DOI Heft:
May 28, 1859
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16623#0220
212
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 28, lsso.
^
Jones (singing his favourite Seena). " Addio Leon . . or . a ad . . dio—" ['Bus suddenly stops.
Cad (with asperity). " What now/"
Driver. " Why, you hollered."
Cad. " Go along with you. It warn't me a-hollerin'." [Jones facet for the rest of the journey.
PROMISE FEEDING.
Mb,. Disraeli displays his usual ability in
feeding the hop-planters of Kent, and other
distressed districts, with a liberal prodigality
of promises. They always are to be blest, but
somehow never are. Next year the duty shall
be repealed, or at least some of it; but next
year, like to-morrow, never comes. Their case
is always to be " taken into consideration," and
^ve all know the meaning of such a Govern-
ment phrase. Things to be taken, in a public
iffice, into consideration, invariably remain
"under consideration." That is the only con-
•ideration ever paid to them. The poor hop-
planters believe in this flowery sustenance, and
;ome up to Downing Street regularly once a
ear to be fed. The Chancellor of the
Exchequer feeds them -with a tender and
bountiful hand, and knows exactly how to til!
i heir hearts, if not their stomachs, or their
pockets. It is a species of spoon-meat, for
tfhich the hungry agriculturists evince a hearty
ippetite ; they relish the food,—thinner than
my workhouse gruel,—and, like young Oliver,
ire always " asking for more." Mr. Disraeli,
m lus art, is a most cunning nurse,—a perfect
Aitch in his way. for he understands, in the
Macbeth sense, how to keep, with each depu-
ation, "the promise to the ear" of these
raping gentlemen, and how, as unfailingly, to
break it to the hop."
Many a True Word Spoken ia Jest
Child. Papa, why does Parliament generally
meet in the evening ?
Papa. Because, my child, most of their Acts
won't bear the daylight.
IS COAL A CONTRABAND OF WAR? THE FRIENDS TO BACK.
We hardly know how to answer the above question. "What says
Coke upon Littleton ? The point in dispute had better be referred to
a committee of Carbonari, who, we recommend, had better sit upon
it. For ourselves, -we cannot help thinking, if a country is in flames,
that coal ought to be looked upon as a decided contraband of war, only
tending to increase the fire of discord raging there—and more espe-
cially in a country like Italy, where there are so many Italian irons to
stir up the fire. Perhaps it may all depend upon whether the coals are
hot or cold. We fancy, if we were pelted with hot coals, that they
would warm us to that degree that, it would be philosophically impos-
sible for us to keep cool, and that war would very probably ensue. In
lodging-houses, where there is but one coal-cellar, we nave known
several fierce wars to smoulder out of the coals, until the landlady has
been obliged, in self-defence, to treat them as though they were con-
traband, and has made a practice of regularly confiscating as much as
she could out of every chaldron that came into her house. Again : we
have witnessed several painful emeutes of a most fiery nature arise out
of the fact of a husband amusing himself all the evening in poking the
fire when there was not the slightest necessity for it. The poor wife
has borne this as long as she could, and with a degree of patience such
as wives only can exhibit, until, her tongue breaking out at last into an
explosive flame, she has carried off the poker, and hidden it some-
where in the hall. Declarations of war have likewise been recorded
when a gentleman has taken the liberty of poking the fire before he has
known the family the requisite period of seven years.
In all these cases it would have been better to have treated coal as a
contraband of war; for it is clear, if the coal had never been intro-
duced into the establishment, the disturbance never would have taken
place, and the war never would have broken out. Moreover, when we
know that coal cannot enter a gentleman's establishment without going
through the noisy process of shooting, and never rests quiet until it has
left all over the house undoubted marks of the sack it has introduced
into it,;—practices of shooting and sacking in which it, is only equalled
by an infuriated soldiery,—we should be inclined to look at coal several
times before we declared that it did not contain within it several of the
elements of war,—-such as fire, smoke, and ashes. If not war itself, it
is certainly the fuel of war, and in that light should be considered a
contraband that every one is justified in excluding from his house
during the dog days, cr any other period that the place is quite hot
enough without it.
Rise, rise, freemen and Englishmen,
Why the deuce won't you support law and order ?
Rise rise, yeoman and citizen ;
All the small Germans on frenzy close border.
Austria's banner's spread
(J'er many a loggerhead,
Many a thief with his fingers all gory :
Pise, and get, ready then,
Lovers and country men,
Eight for the Kaiser and Pope's might and glory.
Arm, arm, Britons, for tyranny,
Freedom of conscience and thought that denies man
Help, help, priestcraft, and popery ;
Austria's patron is Cardinal W iseman.
Austria's party, note,
Got every papist's vote,
Which way the cat will jump know by that omen,
Then, if you've lost your wits,
Fight for the Jesuits ;
Eight for the Empire that 's called Holy Roman.
Vote, vote, soldiers and subsidy,
Mind to enslave and maintain superstition,
Winking Madonnas, Concordats, and monkery.
Pay Peter's Pence to prop Pome's Inquisition.
Austria's whip to crack
Still upon woman's back,
Englishmen, aid ; and the Pope's domination,
Protestant fools, sustain,
Bleeding from every vein,
All at the cost of unbounded taxation!
the rule Or three.
Monsieur Guizot has nearly ready for the press a book with t he
title of Trois Rois; Trois Peuples; Trots Siecles. As the division of
the subject, would of itself imply, the work is dedicated to that great
historian of Troy (in partnership with one Homer), the Right Hon.
W. E. Gladstone.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 28, lsso.
^
Jones (singing his favourite Seena). " Addio Leon . . or . a ad . . dio—" ['Bus suddenly stops.
Cad (with asperity). " What now/"
Driver. " Why, you hollered."
Cad. " Go along with you. It warn't me a-hollerin'." [Jones facet for the rest of the journey.
PROMISE FEEDING.
Mb,. Disraeli displays his usual ability in
feeding the hop-planters of Kent, and other
distressed districts, with a liberal prodigality
of promises. They always are to be blest, but
somehow never are. Next year the duty shall
be repealed, or at least some of it; but next
year, like to-morrow, never comes. Their case
is always to be " taken into consideration," and
^ve all know the meaning of such a Govern-
ment phrase. Things to be taken, in a public
iffice, into consideration, invariably remain
"under consideration." That is the only con-
•ideration ever paid to them. The poor hop-
planters believe in this flowery sustenance, and
;ome up to Downing Street regularly once a
ear to be fed. The Chancellor of the
Exchequer feeds them -with a tender and
bountiful hand, and knows exactly how to til!
i heir hearts, if not their stomachs, or their
pockets. It is a species of spoon-meat, for
tfhich the hungry agriculturists evince a hearty
ippetite ; they relish the food,—thinner than
my workhouse gruel,—and, like young Oliver,
ire always " asking for more." Mr. Disraeli,
m lus art, is a most cunning nurse,—a perfect
Aitch in his way. for he understands, in the
Macbeth sense, how to keep, with each depu-
ation, "the promise to the ear" of these
raping gentlemen, and how, as unfailingly, to
break it to the hop."
Many a True Word Spoken ia Jest
Child. Papa, why does Parliament generally
meet in the evening ?
Papa. Because, my child, most of their Acts
won't bear the daylight.
IS COAL A CONTRABAND OF WAR? THE FRIENDS TO BACK.
We hardly know how to answer the above question. "What says
Coke upon Littleton ? The point in dispute had better be referred to
a committee of Carbonari, who, we recommend, had better sit upon
it. For ourselves, -we cannot help thinking, if a country is in flames,
that coal ought to be looked upon as a decided contraband of war, only
tending to increase the fire of discord raging there—and more espe-
cially in a country like Italy, where there are so many Italian irons to
stir up the fire. Perhaps it may all depend upon whether the coals are
hot or cold. We fancy, if we were pelted with hot coals, that they
would warm us to that degree that, it would be philosophically impos-
sible for us to keep cool, and that war would very probably ensue. In
lodging-houses, where there is but one coal-cellar, we nave known
several fierce wars to smoulder out of the coals, until the landlady has
been obliged, in self-defence, to treat them as though they were con-
traband, and has made a practice of regularly confiscating as much as
she could out of every chaldron that came into her house. Again : we
have witnessed several painful emeutes of a most fiery nature arise out
of the fact of a husband amusing himself all the evening in poking the
fire when there was not the slightest necessity for it. The poor wife
has borne this as long as she could, and with a degree of patience such
as wives only can exhibit, until, her tongue breaking out at last into an
explosive flame, she has carried off the poker, and hidden it some-
where in the hall. Declarations of war have likewise been recorded
when a gentleman has taken the liberty of poking the fire before he has
known the family the requisite period of seven years.
In all these cases it would have been better to have treated coal as a
contraband of war; for it is clear, if the coal had never been intro-
duced into the establishment, the disturbance never would have taken
place, and the war never would have broken out. Moreover, when we
know that coal cannot enter a gentleman's establishment without going
through the noisy process of shooting, and never rests quiet until it has
left all over the house undoubted marks of the sack it has introduced
into it,;—practices of shooting and sacking in which it, is only equalled
by an infuriated soldiery,—we should be inclined to look at coal several
times before we declared that it did not contain within it several of the
elements of war,—-such as fire, smoke, and ashes. If not war itself, it
is certainly the fuel of war, and in that light should be considered a
contraband that every one is justified in excluding from his house
during the dog days, cr any other period that the place is quite hot
enough without it.
Rise, rise, freemen and Englishmen,
Why the deuce won't you support law and order ?
Rise rise, yeoman and citizen ;
All the small Germans on frenzy close border.
Austria's banner's spread
(J'er many a loggerhead,
Many a thief with his fingers all gory :
Pise, and get, ready then,
Lovers and country men,
Eight for the Kaiser and Pope's might and glory.
Arm, arm, Britons, for tyranny,
Freedom of conscience and thought that denies man
Help, help, priestcraft, and popery ;
Austria's patron is Cardinal W iseman.
Austria's party, note,
Got every papist's vote,
Which way the cat will jump know by that omen,
Then, if you've lost your wits,
Fight for the Jesuits ;
Eight for the Empire that 's called Holy Roman.
Vote, vote, soldiers and subsidy,
Mind to enslave and maintain superstition,
Winking Madonnas, Concordats, and monkery.
Pay Peter's Pence to prop Pome's Inquisition.
Austria's whip to crack
Still upon woman's back,
Englishmen, aid ; and the Pope's domination,
Protestant fools, sustain,
Bleeding from every vein,
All at the cost of unbounded taxation!
the rule Or three.
Monsieur Guizot has nearly ready for the press a book with t he
title of Trois Rois; Trois Peuples; Trots Siecles. As the division of
the subject, would of itself imply, the work is dedicated to that great
historian of Troy (in partnership with one Homer), the Right Hon.
W. E. Gladstone.