DOI issue:
April 22, 1865
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16875#0169
April 22, 1865.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
161
BALLAD MINSTRELSY.
o w nonsensically
absurd are the
greater number
of drawing-room
ballads ! Take
the following
specimens, for
instance, ex-
tracted at ran-
dom from Ro-
bert Cocks &
Co.’s Green Ca-
talogue :—
“A Lovely Lass: on
Volubility of
Performance.
“ When the Heart
of a Man: on
Passing the
Thumb.”
“ Tom Bowline: on
Turns and
Shakes.”
That a lovely
lass is likely to
be an excellent
authority on vo-
lubility of per-
formance, we
are prepared to
admit; but is the fact that she is so a reason for writing a ballad about it P As to the second
song, it is simply an anatomical absurdity. When does the heart of a man pass his thumb P
This ballad is useful, however, as an illustration of the shifts to which a fifth-rate poet is
sometimes driven for a rhyme. Probably the author (whoever he was) wanted a rhyme to
“ come,” and accordingly dragged in “ thumb ” neck-and-crop, without paying any regard
to the question whether there was room for it. Again, what could Tom Bowline have had
to do with “ turns and shakes P ” All the brave fellow could have known about “ turns ”
must have been derived from seeing his enemies accomplish them; and as to “ shakes,” beyond
a shake or two of the foretopsail now and then, he probably knew no more about them than
the Nelson Column itself.
A little further on is the following idiotic drivel
“ When I followed a Lass: on Octaves and Skips.”
Another rhyming emergency : “ skips ” introduced, no doubt, to rhyme with “ lips.” Then
we come to such nonsense as this :—
“ The Blue Bells of Scotland : for the Acquirement of Volubility of Finger.”
We are not quite clear as to what “volubility of finger” is. We have, of course, heard
of volubility of tongue; and “ bells,” whether
with one e or with two, are usually proficients in
that accomplishment. Probably, volubility of
finger means skill in the dumb alphabet. If it
doesn’t, we give it up. Then comes—
“ We ’ll gang na.e mair to yon Town : on the Use of
the Pedals.”
No doubt a clumsy Scotch way of saying that
next time they go, they won’t walk. A little
lower down is—
“ Oh, whistle and 1 ’ll come to you, my lad : on Delicacy.”
This we think can be explained. “ On deli-
cacy ” is an Irishism for “ indelicacy,” and it
is probably a private note by a right-thinking
Irish editor, which has been printed by mistake.
But what was Messrs. Cocks & Co.’s reader
about ?
The following is probably a pugilistic ode:—
“ The Mill, the Mill, O' on various useful passages.”
A ghastly motif is suggested by the subjoined:—
“Early one Morning: on rapid and brilliant
Execution.”
The taste which suggests the publication of
such ribaldry cannot be too severely reprehended.
Here is a song which curiously illustrates the
carelessness of the Irish character :—
“ Nora’s Purse: on a natural and graceful style.”
Nobody but an Irish man or woman would have
been so careless as to leave a purse in such an
exposed situation. Catch a Scotchman doing
so ! Then we have—
“ Peggy Bawn: on Skips.”
We give this up.
A stern moral lesson is read in the next line:—
“ A Rejected Lover: on Velocity.”
He has been unable to give up his old habits
of dissipation (notwithstanding that he has
plighted his love), and he has been found out!
One more quotation, which we will not attempt
to criticise:—
“ The pretty Maid milking a Cow: in the style of a
Romance.”
Really, music-publishers of position should be
careful how they peril their professional standing
by publishing such abject nonsense ?
THE CARTOONS.
The Cartoons are likely to be removed to London. Hampton is in
a most unhappy frame of mind, and as much cut up as Raffaelle’s
great works once were. Kingston is the picture of despair. Kew
means to consult a Q. C., and at Teddington things have come to a
dead-lock. The “Twitnam” folks complain that people are already
twitting ’em. The Palace is in a maze. A Court mourning is expected.
Not content, like “ great Anna,” to “ counsel take,” Hampton
retained an ex-Chancellor to plead her cause before his Peers. He
seems to have been assisted by other noble personages, for there was
more than one Count in the indictment he preferred. First, the gates
had been carried off, the gates “ that it must have been a great satis-
faction to the thousands of the working classes who visited Hampton
Court to see.” The recital of this sad story almost “ drew iron tears
down Sugden’s cheek.” But were these gates such a comfort to the
London mechanic out for his Sunday holiday ? Did all his enjoyment
hinge upon them? Did he do nothing but draw them, study them,
admire them, until they wrought in him a determination to forge a-head
and rival their producer, Huntington Shaw, the clever Nottingham
blacksmith P W as there not metal more attractive in the other glories
of the Palace ? This must have been said ironically.
“ The naked empty pedestals ” were the next thing on which Lord
St. Leonards based a grievance. As the statues appear to have been
removed some forty or fifty years ago, Hampton must now, after half
a century of stony grief, be pretty well hardened. Lord Granville,
however, allayed the anxiety of the House by an assurance that it
should be Cowper’s Task to see that things no longer remained in
statu quo.
But the worst woe of all was the threatened departure of those
Cartoons which “ hundreds and thousands of people went down to see.”
Do they ? There is a secret belief that they go down to bewilder
themselves in the maze and play at kiss-in-the-ring, to gad after the
“ gadding vine,” to enjoy (like sensible people) the turf and the trees,
the chesnuts and the flowers, to feed the gold and silver fish, and
refresh themselves with sandwiches and beer. It is whispered that
of all the thousand and odd pictures that will still be left in the Palace,
the “ hundreds and thousands ” care far more for The Grecian Daughter
and the great gun of the collection, A Child Discharging a small Cannon,
than for Raffaelle treasures and Andrea Mantegna “ triumphs.”
But, says the voice from Boyle Farm, “ No foreigner ever came to
London without visiting Hampton Court, and when he got in sight of
the Palace, his first question always was, ‘ Where are the Cartoons ? ’ ”
A fact. No sooner does the “foreigner” arrive at the South-Eastern
terminus than, fresh from the ocean, and without even changing his
collar, he jumps into a Hansom, and drives straight away to Hampton
Court, and when he gets in sight of the Palace gesticulates to Cabby
to reveal to him where the Cartoons are.
Perhaps the “ foreigner ” will not object to a shorter and less ex-
pensive ride, and be quite as well satisfied to see the Cartoons at South
Kensington as at Hampton Court. At all events the Englishman may
be expected to acquiesce in the proposed arrangement. Can there be a
doubt that in London the Cartoons will be better hung, better lighted,
and, therefore, better seen ? Hampton will not have one visitor the less
through their absence, South Kensington will have many more from
their presence.
After being lodged in Palaces and thrust into cellars, after finding a
friend in Charles and a “Protector” in Cromwell, the Cartoons
will not experience their worst vicissitude in being displayed in one of
the Galleries of the South Kensington Museum. Hampton need not
harass herself about the loss of these marvellous tapestry designs. She
has still her many “ Beauties,” and so long as summers gladden and
chesnuts blossom, must ever keep open house for thousands of happy
guests. Her courtiers are such as never tire of their homage, her train
will always be in waiting. May her laurels be evergreen, may her yews
never be used up !
Vol. 48.
6
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
161
BALLAD MINSTRELSY.
o w nonsensically
absurd are the
greater number
of drawing-room
ballads ! Take
the following
specimens, for
instance, ex-
tracted at ran-
dom from Ro-
bert Cocks &
Co.’s Green Ca-
talogue :—
“A Lovely Lass: on
Volubility of
Performance.
“ When the Heart
of a Man: on
Passing the
Thumb.”
“ Tom Bowline: on
Turns and
Shakes.”
That a lovely
lass is likely to
be an excellent
authority on vo-
lubility of per-
formance, we
are prepared to
admit; but is the fact that she is so a reason for writing a ballad about it P As to the second
song, it is simply an anatomical absurdity. When does the heart of a man pass his thumb P
This ballad is useful, however, as an illustration of the shifts to which a fifth-rate poet is
sometimes driven for a rhyme. Probably the author (whoever he was) wanted a rhyme to
“ come,” and accordingly dragged in “ thumb ” neck-and-crop, without paying any regard
to the question whether there was room for it. Again, what could Tom Bowline have had
to do with “ turns and shakes P ” All the brave fellow could have known about “ turns ”
must have been derived from seeing his enemies accomplish them; and as to “ shakes,” beyond
a shake or two of the foretopsail now and then, he probably knew no more about them than
the Nelson Column itself.
A little further on is the following idiotic drivel
“ When I followed a Lass: on Octaves and Skips.”
Another rhyming emergency : “ skips ” introduced, no doubt, to rhyme with “ lips.” Then
we come to such nonsense as this :—
“ The Blue Bells of Scotland : for the Acquirement of Volubility of Finger.”
We are not quite clear as to what “volubility of finger” is. We have, of course, heard
of volubility of tongue; and “ bells,” whether
with one e or with two, are usually proficients in
that accomplishment. Probably, volubility of
finger means skill in the dumb alphabet. If it
doesn’t, we give it up. Then comes—
“ We ’ll gang na.e mair to yon Town : on the Use of
the Pedals.”
No doubt a clumsy Scotch way of saying that
next time they go, they won’t walk. A little
lower down is—
“ Oh, whistle and 1 ’ll come to you, my lad : on Delicacy.”
This we think can be explained. “ On deli-
cacy ” is an Irishism for “ indelicacy,” and it
is probably a private note by a right-thinking
Irish editor, which has been printed by mistake.
But what was Messrs. Cocks & Co.’s reader
about ?
The following is probably a pugilistic ode:—
“ The Mill, the Mill, O' on various useful passages.”
A ghastly motif is suggested by the subjoined:—
“Early one Morning: on rapid and brilliant
Execution.”
The taste which suggests the publication of
such ribaldry cannot be too severely reprehended.
Here is a song which curiously illustrates the
carelessness of the Irish character :—
“ Nora’s Purse: on a natural and graceful style.”
Nobody but an Irish man or woman would have
been so careless as to leave a purse in such an
exposed situation. Catch a Scotchman doing
so ! Then we have—
“ Peggy Bawn: on Skips.”
We give this up.
A stern moral lesson is read in the next line:—
“ A Rejected Lover: on Velocity.”
He has been unable to give up his old habits
of dissipation (notwithstanding that he has
plighted his love), and he has been found out!
One more quotation, which we will not attempt
to criticise:—
“ The pretty Maid milking a Cow: in the style of a
Romance.”
Really, music-publishers of position should be
careful how they peril their professional standing
by publishing such abject nonsense ?
THE CARTOONS.
The Cartoons are likely to be removed to London. Hampton is in
a most unhappy frame of mind, and as much cut up as Raffaelle’s
great works once were. Kingston is the picture of despair. Kew
means to consult a Q. C., and at Teddington things have come to a
dead-lock. The “Twitnam” folks complain that people are already
twitting ’em. The Palace is in a maze. A Court mourning is expected.
Not content, like “ great Anna,” to “ counsel take,” Hampton
retained an ex-Chancellor to plead her cause before his Peers. He
seems to have been assisted by other noble personages, for there was
more than one Count in the indictment he preferred. First, the gates
had been carried off, the gates “ that it must have been a great satis-
faction to the thousands of the working classes who visited Hampton
Court to see.” The recital of this sad story almost “ drew iron tears
down Sugden’s cheek.” But were these gates such a comfort to the
London mechanic out for his Sunday holiday ? Did all his enjoyment
hinge upon them? Did he do nothing but draw them, study them,
admire them, until they wrought in him a determination to forge a-head
and rival their producer, Huntington Shaw, the clever Nottingham
blacksmith P W as there not metal more attractive in the other glories
of the Palace ? This must have been said ironically.
“ The naked empty pedestals ” were the next thing on which Lord
St. Leonards based a grievance. As the statues appear to have been
removed some forty or fifty years ago, Hampton must now, after half
a century of stony grief, be pretty well hardened. Lord Granville,
however, allayed the anxiety of the House by an assurance that it
should be Cowper’s Task to see that things no longer remained in
statu quo.
But the worst woe of all was the threatened departure of those
Cartoons which “ hundreds and thousands of people went down to see.”
Do they ? There is a secret belief that they go down to bewilder
themselves in the maze and play at kiss-in-the-ring, to gad after the
“ gadding vine,” to enjoy (like sensible people) the turf and the trees,
the chesnuts and the flowers, to feed the gold and silver fish, and
refresh themselves with sandwiches and beer. It is whispered that
of all the thousand and odd pictures that will still be left in the Palace,
the “ hundreds and thousands ” care far more for The Grecian Daughter
and the great gun of the collection, A Child Discharging a small Cannon,
than for Raffaelle treasures and Andrea Mantegna “ triumphs.”
But, says the voice from Boyle Farm, “ No foreigner ever came to
London without visiting Hampton Court, and when he got in sight of
the Palace, his first question always was, ‘ Where are the Cartoons ? ’ ”
A fact. No sooner does the “foreigner” arrive at the South-Eastern
terminus than, fresh from the ocean, and without even changing his
collar, he jumps into a Hansom, and drives straight away to Hampton
Court, and when he gets in sight of the Palace gesticulates to Cabby
to reveal to him where the Cartoons are.
Perhaps the “ foreigner ” will not object to a shorter and less ex-
pensive ride, and be quite as well satisfied to see the Cartoons at South
Kensington as at Hampton Court. At all events the Englishman may
be expected to acquiesce in the proposed arrangement. Can there be a
doubt that in London the Cartoons will be better hung, better lighted,
and, therefore, better seen ? Hampton will not have one visitor the less
through their absence, South Kensington will have many more from
their presence.
After being lodged in Palaces and thrust into cellars, after finding a
friend in Charles and a “Protector” in Cromwell, the Cartoons
will not experience their worst vicissitude in being displayed in one of
the Galleries of the South Kensington Museum. Hampton need not
harass herself about the loss of these marvellous tapestry designs. She
has still her many “ Beauties,” and so long as summers gladden and
chesnuts blossom, must ever keep open house for thousands of happy
guests. Her courtiers are such as never tire of their homage, her train
will always be in waiting. May her laurels be evergreen, may her yews
never be used up !
Vol. 48.
6