Punch (36.1859)

June 11, 1859.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

235

SISTERLY LOVE.

P&pa. " There, there ! my Little Poppet. Don't cry ! don't cry !—If you
are going to have the m.easles, you will soon be well again, i hope.—
There, there ! "

Blanche (sobbing violently). " I—I—I—I'm not crying, Papa, because I'm going
to have the Measles ; but because I—I—I thought I was going to ride j to clear Bride Lane, Fleet Street, of an obstruction con-
Mary's Pony all the time she was ill, and now I shan't !" i sisting of 200 rascals engaged in betting and gambling

CANZONET EOR THE CABINET.

by an un-christian minstrel.

Air—" Come where my love is dreaming.' "

first voice.

Come where my Diz. sits dreaming!

Dreaming the happy hours away;
While Fancy's eye is beaming

With Hope's delusive ray :
Dreaming that in power he'll stay—■

Alas ! prophetic Punch says, " Nay ! "
Chorus. Come where, &c.

second voice.

Soft is his head, yes, soft must it be,
To dream that much longer he '11 sack his salary:
The Whigs soon will meet, and then out will go he,
Sacked not his pay, but himself, we shall see.
Chorus.

Come where our Diz. sits dreaming !

Hope o'er his brain holds sway ;
His mental eye is gleaming

With its delusive ray:
He dreams that still in power he '11 stay.
Punch simply answers, " Wish you may ! "

PREVENTLBLE DISEASES.

Surely, amongst the number of preventible diseases
ought to be included the many fatal cases which are con-
tinually resulting from the practice that ladies will
suicidally cling to, of wearing tight stays and thin shoes r
We think, if the number of deaths that annually occur
from obstinately persisting in sucli injurious habits were
regularly published, the female mind might at last be
brought to see that (he Family Doctor has not two better
friends in the world than the lady's Shoemaker and Corset-
maker. It is sad to think that ladies, good housewives
as they generally are, should allow life's sacred flame to
be so often sacrificed to such an offensive folly as a taper
waist.

A Sum in Proportion.

If 1 policeman is able to make 12 honest orangewomen'
move on in Cornhill, how many pobcemen will be sufficient

. T ^-.^ r . ^ TTTT, „TI11T1V,n ,, . . perature. From £100 the biddings rose to the sum at which, as above

ALDERMAN HUMPHERY S MARIA. | stated, Maria was knocked down to Alderman Humpiiery. The

object of the generous Alderman in purchasing Maria Wood was, we
are told, " to save her from the fate of becoming merely a tradition of
civic grandeur, and to enable the corporation and civic companies to
avail themselves gratuitously of her many conveniences for pleasure-
parties as long as she lasts." And last she will, let us hope, for many
and many a day. Bless her old timbers ! As her only bones are those
timbers, "we cannot say that there is still flesh on them; but we may

Honour to Alderman Humpiiery for the munificence with which
he has provided for poor old Maria Wood, so that she shall be taken
care of for the remainder of her days! The worthy Alderman has
bought Maria for £410; she was knocked down to him for that sum.
No, Jonathan ; we do not buy and sell humans. Maria Wood was
not a Divine image carved in ebony; she was not a female nigger.

No, Monsieur-Maria Wood was not sold by her husband Sir W ood, | express'th.e belief that there will be meat in her yet—meat which wi
late jirst Lord ol the Admiralty, m Smithneld. Maria Wood was i often include plenty of venison.

Mr. Alderman Humpiiery is one ol the Conservators of the
Thames, a member of that body of governors amongst whom the
aforesaid jewel of its conservancy was, having been broken, divided.
Long may he wear that fragment of the civic Koh-i-Noor; long may he
be requited for the rescue of Maria Wood from degradation or demo-
lition, by her faithful and efficient services; and, in the meanwhile,
may he often have occasion for them, always enjoy them, and never feel
the worse after having employed them.

nobody's weaker vessel, though a vessel she was; but not a vessel of
Her Majesty's Navy, nor yet of the Mercantile Marine, exactly.
She was, in short, the old City Barge, the State Barge of the Lord
Mayor, in the days when the Lord Mayor ruled the waves of
London's river with undivided authority. When the brightest jewel
of the Civic crown, the conservancy of the Thames, was stripped from
that ensign of sovereignty, Maria Wood and the City Monarch parted
company. She became the joint property of the Corporation at large;
that worshipful body commanded her to be sold. Accordingly, on Tues-
day last week Maria Wood was put up for sale at the Auction Mart
of Messrs. Pullen & Son. The cost of Maria's construction had
■ been £8,000. It ought to have amounted to some money: she is 140
feet long by 19 broad, and draws 2 feet 6 inches of water. Her grand
saloon, 56 feet in length, will hold and dine 140 persons, many of whom
are Aldermen and other individuals who occupy considerable space.
Her saloon and cabin windows are all of plate glass; and Maria Wood
is, as to the whole of her outside planking, mahogany wood. She has

To Persons fond of Prodigies.

In the way of Prodigies, we beg to introduce to the reader the Pet
Polka and the Daisy Waltz, both of which are composed by a Master
Cowen, who, we are informed, on the authority of the title-page—and
title-pages speak the truth just as much as tombstones—is "only seven
i years of age." This young gentleman must be a prodigy far in advance
a powerful cooking-apparatus on board; a fact, of which the mention I of his time, and must put old Cocker's nose completely out of joint:

will dispel any erroneous idea that the banquets which used to take j for he notably proves, in spite of all trie numbers which that elderly-
place on board of her, during Civic royal progresses on the Thames, I gentleman can bring forward to outvote the fact, that seven can make
consisted merely of cold capon and other meats of the saT>e low tern- a score!