DOI Heft:
July 2, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0016
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 2, 1864.
IT'S A WAY WE HAVE IN THE ARMY.
Mild Civilian to Military Fellow Traveller. “ Know that Officer just got out, Sir ? Seems to have seen an
Immensity of Service.”
Military Fellow Traveller. “Don’t know, I’m shaw ; b’longs to the other Bwanch of the Sawvice, pwabably”
[N.B. M.F.T. belongs to the Mounted Branch.
DECEIT IN THE
WASH-TUB
“ I have given up
(says a poor, meek, help-
less husband) buying
expensive handkerchiefs
for some time past.
Once, I used to buy
nothing but the finest
French cambric, but
somehow or other my !
wife used always, the
next week, when they
came home from the
wash, to claim them as
her own, and if I doubted
her word, she would
triumphantly point to the
initials in the corner, and
which I must say corre-
sponded exactly with her
own. What was I to
do ? Could I refute irre-
fragable evidence ? I was
compelled to submit to
the ingenious imposition,
even though I was con-
scious that I was paying
through the nose for it.
However, ever since
then, I have made a prac- '
tice of contenting myself
with the very commonest
Scotch lawn— and I must j
say that I find I do not j
by any means lose so
many pocket - handker-
chiefs as I did before.”
Police !—When is a
Policeman like a Samari-
tan ? When he comes
out of Some area.
THE CENTENARY INSURANCE COMPANY.
We understand that with this title it is proposed to start a Company
whose object will be to insure to all the persons who subscribe to it a
commemorative festival upon their hundredth birthday, if they then be
dead. It is generally acknowledged that everybody nowadays must
have a Centenary, and people who have any fear that they may escape
having one may, by insuring in this Company, relieve their minds at
once from such a painful apprehension, and rest assured their hundredth
birthday will, if they die before it, be borne publicly in mind.
The chief object, however, of the Company will be to provide work
for the people who like getting up Centenaries, and by celebrating
others try to celebrate themselves. As the daisy may feel proud that, if
not the rose itself, it has lived near to the rose, and become in some
degree ennobled by the neighbourhood, so small promoters of Cente-
naries may derive reflected greatness from the greater men they glorify.
Poets, whose poetic feet are very much too weak to climb Parnassus
without help, try to raise themselves by clinging to some stronger
climber’s skirts. The being named in the same breath with greater
men of letters, may be thought by some to magnify a name of little
note ; and so when a Centenary is purposed to be kept, there is never
any lack of men to act on the Committee, and have then- names paraded
publicly in print.
Another hardly less important object of the Company is to keep up
the supply of birthdays to be celebrated, which, it is feared, might
otherwise ere long become exhausted. It is not every day that one can
catch a Shakspeare or a Burns to be centenarified, and, for want of
some one better, one will soon have to fall back upon a Tomkins or a
Smith. Whether the prospect of being held in popular remembrance
uPon one’s hundredth birthday would act as an incentive to the writing
of good poetry, or the doing of good deeds, is a question which this
Company perhaps may help to answer; and if the answer be affirmative,
we may well wish that the Company may meet with all success.
Impertinent.—Amongst our miscellaneous reading, we fell over a
copy of a Trench paper, called Le Progres de Lyons. We instantly
dispatched it, with our compliments, to Sir Edwin Landseer.
DREADFUL MORAL DUNCES.
The Select Committee appointed to consider the case of Mr.
Bewicke, who suffered penal servitude on conviction through perjury,
state, in their report denying his claim to redress for that infliction,
that:—
“ They are unable to accede to the proposition that persons who have been con-
victed in due course of law by evidence subsequently proved to be false are entitled
to compensation out of the public purse.”
Are these gentlemen able to accede to the proposition that anybody
whosoever, who has suffered any conceivable outrage, is entitled to any
compensation at all P If a person injured by the mistake of a Judge
and jury is not entitled to compensation out of the public purse, how
can anybody accidentally injured by the agents of an individual be
entitled to any compensation out of a private purse p What difference,
as to claim for compensation, is there between being crushed by the
error of a court of law, and being driven over by a blundering coachman ?
The legislators who are “ unable to accede to the proposition,” self-
evident to anybody endowed with any conscientiousness, “ that persons
who have been convicted in due course of law by evidence subsequently
proved to be false are entitled to compensation out of the public purse,”
would probably have that inability removed by an unmerited subjection
for a very limited period to the discipline of a felon’s gaol, which, for
the stimulation of their stupid moral sense, might advantageously
include several whippings.
Something like Piracy.
A Telegram from New York announces that:—
“ The Steamer Tristram Shandy has been captured.”
Doubtless, that was because she had no Sterne chasers.
TRYING WORK.
The Courts ox Law at Westminster are so inconvenient tnat the
causes tried in them undergo not half so thorough a trial aa the
Judges do.
[July 2, 1864.
IT'S A WAY WE HAVE IN THE ARMY.
Mild Civilian to Military Fellow Traveller. “ Know that Officer just got out, Sir ? Seems to have seen an
Immensity of Service.”
Military Fellow Traveller. “Don’t know, I’m shaw ; b’longs to the other Bwanch of the Sawvice, pwabably”
[N.B. M.F.T. belongs to the Mounted Branch.
DECEIT IN THE
WASH-TUB
“ I have given up
(says a poor, meek, help-
less husband) buying
expensive handkerchiefs
for some time past.
Once, I used to buy
nothing but the finest
French cambric, but
somehow or other my !
wife used always, the
next week, when they
came home from the
wash, to claim them as
her own, and if I doubted
her word, she would
triumphantly point to the
initials in the corner, and
which I must say corre-
sponded exactly with her
own. What was I to
do ? Could I refute irre-
fragable evidence ? I was
compelled to submit to
the ingenious imposition,
even though I was con-
scious that I was paying
through the nose for it.
However, ever since
then, I have made a prac- '
tice of contenting myself
with the very commonest
Scotch lawn— and I must j
say that I find I do not j
by any means lose so
many pocket - handker-
chiefs as I did before.”
Police !—When is a
Policeman like a Samari-
tan ? When he comes
out of Some area.
THE CENTENARY INSURANCE COMPANY.
We understand that with this title it is proposed to start a Company
whose object will be to insure to all the persons who subscribe to it a
commemorative festival upon their hundredth birthday, if they then be
dead. It is generally acknowledged that everybody nowadays must
have a Centenary, and people who have any fear that they may escape
having one may, by insuring in this Company, relieve their minds at
once from such a painful apprehension, and rest assured their hundredth
birthday will, if they die before it, be borne publicly in mind.
The chief object, however, of the Company will be to provide work
for the people who like getting up Centenaries, and by celebrating
others try to celebrate themselves. As the daisy may feel proud that, if
not the rose itself, it has lived near to the rose, and become in some
degree ennobled by the neighbourhood, so small promoters of Cente-
naries may derive reflected greatness from the greater men they glorify.
Poets, whose poetic feet are very much too weak to climb Parnassus
without help, try to raise themselves by clinging to some stronger
climber’s skirts. The being named in the same breath with greater
men of letters, may be thought by some to magnify a name of little
note ; and so when a Centenary is purposed to be kept, there is never
any lack of men to act on the Committee, and have then- names paraded
publicly in print.
Another hardly less important object of the Company is to keep up
the supply of birthdays to be celebrated, which, it is feared, might
otherwise ere long become exhausted. It is not every day that one can
catch a Shakspeare or a Burns to be centenarified, and, for want of
some one better, one will soon have to fall back upon a Tomkins or a
Smith. Whether the prospect of being held in popular remembrance
uPon one’s hundredth birthday would act as an incentive to the writing
of good poetry, or the doing of good deeds, is a question which this
Company perhaps may help to answer; and if the answer be affirmative,
we may well wish that the Company may meet with all success.
Impertinent.—Amongst our miscellaneous reading, we fell over a
copy of a Trench paper, called Le Progres de Lyons. We instantly
dispatched it, with our compliments, to Sir Edwin Landseer.
DREADFUL MORAL DUNCES.
The Select Committee appointed to consider the case of Mr.
Bewicke, who suffered penal servitude on conviction through perjury,
state, in their report denying his claim to redress for that infliction,
that:—
“ They are unable to accede to the proposition that persons who have been con-
victed in due course of law by evidence subsequently proved to be false are entitled
to compensation out of the public purse.”
Are these gentlemen able to accede to the proposition that anybody
whosoever, who has suffered any conceivable outrage, is entitled to any
compensation at all P If a person injured by the mistake of a Judge
and jury is not entitled to compensation out of the public purse, how
can anybody accidentally injured by the agents of an individual be
entitled to any compensation out of a private purse p What difference,
as to claim for compensation, is there between being crushed by the
error of a court of law, and being driven over by a blundering coachman ?
The legislators who are “ unable to accede to the proposition,” self-
evident to anybody endowed with any conscientiousness, “ that persons
who have been convicted in due course of law by evidence subsequently
proved to be false are entitled to compensation out of the public purse,”
would probably have that inability removed by an unmerited subjection
for a very limited period to the discipline of a felon’s gaol, which, for
the stimulation of their stupid moral sense, might advantageously
include several whippings.
Something like Piracy.
A Telegram from New York announces that:—
“ The Steamer Tristram Shandy has been captured.”
Doubtless, that was because she had no Sterne chasers.
TRYING WORK.
The Courts ox Law at Westminster are so inconvenient tnat the
causes tried in them undergo not half so thorough a trial aa the
Judges do.