DOI Heft:
May 6, 1865
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16875#0196
188 PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 6> l865-
“ COMPARISONS ARE,” ETC.
Hansom Cabby {to Driver of Cheap Omnibus). "Now, then, Sam! Me and m"y Swell wants to catch a Train! Do get on with
that Noer’s Hark op yourn.”
TAXES.
A Hint or two on this subject will not, we feel sure, be thrown away
upon the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Supposing the present
duties were taken off several things, an enormous revenue might be
obtained by levying taxes as follows :—
On every “ good story ” told more than three times by the same
person.
A Tax upon any one talking about the weather.
Upon all amateurs on the flute, violin, and cornet, without exception.
Upon all after-dinner speeches over three minutes in length.
Upon all young ladies singing Italian songs without understanding
the language.
Upon all young ladies or gentlemen singing any song whatever, and,
by their affected pronunciation, rendering the words totally unintelli-
gible.
All long wandering stories without any point ought to be heavily
taxed.
A Tax on all dramas “ taken from the French.”
On extensive Crinolines.
Enormous Tax on all pianoforte variations, and specially upon those
on the “ Carnival de Venue.”
On all bad dinners, and the heaviest Tax possible on bad wine.
“ un> << 1burles,rlues arR all bad puns, specially any play on the words
belle, beau; ” as for instance, to say of the prettiest young lady at
the dinner-table, that she is “the dinner bell;” or that a “beau ought to
be brought up at ’arrow ; ” and all such jokes as involve the twisting of
the words Eton,” “ Harrow,” “ Father and farther,” “ Rain and
rei."n,’, t£ Heir, air, hare, that ere, they air (for ‘they are’),” “ Gait and
gate, JMose, knows, and noes,” “Knight and night,” and all such
]°kes whose tun depends upon the omission, or addition, of the letter H.
there should be a duty placed upon all jokes on the names of popular
artistes and authors; thus there should be twopence levied on every
trmmg with Mellon, Pyne, Stirling Coyne, Kean Fechter,
Ioole, and so forth.
The most fearful Tax upon irreverent jesting on the word Punch.
A Tax upon Mothers-in-law. Heavy.
A Tax on Banting.
A Tax on Banting’s followers.
A Tax on every speech of Mr. Whalley’s.
A Tax upon anyone who objects to smoking in a railway carriage.
A Tax of 100 per cent, on everyone who won’t lend you five shillings.
A Tax upon every sermon that shall exceed fifteen minutes.
A Tax upon everyone who doesn’t take in Punch. This, of course,
will not yield many halfpence annually.
And if the above list does not suffice, then let there be a Tax on
everybody and everything indiscriminately. God save the Queen !
DIVIDING THE WOOLSACK.
“ This Edmunds case,” said Westbury,
Sarcastic, smooth and cool,
“ Will prove a case of ample cry,
But very little wool.”
Quoth Chelmsford, as on Westbury
He turned a scornful back,
“ Though we perhaps don’t get the wool,
You ought to get the saclc.”
political and operatic.
At some forthcoming aristocratic Private Theatricals, Earl Russell
and his Son will, it is hoped, appear in a new version of the popular
Opera La Sonnambula, to be on this occasion entitled, My Son-Amber ley.
[Advertisement.]
YOU’RE A PRETTY FELLOW ! —A Gentleman who is perpetually
A being told, by Ladies and others, that he is an ugly customer, wishes to meet
I with some pretty person with whom he could exchange looks.
“ COMPARISONS ARE,” ETC.
Hansom Cabby {to Driver of Cheap Omnibus). "Now, then, Sam! Me and m"y Swell wants to catch a Train! Do get on with
that Noer’s Hark op yourn.”
TAXES.
A Hint or two on this subject will not, we feel sure, be thrown away
upon the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Supposing the present
duties were taken off several things, an enormous revenue might be
obtained by levying taxes as follows :—
On every “ good story ” told more than three times by the same
person.
A Tax upon any one talking about the weather.
Upon all amateurs on the flute, violin, and cornet, without exception.
Upon all after-dinner speeches over three minutes in length.
Upon all young ladies singing Italian songs without understanding
the language.
Upon all young ladies or gentlemen singing any song whatever, and,
by their affected pronunciation, rendering the words totally unintelli-
gible.
All long wandering stories without any point ought to be heavily
taxed.
A Tax on all dramas “ taken from the French.”
On extensive Crinolines.
Enormous Tax on all pianoforte variations, and specially upon those
on the “ Carnival de Venue.”
On all bad dinners, and the heaviest Tax possible on bad wine.
“ un> << 1burles,rlues arR all bad puns, specially any play on the words
belle, beau; ” as for instance, to say of the prettiest young lady at
the dinner-table, that she is “the dinner bell;” or that a “beau ought to
be brought up at ’arrow ; ” and all such jokes as involve the twisting of
the words Eton,” “ Harrow,” “ Father and farther,” “ Rain and
rei."n,’, t£ Heir, air, hare, that ere, they air (for ‘they are’),” “ Gait and
gate, JMose, knows, and noes,” “Knight and night,” and all such
]°kes whose tun depends upon the omission, or addition, of the letter H.
there should be a duty placed upon all jokes on the names of popular
artistes and authors; thus there should be twopence levied on every
trmmg with Mellon, Pyne, Stirling Coyne, Kean Fechter,
Ioole, and so forth.
The most fearful Tax upon irreverent jesting on the word Punch.
A Tax upon Mothers-in-law. Heavy.
A Tax on Banting.
A Tax on Banting’s followers.
A Tax on every speech of Mr. Whalley’s.
A Tax upon anyone who objects to smoking in a railway carriage.
A Tax of 100 per cent, on everyone who won’t lend you five shillings.
A Tax upon every sermon that shall exceed fifteen minutes.
A Tax upon everyone who doesn’t take in Punch. This, of course,
will not yield many halfpence annually.
And if the above list does not suffice, then let there be a Tax on
everybody and everything indiscriminately. God save the Queen !
DIVIDING THE WOOLSACK.
“ This Edmunds case,” said Westbury,
Sarcastic, smooth and cool,
“ Will prove a case of ample cry,
But very little wool.”
Quoth Chelmsford, as on Westbury
He turned a scornful back,
“ Though we perhaps don’t get the wool,
You ought to get the saclc.”
political and operatic.
At some forthcoming aristocratic Private Theatricals, Earl Russell
and his Son will, it is hoped, appear in a new version of the popular
Opera La Sonnambula, to be on this occasion entitled, My Son-Amber ley.
[Advertisement.]
YOU’RE A PRETTY FELLOW ! —A Gentleman who is perpetually
A being told, by Ladies and others, that he is an ugly customer, wishes to meet
I with some pretty person with whom he could exchange looks.