Punch (36.1859)

May 7, 1859.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 181

HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Paterfamilias. " Well, Boys ! I dare sat you 'be glad to get Home : and

bow do you and the doctor agree?"

Harry. " Oh ! we like him very much."

Paterfamilias. " Hah ! and do you think you are making good progress ?"
Han-y. " Oh ! pretty good : I can lick three fellows ; but Fred, here,
can lick SIX, COUNTING ME/"

ELECTION SONG.

by a "free and independent."

I 've a vote! I've a vote! for no matter which si
To neither Whig, Tory, nor Rad am I tied :
Up, up with the hustings !—'tis a gold mine to me:
I've a vote ! I've a vote ! independent and free !

I heed not dishonour, I fear not the law,

I've no conscience to guide me, no terrors to awe:

And ne'er like a spooney my vote will 1 yield,

Till my man stands the shot, and my pockets are oiled!

Quick! quick ! draw your cheques, let vour purse bs§
well lined,

And I '11 warrant you'll soon leave opponents behind;
I '11 be bound there are voters in plenty like me,
Your return who '11 make safe if your cash you '11 make
free!

What tho' against bribes the Times' thunder is heard,
To decline the good things of this life were absurd ;
The dread of detection's paraded in vain,
1 have braved it before, and dare chance it again.

Peradventure the lawyers upon us may fall,
They may fine, may imprison, they cannot appal:
Wrhile the waves of Pactolus within our reach flow,
For a dip in its golden tide dauntless we '11 go !

Then hurrah! my brave boys! ye may drink, ye may caij!
The " publics " are open, the Members stand treat;
Up, up with your posters ! All comers 1 '11 see,
I've a vote ! I've a vote! And the Voter is free !

Domestic Tyranny.

We know a highly respectable Lady, who makes her
servants take their meals standing. When they dine, they
are not allowed to sit down. Her reason for this is, that
she finds they do not eat so much, nor do they waste their
time gossiping. We wonder how the same system would
work, if introduced at our public dinners ? We fancy that
the speeches would be shorter, and the consumption of bad
wine infinitely less!

political bias.

"The Battle of the Constitution must be bought in our
Registration Courts."—Derby ringing the changes owPeel.

HUMOURS OF AN OXFORD ELECTION.

We are sorry that any necessity should exist for the Vice-Chan-
cellor of Oxford, on the occasion of an election of members for the
University, to issue a notice concluding with cautions such as the
following:—

" And take notice, that all persons who are guilty of bribery at the election will,
on conviction of such offence, be liable to the penalties mentioned in that behalf in
the Corrupt Practices Prevention Act, 1854. Ajid take notice, that all persons who
are guilty of treating or undue influence at the said election will, on conviction of
such offence, be liable to the penalties mentioned in that behalf in the Corrupt
Practices Prevention Act."

At Oxford, where elections have hitherto always been conducted
with a degree of dignity which has not permitted so much as personal
canvassing on the part of candidates, only fancy the possibility of'
common bribery, and even treating! But no—those are impossibilities.
There can be no " Sovereign Alley " in the University of Oxford—if
there is any alley of the kind, it must be a Preferment Alley, ar*
Advowson Alley, a ISext Presentation Alley, a Stall Alley, a Mitre
Alley, or some, not to'say merely respectable, but holy and reverend,
alley _ of that description. And then as to treating—can anybody
imagine Mr. Gladstone and Sir William. Heathcote, even through
their agents—those agents being perhaps heads of colleges—tempting
Masters of Arts and Doctors of Divinity to barter the privilege of a
Briton and a scholar for a pot of half-and-half? The very choicest and
most venerable port now to be met with in the most orthodox of
ancient cellars is the only conceivable analogy to so ignoble a tender.
What undue influence can the candidates for Oxford be considered
capable of exerting ? That of fighting men had down from Town ? Or
would their solicitors go about to the reverend electors, and threaten
to take away their Bishop's countenance from them unless they voted
for the right man ?

If there is any bribery, if there is any treating, of how dignified a
nature soever, at an Oxford election, that ceremony will perhaps come
to be attended with incidents bearing a corresponding relation to those
of an ordinary and popular proceeding of the same political nature.
The colours of candidates will be worn in combination with ecclesias-
tical vestments. Bands of music, in the face of Act of Parliament, will
parade the streets in the habit of choristers, playing sacred music-
Gregorian chants or Camberwell and Islington psaJm-tunes, on this
side or on that. Theological disputants, regular Jesuits some of them,
hired in London from houses in the Roman Catholic slums, and ultra
Protestants on the other side engaged at Exeter Hall, will go about to
confute electors on their way to the poll, and, not content with that
will argue against, and try to upset the opinions, of moderate and
rational people whom they may chance to meet. Hustings of mediaeval
and of modern structure will also be erected, and candidates will be
pelted with quotations from the Fathers and the Reformers. Various
questions, moreover, of a brief and suggestive but mostly uncompli-
mentary nature, will be addressed to them by the learned multitude.
" How about the piscina?" " Who was seen in the conventicle?"
" Go to your oratory! " "Who ate haunch of mutton on Ash Wed-
nesday ?" " Who's vour Confessor ? " Such are some of the inter-
pellations with which perhaps hereafter gentlemen who would be
members for Oxford will be greeted in the event of a contest for the
representation of that seat of learning.

The Elect of the Million.—Louis Napoleon only wants
500,000,000 francs, just to begin with. If France gives it to him, we
shall be fairly convinced at last that " The Empire is the Pay."

Neapolitan Parody.—" Murat pour la Patrie, "