DOI Heft:
September 24, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16874#0132
September 24. 1864.]
PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
125
along, you old idiot, and let us hasten to the Club. Past the new
Eleanor Cross, past King George the Third, of whom I present you
with a fancy sketch for the commencement of this letter, and so to Pall
Mall. I will give you the remainder of the Strand lecture in the
winter.
Punch ! If the above paragraphs do not convince you that I require
-change of air, they convince me, and the man who is afraid to act up to
his convictions is a contemptible person, and not in the least like
Your affectionate and absconding Contributor,
Epicures Rotundus.
RAILWAY DIFFICULTIES.
Anticipating, at this slack time of year, letters from Travellers-by-
rail to the Times, we beg to draw the attention of the itinerant Public,
to the existence of certain difficulties on the Cruxregis Line, which
render the journey from the Metropolitan Terminus to Capfield, less
agreeable and enjoyable than it might be. These difficulties, attracting
to themselves but a very small share of popular notice, have existed for
a long time, ever since, in fact, the formation of the Line, and may be
termed Railway Cuttings into Conversation.
By way of illustration, let us suppose the interior of a first-class
carriage in the up-train, occupied by an elderly gentleman bound for the
City, who has clandestinely brought away with him the Times from the
family breakfast table, in order to enjoy his Earliest Intelligence quietly
in the train, and profitably spend the hour of locomotion. Given also in
the same carriage, a Junior Partner in a Banking firm, wishing to
strengthen a novel theory upon the subject of Discount, by mas-
tering a financial article in the Economist; a sporting man, with a paper
containing the weights, and the latest state of the odds, with which it is
necessary that he should become thoroughly acquainted, if he is to “ pull
off ” anything at the next meeting; and a Stock Exchange man, who,
wishing to be on a pleasant footing with the Banker, tries to engage
him in a semi-sportsmanlike conversation as to the scarcity of coverts,
the shyness of the birds, and price of land.
These gentlemen, each intent upon his own particular pursuit, are to
be disturbed by a few jolts on starting, stopping and re-starting, and by
several tunnels, cutting, at brief intervals, into their reading or conver-
sation.
Elderly Gentleman [after nodding and smiling to his travelling ac-
quaintances, unfolding and folding his paper, putting on his spectacles, and
casting a glance round the carnage, as if exercising his glasses for the-first
time that morning, settles himself down into his seat and says'), Well now,
let’s see.
['Catches sight of the heading “ Money Market and ”—Train makes
as if going to start, everybody in the back-to-engine seat is jerked
forward on to every one in the facing-engine seat.
Every One [on the back seat to every one else). Beg pardon.
Eld. Gent, [recovering himself). That was rather a jerk.
[All assent by smiling, nodding, wagging their heads or making a
guttural noise. The Train doesn't move, and those nearest the
window of course look out, and draw in their heads again, not
being very much wiser for their inspection.
Guard [to some invisible person toho knows all about it). All right
oehind ? [Throws up his hands wildly, and is about to whistle.)
[Train moves back suddenly. All the facing-engine passengers are
jerked against the back-to-engine people.
All the facing-engine [to the others). Beg pardon.
Eld. Gent. (who by this time has got as far in his paper as “ Money
Market and City Int—”). Dear me ! That was a jerk.
[Every one assents as before, only with less smiling.
Guard. Now then. All right ? [Whistles—engine shrieks—puff—-puff
—jerk—jerk—and off.)
[Passengers have some difficulty in finding their places m their news-
papers, after the interruption. When they have mastered this—
Eld. Gent, [reads to himself), “ At the commencement of busi-
ness this morning, the first bargains in Consols-”
Sporting Man [to himself). “Entries for the Godolphin Stakes
of 5 sovs each with 100 added, for-”
Junior Partner in Bank [to himself). “ The theory upon this \ 1
subject advanced by the greatest financial reformer is-” 1
Stock Exchange Man [trying to attract the Junior Partner). Are I
the coverts good in your part ? J
[Junior Partner looks up—Steam—Shriek from Engine—Tunnel.
Elderly Gentleman drops his paper and stops his ears. Junior
Partner shuts his eyes, and tries to delude himself with the
notion that he is dozing. The Member oe the Stock Ex-
change says, sotto voce, “ confound the tunnel j' and tries to
make up his mind upon the subject of closing the window. The
Sporting Man leans back and looks at the lamp vacantly.
(All, on emerging from the gloom, re-settle themselves and re-com-
mence.)
Eld. Gent, [as before). “ At the commencement of business,” &c.
Junior Partner [as before). “ The theory upon this,” &c.
Sporting Man [as before). “ Entries for the Godolphin,” &c.
Stock Exchange Man. I was saying that there seems to be very
little covert in--
[Steam—Shriek— Tunnel. Every one does the same as before, and the
Stock Exchan ge Gentleman has just mentally decided upon
closing the window, when the Train issues from the Tunnel.
( After the third Tunnel, (there are about seven between Capfield and
London,) any study of the morning paper is relinquished by everybody
as utterly futile. Conversation is attempted.)
Eld. Gent. Great nuisance these tunnels P
Sporting Man. Yes.
Stock Exchange Member. I hear that there’s a great scarcity of covert
this year.
Junior Partner. Well, yes. No turnips.
Eld.. Gent. Is there any American news this morning ?
Junior Partner. Well, there is a rumour of great importance. It’s
not in the papers; but a message was sent down to The Lombards’
House, after business hours, last night [Everybody greatly interested) by
which we were informed that-[Steam—Shriek—Tunnel—All collapse.
xAlmost immediately after coming out of Tunnel No. 4, the train
stops at a small station. Bumps—thumps—jerks backwards and for-
wards—and inspection of tickets. No further attempts at conversation
are made, and after a rattling, shaking, blinding sort of journey, alter-
nating between sunlight and visible darkness, the passengers arrive at
the terminus exhilarated, freshened, and ready for their day’s work.
NASAL EDUCATION.
very now and then some
people assert that snuff is a
great stimulant to thinking,
and that the mind in other
ways may be stirred up
through the nose appears
to be the notion of the
makers of a certain perfume,
which is advertised as being
“ prophylactick, refreshing,
and invigorating,” and as
having tempted Humboldt
to write this in its praise:—
“ I am not sin-prised to learn
that orators, clergymen, lec-
turers, authors, and poets give
it the preference, for it refreshes
the memory.”
This statement may be
questioned, but we think
the fact quite possible, and
we have certainly no evi-
dence to show that it is not
so. We have often heard
of persons remembering an
incident by remembering a
scent with which it is asso-
ciated. We know that
Jones, for instance, never
eats roast goose with its interior concomitants, without the smell
thereof reminding him of how he snatched a kiss in his early days of
courtship, and how his J ulia reproached him for approaching her when
he had eaten— sniff 1 she need not ask him what. Instead then of denying
that the nose affects the mind and may invigorate the memory, we would
take those facts for granted, and see what may be made of them. If
smells refresh the memory, why should not the ncse be utilised and
trained as a mnemonical assistant, and used in education both at
Colleges and Schools ? Were a student to read Homer with some
refreshing perfume besprinkled on his handkerchief, that scent in after
life might freshen up his knowledge of the Iliad and Odyssey, and call
to mind some classic beauty he might otherwise forget. So a tough
problem of Euclid might perchance be brought to mind by a sniff of
Eau de Cologne, while an argument of Paley might be stamped upon
the memory by a whiff of peppermint, ascending through the nose.
If scents can thus be utilised, a competitive examination would be
determined in favour of the man who had not merely the most nous,
but the most nose. This at least would be the case supposing that the
power of smell be enjoyed in fair proportion to mere longitude of
nose. Whether this be so is more than we can say; and we may leave
the point to be decided by those persons who may deem it worth
determining. _
Permissive Prohibitory Liquor Law.—The support of Mr. Punch
will be given to any measure for permitting the prohibition of the sale
of bad beer.
PUNCH, OH THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
125
along, you old idiot, and let us hasten to the Club. Past the new
Eleanor Cross, past King George the Third, of whom I present you
with a fancy sketch for the commencement of this letter, and so to Pall
Mall. I will give you the remainder of the Strand lecture in the
winter.
Punch ! If the above paragraphs do not convince you that I require
-change of air, they convince me, and the man who is afraid to act up to
his convictions is a contemptible person, and not in the least like
Your affectionate and absconding Contributor,
Epicures Rotundus.
RAILWAY DIFFICULTIES.
Anticipating, at this slack time of year, letters from Travellers-by-
rail to the Times, we beg to draw the attention of the itinerant Public,
to the existence of certain difficulties on the Cruxregis Line, which
render the journey from the Metropolitan Terminus to Capfield, less
agreeable and enjoyable than it might be. These difficulties, attracting
to themselves but a very small share of popular notice, have existed for
a long time, ever since, in fact, the formation of the Line, and may be
termed Railway Cuttings into Conversation.
By way of illustration, let us suppose the interior of a first-class
carriage in the up-train, occupied by an elderly gentleman bound for the
City, who has clandestinely brought away with him the Times from the
family breakfast table, in order to enjoy his Earliest Intelligence quietly
in the train, and profitably spend the hour of locomotion. Given also in
the same carriage, a Junior Partner in a Banking firm, wishing to
strengthen a novel theory upon the subject of Discount, by mas-
tering a financial article in the Economist; a sporting man, with a paper
containing the weights, and the latest state of the odds, with which it is
necessary that he should become thoroughly acquainted, if he is to “ pull
off ” anything at the next meeting; and a Stock Exchange man, who,
wishing to be on a pleasant footing with the Banker, tries to engage
him in a semi-sportsmanlike conversation as to the scarcity of coverts,
the shyness of the birds, and price of land.
These gentlemen, each intent upon his own particular pursuit, are to
be disturbed by a few jolts on starting, stopping and re-starting, and by
several tunnels, cutting, at brief intervals, into their reading or conver-
sation.
Elderly Gentleman [after nodding and smiling to his travelling ac-
quaintances, unfolding and folding his paper, putting on his spectacles, and
casting a glance round the carnage, as if exercising his glasses for the-first
time that morning, settles himself down into his seat and says'), Well now,
let’s see.
['Catches sight of the heading “ Money Market and ”—Train makes
as if going to start, everybody in the back-to-engine seat is jerked
forward on to every one in the facing-engine seat.
Every One [on the back seat to every one else). Beg pardon.
Eld. Gent, [recovering himself). That was rather a jerk.
[All assent by smiling, nodding, wagging their heads or making a
guttural noise. The Train doesn't move, and those nearest the
window of course look out, and draw in their heads again, not
being very much wiser for their inspection.
Guard [to some invisible person toho knows all about it). All right
oehind ? [Throws up his hands wildly, and is about to whistle.)
[Train moves back suddenly. All the facing-engine passengers are
jerked against the back-to-engine people.
All the facing-engine [to the others). Beg pardon.
Eld. Gent. (who by this time has got as far in his paper as “ Money
Market and City Int—”). Dear me ! That was a jerk.
[Every one assents as before, only with less smiling.
Guard. Now then. All right ? [Whistles—engine shrieks—puff—-puff
—jerk—jerk—and off.)
[Passengers have some difficulty in finding their places m their news-
papers, after the interruption. When they have mastered this—
Eld. Gent, [reads to himself), “ At the commencement of busi-
ness this morning, the first bargains in Consols-”
Sporting Man [to himself). “Entries for the Godolphin Stakes
of 5 sovs each with 100 added, for-”
Junior Partner in Bank [to himself). “ The theory upon this \ 1
subject advanced by the greatest financial reformer is-” 1
Stock Exchange Man [trying to attract the Junior Partner). Are I
the coverts good in your part ? J
[Junior Partner looks up—Steam—Shriek from Engine—Tunnel.
Elderly Gentleman drops his paper and stops his ears. Junior
Partner shuts his eyes, and tries to delude himself with the
notion that he is dozing. The Member oe the Stock Ex-
change says, sotto voce, “ confound the tunnel j' and tries to
make up his mind upon the subject of closing the window. The
Sporting Man leans back and looks at the lamp vacantly.
(All, on emerging from the gloom, re-settle themselves and re-com-
mence.)
Eld. Gent, [as before). “ At the commencement of business,” &c.
Junior Partner [as before). “ The theory upon this,” &c.
Sporting Man [as before). “ Entries for the Godolphin,” &c.
Stock Exchange Man. I was saying that there seems to be very
little covert in--
[Steam—Shriek— Tunnel. Every one does the same as before, and the
Stock Exchan ge Gentleman has just mentally decided upon
closing the window, when the Train issues from the Tunnel.
( After the third Tunnel, (there are about seven between Capfield and
London,) any study of the morning paper is relinquished by everybody
as utterly futile. Conversation is attempted.)
Eld. Gent. Great nuisance these tunnels P
Sporting Man. Yes.
Stock Exchange Member. I hear that there’s a great scarcity of covert
this year.
Junior Partner. Well, yes. No turnips.
Eld.. Gent. Is there any American news this morning ?
Junior Partner. Well, there is a rumour of great importance. It’s
not in the papers; but a message was sent down to The Lombards’
House, after business hours, last night [Everybody greatly interested) by
which we were informed that-[Steam—Shriek—Tunnel—All collapse.
xAlmost immediately after coming out of Tunnel No. 4, the train
stops at a small station. Bumps—thumps—jerks backwards and for-
wards—and inspection of tickets. No further attempts at conversation
are made, and after a rattling, shaking, blinding sort of journey, alter-
nating between sunlight and visible darkness, the passengers arrive at
the terminus exhilarated, freshened, and ready for their day’s work.
NASAL EDUCATION.
very now and then some
people assert that snuff is a
great stimulant to thinking,
and that the mind in other
ways may be stirred up
through the nose appears
to be the notion of the
makers of a certain perfume,
which is advertised as being
“ prophylactick, refreshing,
and invigorating,” and as
having tempted Humboldt
to write this in its praise:—
“ I am not sin-prised to learn
that orators, clergymen, lec-
turers, authors, and poets give
it the preference, for it refreshes
the memory.”
This statement may be
questioned, but we think
the fact quite possible, and
we have certainly no evi-
dence to show that it is not
so. We have often heard
of persons remembering an
incident by remembering a
scent with which it is asso-
ciated. We know that
Jones, for instance, never
eats roast goose with its interior concomitants, without the smell
thereof reminding him of how he snatched a kiss in his early days of
courtship, and how his J ulia reproached him for approaching her when
he had eaten— sniff 1 she need not ask him what. Instead then of denying
that the nose affects the mind and may invigorate the memory, we would
take those facts for granted, and see what may be made of them. If
smells refresh the memory, why should not the ncse be utilised and
trained as a mnemonical assistant, and used in education both at
Colleges and Schools ? Were a student to read Homer with some
refreshing perfume besprinkled on his handkerchief, that scent in after
life might freshen up his knowledge of the Iliad and Odyssey, and call
to mind some classic beauty he might otherwise forget. So a tough
problem of Euclid might perchance be brought to mind by a sniff of
Eau de Cologne, while an argument of Paley might be stamped upon
the memory by a whiff of peppermint, ascending through the nose.
If scents can thus be utilised, a competitive examination would be
determined in favour of the man who had not merely the most nous,
but the most nose. This at least would be the case supposing that the
power of smell be enjoyed in fair proportion to mere longitude of
nose. Whether this be so is more than we can say; and we may leave
the point to be decided by those persons who may deem it worth
determining. _
Permissive Prohibitory Liquor Law.—The support of Mr. Punch
will be given to any measure for permitting the prohibition of the sale
of bad beer.