DOI Heft:
July 2, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0017
July 2, 1864.1
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
OR, THE HOUSEKEEPER’S CONSTANT COMPANION.
nstructive Origin of the Curfew
in the Essex Fens.— In the time
of William the Conqueror,
a Norman Baron having lost
his way in the fens, was guided
to a place of safety by the
ringing of a bell in a neigh-
bouring village. On departing
this life, he endowed a Church,
on condition that a bell should
be rung every evening at dusk;
and further endowed a man to
be lost every year in the fens,
in order to keep up the illusion.
Thus in the course of succeed-
ing generations the inhabitants
of the village have all been
lost, the Church is in ruins,
and the case will in time be set-
tled by the Court of Chancery.
Shoes.—The History of Shoes
is very curious. There was
once a person who hadn’t any
shoes, so he went and got
some.
The best way of Eating An-
chovies.—After much considera-
tion, and lengthened discussion
with distinguished epicures, we
have come to the conclusion,
that the best way of eating an-
chovies is to put them in your
mouth, and proceed as with
mutton chops.
Old Saying for June and July.
—“ Yery warm, isn’t it ? ”
Cellar Account.—The easiest
mode of keeping a cellar account, is to arrange it after the fashion of a Bank
Book, substituting for “Debtor” and “Creditor,” the terms “Buyer” and
“ Cedar.”
Wine-Key.—If you give your Butler the wine-key in order to save yourself trouble,
always accompany him yourself, or watch his movements through the keyhole,
occasionally crying out “I’m a looking at you,” so that he may not be able to
complain of meanness.
Bin.—Directly a Bin is empty, mark it down thus :—“Bin and gone and done it.”
Coal Cellar.—It is not absolutely necessary to go to the Coal Cedar every time
a fresh scuttle-full is required. But you should decidedly count the lumps when
they first come m, and check them off as they ’re brought up-stairs.
Rules for Every Day in the Week.—Early Rising. Take care to rise in the morning
when you get out of bed. In performing your ablutions use soap and water.
Self-Creation.—Social Science has at length discovered this stupendous secret of
nature. Bears’ grease, bread, butter and various preserves can be made at home.
With a very little trouble to yourself, and by giving a certain amount of it to
others, you can always make yourself at home.
The Irish Expression “Broth of a boy” is, as may be easdy imagined, a relic of
the most atrocious cannibabsm.
Servants.—Give your servants a hodday whenever they require one; but invar
riably accompany them yourself; thus you exhibit your absence of pride, your affa-
bility, and ensure punctuality in their return.
Good Game for the Evening.—Cold Roast Partridge, at supper.
Drawing. — Exercise in crayons; for this yon require no master, but every
morning before breakfast make a point of walking your chalks.
How to get rid of Stains.—Go to Windsor.
Statistical.—It is calculated that there are more than three thousand people every
year in the Lower Orkneys, who write for periodical literature. They receive no
remuneration for their work, which at the expiration of every three years,
is collected together in so many MSS. volumes and burnt by the common
hangman. This interesting ceremony generady takes place on the thirty-first of
September.
Historical.—It was Christopher Columbus who discovered the New World
which we are now inhabiting. The old one was sold by Government to pay the
expenses of the Reformation.
Orthographic and Vsgetarian.—The plural of Onion or Inion, as is the more correct
Greek form, is Inia (Ivia). The best specimens are grown in deep pits or abysses
dug in that part of the world, which is, from this ancient garden-practice, known
as Abvss-inia. The Abyss-inions are very fine fedows.
Ladies’ Dresses.— Gofer work. When you want a dress, go for it.
American Bread.—Dampers are cakes with which the appetite is whetted.
How to destroy Grease Spots.—Take the grease out and throw the grease pots
out of the attic window.
How to frighten Blackbeetles away.—Say you ’re going to send for a crusher.
SONG OF THE PRUSSIAN SLAVES.
^ HSRlpfc Nigger ilitelahg.
Air.—“ So Early in the Morning.”
How bold was we not long ago !
Our mind we let de Sobbereign know ;
Golly, what a dreffle ting,
People to defy deir King !
So bright seemed Freedom dawning.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning,
So bright seemed Freedom dawning,
But jis de oder day.
We went agin de Massa’s will,
And kep refusin’ Bismarck’s Bill,
Grumblin’ at de sogers’ cost,
So him Majesty we crossed.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
Cos Massa was at dat time bent
To rule widont a Parliament,
Like ole Charles we say he come,
Lose him head at last, by gum!
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
But when him set ns on de Danes,
We niggers all forgets our chains.
Yellin’ at den throats ns fly ;
Schleswig-Holstein !—nigger cry.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
De King and Minister dey found
De way to turn de people round,
Settin’ glory ’fore den eyes.
Plunder ob de Danes likewise.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
We fit and conker’d, ten to one.
And by de help ob needle-gun,
Sonderborg wid Dybbol fell:
Yoh ! de cradles dar we shell.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
More men of Denmark we ’ll destroy.
As well as liHy gal and boy,
Glorifyin’ Billum’s name.
Earnin’ ebberlastin’ fame.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
De King he tink de Danes too free,
Dey ortent to be more dan we;
We for slabery nebber care,
’Spose our own we make dem share.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
So now de debble take de right,
For our ole tyrant’s game we ’ll fight,
If he want to play at ball
Wid our heads, dey now shall fall.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
Whatebber please de King we stand,
To add a slice to Faderland ;
Sink United Germany,
Once a goin’ to be free.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
Kidnapping.—Caution to Mothers.
Mark your Babies.—Many children of the Aristocracy
have been stolen by their nurses, and replaced by infants
of the inferior classes. Heirs of noble houses have thus
become chimney-sweeps, and low-born offspring have grown
up to inherit lordly domains. To prevent accidents of
this kind, tattoo your babies, as soon as possible after they
are born, on an appropriate surface. For this purpose
there is no preparation so effectual as Dodge’s American
Marking Fluid, composed from a receipt obtained from
the Sioux Indians. May be had at 85, Fleet Street.
Unfair!—The overcrowded state of our Law Courts
necessitates in almost every case a well packed Jury.
Vol. 47.
1—2
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
OR, THE HOUSEKEEPER’S CONSTANT COMPANION.
nstructive Origin of the Curfew
in the Essex Fens.— In the time
of William the Conqueror,
a Norman Baron having lost
his way in the fens, was guided
to a place of safety by the
ringing of a bell in a neigh-
bouring village. On departing
this life, he endowed a Church,
on condition that a bell should
be rung every evening at dusk;
and further endowed a man to
be lost every year in the fens,
in order to keep up the illusion.
Thus in the course of succeed-
ing generations the inhabitants
of the village have all been
lost, the Church is in ruins,
and the case will in time be set-
tled by the Court of Chancery.
Shoes.—The History of Shoes
is very curious. There was
once a person who hadn’t any
shoes, so he went and got
some.
The best way of Eating An-
chovies.—After much considera-
tion, and lengthened discussion
with distinguished epicures, we
have come to the conclusion,
that the best way of eating an-
chovies is to put them in your
mouth, and proceed as with
mutton chops.
Old Saying for June and July.
—“ Yery warm, isn’t it ? ”
Cellar Account.—The easiest
mode of keeping a cellar account, is to arrange it after the fashion of a Bank
Book, substituting for “Debtor” and “Creditor,” the terms “Buyer” and
“ Cedar.”
Wine-Key.—If you give your Butler the wine-key in order to save yourself trouble,
always accompany him yourself, or watch his movements through the keyhole,
occasionally crying out “I’m a looking at you,” so that he may not be able to
complain of meanness.
Bin.—Directly a Bin is empty, mark it down thus :—“Bin and gone and done it.”
Coal Cellar.—It is not absolutely necessary to go to the Coal Cedar every time
a fresh scuttle-full is required. But you should decidedly count the lumps when
they first come m, and check them off as they ’re brought up-stairs.
Rules for Every Day in the Week.—Early Rising. Take care to rise in the morning
when you get out of bed. In performing your ablutions use soap and water.
Self-Creation.—Social Science has at length discovered this stupendous secret of
nature. Bears’ grease, bread, butter and various preserves can be made at home.
With a very little trouble to yourself, and by giving a certain amount of it to
others, you can always make yourself at home.
The Irish Expression “Broth of a boy” is, as may be easdy imagined, a relic of
the most atrocious cannibabsm.
Servants.—Give your servants a hodday whenever they require one; but invar
riably accompany them yourself; thus you exhibit your absence of pride, your affa-
bility, and ensure punctuality in their return.
Good Game for the Evening.—Cold Roast Partridge, at supper.
Drawing. — Exercise in crayons; for this yon require no master, but every
morning before breakfast make a point of walking your chalks.
How to get rid of Stains.—Go to Windsor.
Statistical.—It is calculated that there are more than three thousand people every
year in the Lower Orkneys, who write for periodical literature. They receive no
remuneration for their work, which at the expiration of every three years,
is collected together in so many MSS. volumes and burnt by the common
hangman. This interesting ceremony generady takes place on the thirty-first of
September.
Historical.—It was Christopher Columbus who discovered the New World
which we are now inhabiting. The old one was sold by Government to pay the
expenses of the Reformation.
Orthographic and Vsgetarian.—The plural of Onion or Inion, as is the more correct
Greek form, is Inia (Ivia). The best specimens are grown in deep pits or abysses
dug in that part of the world, which is, from this ancient garden-practice, known
as Abvss-inia. The Abyss-inions are very fine fedows.
Ladies’ Dresses.— Gofer work. When you want a dress, go for it.
American Bread.—Dampers are cakes with which the appetite is whetted.
How to destroy Grease Spots.—Take the grease out and throw the grease pots
out of the attic window.
How to frighten Blackbeetles away.—Say you ’re going to send for a crusher.
SONG OF THE PRUSSIAN SLAVES.
^ HSRlpfc Nigger ilitelahg.
Air.—“ So Early in the Morning.”
How bold was we not long ago !
Our mind we let de Sobbereign know ;
Golly, what a dreffle ting,
People to defy deir King !
So bright seemed Freedom dawning.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning,
So bright seemed Freedom dawning,
But jis de oder day.
We went agin de Massa’s will,
And kep refusin’ Bismarck’s Bill,
Grumblin’ at de sogers’ cost,
So him Majesty we crossed.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
Cos Massa was at dat time bent
To rule widont a Parliament,
Like ole Charles we say he come,
Lose him head at last, by gum!
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
But when him set ns on de Danes,
We niggers all forgets our chains.
Yellin’ at den throats ns fly ;
Schleswig-Holstein !—nigger cry.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
De King and Minister dey found
De way to turn de people round,
Settin’ glory ’fore den eyes.
Plunder ob de Danes likewise.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
We fit and conker’d, ten to one.
And by de help ob needle-gun,
Sonderborg wid Dybbol fell:
Yoh ! de cradles dar we shell.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
More men of Denmark we ’ll destroy.
As well as liHy gal and boy,
Glorifyin’ Billum’s name.
Earnin’ ebberlastin’ fame.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
De King he tink de Danes too free,
Dey ortent to be more dan we;
We for slabery nebber care,
’Spose our own we make dem share.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
So now de debble take de right,
For our ole tyrant’s game we ’ll fight,
If he want to play at ball
Wid our heads, dey now shall fall.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
Whatebber please de King we stand,
To add a slice to Faderland ;
Sink United Germany,
Once a goin’ to be free.
So bright seemed Freedom dawning, &c.
Kidnapping.—Caution to Mothers.
Mark your Babies.—Many children of the Aristocracy
have been stolen by their nurses, and replaced by infants
of the inferior classes. Heirs of noble houses have thus
become chimney-sweeps, and low-born offspring have grown
up to inherit lordly domains. To prevent accidents of
this kind, tattoo your babies, as soon as possible after they
are born, on an appropriate surface. For this purpose
there is no preparation so effectual as Dodge’s American
Marking Fluid, composed from a receipt obtained from
the Sioux Indians. May be had at 85, Fleet Street.
Unfair!—The overcrowded state of our Law Courts
necessitates in almost every case a well packed Jury.
Vol. 47.
1—2