The man who trusts to the last omnibus generally has to
walk home.
The greatest promise-mongers have ordinarily the shortest
memories.
[t is a poor heart in which Hope cannot find something
to feed upon.
Things bought as " Great Bargains " are mostly parted
with afterwards at "A Tremendous Sacrifice."
Be careful how you talk to a woman about bonnets,
nurses, puddings, parsons, or babies.
The bitterest Trials of life are those for which we happen
to have committed ourselves.
Where is the Man ?
If a statue has been erected to the man who first
cured herrings, why shouldn't a similar honour be awarded
to him who was the first to achieve even a greater wonder,
viz., the curing of a woman's temper ? We haven't the
slightest objection, but should like to know first, where is
the Man?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON
CHARIVARI.
51
Our once Facetious Contemporary is by no means Funny this Week.'
[ Vide Bright, in his Great Political Organ, the " Morning Star.'
DROPS OF AXIOMATIC COMFORT.
If a baby is troublesome, and you complain of the noise, it is certainly a great
relief to learn—for some one is sure to volunteer the information—that "we
have ail been babies once."
There must be an end to everything, even to a Chancery-suit. In the mean-
time, why deprive yourself of the pleasant prospect there is for several years
before you ? on the contrary, why not bask in it ? when you must know, lor it
is very well known, that "distance lends enchantment to the view."
To be summoned on a jury is not at any time agreeable, but to be summoned
on the very day that one has a grand dinner-party at home is perhaps one of
those contretemps that certainly would, if anything could, "try the patience of a
saint." Never mind, even though you are locked up all night, it is some comfort
to think that your friends have been enjoying themselves in your absence.
You arrive late at the railway—there not being another train till Bradshaw
only knows when—and the railway officials keep telling you _ (there must be some
fancied solace in the information, or else they would not din it in your ears so
often) "you have only just missed it, Sir, by half-a-minute—rather less than
half a-minute."
Photographs are very deceptive, but still your amour-propre will never allow
you to believe that that dark, ill-favoured, Saracens'-head, Coburg-brigand of a
fellow in the least resembles yourself! No—no—that's too much of a good thing !
However, what can you say when, the photograph being handed round, all your
friends exclaim, in a tumultuous unanimity, "Oh! it's wonderfully like you!"
You are obliged to pay for the libel, because your vanity will not allow you to
hold out against their verdict.
Should the baby be offered to you to carry, why should your stupid pride stand
in the way of your feelings as an affectionate parent ? It is useless objecting.
You had better take the little thing at once—even though^ it should be in the
street, and some members of your club are sailing down full in front of you—and
" bear it Hke a man."__
The Mediterranean Frogs.
The Ionian Islanders were always as noisy and discontented as the frogs in
the table, but the likeness wiT now be complete. They would not be satisfied
with the Logs they have baa for Governors, so they are now going to have
Storks
THE HOEEOES OF THE H OMB LIBIT ST E S„
by an unprotected female.
0 lawks ! now them Nusses
Keeps working the busses !
'Tis quite dangersome by 'em to ride now
For all the Peliec
There's no comfort or peace,
. Whicn it's hawful the scrowgmg inside now!
Them as 'ails a Saloon
Might as well 'ail the Moon,
'Taint the lessest use, there ain't no doubt on't;
Both before and be'ind
There's a Gin'ral, you '11 find,
YVhien they gin'rally dodges you out on't.
Then they 're in sich a 'urry
And worry and scurry,
All along o' their running of races :
Afore one 's half in
They starts on agin,
And one's pattens flies into folks' faces !
By prepayin' your fares
You may ride anywheres,
" Correspondence " they calls it in Fi ance, Sir:
But the time one's kep' waiting
Is so aggeriwating,
Which I says "corresponding " don't answer !
Them drivers they've 'a d
A'most drives people mad,
And as for them cads, ah! I'd slap 'em !
When one wants for to go
To Oxton or Bow,
One gits often as not took to Clapham!
1 said " Ighgit"
As plain has I could speak,
And to Ighbury me thev did take out:
Which it wasn't till I'd
Paid the brute for my ride,
That I found what he called my mistake out.
Then to give one a treat,
They pulls hup in mid-street,
And the mud one must wade through—ah! drat it!
Then they cries "Full inside—
But prehaps Mum ull ride
On the knife-board! "—I see myself at it!
In short, what with them Nusses
And scrowges and scrushes,
Of all worries these wehicles wust is :
They 're a-driving folks mad—
Which Lord Darby he 'ad
Ought to wote a Reform Bill for Bustes !
OUR LAST ADVICES."
Never forget to put the stopper into a leech-jar.
Letters to be delivered by hand rarely come to hand.
The man who trusts to the last omnibus generally has to
walk home.
The greatest promise-mongers have ordinarily the shortest
memories.
[t is a poor heart in which Hope cannot find something
to feed upon.
Things bought as " Great Bargains " are mostly parted
with afterwards at "A Tremendous Sacrifice."
Be careful how you talk to a woman about bonnets,
nurses, puddings, parsons, or babies.
The bitterest Trials of life are those for which we happen
to have committed ourselves.
Where is the Man ?
If a statue has been erected to the man who first
cured herrings, why shouldn't a similar honour be awarded
to him who was the first to achieve even a greater wonder,
viz., the curing of a woman's temper ? We haven't the
slightest objection, but should like to know first, where is
the Man?