Punch (45.1863)

July 11, 1863.]

11

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE NEW POSITION.

Able-bodied Volunteer. “Hallo, Gawkey, my Boy! what’s all this about?”
Invalid Ditto (in gasps). “Oh, I—fact is—shooting the other day at—our
Long Range—thought I’d try—Farquharson Position—made a centre, but

— DISLOCATED BOTH MY—SHOULDER BLADES—CONCUSSION OF THE FUNNY-BONE AND
A CRICK IN MY NECK EVER SINCE ! ”

For the benefit of the uninitiated, we subjoin the practice referred to by our
Invalid friend :

“The ‘ Farquhabson Position.’—Let a man lie down on his back, cross his legs, and place a
rifle butt into his right shoulder, with the barrel resting on the limbs. Having done this, let him
bring the left arm round the back of his head, and take hold of the butt of the rifle, the left elbow
pressed against the head, somewhere on the right lobe, near the bump of ‘ cautiousness, ’ no bad
quality for a rifle shot by the way. If a man can do this, not as a gymnastic feat, but easily, so as
to make bull’s-eyes at 1000 yards in that remarkable attitude, he will be as clever as Mr.
Farquharson. ”

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

June 29. Monday. The sight of the stalwart and intelligent Maori chiefs, who
are among the lions of the season, probably induced Loud Lyttleton to get up
a New Zealand debate. He urged that certain settlers at Taranaki should be pro-
tected against the natives. The Duke of Newcastle was sorry for the settlers, but
thought that their troubles were their own fault. Eabl Grey praised the Maories,
and was for amalgamating them with the colonists. Much uglier fellows than the
chiefs who are visiting us get married to very eligible English girls.

The Solicitor General, who is thought 1o understand International Law almost
as well as Mr. Punch, is not dissatisfied with the American Prize Courts. There
was a debate on their decisions, and Mr. Cobden, in return, assailed the charge of
Chief Baron Pollock, in the Alexandra case. Mr. Seymour Fitzgerald
thought that Lord Russell’s language, on the subject of British rights, was more
energetic than his deeds.

The Irish Church debate was resumed, and of course there was a good deal of
laughter. Sir Robert Peel made a rattling speech, suggested a Cartoon for Mr.
Punch (for which we are obliged), and made fun of Mu. Bernal Osborne “ with
pious tears galloping over his theological cheek.” Sir Robert declared himself the
determined champion of the Church of Ireland, and reminded the House that the
total expense ol that grand engine against evil was only the price of a single armour-
plated vessel. The logic was exactly suited to the House, which after some more
talk, decided by 228 to 67 that the debate should not be adjourned, and then a
motion for the adjournment of the House finished off the affair altogether. The
Tories have won Berwick-on-Tweed.

Tuesday. Mouravieff seems to be a Russian General
Butler. That eminent Federal, who hopes to be President,
had a special method of dealing with the ladies of New
Orleans, and Mouravieff has an equally special way of
persecuting Polish ladies. The latter are addicted to wearing
mourning for their slaughtered relatives orfor their oppressed
country, and the symbol is hateful to the Russians. So
they have commanded that all women of an infamous life
shall wear black, and consequently any lady in black is
liable to the utfiiost insolence of the police. Can we
wonder at hearing that the Poles sometimes avenge them-
selves terribly ?

Lord Derby made a neat protest against the surrender
of the Ionian Isles, which, had he been in office he would
have seen it necessary to cede, and Lord Russell, who,
had he been in Opposition, would have felt it his duty to
protest against the cession, made the defence which, in the
other case, would have fallen to Lord Derby.

Lord Granville stated that the case of the Milliners and
Dressmakers had been referred to a Royal Commission now
sitting on similar matters. The employers of the girls like
the one destroyed at Mrs. Isaacson-Elise’s have tried
to lay blame on the ladies, but Lady Ellesmere states
that no matter how long a notice a lady gives, the dress-
maker will not begin the dress until the last moment, and
hence the terrible pressure.

Edinburgh’s claim to precedence over Dublin is now
finally allowed by the heralds. Probably the Scottish
metropolis will shortly claim precedence over London, as
England is described as “an appanage to the Scottish
crown.”

Then came the question, raised by John Arthur Roe-
buck, whose name is Tear’em, “ Shall we recognise the
Southern Confederacy ? ” He moved a resolution to the
effect that we ought to do so. His reasons were various.
Among them were these :—

That Mr. Bright thinks himself the salt of the earth,
and isn’t.

That the South had conquered the North, and now
menaced Washington.

That it was for our interest to be on terms with a State
that produces sugar, cotton, and tobacco.

That the Northerners hate the slaves.

That the Northerners are hypocrites.

That he. Roebuck, had resolved to prevent the recon
struction of the Hnion.

That he and Mr. Lindsay had been to Paris, and asken
the Emberor whether he had changed his mind, and that
the Emperor had said that he had not.

That in ten days we could sweep every American ship
from the seas.

That the Northern armies are melting away.

That the Lancashire distress will increase, and in that
case Lord Palmerston’s popularity will collapse.

Well, here are reasons of all kinds, large and small, and
to and from the purpose. A great debate followed. Loud
R. Montagu was for neutrality, as was Mr. Clifford,
who, however, affirmed that public opinion in this country
was strongly in favour of the South. Mr. Gladstone
urged the necessity of being passionless, testified to English
admiration of the heroism of the South, but adverted to
the counter-current of anti-slavery feelings. He had not
been afraid of the Union, nor desired its destruction, aud
at all events he deprecated any argument based on selfish
grounds. He also protested against the House taking into
its own hands the business of Government. He rebuked
Mr. Roebuck, and said there was no doubt as to what
would be the issue of the war, but that there ought to be
no undue interference. Mil. Forster made a strong
anti-slavery speech, and threatened us with the anger of
Heaven if we encouraged the slave-owners. Lord Robert
Cecil called him a fanatic. Mr. Bright, in one of the
ablest speeches he has ever made, castigated Mr. Roebuck
in a hideous manner, and contrasted his present language
of adulation of the Emperor with his expression of disgust
some time ago that “ those perjured lips should touch the
hallowed cheek of our Queen,” Mr. Bright, of course,
made a strong Federal speech, and introduced as illus-
trative of the horrors of slavery a pretty picture of his
own fireside with six little children there. He argued, of
course, upon what slave parents must feel. All very well,
but it does not follow that because Mr. Bright loves his
six charming children (to whom Mr. Punch sends his best
love) he ought to encourage people who hire the scum of
Ireland and Germany to cut the throats of those who have.