Punch (36.1859)

April 23, 1859 J PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. l«l

SCENE IN A REFRESHMENT ROOM AT A PUBLIC BALL

Enter Aristocratic Swell, in a state of fusion, addressing himself to the Fair Damsel in
attendance. " Haw, really, I don't know lohat to take: the champagne I had of you the night before
last did not agree icith me."

Young; Damsel, naively. " / fear, Sir, you toere not accustomed to it.'"

[Swell looks reduced in importance, and bystanders chuckle.

THE WEATHER LAST WEEK.

Impromptu by an Elderly Gentleman.

" What !" I said, the other day,
" April, Sir! What April ? Eh ?
Call this April ? 1 should say,
By the weather, it was May.
May? By Jove, Sir, June !—July!
Here the glass is—what ?—How nigh ?
Seventy-two, Sir, in the shade !
All too fine, Sir, I'm afraid,
Much too fine to last. 'Tis strange,
In a few days what a change !
Here we were, a week ago,
Walking ancle-deep in snow,
Now we have to ice our wine,
And with perspiration shine.
You've the fruit-trees out in bloom,
Of a morning, from my room,
Certainly, a charming sight!
And those-what ?—those yellow, bright,
Like great guineas—what you call
Dandelions.'on the wall,
Blazing in the sun like gold,
Eamous for the bile, I'm told.
Here, you see, we've April flowers,
And, perhaps, shall have May showers,
Or to-morrow it may rain—
Who can tell ?—or snow again,
And the peaches will be spoiled!
Here we are, fried, roasted, broiled,
In the dog-days, so to speak."

Christmas has returned this week,
fickle climate—is it not ?—
One day cold, another hot,
Wet to-morrow, fine to-day.
Well, Sir, well: all I can say
Is, I hope it will agree
With ourselves, Sir: you and me.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, April 11. The Lords did rather a cool thing, considering
that then- specialite is reverence for vested rights. They ordered the
Society of Lincoln's_ Inn to produce and lay upon their Lordship's
table some plans which the Society had prepared, and which were its
private property. The plans were for some new Chancery Courts,
proposed to be erected on the Society's ground; and, altogether,
Lord Redesdale had about as much right, strictly speaking, to call
for the plans, as Mr. Punch has to ask Lord Redesdale for the
design for his new conservatory, if he is building one, which perhaps
he is not, and whether he is or not, Mr. Punch does not in the least
oare. Mr. Punch, mind, sees no objection to the demand for these
plans; but he begs to remind the Lords, that he shall expect them to
adhere to the precedent, and always in future to subordinate private
rights to the public advantage. Saluspopuli suprema lex, Cox.

There was a good deal of fidget in the Commons to know what day
they were to be dissolved; and Lord Palmerston poked some ques-
tions at Mr. Disraeli, who refused to give a definite answer, but
stated that the operation should take place as soon after prorogation
as should be, in the judgment of Ministers, consistent with decorum.
This bit of intentionally provoking verbiage roused Sir George Grey,
who enjoys the double advantages of a long tongue and a short temper,
and he fired rather hotly into what he called Mr. Disraeli's enigma.
But Mr. Disraeli was not in a state of mind to be incensed, and he
blandly rebuked Sir George for his "rabid heat," and entirely
declined being more precise.

The Railway people hav» been done a little in the matter of return
and excursion tickets,—that is to say, where a person has desired to
take a single journey only, he has occasionally sold the return half-
ticket to somebody else, who wished to go the other way. What
wrong this did it is difficult to say, inasmuch as it was but making
the railwaymen fulfil their bargain to carry a passenger up and down;
but they see a grievance, and apply to Parliament for a Bill, arming
them with powers of a tremendous character against such offenders,—
all but the right of instantly hanging them up to the signal-posts. The
Commons, however, thought the demand a little strong, and postponed
the enactment.

Tuesday. There was a sort of debate in the Lords as to whether a
Bill for abolishing the antiquated and inconvenient privilege of the

Thames watermen should not be referred back to a Committee. The
steam-engine has abolished these men, and it is manifestly absurd that
their ghosts should be allowed to sit upon the valve. The Bill was
referred to a new Committee.

In the Commons, there was a delightful personal row, involving the
Government. The latter, of course, mean to make fight everywhere
at the coming elections, and Sir John Pakington, Eirst Lord of the
Admiralty, claimed fulfilment of a promise made, he says, by another
of the Lords, Captain Carnegie, to stand for Dover, against that
Disagreeable Rattle, Mr. Bernal Osborne. The Captain saw no fun
in this, and resigned his Lordship; and some other similar changes
occurred. The point of the accusation against Government was, that,
for the sake of electioneering tactics, they displaced from the Admi-
ralty Board men who had mastered their business, and who, at a crisis
like this, should have been kept at their posts. And, on the whole, the
case seems pretty much proved; but electioneering ardour, like intoxi-
cation, is held to be an excuse for a good many questionable things in
England.

Mr. Henry Berkeley, being an eminently practical statesman, or
being rather in terror of certain persons out of doors, (who believe
that the Ballot will at once pay the National Debt, reform our weather,
cleanse the Thames, abolish pauperism and crime, and teach senators
the use of the letter H,) moved for leave to bring in a Bill to enforce
secret voting. Nobody, not even the mover, could talk seriously
about the subject, and Mr. Berkeley himself actually adduced as
argument for the measure, the complaint of some hen-pecked animal
who begged for the Ballot to protect him against his own wife, the
woman having urgently remonstrated with him against some vote
which he had given. Lord John Russell opposed the motion, but
was prepared (in the event of its being desirable that a Minister who
wished to retain office should be a Balloteer) to see, at a fitting time
that there was no great harm in the Ballot. Lord Palmerston was, on
the contrary, very plain-spoken against the proposition, and was rather
successful in his jokes against the Berkleian feebleness. This put
Berkeley in a rage, and he forgot his good manners, and told his
antagonists that they talked flagrant and audacious rubbish (sio).* On
division, the Ballot party got 99 votes to 102 against them. Neither
side was present in strength.

* Sic, Latin word, means. Cox, that we quote the exact expression. SicS, English,
word, means how wo feel whea we read more than six lines of one of your speeches.

Vol. 36.

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