DOI issue:
March 26, 1859
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16623#0136
128
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 26, 1859.
FLATTERING TESTIMONIAL.
We understand that the English residents in Pari*
intend presenting Lord Cowley with a little testimonial,
in remembrance of his Lordship's recent Mission to Vienna,
and the success which has attended his pacific labours. To
typify his Lordship's usefulness at Court, it is proposed the
little souvenir should assume a form rather of utility than
ornament; and we believe it will consist of a set of dinner-
napkins, which, in his Lordship's hospitalities, will be in
constant use. We understand that the napkins will be
tastefully embroidered by the hands of those (remarkably)
select few of our fair countrywomen who have been honoured
by his Lordship with a dinner invitation. Of the designs we
are at present not at liberty to speak; but we are given to
understand that napkin " No. 1" will be embroidered in the
centre with a few neat lines of compliment, setting forth
the dinner services Lord C. has done the State; and that
on napkin " No. 2 " will be depicted, in raised needlework, a
portrait of his Lordship, taken from the life, as he appeared
on his return from his late pacific mission. To give the like-
ness more effect, certain details will be added from Mr.
Millais' picture, and underneath will be inscribed the
explanatory words—
" IPatts, ffiarcj), 1859: ' fe lUlurne of sc Boiie'—tnttljout jje
<©li6e Brand)."
A BROAD HINT.
Stumpy Artist (to Friend with a Government appointment and lots of time). " Come
and see my Picture ; can't you come in the daytime early ? And look 'ere: do you know
a tall, handsome, gentlemanly-looking fellow, with a light beard and moustache, who
would sit to me for my Hungarian Chief?"
WHAT MAY BE DONE IN FIFTY YEARS.
An American paper is eloquent upon the many inven-
tions and discoveries for which the world is indebted to the
first half of the nineteenth century. Amongst others, may
be enumerated the following:—Punch, Steamers, railways,
the electric telegraph, gas, photography, and chloroform.
The second half of the nineteenth century scarcely pro-
mises to be so rich. Its claims to originality do not, at
present, extend much beyond—Crinoline, all-round collars,
peg-top trousers, perambulators, penny ices, halfpenny steam-
boats, and penny papers. The list is not a lively one.
However, there is plenty of time between this and the
commencement of the twentieth century. The next forty
years may witness the birth of some tremendous genius,
who may hit upon the means of setting the Thames on
fire; or, for aught we know, abolishing the National Debt.
All things are, we believe, possible to the genius of Man,
even down to the completion of Trafalgar- Square!
THE DONKEY'S MEDICAL GUIDE.
Every North Briton is on this side of the Tweed described as a
" hard-headed Scotchman;" but the North British Advertiser appears
to circulate among a population, many of whom, if their heads are not
as soft as puddings, are remarkable for that peculiar hardness of head
which is otherwise called density, and is accompanied with thickness.
To hard-headed Scotchmen of this latter description, if not to soft-
headed Scotchmen, must the following advertisement, extracted from
our North British Contemporary, be addressed:—
DR. JAMES GREER'S, OF GLASGOW, ONE OF 300 SCIENTIFIC
MIRACLES.—It's a positive fact! Philosophers, Doctors, Lawyers, and
College Professors, can neither understand nor learn how those True Miracles are
wrought, not on the Dead Body, but on their Dying Victims, by Dk. Greer's Pills.
Behold the truth as it is declared by the Patients in Newspapers :—
a dying man, Mr. William Shaw, master millwright, 88, Gallowgate, swelled
from head to foot, was drawn in a cab from 114, Main Street, Bridgeton, t» Dr.
Greer's Shop, —-—. He took 122 Vegetable Pills, and walked four miles the next
day to publish that he was perfectly cured of all the swellings.
What was the matter with Mr. Shaw ? will perhaps be the question
of any bloated fool who, wishing to reduce his bulk, may propose to take
Dr. Greer's pills for that purpose, and may not be quite such an
idiot as to take them without at all thinking whether or not they are
suitable for his complaint. Mr. Shaw's case was evidently general
emphysema, or windy swelling, of that species in which the patient
assumes the character of a human puff. That character, however, is
by no means destroyed when a quack medicine has brought down all
the bodily tumefaction which the sufferer ever laboured under. It
appears to be constitutional and inveterate in the case of this fellow,
Shaw ; for the above advertisement proceeds to inform sumphs and
simpletons that—
'' Mr. Shaw says Dr. Greer's numerous cured patients are sinners wilfully,
whiie they don't tell their doctors how they are cured by his pills. Mr. Shaw
declares that forty of Dr. Greer's Pills cured him of Cholera, after he was given
up for death ten years ago, where three corpses were taken from the stair. All
that took his Pills recovered,"
Blockheads and boobies are next advised where Dr. Greer's
medicines are to be sold: knowledge to the dissemination of which
Mr. Punch does not choose to be instrumental.
So much for Dr. Greer's pills, and hard-headed Scotchmen. But
there are also Englishmen equally and likewise hard of head; and to
their belief and acceptance the following statement is proposed in the
Morning Post, in the form, not of advertisement, but that of paragraph:
" Hollo way's Pills and Ointment.—A Perfect Panacea.—In these two prepa-
rations are found reliable remedies for all complaints caused by climate, irregularity,
over exertion, or accident. Internal or external disorders are subjugated by these
incomparable medicines without demanding any knowledge or faith on the patient's
part. They act physically by removing impurities and establishing regularity of
function ; in fact—
' Before their healing presence life respires,
And sickness, with his rueful train, retires.'
The foregoing assertions are noteworthy for containing one statement
of which the truth is indisputable. There can be no doubt that nobody
can know that Holloway's incomparable medicines—that is to say,
medicines that cannot be compared to any that are good for anything—
ever cured himself or anybody else of any complaint whatever; so that
all disorders, whether internal or external, which they ever subjugate,
they subjugate entirely without demanding of the patient the know-
ledge that he has even anything the matter with him. There can be as
little doubt that they demand no faith whatever in their efficacy on the
part of those who attest their curative effects.
One other truth is very probably contained in the remainder of the
above quoted medical paragraph in the Post:—
" No organ in the body can long resist the combined action of these remedies,
which invariably harmonise every corporeal function, and on the brain reflect »
happy state of mind, removing low spirits, lassitude, and hypochondriacisai, for
which, they substitute cheerfulness and contentment, and render pure our physical
and moral being."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 26, 1859.
FLATTERING TESTIMONIAL.
We understand that the English residents in Pari*
intend presenting Lord Cowley with a little testimonial,
in remembrance of his Lordship's recent Mission to Vienna,
and the success which has attended his pacific labours. To
typify his Lordship's usefulness at Court, it is proposed the
little souvenir should assume a form rather of utility than
ornament; and we believe it will consist of a set of dinner-
napkins, which, in his Lordship's hospitalities, will be in
constant use. We understand that the napkins will be
tastefully embroidered by the hands of those (remarkably)
select few of our fair countrywomen who have been honoured
by his Lordship with a dinner invitation. Of the designs we
are at present not at liberty to speak; but we are given to
understand that napkin " No. 1" will be embroidered in the
centre with a few neat lines of compliment, setting forth
the dinner services Lord C. has done the State; and that
on napkin " No. 2 " will be depicted, in raised needlework, a
portrait of his Lordship, taken from the life, as he appeared
on his return from his late pacific mission. To give the like-
ness more effect, certain details will be added from Mr.
Millais' picture, and underneath will be inscribed the
explanatory words—
" IPatts, ffiarcj), 1859: ' fe lUlurne of sc Boiie'—tnttljout jje
<©li6e Brand)."
A BROAD HINT.
Stumpy Artist (to Friend with a Government appointment and lots of time). " Come
and see my Picture ; can't you come in the daytime early ? And look 'ere: do you know
a tall, handsome, gentlemanly-looking fellow, with a light beard and moustache, who
would sit to me for my Hungarian Chief?"
WHAT MAY BE DONE IN FIFTY YEARS.
An American paper is eloquent upon the many inven-
tions and discoveries for which the world is indebted to the
first half of the nineteenth century. Amongst others, may
be enumerated the following:—Punch, Steamers, railways,
the electric telegraph, gas, photography, and chloroform.
The second half of the nineteenth century scarcely pro-
mises to be so rich. Its claims to originality do not, at
present, extend much beyond—Crinoline, all-round collars,
peg-top trousers, perambulators, penny ices, halfpenny steam-
boats, and penny papers. The list is not a lively one.
However, there is plenty of time between this and the
commencement of the twentieth century. The next forty
years may witness the birth of some tremendous genius,
who may hit upon the means of setting the Thames on
fire; or, for aught we know, abolishing the National Debt.
All things are, we believe, possible to the genius of Man,
even down to the completion of Trafalgar- Square!
THE DONKEY'S MEDICAL GUIDE.
Every North Briton is on this side of the Tweed described as a
" hard-headed Scotchman;" but the North British Advertiser appears
to circulate among a population, many of whom, if their heads are not
as soft as puddings, are remarkable for that peculiar hardness of head
which is otherwise called density, and is accompanied with thickness.
To hard-headed Scotchmen of this latter description, if not to soft-
headed Scotchmen, must the following advertisement, extracted from
our North British Contemporary, be addressed:—
DR. JAMES GREER'S, OF GLASGOW, ONE OF 300 SCIENTIFIC
MIRACLES.—It's a positive fact! Philosophers, Doctors, Lawyers, and
College Professors, can neither understand nor learn how those True Miracles are
wrought, not on the Dead Body, but on their Dying Victims, by Dk. Greer's Pills.
Behold the truth as it is declared by the Patients in Newspapers :—
a dying man, Mr. William Shaw, master millwright, 88, Gallowgate, swelled
from head to foot, was drawn in a cab from 114, Main Street, Bridgeton, t» Dr.
Greer's Shop, —-—. He took 122 Vegetable Pills, and walked four miles the next
day to publish that he was perfectly cured of all the swellings.
What was the matter with Mr. Shaw ? will perhaps be the question
of any bloated fool who, wishing to reduce his bulk, may propose to take
Dr. Greer's pills for that purpose, and may not be quite such an
idiot as to take them without at all thinking whether or not they are
suitable for his complaint. Mr. Shaw's case was evidently general
emphysema, or windy swelling, of that species in which the patient
assumes the character of a human puff. That character, however, is
by no means destroyed when a quack medicine has brought down all
the bodily tumefaction which the sufferer ever laboured under. It
appears to be constitutional and inveterate in the case of this fellow,
Shaw ; for the above advertisement proceeds to inform sumphs and
simpletons that—
'' Mr. Shaw says Dr. Greer's numerous cured patients are sinners wilfully,
whiie they don't tell their doctors how they are cured by his pills. Mr. Shaw
declares that forty of Dr. Greer's Pills cured him of Cholera, after he was given
up for death ten years ago, where three corpses were taken from the stair. All
that took his Pills recovered,"
Blockheads and boobies are next advised where Dr. Greer's
medicines are to be sold: knowledge to the dissemination of which
Mr. Punch does not choose to be instrumental.
So much for Dr. Greer's pills, and hard-headed Scotchmen. But
there are also Englishmen equally and likewise hard of head; and to
their belief and acceptance the following statement is proposed in the
Morning Post, in the form, not of advertisement, but that of paragraph:
" Hollo way's Pills and Ointment.—A Perfect Panacea.—In these two prepa-
rations are found reliable remedies for all complaints caused by climate, irregularity,
over exertion, or accident. Internal or external disorders are subjugated by these
incomparable medicines without demanding any knowledge or faith on the patient's
part. They act physically by removing impurities and establishing regularity of
function ; in fact—
' Before their healing presence life respires,
And sickness, with his rueful train, retires.'
The foregoing assertions are noteworthy for containing one statement
of which the truth is indisputable. There can be no doubt that nobody
can know that Holloway's incomparable medicines—that is to say,
medicines that cannot be compared to any that are good for anything—
ever cured himself or anybody else of any complaint whatever; so that
all disorders, whether internal or external, which they ever subjugate,
they subjugate entirely without demanding of the patient the know-
ledge that he has even anything the matter with him. There can be as
little doubt that they demand no faith whatever in their efficacy on the
part of those who attest their curative effects.
One other truth is very probably contained in the remainder of the
above quoted medical paragraph in the Post:—
" No organ in the body can long resist the combined action of these remedies,
which invariably harmonise every corporeal function, and on the brain reflect »
happy state of mind, removing low spirits, lassitude, and hypochondriacisai, for
which, they substitute cheerfulness and contentment, and render pure our physical
and moral being."