DOI Heft:
July 11, 1868
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16882#0027
July ii, 1868.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 19
Lord Chancellor Cairns (evidently ill, Punch is sorry to say) then
made Ills grand effort, and in a speech of some two hours and a half,
addressed himself, with signal ability, to all sorts of arguments, great
and small, against, touching the Church. He ended by declaring that
he had confidence in the true heart and faith of the country, and let
the result be what it might, a statesman could desire no nobler cause
for which to fight, no fairer field on which to fall. The plaudit was
well-earned, and enthusiastic.
Lord Granville replied in a speech of point, and said that in a
few months the battle would be fought and won.
About three in the morning the Lords divided.
For the Irish Church.192
Against her.97
—
Majority for rejecting Mr. Gladstone’s Bill . 95
In the Commons there was also a great question. Some boys at
Leominster had been fined for playing at Cricket, and of course the
“liner” said that they were fined for playing it on a Sunday. The
punishment was for damaging a growing crop, and Sunday had nothing
to do with it. But, unless they were hardened sinners, who had been
warned, Justice Punch thinks a good blowing-up might liave done.
Something about the Customs on Silks—not so interesting as those
of ladies, whose customs are to make remarks on silks worn by their
friends, and if the silks be cheap, to call the wearer a dowdy, and her
husband a mean wretch; and if dear, to wonder how soon that extrava-
gant woman will bring her poor henpecked spouse into bankruptcy.
Sir Charles Russell (Conservative), himself one. of the braves who
wear the Victoria Cross, becomingly pleaded for giving Government
employ to discharged soldiers. Mis proposal was warmly praised by
Mr. Gladstone, and coldly approved by Sir John Pakington.
Another row about the Architects, ending with a division—the
House by 90 to 45 didn’t want to hear any more about it.
Vote for increase in police force, now more wanted than ever, and it
was resisted by a little knot, who could number only 22 to 192, and we
j hope the minority will have an early opportunity of discovering that
the police are much wanted. Of course we don’t desire any serious
damage, but we should like to read that Mr. Ayrton had had his
watch-guard torn away, and that Alderman Lusk’s best Sunday hat
had been knocked in, with the loss of his lunch, if he carries that in
; his castor or beaver, which is silk.
Tuesday. The Lords, as we mentioned last week, did well in crushing
out the Conspiracy among the Southern Railways. They did less well
to-day in passing a Bill by which the Brighton line .will be able to raise
its fares. They were lowered to defeat competition, and that being
defeated, the Company discovers that the fares were too low. Lord
Redesdale made an energetic protest against assent, but was outvoted
by 44 to 35.
Protestant magistrates somehow hate to let Catholic priests into the
prisons to see Papist criminals. Continued complaint is made of the
hindrances, and some of them are offered in a very vulgar and petty
spirit. Of course, a Protestant may be as sincere in believing it wrong
to assist in teaching Popery as a Catholic is in believing it to be right,
but it was the intention of the Legislature to grant the priest as it
grants the parson; and though the Act is permissive (which no A.ct
should be, in a country of men who dislike doing anything new), its
i meaning ought to be carried out. Don’t let us hear more of magiste-
i rial impracticability in this matter. Mr. Neate was amusing. He
woidd make it obligatory on a priest to state whether a hanged Catho-
lic had confessed his crime, or not. We object to this for two reasons.
First, the Catholic Church enjoins secresy, (though a good citizen
would, in the interest of society, manage that a needed fact should
i come out) but, secondly and chiefly, because the criminal is hanged on
| evidence that ought to satisfy every one, and not to need confirmation
from the bps of a felon. The hankering for confession is natural, but
illogical.
Those Excisemen and their votes again. Government thinks they
ought not to vote, so does Mr. Gladstone ; but a general election is
at hand, and the measure was carried by 79 to 47. If it gets to the
Lords, they will probably throw it out.
Mr. Mill’s most valuable Bill for giving us Municipal Corporations
instead of jobbing Vestries, was got rid of-for the present.
Wednesday. More massacre. Down goes the Weights and Measures
Bill, and our system, or rather our bundle of anomalies, the scoff even
of the French peasant, is to continue. And the Libel Bill, to prevent
newspapers from being punished for doing their duty and giving truth-
ful reports, is also withdraw!.
But Mr. Coleridge’s Bill for admitting Dissenters to all the privi-
leges of the Universities was read a Second Time by 198 to 140. One
■ opposing gentleman was good enough to say that the Dissenters were
composed of the lower classes. Well, we have no particular friend in
i the First Life Guards who is an Independent, nor have we lately read
the name of any distinguished Baptist lady on the doors of an opera
box. But we fancy that we have met ladies and gentlemen who go to
chapel. And if dissent prevails among the lower classes,_ it is a very"
good thing, for the religious police of dissent is far more vigilant than
that of the Church, and very useful to those who are in danger of
falling into divers temptations. Archbishop Punch is justice in-
carnate.
Thursday was a remarkable Parliament day, but it was marked with
a black as well as a white stone. First, the white. The thanks of
both Houses were given to Sir Robert Napier, for the third time,
mind. He has been thanked for Indian and Chinese services, and they
have been noble. To-day Lord Malmesbury moved and Lord
Russell seconded the vote to him, and to his gallant naval coadjutor.
Commodore Heath, and Lord Derby and Lord Ellenborough
echoed the praises. And in the Commons, Mr. Disraeli, in language of
artistic power, and Mr. Gladstone with a generous warmth, performed,
the same duty, and Lady Napier heard them. When Mr. Punch
adds, as he heartily does, his loudest cheer, the victor of Magdala may
well be proud—yet he is one of the most modest of men, and talks of
every one’s services but his own.
All this was delightful. But then, in the Lords, we had the jolliest
row. Mr. Disraeli in the Commons (his friends say for the Commons
only, but this was taken to mean for the Government) accepted the
altered Boundary Bill. Now the Lord Chancellor and Lord Beau-
champ proposed jfco undo the alterations—to delay the Bill—and, folks
say, to try to make a before-Christmas Parliament impossible. Lord
Russell was so indignant that he declared he would not stop in the
House, and accordingly he haughtily left it, followed by about twelve
Liberal lords. The Government in the Lords was so astonished at
this that it opened its mouth, and had not shut it when our reporter
left, and Mr. Punch was so much amused that he swore by Odin that
he would do no more Essence this week. Mirth takes various forms
of demonstration. Beauchamp’s proposal was withdrawn next day.
A REMONSTRANCE WITH SIR RICHARD MAYNE,
{From Tray.)
Am—“ Guy Fawkes.”
The Dog Days Act, well meant, turns out in operation sinister.
Sir Richard Mayne are you obliged that blunder to administer ?
Wear muzzles when we go at large we must on pain of slaughter.
To hinder hydrophobia you prevent our drinking water.
Bow, wow, wow!
Oh, how uncomfortable ! Bow, wow, wow!
The authors of this precious piece of British legislation.
If they had known we dogs have no cutaneous perspiration,
(Our lolling tongues performing the diaphoretic function)
Would not have doomed us thus to be tongue-tied without compunc-
^on- Bow, wow, wow! &c.
A drunken dog it sometimes may be meet and fit to muzzle;
But we, dogs proper, no intoxicating fluid guzzle.
We’re all of us teetotallers, drink water, pure and single ;
A bit of brimstone in our cups is all we ever mingle.
Bow, wow, wow! &c.
I wish you could experience the miseries we suffer^
Through that hard Act, devised by some unscientific duffer.
The dreadful irritation ivliich that measure is exciting
Is quite enough to drive us mad; then he ’ll deserve a biting.
Bow, wow, wow! &c.
How would the House of Commons like to suffer this infliction
Themselves, which we do now endure, the worse for that restriction.
Which would-be wholesome if imposed on certain legislators,
Interminable talkers, and impertinent debaters.
Bow, wow, wow! &c.
Pensive Thought.
In his speech on the vote of thanks, the Premier said, “ Happy is-
the man who has been thrice thanked by his country.” Wed, the
country has ticice thanked Mr. Disraeli, and it was on his two
resignations. He may be happy yet.
budding it plainly.
Why is a promising Cricketer like flour and eggs ?
Because he’s calculated to make a good batter.
Queen Elizabeth’s Favourite Stimulant.—Betsy’s British
Brandy.
Bad Form of Ring-Worm.—A “ Welcher.”
Lord Chancellor Cairns (evidently ill, Punch is sorry to say) then
made Ills grand effort, and in a speech of some two hours and a half,
addressed himself, with signal ability, to all sorts of arguments, great
and small, against, touching the Church. He ended by declaring that
he had confidence in the true heart and faith of the country, and let
the result be what it might, a statesman could desire no nobler cause
for which to fight, no fairer field on which to fall. The plaudit was
well-earned, and enthusiastic.
Lord Granville replied in a speech of point, and said that in a
few months the battle would be fought and won.
About three in the morning the Lords divided.
For the Irish Church.192
Against her.97
—
Majority for rejecting Mr. Gladstone’s Bill . 95
In the Commons there was also a great question. Some boys at
Leominster had been fined for playing at Cricket, and of course the
“liner” said that they were fined for playing it on a Sunday. The
punishment was for damaging a growing crop, and Sunday had nothing
to do with it. But, unless they were hardened sinners, who had been
warned, Justice Punch thinks a good blowing-up might liave done.
Something about the Customs on Silks—not so interesting as those
of ladies, whose customs are to make remarks on silks worn by their
friends, and if the silks be cheap, to call the wearer a dowdy, and her
husband a mean wretch; and if dear, to wonder how soon that extrava-
gant woman will bring her poor henpecked spouse into bankruptcy.
Sir Charles Russell (Conservative), himself one. of the braves who
wear the Victoria Cross, becomingly pleaded for giving Government
employ to discharged soldiers. Mis proposal was warmly praised by
Mr. Gladstone, and coldly approved by Sir John Pakington.
Another row about the Architects, ending with a division—the
House by 90 to 45 didn’t want to hear any more about it.
Vote for increase in police force, now more wanted than ever, and it
was resisted by a little knot, who could number only 22 to 192, and we
j hope the minority will have an early opportunity of discovering that
the police are much wanted. Of course we don’t desire any serious
damage, but we should like to read that Mr. Ayrton had had his
watch-guard torn away, and that Alderman Lusk’s best Sunday hat
had been knocked in, with the loss of his lunch, if he carries that in
; his castor or beaver, which is silk.
Tuesday. The Lords, as we mentioned last week, did well in crushing
out the Conspiracy among the Southern Railways. They did less well
to-day in passing a Bill by which the Brighton line .will be able to raise
its fares. They were lowered to defeat competition, and that being
defeated, the Company discovers that the fares were too low. Lord
Redesdale made an energetic protest against assent, but was outvoted
by 44 to 35.
Protestant magistrates somehow hate to let Catholic priests into the
prisons to see Papist criminals. Continued complaint is made of the
hindrances, and some of them are offered in a very vulgar and petty
spirit. Of course, a Protestant may be as sincere in believing it wrong
to assist in teaching Popery as a Catholic is in believing it to be right,
but it was the intention of the Legislature to grant the priest as it
grants the parson; and though the Act is permissive (which no A.ct
should be, in a country of men who dislike doing anything new), its
i meaning ought to be carried out. Don’t let us hear more of magiste-
i rial impracticability in this matter. Mr. Neate was amusing. He
woidd make it obligatory on a priest to state whether a hanged Catho-
lic had confessed his crime, or not. We object to this for two reasons.
First, the Catholic Church enjoins secresy, (though a good citizen
would, in the interest of society, manage that a needed fact should
i come out) but, secondly and chiefly, because the criminal is hanged on
| evidence that ought to satisfy every one, and not to need confirmation
from the bps of a felon. The hankering for confession is natural, but
illogical.
Those Excisemen and their votes again. Government thinks they
ought not to vote, so does Mr. Gladstone ; but a general election is
at hand, and the measure was carried by 79 to 47. If it gets to the
Lords, they will probably throw it out.
Mr. Mill’s most valuable Bill for giving us Municipal Corporations
instead of jobbing Vestries, was got rid of-for the present.
Wednesday. More massacre. Down goes the Weights and Measures
Bill, and our system, or rather our bundle of anomalies, the scoff even
of the French peasant, is to continue. And the Libel Bill, to prevent
newspapers from being punished for doing their duty and giving truth-
ful reports, is also withdraw!.
But Mr. Coleridge’s Bill for admitting Dissenters to all the privi-
leges of the Universities was read a Second Time by 198 to 140. One
■ opposing gentleman was good enough to say that the Dissenters were
composed of the lower classes. Well, we have no particular friend in
i the First Life Guards who is an Independent, nor have we lately read
the name of any distinguished Baptist lady on the doors of an opera
box. But we fancy that we have met ladies and gentlemen who go to
chapel. And if dissent prevails among the lower classes,_ it is a very"
good thing, for the religious police of dissent is far more vigilant than
that of the Church, and very useful to those who are in danger of
falling into divers temptations. Archbishop Punch is justice in-
carnate.
Thursday was a remarkable Parliament day, but it was marked with
a black as well as a white stone. First, the white. The thanks of
both Houses were given to Sir Robert Napier, for the third time,
mind. He has been thanked for Indian and Chinese services, and they
have been noble. To-day Lord Malmesbury moved and Lord
Russell seconded the vote to him, and to his gallant naval coadjutor.
Commodore Heath, and Lord Derby and Lord Ellenborough
echoed the praises. And in the Commons, Mr. Disraeli, in language of
artistic power, and Mr. Gladstone with a generous warmth, performed,
the same duty, and Lady Napier heard them. When Mr. Punch
adds, as he heartily does, his loudest cheer, the victor of Magdala may
well be proud—yet he is one of the most modest of men, and talks of
every one’s services but his own.
All this was delightful. But then, in the Lords, we had the jolliest
row. Mr. Disraeli in the Commons (his friends say for the Commons
only, but this was taken to mean for the Government) accepted the
altered Boundary Bill. Now the Lord Chancellor and Lord Beau-
champ proposed jfco undo the alterations—to delay the Bill—and, folks
say, to try to make a before-Christmas Parliament impossible. Lord
Russell was so indignant that he declared he would not stop in the
House, and accordingly he haughtily left it, followed by about twelve
Liberal lords. The Government in the Lords was so astonished at
this that it opened its mouth, and had not shut it when our reporter
left, and Mr. Punch was so much amused that he swore by Odin that
he would do no more Essence this week. Mirth takes various forms
of demonstration. Beauchamp’s proposal was withdrawn next day.
A REMONSTRANCE WITH SIR RICHARD MAYNE,
{From Tray.)
Am—“ Guy Fawkes.”
The Dog Days Act, well meant, turns out in operation sinister.
Sir Richard Mayne are you obliged that blunder to administer ?
Wear muzzles when we go at large we must on pain of slaughter.
To hinder hydrophobia you prevent our drinking water.
Bow, wow, wow!
Oh, how uncomfortable ! Bow, wow, wow!
The authors of this precious piece of British legislation.
If they had known we dogs have no cutaneous perspiration,
(Our lolling tongues performing the diaphoretic function)
Would not have doomed us thus to be tongue-tied without compunc-
^on- Bow, wow, wow! &c.
A drunken dog it sometimes may be meet and fit to muzzle;
But we, dogs proper, no intoxicating fluid guzzle.
We’re all of us teetotallers, drink water, pure and single ;
A bit of brimstone in our cups is all we ever mingle.
Bow, wow, wow! &c.
I wish you could experience the miseries we suffer^
Through that hard Act, devised by some unscientific duffer.
The dreadful irritation ivliich that measure is exciting
Is quite enough to drive us mad; then he ’ll deserve a biting.
Bow, wow, wow! &c.
How would the House of Commons like to suffer this infliction
Themselves, which we do now endure, the worse for that restriction.
Which would-be wholesome if imposed on certain legislators,
Interminable talkers, and impertinent debaters.
Bow, wow, wow! &c.
Pensive Thought.
In his speech on the vote of thanks, the Premier said, “ Happy is-
the man who has been thrice thanked by his country.” Wed, the
country has ticice thanked Mr. Disraeli, and it was on his two
resignations. He may be happy yet.
budding it plainly.
Why is a promising Cricketer like flour and eggs ?
Because he’s calculated to make a good batter.
Queen Elizabeth’s Favourite Stimulant.—Betsy’s British
Brandy.
Bad Form of Ring-Worm.—A “ Welcher.”