DOI issue:
March 19, 1859
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16623#0120
112
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 19, 1859.
THE LAWYER'S PETITION.
"The Vacation Judge—Any person who has seen the Vacation Judge at work
must be pained to see what lie has to undergo; from morning till two o'clock, or
thereabouts he hears summons not attended by counsel; some of the solicitors
and their clerks who are then heard, may be competent to their duties, and aware
'of the proper limits to which they may approach in propounding their difficulties :
Imt however they may assist the judge, their numbers are legion, and some of
them bore him, and waste public time, with their ignorance, vulgarity, and impor-
tunity. Worse than all. we have many a time seen little office boys in jackets
rushing into the room to ask for time to plead ; two of these small urchins are
said to have fought in the august presence of the late Mr. Justice Williams, who
witnessed the onset with calmness and resignation, remembering how he himself
had battled for his clients in days long gone by. At two o'clock come the counsel
and pleaders, too often forgetful of the trials the judge has undergone, and they
frequently detain him to a late hour in intricate arguments.—Law Magazine."
ity the case of the Vaca-
tion Judge,
Who sits in Chambers, and
decides the law:
To hear his griefs a mo-
ment do not grudge,
Oil, give me leave awhile
your tears to draw !
Each day at ten his weary
toils begin,
And thence till two in pur-
gat'ry he sits ;
While squabbling lawyers
with their ceaseless din
Deafen his ears, and stupify
his wits.
Of these, his torturers, are
haply some
Who 'to " my Lord" a
proper deference show ;
Briefly to ask for his de-
cision come,
Quickly, this granted, from
his presence go.
But—and their name is
Legion—there are those
Who drop their H.'s at his Lordship's feet :
Call orders "borders," and speak through their nose,
In breath which beer and 'bacco have made sweet.
And some there are, importunate and loud,
Bears in their bearing, boreish in their speec"
Not a woman within reach, and he unused to the rebellious ways of
children! The crisis was alarming. At last, in his despair—for he
had been doing a " ba-a-a-lamb " with very indifferent eclat—he hit
upon the following bright expedient:—" Now, Master Jackey," he
exclaimed glowingly, "we'll have a fine game! Let us play at
bye-bye." _ So saying, he closed his eyes, and so did the child. Ten
minutes afterwards, Avunculus opened half an eye-lid to recon-
noitre : the trick had answered, almost beyond his hopes. The child
was fast asleep ! He removed the young picture of innocence to the
sofa, as tenderly as any mother; and Uncle continued his newspaper
with the greatest comfort,, until "Mamma" came home to release him
from his difficulties. N.B. Remember: the best game to play with a
playful child—when there is a great disparity of years between the
two playfellows—is " Bye-Bye."
BLOATED ARISTOCRACY.
A Warning to Young Women.
A Young Lady, dancing with a gentleman at an evening party,
consisting chiefly of respectable mercantile people, informed him, with
an evident desire to intimate that she considered herself a cut above her
company, that she had a cousin in the Army! In the same spirit,
apparently, as that evinced in this statement, a contemporary lately
published the following paragraph:—
" Whittington Club.—A ball was given on Tuesday evening, at the Whittington
Club, by way of inaugurating the dining and refreshment department of the Insti-
tution. Whether in honour of the dining-room, or fur the sake of the ball itself,
there was a large attendance of dancers, and, from t he general success of the enter-
tainment, it may be argued that the directors would please the subscribers, and
benefit the Club by inaugurating something else as soon as possible in the same
manner. Mr. Shury's band was in attendance, and played some two dozen
quadrilles, polkas, waltzes, schottishes, redowas, varsovianas, cotillons, mazourkas,
polka-mazourkas, and galops, in the course of the evening. A gay, and at the same
time distinguished appearance was given to the ball-room, by the presence of a
gentleman in a militia uniform."
It is, however, quite a mistake to suppose that there is anything
peculiarly snobbish in worshipping a militia-man as an officer and a
swell: the snobbery simply consists in worshipping officers and swells.
Officer-worship and swell-worship arc equally snobbish, whether the
idol is a militia subaltern, or a colonel of wmat is called the "crack"
description of regiment. All due honour, nevertheless, to the brave,
whether the regiment in which they serve be the Tower Hamlets or
the Coldstream.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
March 7. Monday. The House of Lords paid a tribute to Du.
lj^ais in ciicii ucaniiii, uuicisii ui i.ncii dwc^lh, t ... " i 1 . • i • 1 xi_ 1 p
Who with rude clamour round his table crowd, Jenner by getting up a vaccination debate, m which the value of
And in egg-sucking fain my Lord would teach. JEX*ERfs +7stem was earnestly proclaimed on all hands. Such is the
course oi the career ot a real reformer. Sham ones are shouted tor
while they live, true ones receive homage when they are dust. Even
Mr. Punch himself, far and away the greatest and wisest man who ever
wrote, awaits his laurels, though millions profit by his teaching, and it-
was not until the other day that one of the ablest of the Judges of
England, Baron Bramwell, referred, in his place upon the bench, to
the immortal pages of Mr. Punch, and cited one of his dicta as a rule
of conduct*. Be not disheartened, therefore, worthy philosophers,
priests, physicians, soldiers, scholars, artists, who humbly follow in the
Nor cease their speech e'en though they hear him snore. | footsteps of Mr. Punch. Your reward will come some day. Wait for
the waggon. In reference to this particular debate it may be men-
tioned, that there are still thousands of fools who neglect, or object to
vaccination, and that the Government is wisely bent upon enforcing
the practice.
Mr. Sfooner gave a notice which was marked by true Spoonerian
wisdom. He fixed a motion on the Maynooth question for the night
appointed for the Second Reading of the Reform Bill. " Oh, wise old
Spoon, how doth Punch honour thee ! "
An Indian debate which followed was chiefly remarkable for a speech
by Mr. Bright, in which he pictured the past, present, and future of
India in colours so black that it would seem that he thinks India in
almost as wretched a condition as England, crushed, mangled, and
flattened by the Juggernaut car of a territorial aristocracy.
Tuesday. Every Englishman who has ever been at school, that is to
say, about every man in England except Cox of Finsbury, must have
been reminded, by this night's debate, of a couplet which British
youths, during their educational period, are wont to chant. Its ortho-
graphy is exceptional, its politeness is questionable, but the spirit of
the song is one which it is highly desirable to cultivate :
And worse fate yet! Small " fiends in shape of boys,"
With insolence of lawyer's office big,
Worry the Judge with childish chaff and noise,
And strip to fight before his very wig !
Then counsel come, and hi his wearied ear
Their prosy pros and cons relentless pour:
Wrangle and jangle until night draws near,
Erom day to day, from weary week to week,
Tortured he sits, nor from his seat may budge;
Oh, let me then your sympathy bespeak,
Pity the griefs of the Vacation Judge !
A HINT TO DISTRESSED UNCLES.
Our good friend Avunculus was entrusted with the eare of a
child for a couple of hours. He rode a cock-horse to Banbury Cross;
ne ran up the hill with Jack and Jill; he expatiated merrily on the
agricultural distress of Little Bo-peep, who had lost all his sheep ;
and eat bread-and-butter an infinity of times with Master Tom Tucker.
He played at coach-and-horses; he crowed, and grunted, and braved
with a fidelity worthy of Herr Von Joel ; and laid bare all his wealth
ot nursery lore. His young charge was in ecstasies ; it laughed, and
clapped its hands, and opened its eyes and ears eagerly for more. The
success was undoubted; but alas! what was fun to the voung child
was fatigue to the elderly uncle : his strength and memory had alike
come to an end and there was still a big hour left for dandling and
romping Should he pause but for five minutes, he knew only too well
the fatality that would infallibly ensue. The child would certainly
cry !— probably howl!—perhaps kick !—and then what was he to do ?
Two skinny Frenchmen and one Portuguee,
One jolly Englishman '11 lick 'em all three."
The lines were not quoted in the grand debate which arose to-night in
both Houses on the Char les-et-Georges question, and which some
persons said was intended to damage and cripple the Ministry, by way
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 19, 1859.
THE LAWYER'S PETITION.
"The Vacation Judge—Any person who has seen the Vacation Judge at work
must be pained to see what lie has to undergo; from morning till two o'clock, or
thereabouts he hears summons not attended by counsel; some of the solicitors
and their clerks who are then heard, may be competent to their duties, and aware
'of the proper limits to which they may approach in propounding their difficulties :
Imt however they may assist the judge, their numbers are legion, and some of
them bore him, and waste public time, with their ignorance, vulgarity, and impor-
tunity. Worse than all. we have many a time seen little office boys in jackets
rushing into the room to ask for time to plead ; two of these small urchins are
said to have fought in the august presence of the late Mr. Justice Williams, who
witnessed the onset with calmness and resignation, remembering how he himself
had battled for his clients in days long gone by. At two o'clock come the counsel
and pleaders, too often forgetful of the trials the judge has undergone, and they
frequently detain him to a late hour in intricate arguments.—Law Magazine."
ity the case of the Vaca-
tion Judge,
Who sits in Chambers, and
decides the law:
To hear his griefs a mo-
ment do not grudge,
Oil, give me leave awhile
your tears to draw !
Each day at ten his weary
toils begin,
And thence till two in pur-
gat'ry he sits ;
While squabbling lawyers
with their ceaseless din
Deafen his ears, and stupify
his wits.
Of these, his torturers, are
haply some
Who 'to " my Lord" a
proper deference show ;
Briefly to ask for his de-
cision come,
Quickly, this granted, from
his presence go.
But—and their name is
Legion—there are those
Who drop their H.'s at his Lordship's feet :
Call orders "borders," and speak through their nose,
In breath which beer and 'bacco have made sweet.
And some there are, importunate and loud,
Bears in their bearing, boreish in their speec"
Not a woman within reach, and he unused to the rebellious ways of
children! The crisis was alarming. At last, in his despair—for he
had been doing a " ba-a-a-lamb " with very indifferent eclat—he hit
upon the following bright expedient:—" Now, Master Jackey," he
exclaimed glowingly, "we'll have a fine game! Let us play at
bye-bye." _ So saying, he closed his eyes, and so did the child. Ten
minutes afterwards, Avunculus opened half an eye-lid to recon-
noitre : the trick had answered, almost beyond his hopes. The child
was fast asleep ! He removed the young picture of innocence to the
sofa, as tenderly as any mother; and Uncle continued his newspaper
with the greatest comfort,, until "Mamma" came home to release him
from his difficulties. N.B. Remember: the best game to play with a
playful child—when there is a great disparity of years between the
two playfellows—is " Bye-Bye."
BLOATED ARISTOCRACY.
A Warning to Young Women.
A Young Lady, dancing with a gentleman at an evening party,
consisting chiefly of respectable mercantile people, informed him, with
an evident desire to intimate that she considered herself a cut above her
company, that she had a cousin in the Army! In the same spirit,
apparently, as that evinced in this statement, a contemporary lately
published the following paragraph:—
" Whittington Club.—A ball was given on Tuesday evening, at the Whittington
Club, by way of inaugurating the dining and refreshment department of the Insti-
tution. Whether in honour of the dining-room, or fur the sake of the ball itself,
there was a large attendance of dancers, and, from t he general success of the enter-
tainment, it may be argued that the directors would please the subscribers, and
benefit the Club by inaugurating something else as soon as possible in the same
manner. Mr. Shury's band was in attendance, and played some two dozen
quadrilles, polkas, waltzes, schottishes, redowas, varsovianas, cotillons, mazourkas,
polka-mazourkas, and galops, in the course of the evening. A gay, and at the same
time distinguished appearance was given to the ball-room, by the presence of a
gentleman in a militia uniform."
It is, however, quite a mistake to suppose that there is anything
peculiarly snobbish in worshipping a militia-man as an officer and a
swell: the snobbery simply consists in worshipping officers and swells.
Officer-worship and swell-worship arc equally snobbish, whether the
idol is a militia subaltern, or a colonel of wmat is called the "crack"
description of regiment. All due honour, nevertheless, to the brave,
whether the regiment in which they serve be the Tower Hamlets or
the Coldstream.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
March 7. Monday. The House of Lords paid a tribute to Du.
lj^ais in ciicii ucaniiii, uuicisii ui i.ncii dwc^lh, t ... " i 1 . • i • 1 xi_ 1 p
Who with rude clamour round his table crowd, Jenner by getting up a vaccination debate, m which the value of
And in egg-sucking fain my Lord would teach. JEX*ERfs +7stem was earnestly proclaimed on all hands. Such is the
course oi the career ot a real reformer. Sham ones are shouted tor
while they live, true ones receive homage when they are dust. Even
Mr. Punch himself, far and away the greatest and wisest man who ever
wrote, awaits his laurels, though millions profit by his teaching, and it-
was not until the other day that one of the ablest of the Judges of
England, Baron Bramwell, referred, in his place upon the bench, to
the immortal pages of Mr. Punch, and cited one of his dicta as a rule
of conduct*. Be not disheartened, therefore, worthy philosophers,
priests, physicians, soldiers, scholars, artists, who humbly follow in the
Nor cease their speech e'en though they hear him snore. | footsteps of Mr. Punch. Your reward will come some day. Wait for
the waggon. In reference to this particular debate it may be men-
tioned, that there are still thousands of fools who neglect, or object to
vaccination, and that the Government is wisely bent upon enforcing
the practice.
Mr. Sfooner gave a notice which was marked by true Spoonerian
wisdom. He fixed a motion on the Maynooth question for the night
appointed for the Second Reading of the Reform Bill. " Oh, wise old
Spoon, how doth Punch honour thee ! "
An Indian debate which followed was chiefly remarkable for a speech
by Mr. Bright, in which he pictured the past, present, and future of
India in colours so black that it would seem that he thinks India in
almost as wretched a condition as England, crushed, mangled, and
flattened by the Juggernaut car of a territorial aristocracy.
Tuesday. Every Englishman who has ever been at school, that is to
say, about every man in England except Cox of Finsbury, must have
been reminded, by this night's debate, of a couplet which British
youths, during their educational period, are wont to chant. Its ortho-
graphy is exceptional, its politeness is questionable, but the spirit of
the song is one which it is highly desirable to cultivate :
And worse fate yet! Small " fiends in shape of boys,"
With insolence of lawyer's office big,
Worry the Judge with childish chaff and noise,
And strip to fight before his very wig !
Then counsel come, and hi his wearied ear
Their prosy pros and cons relentless pour:
Wrangle and jangle until night draws near,
Erom day to day, from weary week to week,
Tortured he sits, nor from his seat may budge;
Oh, let me then your sympathy bespeak,
Pity the griefs of the Vacation Judge !
A HINT TO DISTRESSED UNCLES.
Our good friend Avunculus was entrusted with the eare of a
child for a couple of hours. He rode a cock-horse to Banbury Cross;
ne ran up the hill with Jack and Jill; he expatiated merrily on the
agricultural distress of Little Bo-peep, who had lost all his sheep ;
and eat bread-and-butter an infinity of times with Master Tom Tucker.
He played at coach-and-horses; he crowed, and grunted, and braved
with a fidelity worthy of Herr Von Joel ; and laid bare all his wealth
ot nursery lore. His young charge was in ecstasies ; it laughed, and
clapped its hands, and opened its eyes and ears eagerly for more. The
success was undoubted; but alas! what was fun to the voung child
was fatigue to the elderly uncle : his strength and memory had alike
come to an end and there was still a big hour left for dandling and
romping Should he pause but for five minutes, he knew only too well
the fatality that would infallibly ensue. The child would certainly
cry !— probably howl!—perhaps kick !—and then what was he to do ?
Two skinny Frenchmen and one Portuguee,
One jolly Englishman '11 lick 'em all three."
The lines were not quoted in the grand debate which arose to-night in
both Houses on the Char les-et-Georges question, and which some
persons said was intended to damage and cripple the Ministry, by way