Punch (37.1859)

84

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 27, 1859.

PUNNING IN PARLIAMENT.

ometiiing really must-
be done to stop the
practice of punning
which has of late be-
come so scandalously
prevalent in Parlia-
ment. It is not very
often that we wade
through a debate, but
when we do, we are
sure to find it brist-
ling with bad jokes,
such as even the most
shameless of burlesque
writers would blush
at. The reporters, we
believe, do the utmost
in their power to
suppress such painful
matter, and struggle
nobly to preserve the
reputation of our
senators : but in spite
of all their vigilance,
scarcely ever a Times
passes without afford-
ing the most melan-
choly proofs of the
low state to which
the wits of our “ Col-
lective "Wisdom” are
reduced. No sooner
does a Member get
upon his legs than his
aim seems that of
making a Joe Miller
of himself. In point
of fact, M.P. means

Miserable Punster. Instead of keeping up the decent gravity of statesmen, our senators
behave like a lot of Merry-Andrews, and seem to vie with one another as to who can show
himself the most devoid of wit. Having duly screwed their courage up to punning point,
they perpetrate, like circus clowns, the ancientest of jests : and so insane are the attempts at-
joking which are made, that the speakers seem less fitted for St. Stephen’s than St. Luke’s.

As we of course have no desire to nauseate our readers, we will but cite one extract from
the evidence before us, to show what grounds we have for making these assertions, and to
prove with how much levity subjects the most weighty are commonly discussed. In a debate
the other night upon the Civil Service Estimates, Mr. Cayley is reported to have stooped to
utter this:—

“ As to the talk about Lad air, before they could hope to see any improvement in the ventilation of the
House, he would say, with the venerable Whs. Glasse, ‘ first catch your hare.’ (A laugh.)"

Headers who survive this may incline to moot the point as to whether his consti-
tuents should not wait on Mr. Cayley to demand from him some sort of explanation of
lus joke. The question also may be mooted, as to whether a committee should not sit
upon such punsters, with the view of ascertaining the condition of their intellect, and
requiring, on occasion, their acceptance of strait waistcoats and vacation of their seats.
What makes the matter worse (if puns so bad are capable of any pejoration), is that so
far from condemning, the House laughs at the offenders, and weakly shakes its sides where
it ought to shake its fist. Besides, as we have shown, the levities are not confined to
matters of light consequence. The ventilation of the House is no joke to those who suffer
from it; yet the Cayleys do not hesitate to try to make a joke of it. They trifle with it as
though it were a “trifle light as air,” instead of being as it is, a “heavy blow and sore
discouragement ” to all the throats which are exposed to it.

We recoil with awe from fancying what Hansard will grow like, unless somb measures
be devised to check this painful practice. Just conceive what wretched lives will be led
by the reporters, when a debate upon a question of deep national momentousness—such as
the proposal of a peerage, or a pension, say, for Punch—is proceeded with in some such a
facetious way as this:—

“ Lord Palmerston then rose, in pursuance of his notice, to move a vote of thanks to,
and of confidence in, Punch. His Lordship said the claims of Punch were so well known,
that no one but a spoon or a Spooner was not conscious of them. {Hear!) Were he to
mention, for example, how often Ptaich had saved the country, he should merely be
repeating what everybody knew: and though, as Premier, it was his place to be a watch
upon the House, there in this case was no need for him to act as a repeater. {A laugh!) He
(Lord Palmerston) knew full well what Punch had done for him, and he trusted he knew
better than to wish to ‘ do for ’ Punch. He proposed therefore, in order to lengthen Punch's
life, to present him with a pension, which would no doubt effect that purpose. {Hear!)
Brevity,_ they knew, was called the soul of wit; but this was clearly a misnomer, for the soul
of wit, in fact the sole wit, now was Punch, {hear, hear !) and, not being a lawyer, Punch
had nothing of the. brief about him. {Laughter!) People very often wished that so-called
‘wits’ woidd cut it short: but so far from people wishing that Punch should be cut short,
every one who knew him longed to see him longer. Besides voting him their confidence,

a pension {hear, hear!), which wrould ensure him
a long life, and, there was no doubt, a merry one.
{Cheers).

“ Lord John B.ussell had intended to play
nothing but first fiddle, but his respeet for Punch
persuaded him to second his friend’s motion.
{Hear!) He thought, though, that a pension
was a worldly-minded present; and although no
doubt a tribute which his friend would not de-
cline {oh, oh!), still it was not one that was
suited to a mind of more refinement, such as
his (Lord John’s), or as he dared say, that of

Punch. {Hear!)

*ed therefore to pro-

pose the erection of a statue {oh, oh!) as a gift
more in accordance with our ancient British,
usage, which when an author wanted bread
made him the present of a stone. {Question!'
and cries of ‘name/’) Now Punch was not in-
want of bread, and. bread therefore was not
kneaded {the nolle Lord pronounced this so that
thirtee?i Members tittered); but the erection of a
statue was strictly constitutional, and would
show that, as regards our rewards to men of
genius, we did as our ancestors, and were still
in statue quo. {Laughter!)

. “ Sir Bulwer Lytton said, that speaking for
himself, he agreed that writers now-a-days were
not in knead of bread. {A laugh!) But when we
make a man a statue, he became a sort of butt,
and another sort of butt would be a more be-
fitting present. To use the language of antiquity,
he would just remind his hearers that Gloria
claret. Claret, glorious old claret, clarified the
wits, and a butt of claret therefore was a fitting
gift for Punch. {Hear!)

“ Mr. Roebuck, said his tastes inclined to-
something sourer. He would say with Horace,

1 Hock erat in Votis.’ His advice to Punch was,
in two words, ‘ Accipe Hock!

“ Mr. Hadeield remarked, that he had learned;
another bit of Latin when at school, and his
imbibing it had biassed his bibations ever since.
He had forgotten whether Juvenal or Homer
were the author, but the quotation, he remem-
bered, ran in these three words, ‘ Fortiter occupa-
portum,’ which, as he translated it, meant ‘Stick
to Forty Port! ’ He proposed the presentation
of a pipe of this to Punch, as the pilot who sc
often, when the Government were all at sea, had
brought them into port. {Cheers.)

“ An honourable Member, whose name we
could not catch, recommended the addition of a
ton of prime cigars, on the ground of the old
axiom, ‘ Ex fumo dare lucem,’ meaning that Punch
can draw enlightenment even from his smoke.

“ Mr. Disraeli had no wish that the debate
should end in smoke. {Laughter!) As a literary
man, lie wished to see his friend Punch well
rewarded for his works {cheers) ; and lie agreed
with his friend Pam (who, though he was not
of the craft, knew more of its requirements than-
his friend Johnny, who was), that to a well-read-
man of letters there were no letters more grateful'
than the trio £ s. d. {A laugh!)

“ Mr. Bright observed, that this was a blunt
way of putting it {laughter), but being a plain
man he was a lover of plain speaking. As a
business man, he always kept a sharp eye for the-
biunt {great laughter), and he for one would not
refuse a pension were it offered him. ‘ Hold*
thyself ever ready for the pouching of the ready’'
was a maxim which was taught him in his copy-
book at school, and he had no doubt that friend:
Punch, being a rather downy bird, was equally
well up in it. {Laughter!)

“ Mr. Cobden was proposing at once to
clench the matter, by voting Punch a pension of
the yearly sum of [Blank],* when—

“ Mr. Miscount Yilliams interrupted witL
some warmth. Such a waste of public money, he-
for one, would never sanction. {Oh, oh!) What
need was there to talk of giving anything at all ?’
Virtue, as they all knew, was its own reward
{question !), and*Punch needed no other recognition

which was a mere matter of course, the nation therefore plainly should present Punch with ' * Our modesty forbids us to mention tbc amount.—Ep..