DOI Heft:
February 25, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16875#0081
February 25, 1865.]
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
7S
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
_ onday, February 13.
Hooray for Thwaites
and the Drains. They
are nearly done, and
Mr. Tite says that
they will come into
general operation at
the end of next
month. Thenceforth
the breezes of London
will be balmy breezes,
the Thames will once
more be a silver flood,
nec sine salmonibus,
and the swans,
“As if they would the
charmed air repay,
Shake thousand odours
from their dewy wings. ”
The Moral Sewage
is not so easily got rid
of, but Sir George
Grey introduced a
Prisons’ Bill, which
is to improve the pre-
sent state of things.
It is to go to a Select
Committee, whom Mr.
Punch will assist with
his invaluable sugges-
tions, when he shall
have had time to read
. the measure.
The Bill for Relieving Dissenting Municipals from the necessity of declaring
that they do not intend to upset the Church of England was read a Second Time,
and will be duly thrown out hereafter.
Tuesday. The Doctor in Roderick Random, who resolved to distil a certain liquid
from tinder, by means of animal heat, was a practical philosopher compared to Mr.
Punch, that is to say supposing Mr. Punch should seek to obtain any Essence out
of such tinder-like Parliament as that of the past week. But, to pursue the illus-
tration, he will endeavour to make the sparks that emanate from his wit, when
struck against his wisdom, fall on the tinder, which he will next blow up, and then
he will show himself a match for Parliament.
To-night the Chancellor expounded the working of his Act for Selling Little
Livings, and improving others with the proceeds, and stated that upwards of £100,000
had been thus obtained and applied in two years. An ingenious London Parson has
hit on a plan for augmenting his own living without troubling the Legislature, and
offers, if a generous public will give him £100, to charge nothing for marrying
people during the rest of his incumbency. The scheme does not seem to please
some of his brother Parsons, who inform the generous public that the proposed
compact is invalid. Lord Leitrim abused the Irish police, and was himself rebuked
by Lord Granville for violent language, which could not add to the dignity of
the House. This Lord Leitrim was a Magistrate, but was very properly super-
seded for indecorum, and if he does not mind his manners, it may be the painful
duty of His Majesty the Emperor Punch to invite him to reside on his Lordship’s
estate at Killadoon until further notice.
Government issues a Commission for inquiry into the costs of Railway Conveyance,
and the charges made by the companies. This was Mr. Gladstone’s announce-
ment, and it betokens an early onslaught upon the Tyrants of the Rail. Our pike
shall be ready, whenever it may please Mr. Gladstone to cry havoc, for sixpence
is a great deal too much to charge for a ride from Portland Road to Earringdon
Street, especially as nobody can possibly want to visit either station. Mr. Glad-
stone, however, in answer to Numscully, said that Government did not intend to
buy up the Railways this Session.
Numscully then delivered a long howl against the Irish Church in general, and
certain appointments in it, in particular. The Morning Star says that the House
hates this orator, and that he knows it, and talks less out of silliness than for the
sake of tormenting the Saxon. This, if true, elevates his conduct, and entitles him
to a certain amount of respect. Dr. Johnson, hearing that somebody had been
kicked, said that he was very glad to hear it, and bemg asked whether this were
not an un-Christian feeling, replied that it was not. “ 1 am glad, Sir, to hear that
his character has sufficiently improved for any one to think him worth kicking.”
Mr. Punch, of course, is not to be restrained from introducing an anecdote,
appropriate or not, by any consideration for anybody’s feelings, but may as well add,
that he has nothing to say against the character of Mr. Scully, except as a Parlia-
mentarian, in which capacity he is an unmitigated and intolerable bore.
Mr. Cox—“ here we are again, and how do you do to-morrow ? ”—brought in a
Bill for modifying the Early Closing of Public Houses Act. It appears that drovers
and market gardeners are inconvenienced by not being able to procure refreshments
between one and four in the morning. Mr. Cox also contended that gentlemen
connected with the Newspaper Press are similarly annoyed. He mentioned that the
Times had instituted a refreshment room for it's employes, but that many other
murnals could not conveniently do so. Mr. Punch considers that in common
justice, not to speak of gratitude, to those who are toiling
and moiling all night to prepare the newspaper which
gladdens the breakfast table, some arrangement ought to be
made for their comfort. He asserts this the more reso-
lutely, because his young men have no interest in the
question, he having fitted up, at reckless cost, an exqui-
sitely luxurious restaurant for them, under a French cook,
where, at any hour of the day or night that they choose
to rush in with a witticism, they find the choicest repast
and the most delicious wines ready at the first sound of
a silver table bell. Sir George Grey said that the Act
was working very well, that somebody must be incon-
venienced by any change, and that in this case it must be
the market folk. As for the drovers, they are travellers,
and therefore may get refreshments all along their roads.
He recommended the gentlemen of the Press to unite, and
hire a room for their own accommodation. If they do,
Parliament ought to vote them a subsidy to keep it up,
seeing that but for them nobody would know anything
about Parliament and its orators.
Sir Eitzroy Kelly, Knight of Malt-a, proposes to
improve the law of evidence, which at present works very
unjustly, as the Divorce Judge writes to testify. He
desires that in all Sir James Wilde’s cases all parties
may be at liberty to give testimony, and that the same rule
shall hold in criminal cases. Mr. Punch heartily approves
of this reform, he having always ridiculed, in the most
caustic manner, the old stupid devices by which the Law
stops its old ears against hearing the truth.
This Tuesday being Yalentine’s Day, Mr. Punch was occu-
pied from ten until five in opening, kissing, and making cigar-
spills of the myriads of affectionate epistles forwarded to
the Old Dear by the young ladies of the nation. He has
been unable to get the odour of the perfumed notes off his
aristocratic hands up to the present writing, and this fact
gives him an opportunity of complimenting Mr. Eugene
Rimmel upon the publication of a very elegant and in-
structive Perfume-Book, which Mr. Punch has carefully
put away in an airy attic, and will read with pleasure when
the scent shall have subsided. He hates all perfumes
except onions.
Wednesday. The Commons gave a Second Reading to
about two hundred private Bills, as they are called, many
of them being Bills about new Railways, and Committees
are to examine them. Good days for us, my learned
friends, quoth Mr. Punch, Q.C.
Thursday. Hammersmith complains to the Lords about
its heavy poor-rates, and about the system of metropolitan
improvements, which drives the poor from the heart of
London to the outsides, there to become burdens. We
trust that the prayer of the impetuous and intelligent
suburb will be heeded. Lord Granville intimated that
something was to be done.
Lord Palmerston paid a kindly tribute to the memory
of Mr. Gregson, late Member for Lancaster.
iVIr. Clifeord brings in a Bill to do away with the law
that punishes people for not going to church. This is
right. People ought to go to church, but ought not to be
sent to prison for staying away, especially as in a vast
number of parishes the fault is with the Parsons, who make
the Services much too long and the Sermons much too
stupid. But we suspect that before the Bill passes, there
will be a row between the mover and Mother Church.
“ She ’ll call him Clifford, and he ’ll call her Madam. ’
which line reminds us that the new Julia {Mr. Punch
hereby expresses his profound contempt for about four
hundred correspondents who have sent him a miserable
joke about Ju-lia and Jew-Leah, and Jewess Leah, and
similar trash) is ill—not that Mr. Punch needed any re-
minding of his affliction, and the loss to the public. He
hopes that Miss Bateman will bring an action against
Admiral Eitzroy for damages caused by his detestable
weather.
Then came up the Law Courts question. This will be
battled a good deal, as many interests are concerned. As
Mr. Punch perfectly comprehends the whole business, and
what everybody means, he will feel personally obliged by
the omission of any attempt to humbug him or his protege,
the Nation. Everybody is fighting, like Harry Wynd,
for his own hand. Lincoln’s Inn does not like the idea of
its valuable property being less valuable, and Messrs.
Walpole and Selwyn talk for Lincoln’s Inn. The Parlia-
mentary lawyers want the Courts to be held at Westminster,
Vol. 48.
3—2
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
7S
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
_ onday, February 13.
Hooray for Thwaites
and the Drains. They
are nearly done, and
Mr. Tite says that
they will come into
general operation at
the end of next
month. Thenceforth
the breezes of London
will be balmy breezes,
the Thames will once
more be a silver flood,
nec sine salmonibus,
and the swans,
“As if they would the
charmed air repay,
Shake thousand odours
from their dewy wings. ”
The Moral Sewage
is not so easily got rid
of, but Sir George
Grey introduced a
Prisons’ Bill, which
is to improve the pre-
sent state of things.
It is to go to a Select
Committee, whom Mr.
Punch will assist with
his invaluable sugges-
tions, when he shall
have had time to read
. the measure.
The Bill for Relieving Dissenting Municipals from the necessity of declaring
that they do not intend to upset the Church of England was read a Second Time,
and will be duly thrown out hereafter.
Tuesday. The Doctor in Roderick Random, who resolved to distil a certain liquid
from tinder, by means of animal heat, was a practical philosopher compared to Mr.
Punch, that is to say supposing Mr. Punch should seek to obtain any Essence out
of such tinder-like Parliament as that of the past week. But, to pursue the illus-
tration, he will endeavour to make the sparks that emanate from his wit, when
struck against his wisdom, fall on the tinder, which he will next blow up, and then
he will show himself a match for Parliament.
To-night the Chancellor expounded the working of his Act for Selling Little
Livings, and improving others with the proceeds, and stated that upwards of £100,000
had been thus obtained and applied in two years. An ingenious London Parson has
hit on a plan for augmenting his own living without troubling the Legislature, and
offers, if a generous public will give him £100, to charge nothing for marrying
people during the rest of his incumbency. The scheme does not seem to please
some of his brother Parsons, who inform the generous public that the proposed
compact is invalid. Lord Leitrim abused the Irish police, and was himself rebuked
by Lord Granville for violent language, which could not add to the dignity of
the House. This Lord Leitrim was a Magistrate, but was very properly super-
seded for indecorum, and if he does not mind his manners, it may be the painful
duty of His Majesty the Emperor Punch to invite him to reside on his Lordship’s
estate at Killadoon until further notice.
Government issues a Commission for inquiry into the costs of Railway Conveyance,
and the charges made by the companies. This was Mr. Gladstone’s announce-
ment, and it betokens an early onslaught upon the Tyrants of the Rail. Our pike
shall be ready, whenever it may please Mr. Gladstone to cry havoc, for sixpence
is a great deal too much to charge for a ride from Portland Road to Earringdon
Street, especially as nobody can possibly want to visit either station. Mr. Glad-
stone, however, in answer to Numscully, said that Government did not intend to
buy up the Railways this Session.
Numscully then delivered a long howl against the Irish Church in general, and
certain appointments in it, in particular. The Morning Star says that the House
hates this orator, and that he knows it, and talks less out of silliness than for the
sake of tormenting the Saxon. This, if true, elevates his conduct, and entitles him
to a certain amount of respect. Dr. Johnson, hearing that somebody had been
kicked, said that he was very glad to hear it, and bemg asked whether this were
not an un-Christian feeling, replied that it was not. “ 1 am glad, Sir, to hear that
his character has sufficiently improved for any one to think him worth kicking.”
Mr. Punch, of course, is not to be restrained from introducing an anecdote,
appropriate or not, by any consideration for anybody’s feelings, but may as well add,
that he has nothing to say against the character of Mr. Scully, except as a Parlia-
mentarian, in which capacity he is an unmitigated and intolerable bore.
Mr. Cox—“ here we are again, and how do you do to-morrow ? ”—brought in a
Bill for modifying the Early Closing of Public Houses Act. It appears that drovers
and market gardeners are inconvenienced by not being able to procure refreshments
between one and four in the morning. Mr. Cox also contended that gentlemen
connected with the Newspaper Press are similarly annoyed. He mentioned that the
Times had instituted a refreshment room for it's employes, but that many other
murnals could not conveniently do so. Mr. Punch considers that in common
justice, not to speak of gratitude, to those who are toiling
and moiling all night to prepare the newspaper which
gladdens the breakfast table, some arrangement ought to be
made for their comfort. He asserts this the more reso-
lutely, because his young men have no interest in the
question, he having fitted up, at reckless cost, an exqui-
sitely luxurious restaurant for them, under a French cook,
where, at any hour of the day or night that they choose
to rush in with a witticism, they find the choicest repast
and the most delicious wines ready at the first sound of
a silver table bell. Sir George Grey said that the Act
was working very well, that somebody must be incon-
venienced by any change, and that in this case it must be
the market folk. As for the drovers, they are travellers,
and therefore may get refreshments all along their roads.
He recommended the gentlemen of the Press to unite, and
hire a room for their own accommodation. If they do,
Parliament ought to vote them a subsidy to keep it up,
seeing that but for them nobody would know anything
about Parliament and its orators.
Sir Eitzroy Kelly, Knight of Malt-a, proposes to
improve the law of evidence, which at present works very
unjustly, as the Divorce Judge writes to testify. He
desires that in all Sir James Wilde’s cases all parties
may be at liberty to give testimony, and that the same rule
shall hold in criminal cases. Mr. Punch heartily approves
of this reform, he having always ridiculed, in the most
caustic manner, the old stupid devices by which the Law
stops its old ears against hearing the truth.
This Tuesday being Yalentine’s Day, Mr. Punch was occu-
pied from ten until five in opening, kissing, and making cigar-
spills of the myriads of affectionate epistles forwarded to
the Old Dear by the young ladies of the nation. He has
been unable to get the odour of the perfumed notes off his
aristocratic hands up to the present writing, and this fact
gives him an opportunity of complimenting Mr. Eugene
Rimmel upon the publication of a very elegant and in-
structive Perfume-Book, which Mr. Punch has carefully
put away in an airy attic, and will read with pleasure when
the scent shall have subsided. He hates all perfumes
except onions.
Wednesday. The Commons gave a Second Reading to
about two hundred private Bills, as they are called, many
of them being Bills about new Railways, and Committees
are to examine them. Good days for us, my learned
friends, quoth Mr. Punch, Q.C.
Thursday. Hammersmith complains to the Lords about
its heavy poor-rates, and about the system of metropolitan
improvements, which drives the poor from the heart of
London to the outsides, there to become burdens. We
trust that the prayer of the impetuous and intelligent
suburb will be heeded. Lord Granville intimated that
something was to be done.
Lord Palmerston paid a kindly tribute to the memory
of Mr. Gregson, late Member for Lancaster.
iVIr. Clifeord brings in a Bill to do away with the law
that punishes people for not going to church. This is
right. People ought to go to church, but ought not to be
sent to prison for staying away, especially as in a vast
number of parishes the fault is with the Parsons, who make
the Services much too long and the Sermons much too
stupid. But we suspect that before the Bill passes, there
will be a row between the mover and Mother Church.
“ She ’ll call him Clifford, and he ’ll call her Madam. ’
which line reminds us that the new Julia {Mr. Punch
hereby expresses his profound contempt for about four
hundred correspondents who have sent him a miserable
joke about Ju-lia and Jew-Leah, and Jewess Leah, and
similar trash) is ill—not that Mr. Punch needed any re-
minding of his affliction, and the loss to the public. He
hopes that Miss Bateman will bring an action against
Admiral Eitzroy for damages caused by his detestable
weather.
Then came up the Law Courts question. This will be
battled a good deal, as many interests are concerned. As
Mr. Punch perfectly comprehends the whole business, and
what everybody means, he will feel personally obliged by
the omission of any attempt to humbug him or his protege,
the Nation. Everybody is fighting, like Harry Wynd,
for his own hand. Lincoln’s Inn does not like the idea of
its valuable property being less valuable, and Messrs.
Walpole and Selwyn talk for Lincoln’s Inn. The Parlia-
mentary lawyers want the Courts to be held at Westminster,
Vol. 48.
3—2