Punch (48.1865)

January 14, 1865.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

21

Would I could see the proof, John,

Of end to War’s alarms,

With State from State aloor, John,

Each with its host in arms.

If Traffic could be made, J ohn,

The power you bid us see,

We’d change her name from Trade, John,
To Christianitie.

ADVERTISING ATROCITIES.

Where, we wonder, will the mania for advertising stop? What
new dodge will next be tried in puffery and posters ! Here iu England
we hang out our advertising banners on our outer walls, and plaster
flaring placards on the outsides of our omnibuses. Our railway stations
are disfigured with big advertising placards, and the names of puffing
tradesmen are chalked on our dead walls and painted on our pave-
ments. Even in our pantomimes advertisements intrude; our harle-
quins do tricks whose sole aim is to puff, and here and there one sees a
whole scene fitted with purely advertising notices. All this is bad
enough, but there is far worse done in Canada, if we may trust what
follows :—

“Outrage on Nature.—Tlae practice of rdefacing, with great advertisements,
rocks, trees, and bridges, in spots visited for their remarkable beauty, is extending
in Canada. A correspondent of the Montreal Gazette writes : ‘ This morning I find a
circular among my letters, in which an advertising agent coolly proposes to deface
the country in the most systematic manner, carrying with him “a corps of bill-
posters, painters, &c, to put advertisements on the prominent rocks, bridges, and j
fences,” which he designates as “ the most novel as well as the cheapest way of
advertising.” ’ Some of the loveliest glens and vales in the White Mountains and ]
other parts of the States are barbarously disfigured with ineffaceable advertisements ;
of quack medicines. A bill is to be introduced [into the New York, Legislature
making this disgraceful practice penal.”

Penal! We should hope so. Such offences should be punished by
the hardest of hard labour. To spoil the scenery of Grieve, Beverley
and Telbin is mischievous enough, but what are to say of men who
thus contract to spoil the scenery of Nature ? The wretch who would
deface a lovely view with a vile poster is a miscreant who would not
shrink from any act of nature-slaughter. One might expect him to
turn Mont Blanc into an ice-factory, or to utilise Niagara by making
it a mill-stream.

Tourists tell us that the Catacombs are covered with inscriptions,
and that the names of pill-mongers are painted on the Pyramids.
Perhaps we soon may hear that the dome of St. Peter’s has been
placarded by quacks, or that cheap tailors have been painting their
puffs upon the Tuiieries. Even this, however, would not be so vile as
the system of defacing a fine landscape with big placards, and we wish
the Hammerdryads (if there be any of them extant) would just hammer
at the heads of the contractors for such puffery until their brains be
impressed with all the reverence for Nature which appears now to be
wanting to them.

“ WANTED, A WHITE SLAVE-CHEAP.”

Mr. Punch has seen a good many cool things in the way of adver-
tisements for Governesses. But the following strikes him as about the
coolest:—

Y'l OVERNESS WANTED, near town, age about 25, a lady by birth,
-J of refined habits, strict principles, Church of England, to instruct four
children in good English, correct French, and music, and to teach them order and
discipline. Salary, £30. It is desired that the lady should be active and cheerful,
contented to live entirely in her own rooms, and if possible be absent from Saturday

till Monday, unless left in charge. Apply, in person, at-Street, St. James’s, this

day (Monday), between 11 and 2.

What a happy country this should be, if ladies by birth, of refined
habits, strict principles, able to teach four children good English, correct
Erench, music—to say nothing of “ order and discipline”—are so plen-
tiful that they can be had for £30 a year! When this modest advertiser
was about it, why did he not throw in, among his conditions, German,
painting in oil and water-colour, singing, the rudiments of Latin, arith-
metic, and algebra, the first six books of Euclid, and the use of the Globes?

But he is quite right in requiring the qualifications of cheerfulness and
contentment, even without the suggested additions to his very moderate
requirements. The lady who takes such a situation ought to be not
only cheerful under circumstances to which the worst of Mark Tap ley's
were child’s play, but contented with treatment which might rouse the
patience of a saint.

There is only one set-off—she would have the prospect of “ living
entirely in her own rooms.” This must be a decided comfort in the
case of the insolent snobs who could put out such an advertisement.

The “absence—if possible—from Saturday to Monday,” is an ingenious
way of escaping the charges of the lady’s maintenance on the Sunday,
and the awkwardness of having her in the way on a day when we are
apt to be especially reminded of our duty to do unto others as we would
that others should do unto us.

MY LITTLE GAME.



ir,—It being the
fashionnow-a-days
for noble sports-
men to furnish the
principal journals
with records of
their prowess in
the shooting-field,
I am determined
that your columns
shall no longer be
made conspicuous
by the absence of
such returns as
aforesaid. I there-
fore hasten to send
you the very loud-
est reports of out-
guns. Before set-
ting down in order
the list of game
under their several
heads, I will call
your attention to
the fact, that, in
the accounts of
these proceedings,
generally appears
the item ‘ various.’
You will be told
that Sir John de
Bracy Byrdes,
and party, bagged
“ eleven hundred
head of game—
pheasants, par-
tridges, various.”
They don’t particularise. This is the error, which, as you will see,
I have scrupulously avoided. I send you my card, and whenever you
want a few days’ shooting, drop a line to me.

Triggerliam Priory. Yours, according to Cocker.

ANNOTATED RETURNS.

Official Return of Game shot, at Triggerham Priory Estate, during the
last few days. There were ten guns out; or, to make it clearer,
we should say ten gentlemen with five breech-loaders a-piece, as
the proprietor of the covers objected to their carrying any more

than that number :—

Partridges.20

Note.—These were so thoroughly killed, that the Keepers could
only find fifteen.

Pheasants.30

Note.—This number was sworn to after dinner by several gen-
tlemen. It was rather dai’k when they were counted.

VARIOUS.

Squirrels.50

Note by a Short-sighted Gentleman.—Looked like birds in the
distance.

Water-Hens.40

Jays.20

Cock-Robins.300

(Including, perhaps, some Jenny Wrens, but nobody knew.)

Nuthatches.100

(At least somebody said they were Nuthatches.)

Peacocks . 2

(One being a Hen.)

Chickens.50

(By mistake—near the'Farm.)

Californian Quails.15

N.B. An accident. These birds had been turned out on a
neighbouring estate. Their owner valued them at five guineas
each, and would take no apology without the money.

Tom-Tits.30

Note.—Stupid birds. Served ’em right.

Dogs.12

(That got in the way.)

Keeper and Boy (winged).H

N. B. Both claim compensation, and Boy’s Mother came down
in the evening, making a deuce of a row.

Total . . 6704

P.S. I can’t recollect how we made up the number originally to
fifteen thousand two hundred and twenty-three. I think I must have
omitted something.—Yours, Cocker.