DOI Heft:
June 25, 1859
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16623#0263
June 25, 1859 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 255
NOT A BAD NOTION.
Whipper. " Hallo ! Fwed. By Jove, are you practising for Post-boy ?"
Snapper. "Aw,—no; not exactly. Fact is, my dear Fellah, I've got to do the dutiful,
and take my Sistaics to a Flower-show. So—aw—you see, I've just been twying to invent
a sawt of Leg-guard, to—aw—act as a pwotection of one's Twousaws from the Hoops!"
THE SCHOOLMASTER AT HOME.
The "Apposition" of St. Paul's School (whatever it
may be) was this year " honoured," we are told, " by the
attendance bf an audience at once highly classical, clerical,
and select." Among the guests of the Head Master * were
no less than five Bishops, and we have no time to count
how many minor Reverends, two of whom, we know not
why, are called irreverently "posers." For the amuse-
ment of these dignitaries, or it may have been the reverse,
certain "exeerpta" were recited from old and modern
writers; including a scene from Love's Labour Lost, in
which we are told—■
"Mr. Howard was a droll Pull, Mr. Gardiner a comica1 Costard,
and Mr. Bennett a good Sir Nathaniel (Curates, by the waj are not
knighted in these degenerate days)."
After this, for the further delectation of the Reveirm/ls.
came a specimen—
" Of the turgid declamation of that stilted declamation of grief, thi
tragedy of the fhcenissa;, doubtless dear to the ranters, if not tb<!
Roseii, of antiquity."
And to wind up the amusements, there was given a scene
from the Persa of Plautus ; in which we are told that—
" When Dordahis the pimp was beaten by the boy (Fagnium)
with a hearty 'take that' kind of verberation, every ono laughed
aloud, perforce: the doleful 'perculit me prope'" of Mr. Howard
was irresistible, and the boys in the rear of the room appeared
highly delighted at this practical mode of conjugating toe verb
TVTTTdl."
At the close of the speeches, we are told that the Head
Master, at the request of the Bishops, announced the
addition of an extra week's holiday, which gratifying state-
ment was "received with the vociferous cheers of the boys
present." After this announcement, which concluded the
business that was done rotundo ore, the guests, we learn,
retired to the house of the Head Master, where, the
reporter states, " an elegant refection was prepared for
their refreshment."
This is very obviously the language of the schoolmaster.
In the language of the school, they had " a jolly good
blow-out."
* In the report of the proceedings he is called the "high-master,"
but we see no cause for his being thus decapitated.
Political Logic.—Household Suffrage is a conclusion
which follows from almost any premises.
FOOD WITHOUT TILTH.
The Court of Probate and Divorce affords a deliverance to injured
husbands; but as yet there exists no remedy against a wrong of a
nature analogous to theirs, affecting the single as well as the married,
and both sexes alike. Paterfamilias, therefore, will have been delighted
at reading the following announcement in the Times:—
" Adulteration of Food.—Mr. Scholefield, M.P., has revived his bill for pre-
venting the adulteration of articles of food and drink. Analysts will be appointed
by vestries, district boards, and town councils ; and tradesmen, duly convicted of
the crime of corrupting the food of their fellow men, will be heavily fined, and
branded as adulterators, at their own expense, in the public newspapers. Scotland
and Ireland are not to enjoy the advantage of this beneficent law."
We hope that, having revived his Bill, the Hon. Member will be
enabled to maintain its vitality, so that, arriving at adult life, it shall
not, as an immature and infant measure, be included in the annual
Massacre of the Innocents, which, this Session, may be expected to be
unusually severe. If the provisions of this contemplated measure are
carried out, those which we are in the habit of consuming will be
divested of much that is prejudicial, and of not a little that is
poisonous. The rum of the British Public has been too long and too
extensively watered; its brown sugar has been sanded to excess ; its
tobacco has been wetted without measure, and not without a vast
increase of weight; and the humbugs by whose orders these iniquities
nave been perpetrated have gone on summoning their instruments to
come up to prayers." Moral Scotland and Catholic Ireland are
exempt from the operation of Mr. Scholefield's Bill; as though its
author considered that the limit of possibility would be reached by the
eniorcement of common honesty in England.
A MANDAMUS TO MANAGERS.
Mr. Punch has been often displeased by the omission, at the foot of
advertisements of plays, particularly operas, of a statement of the time
at which the performances commence. Many of Mr. Punch's readers
are country gentlemen and ladies, to whom this deficiency is a vexa-
tious nuisance. They are not, and do not know, and have no
sympathies with, habitual listeners to the Traviata and things of
that stamp, who know Opera hours better than Church hours; but
they go to hear music, when there is occasionally any to be heard, and
desire to make such dinner arrangements as will enable them to be in
time to hear the overture. This they, of course cannot do, if they do
not know when the performance begins. The assumption that every-
body does know this is simply false, and the neglect based upon it, is
a piece of affected fiunkeyism. Mr. Punch must insist on the discon-
tinuance of the snobbish reticence on which he has felt called upon tc
make the foregoing observations.
the geography oe london.
Q. When in London, what do you call " Rotten Row ?
A. Hav
WIDE AWAKE AT WINCHESTER.
Commenting on a Report by the Inspector of Prisons for the
Southern District, the Morning Post says :—
" Another species of punishment inflicted in the County Gaol at Winchester is
certainly illegal; namely, that of depriving the prisoners of their sleep by keeping
them awake for several hours after their companions have retired to rest."
The Post detracts somewhat from the originality of this mode of
ingeniously tormenting, by observing that it was one of the varieties of
torture which used to be practised by the Inquisition. There cer-
tainly seems a rather ecclesiastical character about the barbarity in
use at Winchester Gaol, and there is no lack of clergymen in the
ancient and venerable city, to which that establishment appears to be
a disgrace, but, as sound Protestants, they all of course abhor the
1D£
a .London, what do you call Rotten Row ? " Popish cruelty which forms part of Winchester prison discipline probably
a row on the lhames. because there are no Hampshire parsons among the Visiting Justices.
NOT A BAD NOTION.
Whipper. " Hallo ! Fwed. By Jove, are you practising for Post-boy ?"
Snapper. "Aw,—no; not exactly. Fact is, my dear Fellah, I've got to do the dutiful,
and take my Sistaics to a Flower-show. So—aw—you see, I've just been twying to invent
a sawt of Leg-guard, to—aw—act as a pwotection of one's Twousaws from the Hoops!"
THE SCHOOLMASTER AT HOME.
The "Apposition" of St. Paul's School (whatever it
may be) was this year " honoured," we are told, " by the
attendance bf an audience at once highly classical, clerical,
and select." Among the guests of the Head Master * were
no less than five Bishops, and we have no time to count
how many minor Reverends, two of whom, we know not
why, are called irreverently "posers." For the amuse-
ment of these dignitaries, or it may have been the reverse,
certain "exeerpta" were recited from old and modern
writers; including a scene from Love's Labour Lost, in
which we are told—■
"Mr. Howard was a droll Pull, Mr. Gardiner a comica1 Costard,
and Mr. Bennett a good Sir Nathaniel (Curates, by the waj are not
knighted in these degenerate days)."
After this, for the further delectation of the Reveirm/ls.
came a specimen—
" Of the turgid declamation of that stilted declamation of grief, thi
tragedy of the fhcenissa;, doubtless dear to the ranters, if not tb<!
Roseii, of antiquity."
And to wind up the amusements, there was given a scene
from the Persa of Plautus ; in which we are told that—
" When Dordahis the pimp was beaten by the boy (Fagnium)
with a hearty 'take that' kind of verberation, every ono laughed
aloud, perforce: the doleful 'perculit me prope'" of Mr. Howard
was irresistible, and the boys in the rear of the room appeared
highly delighted at this practical mode of conjugating toe verb
TVTTTdl."
At the close of the speeches, we are told that the Head
Master, at the request of the Bishops, announced the
addition of an extra week's holiday, which gratifying state-
ment was "received with the vociferous cheers of the boys
present." After this announcement, which concluded the
business that was done rotundo ore, the guests, we learn,
retired to the house of the Head Master, where, the
reporter states, " an elegant refection was prepared for
their refreshment."
This is very obviously the language of the schoolmaster.
In the language of the school, they had " a jolly good
blow-out."
* In the report of the proceedings he is called the "high-master,"
but we see no cause for his being thus decapitated.
Political Logic.—Household Suffrage is a conclusion
which follows from almost any premises.
FOOD WITHOUT TILTH.
The Court of Probate and Divorce affords a deliverance to injured
husbands; but as yet there exists no remedy against a wrong of a
nature analogous to theirs, affecting the single as well as the married,
and both sexes alike. Paterfamilias, therefore, will have been delighted
at reading the following announcement in the Times:—
" Adulteration of Food.—Mr. Scholefield, M.P., has revived his bill for pre-
venting the adulteration of articles of food and drink. Analysts will be appointed
by vestries, district boards, and town councils ; and tradesmen, duly convicted of
the crime of corrupting the food of their fellow men, will be heavily fined, and
branded as adulterators, at their own expense, in the public newspapers. Scotland
and Ireland are not to enjoy the advantage of this beneficent law."
We hope that, having revived his Bill, the Hon. Member will be
enabled to maintain its vitality, so that, arriving at adult life, it shall
not, as an immature and infant measure, be included in the annual
Massacre of the Innocents, which, this Session, may be expected to be
unusually severe. If the provisions of this contemplated measure are
carried out, those which we are in the habit of consuming will be
divested of much that is prejudicial, and of not a little that is
poisonous. The rum of the British Public has been too long and too
extensively watered; its brown sugar has been sanded to excess ; its
tobacco has been wetted without measure, and not without a vast
increase of weight; and the humbugs by whose orders these iniquities
nave been perpetrated have gone on summoning their instruments to
come up to prayers." Moral Scotland and Catholic Ireland are
exempt from the operation of Mr. Scholefield's Bill; as though its
author considered that the limit of possibility would be reached by the
eniorcement of common honesty in England.
A MANDAMUS TO MANAGERS.
Mr. Punch has been often displeased by the omission, at the foot of
advertisements of plays, particularly operas, of a statement of the time
at which the performances commence. Many of Mr. Punch's readers
are country gentlemen and ladies, to whom this deficiency is a vexa-
tious nuisance. They are not, and do not know, and have no
sympathies with, habitual listeners to the Traviata and things of
that stamp, who know Opera hours better than Church hours; but
they go to hear music, when there is occasionally any to be heard, and
desire to make such dinner arrangements as will enable them to be in
time to hear the overture. This they, of course cannot do, if they do
not know when the performance begins. The assumption that every-
body does know this is simply false, and the neglect based upon it, is
a piece of affected fiunkeyism. Mr. Punch must insist on the discon-
tinuance of the snobbish reticence on which he has felt called upon tc
make the foregoing observations.
the geography oe london.
Q. When in London, what do you call " Rotten Row ?
A. Hav
WIDE AWAKE AT WINCHESTER.
Commenting on a Report by the Inspector of Prisons for the
Southern District, the Morning Post says :—
" Another species of punishment inflicted in the County Gaol at Winchester is
certainly illegal; namely, that of depriving the prisoners of their sleep by keeping
them awake for several hours after their companions have retired to rest."
The Post detracts somewhat from the originality of this mode of
ingeniously tormenting, by observing that it was one of the varieties of
torture which used to be practised by the Inquisition. There cer-
tainly seems a rather ecclesiastical character about the barbarity in
use at Winchester Gaol, and there is no lack of clergymen in the
ancient and venerable city, to which that establishment appears to be
a disgrace, but, as sound Protestants, they all of course abhor the
1D£
a .London, what do you call Rotten Row ? " Popish cruelty which forms part of Winchester prison discipline probably
a row on the lhames. because there are no Hampshire parsons among the Visiting Justices.