Punch: Punch (36.1859)

May 21, 1859.]

207

And in the Customs, or the Docks,
I '11 put you in a little box,
To our vote-givers good luck falls,
None to those odious Radicals.

Hark, how these yellow sovereigns ring
For thee, if thou wdt do this thing ;
If thou wilt only conscience waive,
And vote for me and be my knave.

Pise. A choice song, Sir, quotha! Commend me to the nightingale ,
but methought that in your ditty I heard somewhat of the note of the
mocking bird.

P. Yea, Sir, sayest thou so ? Truly thou hast a nice ear.

Pise. Seest thou, good Sir, aught of green in this mine eye ?

P. How, gentlemen, may you be off tor soap?

Pise, and Fen. Doth your mother know you aro out ?

P. Nay ; but her son doth know that you very soon will be.

Pise, and Ven. Sir, I salute' you !

P. Sweet Sirs, the same to you!

THE CARLTON CLUB TO ITS ROSE.

Our trust in the sons: of the Rose so deceiving,
Poor credulous bulbids, too late we deplore ;

In counties and boroughs, our losses retrieving,
He promised us sixty—and gives us a score.

Yes—a poor, paltry score is the sum of our winnings,
Or rather two scores (so the scoffers will say.

As we take up the bat for our short second innings),
The score we have gained, and the score we've to pay !

Golden Rules of Life.

Never contradict a woman when she is abusing her husband—Never
read your letters just before going to bed, as they may damage your
sleep—Never ask a favour of a man until he has dined, unless you wish
to get refused—Never inquire how a French dish is made, as tiie
solution of the mystery may have the effect of spoiling your appetite.

THE LAMENT OF ALNASCHAR-BEN-ISRAEL.

When we went to the country, a victory clear

By the cash of the Carlton we hoped to have snatched,

But now the Elections are over, 'tis clear,
That " We counted our chickens before they were hatched.

We've bribed and we've bullied: we've put on the screw;

With all party colours our banner have patched;
But in yain; neither dross, dirt, nor dodging will do—

To give us the chickens we ought to have hatched.

Had I known what I know, 'gainst Pam, Russell, and Bright,
JDisraeli and Derby had never been matched :

We'd have dropped to 'scape punishment—thrown up the fight,
But " We counted our chickens before they were hatched."

O'er the grave where we lie, by this act of our owe,
Like Japanese Courtiers, "happy dispatched,"

Let this be the Epitaph carved on the stone,

" They counted their chickens before they were hatched."

THE BATTLE OE PAVIA.

This Battle is being fought every day in Regent Street, in conse-
quence of the disputes that are going on between the Vestry and the
inhabitants as to the proper paving of the thoroughfare. At the hour
of our going to press, the entire street was up, and a proper settlement
of the question, that has completely changed the surface of the neigh-
bourhood, is not expected for a long time. Mr. Donald Nicole
repeats the words of Erancis the Eius't, and goes about-saying that
" Tout est perdufors I'honneur." If Regent Street has net lost its
honour, there is a hope that it will learn in time how properly to mend
its ways. Now that the ex-member for Erome is no longer in Parlia-
ment, he intends trying whether he cannot make matters a little
smoother in his own parish, and is determined to leave no stone
unturned with the view of filling up the horrible chasms that discord
and litigation have left at the door of almost every peaceful parishioner.
We only hope that he may succeed in making the ground, that of late
has been so terribly torn by the pickaxe of dissension, somewhat firmer
than it was when last we had the jolting misfortune of rolling over it in
our carriage, the springs of whose body were nearly as much dislocated
as the limbs of our own. Eor months and months, Regent Street has
been the terra-infirma of the metropolis.

Imperial Chess-Players.

Leading Article writers delight in alluding to Italy as the "politi-
cal chess-board." We suppose then that it may be said with perfect
fairness of the Emperor op Austria, when he pledged his crown
jewels, that he played his first pawn ?

how to win.

You win a woman by appealing to her impulses—you win a man by
appealing to his interests. It is all the difference between a comphment
and a bribe.

the ely's death-song.

{After sipping ati infusion of the " Papier Moure.' )

" Mourir pour la patrie ! "

" I Know a Bank."

In connection with the Ragged Schools, farthing banks have been
established. We are credibly informed that the Marquis op West-
minster keeps a deposit account at one of them.

The £10 Eounty Men

What if Eagle with Bear, Bear with Eagle consorts ?

Be their plots what they may, we'll be ready to burke 'em,
\V ith the sixty-eight pounders that frown from our ports,

And enough of our gallant ten-pounders to work 'em.

punch denies tiie major.

beat-her.

A Young Lady "just beginning" Greek, asks us, "Why a Margate
horse must live lor ever." VV'e are ashamed to reply, "Because it is

a-Thanet-o**."__

bernal osborne's best.

What is the height of the Bishop op Okpord ? Why Sam, I should
say, was five feet six—with his S. Oxon. [socks on).

Everybody is eager to go a soldiering for the good of his country.
It is said that the military contagion has actually reached Lord! A Queer Eish.—The Talking Eish is certainly a curiosity in its
Derby, and that he has been ardently striving to obtain a Majority by \ way; for it is a Seal that has neither crest, nor arms, and one that does
Purchase. 1 not make the smallest impression.