DOI Heft:
January 14, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16875#0021
January 14, 1865.]
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
13
VERY SHABBY.
Rival. “ There, ip you don’t Give me one, I ’ll Tell your Brother,
’cause I saw you Kiss Charley Turner, just now, in the Refreshment
Room.”
A TOO COMMON CASE OF DISTRESS.
Mr. Punch,
Allow me to call your attention to a case of dis-
tress which at this festive season stands in strong contrast
with the comfort which it is in the power of opulence to
command.
I was summoned yesterday to attend a patient residing
not a hundred miles from a house in a highly fashionable
district. I found him lying on the floor in a state of ex-
treme depression, with the veins of his temples much
swollen, and a face nearly purple, especially about the
extremity of its most prominent feature—the nasal protu-
berance. His eyes, as visible through their half-closed lids,
were much suffused, and he could not completely open
them. I cannot say that he was sensible when aroused,
but he was so far from absolute unconsciousness as to be
able to give an inarticulate answer to the questions I put to
him. He intimated that his head ached very badly, and I
understood him to say that he felt “ deuced queer.” He
groaned heavily. There was considerable distension of
the abdomen. The respiration was difficult, almost ster-
torous ; the pulse labouring. He was evidently much
distressed.
This, Sir, was a case of distress among the rich. This
gentleman’s wife told me that he had eaten four meals a
day for a week, partaking to excess of all the delicacies of
the season, and a great many other things besides. He
had consumed roast beef, turkey, sausages, and mince-pies,
enough to have sustained twelve labouring men; and he
had taken no exercise. Withal he had drunk his three
bottles of wine daily, besides beer.
Ought not those of us whose circumstances preclude
over-indulgence in eating and drinking, to go forth among
the mansions of the luxurious classes, and endeavour to
get admission to then tables, so as to teach them, by that
example which is worth all precept, that moderation in
the enjoyment of good things which our less fortunate
position has forced us habitually to practise ?
Not wishing to puff myself as a professional man, I
refrain from detailing the medical treatment I adopted in
this case of real distress, which it completely relieved; and
will only add that I am, &c.,
Brown Johnson, M.D., E.R.C.S.
100a, Crackville Street, Corner House, next door
to Bloter’s Hotel.
THE SOLONS OF SHREWSBURY.
Justices’ justice has come to be pretty notorious ; and the Solons of
the Bench, if they have not realised then great Athenian prototype’s
rule, “Know thyself,” are continually acting up to another rule,
“ Commit thyself.”
But we do not remember to have heard any case of more exemplary
asinine action of the Great Unpaid than at Shrewsbury, last month,
when a sharper, who must have known the calibre of the Shrewsbury
Bench—probably they had acquitted him—by means of a meek warrant
took into custody Mr. Charles Ashworth, a respectable young gen-
tleman of Manchester, on a charge of stealing a watch and chain, and,
on the strength of his assumed cLiaracter took possession of his watch,
purse, containing £9, and other articles.
How the Magistrates behaved, must be stated in Mr. Ashworth’s
own words:—
“ I was taken before the Magistrates, who, after hearing the evidence against me,
and without asking me a single question, came to the conclusion that I was guilty,
and one of their number informed me, in a pompous and most offensive manner,
that I was remanded till eleven on the following day. I instantly demanded either
that I should be aUowed to telegraph to my friends, or that the police should do so,
or that the Magistrates themselves should take some steps to ascertain the truth of
the statements I had previously made to the constable. These Solomons, however,
imagined that mischief might be done by allowing such a privilege, and, without
being permitted to say another word, I was marched out for the purpose of being
locked up in a felon’s cell. This would undoubtedly have been my fate but for the
luckiest chance in the world. A reverend gentleman of my acquaintance happening
to be in the town, and hearing of my misfortune, at once hastened to my assistance,
and so exerted himself among the gentlemen who had just committed me to gaol,
that in a few minutes they were with me at the police-office, offering their best
wishes, condolences, and apologies for having placed me in such a position. They
did not, however (in the absence of their Clerk), feel themselves justified in setting
me at liberty, though my reverend friend offered bail to any amount, nor even did
they think fit to take any steps to ascertain from the Carmarthen police whether
the alleged robbery was fact or fiction. I was kept in custody till the expiration of
the remand, and then regained my liberty, as no prosecutor appeared. ”
Mr. Hunch can add no force to this by any comment of his. It would
be indeed painting the lily to write down these gentlemen A.S.S.E.S.
in more legible characters than those in which they have so written
down themselves.
Shrewsbury cakes have a local celebrity. It is, no doubt, in compli-
ment to the town’s staple manufacture that the Lord Chancellor has
elevated the richest ana softest batch of Shrewsbury cakes to the Bench
of that ancient borough.
On a Late Removal.
To Florence they have moved the Kingdom’s seat:
Say, then, Italia! is thy wish complete ?
The tide that by those stately walls doth flow,
Could it but frame the sounds, would sigh ah, no ! (Amo).
SOMETHING NEW ABOUT DONATO !
It is not generally known that Donato, the one-legged dancer, has
six toes. One is at the end of his name, and with the other five he
performs his graceful evolutions.
English. History.
Oblige us by mentioning what person, judging from his name, is
likely to have been a rather fishy British Statesman?
Probably Go-dolphin._
LINCOLN TO HIS ARMY.
Our noble soldiers, please to understand,
Canada ain’t, at present, Dix’s Land.
AN AMERICANISM POR ITALY.
Situation of the Pope.—Non Possum-us up a gum-tree.
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
13
VERY SHABBY.
Rival. “ There, ip you don’t Give me one, I ’ll Tell your Brother,
’cause I saw you Kiss Charley Turner, just now, in the Refreshment
Room.”
A TOO COMMON CASE OF DISTRESS.
Mr. Punch,
Allow me to call your attention to a case of dis-
tress which at this festive season stands in strong contrast
with the comfort which it is in the power of opulence to
command.
I was summoned yesterday to attend a patient residing
not a hundred miles from a house in a highly fashionable
district. I found him lying on the floor in a state of ex-
treme depression, with the veins of his temples much
swollen, and a face nearly purple, especially about the
extremity of its most prominent feature—the nasal protu-
berance. His eyes, as visible through their half-closed lids,
were much suffused, and he could not completely open
them. I cannot say that he was sensible when aroused,
but he was so far from absolute unconsciousness as to be
able to give an inarticulate answer to the questions I put to
him. He intimated that his head ached very badly, and I
understood him to say that he felt “ deuced queer.” He
groaned heavily. There was considerable distension of
the abdomen. The respiration was difficult, almost ster-
torous ; the pulse labouring. He was evidently much
distressed.
This, Sir, was a case of distress among the rich. This
gentleman’s wife told me that he had eaten four meals a
day for a week, partaking to excess of all the delicacies of
the season, and a great many other things besides. He
had consumed roast beef, turkey, sausages, and mince-pies,
enough to have sustained twelve labouring men; and he
had taken no exercise. Withal he had drunk his three
bottles of wine daily, besides beer.
Ought not those of us whose circumstances preclude
over-indulgence in eating and drinking, to go forth among
the mansions of the luxurious classes, and endeavour to
get admission to then tables, so as to teach them, by that
example which is worth all precept, that moderation in
the enjoyment of good things which our less fortunate
position has forced us habitually to practise ?
Not wishing to puff myself as a professional man, I
refrain from detailing the medical treatment I adopted in
this case of real distress, which it completely relieved; and
will only add that I am, &c.,
Brown Johnson, M.D., E.R.C.S.
100a, Crackville Street, Corner House, next door
to Bloter’s Hotel.
THE SOLONS OF SHREWSBURY.
Justices’ justice has come to be pretty notorious ; and the Solons of
the Bench, if they have not realised then great Athenian prototype’s
rule, “Know thyself,” are continually acting up to another rule,
“ Commit thyself.”
But we do not remember to have heard any case of more exemplary
asinine action of the Great Unpaid than at Shrewsbury, last month,
when a sharper, who must have known the calibre of the Shrewsbury
Bench—probably they had acquitted him—by means of a meek warrant
took into custody Mr. Charles Ashworth, a respectable young gen-
tleman of Manchester, on a charge of stealing a watch and chain, and,
on the strength of his assumed cLiaracter took possession of his watch,
purse, containing £9, and other articles.
How the Magistrates behaved, must be stated in Mr. Ashworth’s
own words:—
“ I was taken before the Magistrates, who, after hearing the evidence against me,
and without asking me a single question, came to the conclusion that I was guilty,
and one of their number informed me, in a pompous and most offensive manner,
that I was remanded till eleven on the following day. I instantly demanded either
that I should be aUowed to telegraph to my friends, or that the police should do so,
or that the Magistrates themselves should take some steps to ascertain the truth of
the statements I had previously made to the constable. These Solomons, however,
imagined that mischief might be done by allowing such a privilege, and, without
being permitted to say another word, I was marched out for the purpose of being
locked up in a felon’s cell. This would undoubtedly have been my fate but for the
luckiest chance in the world. A reverend gentleman of my acquaintance happening
to be in the town, and hearing of my misfortune, at once hastened to my assistance,
and so exerted himself among the gentlemen who had just committed me to gaol,
that in a few minutes they were with me at the police-office, offering their best
wishes, condolences, and apologies for having placed me in such a position. They
did not, however (in the absence of their Clerk), feel themselves justified in setting
me at liberty, though my reverend friend offered bail to any amount, nor even did
they think fit to take any steps to ascertain from the Carmarthen police whether
the alleged robbery was fact or fiction. I was kept in custody till the expiration of
the remand, and then regained my liberty, as no prosecutor appeared. ”
Mr. Hunch can add no force to this by any comment of his. It would
be indeed painting the lily to write down these gentlemen A.S.S.E.S.
in more legible characters than those in which they have so written
down themselves.
Shrewsbury cakes have a local celebrity. It is, no doubt, in compli-
ment to the town’s staple manufacture that the Lord Chancellor has
elevated the richest ana softest batch of Shrewsbury cakes to the Bench
of that ancient borough.
On a Late Removal.
To Florence they have moved the Kingdom’s seat:
Say, then, Italia! is thy wish complete ?
The tide that by those stately walls doth flow,
Could it but frame the sounds, would sigh ah, no ! (Amo).
SOMETHING NEW ABOUT DONATO !
It is not generally known that Donato, the one-legged dancer, has
six toes. One is at the end of his name, and with the other five he
performs his graceful evolutions.
English. History.
Oblige us by mentioning what person, judging from his name, is
likely to have been a rather fishy British Statesman?
Probably Go-dolphin._
LINCOLN TO HIS ARMY.
Our noble soldiers, please to understand,
Canada ain’t, at present, Dix’s Land.
AN AMERICANISM POR ITALY.
Situation of the Pope.—Non Possum-us up a gum-tree.