DOI Heft:
January 7, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16875#0009
PUNCH'S ENCYCLICAL LETTER.
TYEAR Boys, Dear Boys, if you will allow us to quote the words of the
Venerable P. Green (No. 1865 in the Books), we shall have great
pleasure in reiterating the sounds of Hospitality, Dear Boys, Dear Boys,
How are all round the fireside S' as often as it is agreeable to your noble
selves. Not, however, to weary you with needless repetitions, after
tbe cheery fashion of the revered Patjl de Bedford, whose work,
addressed to so many “ Corinthians,” we have recently perused, we will
content ourselves with admonishing you that “ we are here again! ”
(vide Clown's Address, Sc. 1, of Pantom. Com. Bus.), and we, hereby, do
heartily wish you all a right Merry Christmas, and the Happiest of
Happy New Years.
It. is our duty, Dear Boys, Dear Boys, to guard you against error:
to warn you that there are, alas! certain men, of unsound and per-
nicious opinions, going about, who do not shrink from asserting that
“the Current Number of this Periodical can be obtained, without
payment, by removing it from the counter of the Publishing office,
when the person in attendance is not looking.” This proposition we
justly condemn. “ Nunquam Dormio,” (Bell’s Life, Page 1, any
Number) which, being interpreted by the illustration accompanying the
motto, (vide “Life of Bell” as above) means that such a proposition
is, in the vulgar, all our eye.
There are some among you who do not blush to promulgate the
doctrine of Bantingism, namely, “ that at this time of the year we
should partake of no plum pudding, nor of mince pies, nor of nice fresh
butter from the country, nor of, in short, any fattening Christmas fare
whatever;” all such propositions we do, with mince-pious horror, most
thoroughly condemn.
. The modern heresy of asking a guest to dine at the hour of half-past
six, when the moment intended is seven, is ultimately, directly and in-
directly, productive of unpunctuality, spoilt appetites, overdone dinners,
and dyspepsia. This proposition is, by us, also condemned.
But what shall we say of those who, forgetful of the many benefits
they have received at our hands, perversely threaten to, as they coarsely
put it, “ tickle our Toby! ” To these misguided men we say no more
than, Cave Canem.
All propositions made by extortionate cabmen to “ leave the fare to
as,” or “ to make it another sixpence,” we unhesitatingly condemn.
(Vide Decisions, Bow Street.)
All propositions to go out shopping with a wife, or any pretty female
relatives, we condemn. From these we turn with delight to
The propositions of Punch's Forty-Seventh Book, which, singly and
collectively, meet with our sincere approval.
The proposition that we should continue this _ letter to any length,
instead of spending the pleasantest evening possible, at the pleasantest
party possible, is decisively condemned, Dear Boys, Dear Boys, by your
ever attached well-wisher, IpMNCjjj.
Given at our Office at the commencement of our Forty-Eighth Volume,
and the Twenty-Fourth year of our existence.
THE POPE’S BULL IN THE PANTOMIME.
(Cloicn sings.)
Please, Sir—I mean your Holiness—peccavi ! I had rather
Be rude to a Policeman than offend the Holy Father.
Upon my word of honour—if you’ll credit my assertion—
Through reading Doctor Newman I was very near conversion.
I was prepared to swallow, with unquestioning docility,
The biggest things delivered by supreme Infallibility;
To stretch my mouth from ear to ear I shouldn’t have objected,
Would willingly have opened it to any width directed.
But really that Encyclical, so contrary to reason,
Your Holiness has published just at this especial season,
Insisting on the right divine of priestly domination
O’er civil power, the family, and public education ;
Against despotic government denouncing insurrection,
Denying people’s right to choose their rulers by election,
Proclaiming the State bound to back the Church in persecution,
Condemning free press, conscience free, and liberal constitution,
It is—excuse, your Holiness, my freedom of expression;
Pardon a homely metaphor derived from my profession:
It is—with all due deference I speak, with deep submission—
It is a string of sausages too large for deglutition.
fiftL. 48.
1
TYEAR Boys, Dear Boys, if you will allow us to quote the words of the
Venerable P. Green (No. 1865 in the Books), we shall have great
pleasure in reiterating the sounds of Hospitality, Dear Boys, Dear Boys,
How are all round the fireside S' as often as it is agreeable to your noble
selves. Not, however, to weary you with needless repetitions, after
tbe cheery fashion of the revered Patjl de Bedford, whose work,
addressed to so many “ Corinthians,” we have recently perused, we will
content ourselves with admonishing you that “ we are here again! ”
(vide Clown's Address, Sc. 1, of Pantom. Com. Bus.), and we, hereby, do
heartily wish you all a right Merry Christmas, and the Happiest of
Happy New Years.
It. is our duty, Dear Boys, Dear Boys, to guard you against error:
to warn you that there are, alas! certain men, of unsound and per-
nicious opinions, going about, who do not shrink from asserting that
“the Current Number of this Periodical can be obtained, without
payment, by removing it from the counter of the Publishing office,
when the person in attendance is not looking.” This proposition we
justly condemn. “ Nunquam Dormio,” (Bell’s Life, Page 1, any
Number) which, being interpreted by the illustration accompanying the
motto, (vide “Life of Bell” as above) means that such a proposition
is, in the vulgar, all our eye.
There are some among you who do not blush to promulgate the
doctrine of Bantingism, namely, “ that at this time of the year we
should partake of no plum pudding, nor of mince pies, nor of nice fresh
butter from the country, nor of, in short, any fattening Christmas fare
whatever;” all such propositions we do, with mince-pious horror, most
thoroughly condemn.
. The modern heresy of asking a guest to dine at the hour of half-past
six, when the moment intended is seven, is ultimately, directly and in-
directly, productive of unpunctuality, spoilt appetites, overdone dinners,
and dyspepsia. This proposition is, by us, also condemned.
But what shall we say of those who, forgetful of the many benefits
they have received at our hands, perversely threaten to, as they coarsely
put it, “ tickle our Toby! ” To these misguided men we say no more
than, Cave Canem.
All propositions made by extortionate cabmen to “ leave the fare to
as,” or “ to make it another sixpence,” we unhesitatingly condemn.
(Vide Decisions, Bow Street.)
All propositions to go out shopping with a wife, or any pretty female
relatives, we condemn. From these we turn with delight to
The propositions of Punch's Forty-Seventh Book, which, singly and
collectively, meet with our sincere approval.
The proposition that we should continue this _ letter to any length,
instead of spending the pleasantest evening possible, at the pleasantest
party possible, is decisively condemned, Dear Boys, Dear Boys, by your
ever attached well-wisher, IpMNCjjj.
Given at our Office at the commencement of our Forty-Eighth Volume,
and the Twenty-Fourth year of our existence.
THE POPE’S BULL IN THE PANTOMIME.
(Cloicn sings.)
Please, Sir—I mean your Holiness—peccavi ! I had rather
Be rude to a Policeman than offend the Holy Father.
Upon my word of honour—if you’ll credit my assertion—
Through reading Doctor Newman I was very near conversion.
I was prepared to swallow, with unquestioning docility,
The biggest things delivered by supreme Infallibility;
To stretch my mouth from ear to ear I shouldn’t have objected,
Would willingly have opened it to any width directed.
But really that Encyclical, so contrary to reason,
Your Holiness has published just at this especial season,
Insisting on the right divine of priestly domination
O’er civil power, the family, and public education ;
Against despotic government denouncing insurrection,
Denying people’s right to choose their rulers by election,
Proclaiming the State bound to back the Church in persecution,
Condemning free press, conscience free, and liberal constitution,
It is—excuse, your Holiness, my freedom of expression;
Pardon a homely metaphor derived from my profession:
It is—with all due deference I speak, with deep submission—
It is a string of sausages too large for deglutition.
fiftL. 48.
1