DOI Heft:
January 28, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16875#0041
January H8, 1865.]
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CLTARTVARi.
33
INFALLIBLE.
A GOOD THING FROM THE NEW WORLD.
When from Darien to Terra del Fuego
Spain’s colonies rose for their freedom.
Bade the Dons, their oppressors, away go,
(And borrowed our money to bleed ’em,)
Canning cried, while applauding the strife,
(’Twas before English lenders were sold)
That the New World had wakened to life.
To redress the warped scales of the Old.
Since then we’ve seen tricks so fantastic
By these States played in Liberty’s name,
That we sigh for some curb, though ’twere Aztec,
These random Republics to tame.
But in spite of perpetual commotion,
Canning’s phrase, at last, meaning has found,
In this New South American notion
Of good beef at threepence a pound!
Their republican riots we’ve laughed at.
Cursed their rogues and their repudiation:
Their heroics and bluster we’ve scoffed at.
As below even Yankee sensation.
Their silver we’ve taken, and gladly
Would see our lost gold there refound,
But they send what we want just as badly,
When they send beef at threepence a pound!
Beef is beef, though ’tis fed at the seat
Of King Mob’s topsy-turviest State,
And there’s something appropriate in meat
That comes to our shores from the Plate.
Though John Bull rules the roast of the nation,
His good knights, Sir Loin and Sir Round,
Will welcome their New World relation,
Senor Charque * at threepence a pound !
* Charque—Spanish for jerked beef.
Shakspeare by a Cynic.
The following benediction was pronounced by a wretch
at a public dinner:—
Millamant (who has dropped in for an hour at Stodge's, on his way to an Evening
Party). “ Boterwation ! How shall I get rid op this Tobacco Smoke ? Got
any Scent, Stodge?”
Stodge. “I’ve got the very Thing, my Dear Fellow. Only keep one
Sort. Where’s your Handkerchief. There! There’s nothing like Turps !! ”
[Exit Swell, disgusted
May indigestion wait on appetite,
And gout on both !
Legal Intelligence.—There is a rumour that the Chief
Justice of the Common Pleas is to have a Peerage—an
Earl-dom, of course.
HOMCEOPATHY IN THE WORKHOUSE.
The proverb says that Union is strength, but the Poor Law Union
is synonymous with weakness. Weak broth, and weak tea, and weak
stimulants of all sorts are given in the workhouse, and the paupers who
reside there are generally weak people. There are weak minds too
among them, and among those who have the charge of them, who in
very many instances are weak enough to fancy that they can get work
done without giving proper pay for it. For example, at the Hoiborn
Union the medical man is paid a hundred pounds a-year for attending
on an average one hundred and twenty patients, forty of whom he is
required to visit every day; while the medicine he dispenses costs him
twenty pounds a year, or a halfpenny per diem for each one of his
patients. With such homoeopathic pay for it, one wonders that the
treatment is not also homoeopathic: for globules are of course far
cheaper than black doses, and if through want of proper physic a patient
happens to die, there will be one the less to visit, and so the less work
for the Doctor.
As a rule, our workhouse Surgeons are shamefully ill-paid, and when
a death occurs through insufficient—that is, homoeopathic—treatment,
one can hardly be surprised at it. The charge of manslaughter in such
case should be brought against the Guardians rather than the Doctor,
lor they stint him in the salary out of which he buys his drugs, and
they stint him in the diet he prescribes for his poor patients. But the
workhouse, it is said, must perforce be made repulsive, and even in the
sick room its inmates must be roughly treated. Paupers, we are told,
soon learn the trick of shamming ill, that they may escape work and
get a little extra diet. Yet Doctors usually are sharp enough to see
through such imposture, and, for the sake of their own interests, they
allow none on the sick list but those who are really ailing, For these
humanity demands that good treatment be procured, and good treat-
ment can hardly be obtained without good pay for it. At present
I workhouse Surgeons are grossly underpaid; and, as “ who drives fat
oxen should himself be fat,” one would think it is deemed needful that
who Doctors the sick poor should be sickened of the office, and be paid
I the poorest pittance for it.
I ___
!
INFALLIBILITY AND LEGITIMACY,
The Bishop op Beauvais lias addressed to the clergy of his diocese
a circular on the Pope’s Encyclical; which seems like buttering bacon.
He expresses the hope that, with time and patience, the present clamour
against the Papal edict will cease, and that the people will end by under-
standing that “ the Holy Church, the great civiliser of the world, has
never been, and can never be, the enemy of true civilisation and of legi-
timate progress,”
If the people end as Popery would have them end, they will no doubt
end in understanding very clearly that the Church meant by the Bishop
of Beauvais is by no means the enemy, but the very intimate friend,
of legitimate progress. They will end in being a people no longer tree
to choose their own rulers, which legitimate progress will render them
once more unable to do. According to the principles just propounded
by the Sovereign Pontiff, legitimate progress is the progress of legiti-
mate monarchy, and means, in France, political retrogression, and the
restoration of the Bourbons. But, alas for Infallibility and Pius the
Ninth ! how came Pius the Seventh to crown the First Napoleon P
Before launching his Encyclical to smash Victor-Emmanuel, the
Ninth Pius might, however, have taken the precaution to crown
Napoleon the Third.
New Book (.Dedicated to the Author of the “ Apologia ”).—History
of My Convictions. By an “ on-the-lay” Member of the Swell Mob.
Von. 48.
2
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CLTARTVARi.
33
INFALLIBLE.
A GOOD THING FROM THE NEW WORLD.
When from Darien to Terra del Fuego
Spain’s colonies rose for their freedom.
Bade the Dons, their oppressors, away go,
(And borrowed our money to bleed ’em,)
Canning cried, while applauding the strife,
(’Twas before English lenders were sold)
That the New World had wakened to life.
To redress the warped scales of the Old.
Since then we’ve seen tricks so fantastic
By these States played in Liberty’s name,
That we sigh for some curb, though ’twere Aztec,
These random Republics to tame.
But in spite of perpetual commotion,
Canning’s phrase, at last, meaning has found,
In this New South American notion
Of good beef at threepence a pound!
Their republican riots we’ve laughed at.
Cursed their rogues and their repudiation:
Their heroics and bluster we’ve scoffed at.
As below even Yankee sensation.
Their silver we’ve taken, and gladly
Would see our lost gold there refound,
But they send what we want just as badly,
When they send beef at threepence a pound!
Beef is beef, though ’tis fed at the seat
Of King Mob’s topsy-turviest State,
And there’s something appropriate in meat
That comes to our shores from the Plate.
Though John Bull rules the roast of the nation,
His good knights, Sir Loin and Sir Round,
Will welcome their New World relation,
Senor Charque * at threepence a pound !
* Charque—Spanish for jerked beef.
Shakspeare by a Cynic.
The following benediction was pronounced by a wretch
at a public dinner:—
Millamant (who has dropped in for an hour at Stodge's, on his way to an Evening
Party). “ Boterwation ! How shall I get rid op this Tobacco Smoke ? Got
any Scent, Stodge?”
Stodge. “I’ve got the very Thing, my Dear Fellow. Only keep one
Sort. Where’s your Handkerchief. There! There’s nothing like Turps !! ”
[Exit Swell, disgusted
May indigestion wait on appetite,
And gout on both !
Legal Intelligence.—There is a rumour that the Chief
Justice of the Common Pleas is to have a Peerage—an
Earl-dom, of course.
HOMCEOPATHY IN THE WORKHOUSE.
The proverb says that Union is strength, but the Poor Law Union
is synonymous with weakness. Weak broth, and weak tea, and weak
stimulants of all sorts are given in the workhouse, and the paupers who
reside there are generally weak people. There are weak minds too
among them, and among those who have the charge of them, who in
very many instances are weak enough to fancy that they can get work
done without giving proper pay for it. For example, at the Hoiborn
Union the medical man is paid a hundred pounds a-year for attending
on an average one hundred and twenty patients, forty of whom he is
required to visit every day; while the medicine he dispenses costs him
twenty pounds a year, or a halfpenny per diem for each one of his
patients. With such homoeopathic pay for it, one wonders that the
treatment is not also homoeopathic: for globules are of course far
cheaper than black doses, and if through want of proper physic a patient
happens to die, there will be one the less to visit, and so the less work
for the Doctor.
As a rule, our workhouse Surgeons are shamefully ill-paid, and when
a death occurs through insufficient—that is, homoeopathic—treatment,
one can hardly be surprised at it. The charge of manslaughter in such
case should be brought against the Guardians rather than the Doctor,
lor they stint him in the salary out of which he buys his drugs, and
they stint him in the diet he prescribes for his poor patients. But the
workhouse, it is said, must perforce be made repulsive, and even in the
sick room its inmates must be roughly treated. Paupers, we are told,
soon learn the trick of shamming ill, that they may escape work and
get a little extra diet. Yet Doctors usually are sharp enough to see
through such imposture, and, for the sake of their own interests, they
allow none on the sick list but those who are really ailing, For these
humanity demands that good treatment be procured, and good treat-
ment can hardly be obtained without good pay for it. At present
I workhouse Surgeons are grossly underpaid; and, as “ who drives fat
oxen should himself be fat,” one would think it is deemed needful that
who Doctors the sick poor should be sickened of the office, and be paid
I the poorest pittance for it.
I ___
!
INFALLIBILITY AND LEGITIMACY,
The Bishop op Beauvais lias addressed to the clergy of his diocese
a circular on the Pope’s Encyclical; which seems like buttering bacon.
He expresses the hope that, with time and patience, the present clamour
against the Papal edict will cease, and that the people will end by under-
standing that “ the Holy Church, the great civiliser of the world, has
never been, and can never be, the enemy of true civilisation and of legi-
timate progress,”
If the people end as Popery would have them end, they will no doubt
end in understanding very clearly that the Church meant by the Bishop
of Beauvais is by no means the enemy, but the very intimate friend,
of legitimate progress. They will end in being a people no longer tree
to choose their own rulers, which legitimate progress will render them
once more unable to do. According to the principles just propounded
by the Sovereign Pontiff, legitimate progress is the progress of legiti-
mate monarchy, and means, in France, political retrogression, and the
restoration of the Bourbons. But, alas for Infallibility and Pius the
Ninth ! how came Pius the Seventh to crown the First Napoleon P
Before launching his Encyclical to smash Victor-Emmanuel, the
Ninth Pius might, however, have taken the precaution to crown
Napoleon the Third.
New Book (.Dedicated to the Author of the “ Apologia ”).—History
of My Convictions. By an “ on-the-lay” Member of the Swell Mob.
Von. 48.
2