Punch: Punch (36.1859)

February 19, 1859.

PUKCI1, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

7Z

PUNCH'S OWN GAZETTE.

Oh, dear, what exciting announcements

Are those of the Brighton Gazette !
What matter Imperial bonncements,

Bourse-Panic, or Austrian Pet,—
What's the talk of Reform in the Commons,

What are Indian losses or gains,
To the int'resting fact that Lord Cranstoun,

At the Albion Hotel still remains ?

What care I for Begum or Nana,

What care I for Tantia Topee,
Compared with the recent arrival

Of Sir W. Prazer, M.P. ?
I might sigh at the news that the Rev'rend

J. Broadwood is going away,
If I had not the comfort of knowing,

Lord Byron's prolonging his stay?

And what if Sir Wr. Topham

His ticket for London has ta'en ?
What if e'en Viscount Strasgford be going ?

Doth not still Sir John Peddar remain ?
How the heart hails with joy the arrival

Of Lady G. Wombwell and Sou;
Or the news that the Baron Sampayo

At the Albion Hotel still makes one !

To their elegant mansion at Patcham,

With what satisfaction I learn,
Prom the seat of the Marquis or Chandos

Colonel Paine and his lady return:
And if for Lord Seaham's departure

Some natural sorrow appear,
It's consoled when we read Colonels Eden

And Lloyd are still sojourning here !

AN EXAMPLE POR ADVERTISING GENTS.

Variety is charming. The mind of man, and especially the female
mind, is fond of novelty. Therefore all our readers who have been j
familiarised with British puffs will doubtless be pleased with an
example of German English advertising literature subjoined:—

" ANIMAL vegetable
" HAND AND FACE POMATUM.

" The effect prodused, of that remedy which is examined and aprovd by the
medical faculty from Vienna, is susprising. The employment rends the most friable
hide, tender, white, and smooth, it take away in a short time every pollution, and
principally the parts suffering to on uch by the cold ; as the chilblain, are that, on !
which that pomatum, produse the greatest effect. Its parfume is agreable and fine,
and it has a consistance, to be very long conserved, and transported, without lose its |
quality.

" The elegant vessel cost 1, 2, till 4 florins in good monney.

"Application. The morning before dressing, and the evening, before going to
bed, one take a little of that pomatum, and rub 10 or 15 minutes on the hands or I
others parts of hide, till the most of grease is sucked up. After a quarter of an hour,
one wash the rubed parts with warm soap-water, and dry it than with a fine i
handkerchief.

" dentist LUX,
" In Vienna, Adlergasse Nr. 723, 'zum Ktiss den Pfennig.'"

Anybody whose taste is unsnobbish will much prefer the above j
composition to that of British puffery. The plain and unaffected lan-
guage, however, of this advertisement, needs a glossary. The epithet
" friable " evidently means " scurfy," which strong and simple Anglo- j
Saxon word the Author would no doubt have used instead of a
Latinism, if he had known of it. The British quack advertiser would
as surely have put "furfuraceous" in its place, and instead of "hide," j
would have written " integument." Every lady will be charmed with
the natural feeling manifest in choosing the term " hide " rather than
its less expressive synonym, " skin." By " on uch " is clearly meant
" an itch;" a short and siifficient name for a thing about which the
less is said the better, and much less disgusting than the phrase
" pruriginous sensation," which one of our own puffing cosmetic
vendors would most likely have used to signify the same. Por "its
parfiime is agreable and fine," our native humbug would, with greater
J diffuseness and a proportionate loss of force, have said, "Its odori-
ferous exhalation is exquisite and recherche" and, in lieu of "It has a
consistance, to be very long conserved, and transported without lose
its quality," would, with better grammar perhaps, but in a much baser
style, have added, " Its chemical composition is such as to render it
tapable of unlimited preservation, and removal to other climates,
without deterioration of efficacy."

Por "elegant vessel," we may safely trust that Herr Lux would,
had his dictionary knowledge of English been equal to his unaffected-
ness, have put "pretty pot."

She that might propose to use Herr Lux's pomatum could be at no
loss how to do so, being told to rub her hide with it " till the most of
grease is sucked up." Much less intelligible to her would be tlie
direction which a domestic salvemonger would have given her to
" apply the unguent with manual friction until the majority of its
oleaginous particles are absorbed."

We admire the advertisement of Herr Lux so much that we could
almost rub our own hide with his pomatum every morning, instead of
scrubbing it with yellow soap and a brush of hogs' bristles. We com-
\ mend his style to the study of our advertising perfumers; whose puffs
1 produce in our nostrils an effect precisely the reverse of that which the
articles cried up in those nauseous manifestos are designed to excite.
I Let them take a lesson in plain, if broken, English from a downright
German, and eschew their condemnable mimimpiminivity and
idditiosity.

MINISTERS RETIRED EROM BUSINESS.

It is a curious thing for a Minister, when out of office, to occupy his
leisure, like Mons. Guizot, by writing a learned book upon UAmour.
We can hardly picture to ourselves an English Premier throwing his
idle moments into the investigation of such a subject as Love—unless it
should be our noble Lord Palmerston, who ought to possess a deep
knowledge of the sweet mystery, if we may judge from the fact of his
rejoicing, for upwards of half-a-century, in the playful cognomen of
Cupid?

THE POPE'S MOSAIC WORK.
A Letter from Rome has informed the British Public, that—

" Our Chargt d''Affaires, Mr. Odo Russell, will without delay arrange for the
Prince to have a private audience of his Holiness, who has already prepared an
extremely beautiful mosaic table to present to his Royal Highness on the occasion."

The Prince op Wales may hesitate to accept the papal present.
The Pope's conduct in the Mortara case, shows that the moral sense
of his Holiness is dormant in relation to a peculiar people; and our
young Prince will perhaps be afraid that, in taking anything mosaic
at the gift of Pius, he may be receiving stolen goods.

a construction that's "just like a man."

When a woman can faint, and has a capital opportunity for fainting,
and yet doesn't faint, you may be tolerably sure that she has some other
feint in view.

Vol. 36.

3-2