DOI issue:
October 31, 1868
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16882#0189
October 31, 1868.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
183
Call one. Call all, or call none, excepting exceptions. “ Calling” is
fast becoming a matter of first-night routine, and. losing its value as a
public reward of merit.
Ot my Alhambra Ballet I must treat next week. Space forbids.
Postscript— Why do Managers of experience force a piece by hot-
house process ? Is the strawberry in January equal to the strawberry
in June ? And why do not Critics withhold their judgment on such a
first-night performance, contenting themselves with a few lines of
public warning to the rash Manager ? As pieces are now-a-days pro-
duced, that is, without sufficient rehearsal (“sufficient” applying more
to mode and system than to time), to come to anything like a fair
decision upon their merits is next to an impossibility at a first night’s
representation, which is, in nine cases out of ten (to the actors’, scene
artists’, and stage-managers’ shame be it spoken), only a dress
rehearsal.
I am led to these remarks by a recent visit to the Adelphi. I had
seen Monte Christo abused in the criticisms on its production. I have
no hesitation in saying, that if the third night could have been the
first, no unfavourable verdict would have been recorded. But, on the
contrary, it would have been pronounced a great success, likely to
hold its own for many a month to come. Mr. 'Webster is admirable
in it, specially in his marvellous “make-up” as the Inspector of
Prisons. , Mr. Peciiter, as the Abbe Busoni (who ought to be called
the Abbe Bellew, so closely does he in this resemble that popular
entertainer), and, as the Count of Monte Crisio, is the very picture
drawn by Alexander the Great. No better duel than that between
Messrs. Eechter and Phillips has been seen on tbe stage for some
time; and if only that prison scene, with Mr. Stuart’s long-winded
story ot Lucbezia Borgia and the College of Cardinals could be
shortened, there would be no delay in the action from beginning to
end. At this and all other Theatres let the Public judge for itself.
ELECTION ADDRESSES.
VI.-DECIDEDLY CAUTIOUS.
THE NEW EXCHANGE;
OR, NO ROBBERY COLUMN.
There is a newspaper devoted, we hear, entirely to publishing offers
of exchange. Hitherto the plan, though economically valuable, has
not been generally taken up, and this may be owing to the want of a
medium open to all comers with any possible sort of proposal. Such a
Column we now place before the public.
1. I have two volumes of Tupper by me, one partly cut, the other
uncut, and as good as new, whicli I wish to exchange for the three
vols. of Macaulay’s Critical Essays. Junior Soph
2. Sir,—I have by me a Pantomime in MS. never acted. I would ex-
change it for a bran new umbrella, a pair of boots to fit, and a good
oveicoat. lloscius, New Cut, Lambeth.
P.S. I would exchange my present position for a better any day of
tbe week. Open to an engagement.
3. I want to exchange a first-rate gun, very strong and heavy, and
has not been used for thirty years, for three good Alderney cows or a
Broadm ood’s piano for my daughters. AddresSj JPharmer Copeia.
4. I have a beautiful supply of vestments, viz., chasubles, copes, and
stoles by me, also several handsome censers, which I should be glad to
exchange for a small quantity of honesty, humility, docility, and good
sound common sense. To sell these would not be right; but Exchange
is No Purchas. Ritualisticus, Brighton.
5. I want to exchange with anyone who has two thousand a year,
paid quarterly, and nothing to do for it. AddresSj Tuppence, City.
6. Mrs. Dash has a temper of her own. If any lady hasn’t got one,
she will be happy to effect an immediate exchange. Anything will be
taken.
7. I have got two curious old sixpences: date unknown. I will
change them for two shillings with anyone. Banquo.
8. Miss Spinstre has a very handsome ring, given to her years a^o
by her grandmother. She will exchange it for a wedding-ring, to be
given to her by her husband. Marta.
What does She Mean?
The Standard says that, at the termination of the first night’s per-
formance of Leah, Miss Bateman “received a perfect ovation of
bouquets.” If some of the Standard s favourite Conservative Candi-
dates are complimented on the hustings vdth cabbages, &c., shall we
be told that these performers “ received a perfect triumph of vege-
tables ? ”
To the Electors of Bam borough.
Gentlemen (I am debarred from saying Ladies and Gentlemen,
after the adverse decision of the Revising Barrister),
A Dissolution ot Parliament being looked upon as not improbable,
I, yielding with pardonable pride to a requisition signed, as I have
ascertained by a careful examination of the Borough Register, by a
clear majority of your number, am not unwilling to become a Candidate
for the representation of my native town in the Imperial Legislature.
With reference to the principal political questions now awaiting an
answer, I have deliberately weighed all that is to be said on both sides,
and am therefore fully prepared to give such a summary of my sentiments
as I should rejoice to find was considered satisfactory by a Constituency
so unprejudiced as that of Bamborough.
There are those who believe that Parliamentary Reform has been
indulged in to a dangerous, a ruinous excess, and who predict that the
funeral of the British Constitution will take place at an early date;
there are others who would do ten times more than has already been
done, and who prophesy a future for their country of such prosperity
and power as history can supply no example. I do not participate in
the despair of the alarmists ; I am not carried away by the enthusiasm
of the sanguine.
i shall vote for the gradual and graceful extinction of the Irish State
Church, if the Catholics desire it, and the Protestants do not object
to it, and a decided majority of the House demand it; and I shall be
ready carefully to examine the details of any scheme that may appear
to me to ensure a fair and equitable application of the revenues of the
Establishment—when it has been disendowed.
I am a loyal subject of the Church of England, but yet I respect the
conscientious opinions of those numerous ana influential religious
bodies who have separated themselves from her doctrine and discipline,
and have always regretted that I was not in Parliament when Church
Rates disappeared from the programme of party, nothing in the world
being so agreeable to my temperament as a judicious compromise.
With an impartial hand I would check the innovations of the extrava-
gant, and correct the laxity of the indifferent, amingst the Clergy.
Economy in our National Expenditure is essential; efficiency in our
National Establishments is not inferior in importance. Let there be
brought under my notice some plan which shall lighten the burdens of
the people, and at the same time insure the safety and welfare of the
Queen’s dominions, and no man in the House will give it a more pro-
tracted consideration than I shall.
The various religious communities will, I trust, be able to agree on
some comprehensive measure of National Education which, without
offending the conscience or interfering with that personal liberty of
action so justly prized by Englishmen, will offer the means of instruc-
tion to every child in the realm. When this happens, I shall not-be
found absent from the ranks of the workers against ignorance. It will
not surprise me if I live to see the day 'when the nation shall claim
and the universities yield the abolition of religious disqualifications.
The great landed proprietors of this country have only to form them-
selves into Leagues in favour of the adoption of the Ballot to secure
my humble co-operation.
In the same spirit of concession I would say to those who have
dominant influence in towns which though ancient and respectable are
now faded and forgotten—intimate your willingness to submit to the
political extinction of these, boroughs, and I will, in my admiration
of your unselfish patriotism give my voice for the transfer of their elec-
toral privileges to other and more important centres of industry and
enterprise.
One word in conclusion. You tell me that it is your practice to defray
by a subscription amongst yourselves all the election expenses ot the
Candidate ot your free choice. I have not language at my command
sufficiently strong to express my unqualified approval of so excellent a
custom, and one so creditable to the enlightened constituency by whose
suffrages I hope speedily to be placed in the proud position of Member
for Bamborough. your faithful Servant,
Swan Egg Ljane, E. C.
Bartholomew Trimmer.
Precaution for Prelates.
There is a Person who may not perhaps be quite so scarlet as she is
painted. What is there to prevent the Pope from giving Ritualists
gone over to Rome a dispensation to remain ostensibly in the English
Church, and there act the part of decoy-ducks in regard to geese ,J
You may be tolerably certain that he has, in fact, done no such thing;
but, my Lords Bishops, would it not be 'well to make assurance on that
point doubly sure by immediately taking all practicable measures in the
several dioceses over which you preside for making a clean sweep of
Ritualist duffers ?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
183
Call one. Call all, or call none, excepting exceptions. “ Calling” is
fast becoming a matter of first-night routine, and. losing its value as a
public reward of merit.
Ot my Alhambra Ballet I must treat next week. Space forbids.
Postscript— Why do Managers of experience force a piece by hot-
house process ? Is the strawberry in January equal to the strawberry
in June ? And why do not Critics withhold their judgment on such a
first-night performance, contenting themselves with a few lines of
public warning to the rash Manager ? As pieces are now-a-days pro-
duced, that is, without sufficient rehearsal (“sufficient” applying more
to mode and system than to time), to come to anything like a fair
decision upon their merits is next to an impossibility at a first night’s
representation, which is, in nine cases out of ten (to the actors’, scene
artists’, and stage-managers’ shame be it spoken), only a dress
rehearsal.
I am led to these remarks by a recent visit to the Adelphi. I had
seen Monte Christo abused in the criticisms on its production. I have
no hesitation in saying, that if the third night could have been the
first, no unfavourable verdict would have been recorded. But, on the
contrary, it would have been pronounced a great success, likely to
hold its own for many a month to come. Mr. 'Webster is admirable
in it, specially in his marvellous “make-up” as the Inspector of
Prisons. , Mr. Peciiter, as the Abbe Busoni (who ought to be called
the Abbe Bellew, so closely does he in this resemble that popular
entertainer), and, as the Count of Monte Crisio, is the very picture
drawn by Alexander the Great. No better duel than that between
Messrs. Eechter and Phillips has been seen on tbe stage for some
time; and if only that prison scene, with Mr. Stuart’s long-winded
story ot Lucbezia Borgia and the College of Cardinals could be
shortened, there would be no delay in the action from beginning to
end. At this and all other Theatres let the Public judge for itself.
ELECTION ADDRESSES.
VI.-DECIDEDLY CAUTIOUS.
THE NEW EXCHANGE;
OR, NO ROBBERY COLUMN.
There is a newspaper devoted, we hear, entirely to publishing offers
of exchange. Hitherto the plan, though economically valuable, has
not been generally taken up, and this may be owing to the want of a
medium open to all comers with any possible sort of proposal. Such a
Column we now place before the public.
1. I have two volumes of Tupper by me, one partly cut, the other
uncut, and as good as new, whicli I wish to exchange for the three
vols. of Macaulay’s Critical Essays. Junior Soph
2. Sir,—I have by me a Pantomime in MS. never acted. I would ex-
change it for a bran new umbrella, a pair of boots to fit, and a good
oveicoat. lloscius, New Cut, Lambeth.
P.S. I would exchange my present position for a better any day of
tbe week. Open to an engagement.
3. I want to exchange a first-rate gun, very strong and heavy, and
has not been used for thirty years, for three good Alderney cows or a
Broadm ood’s piano for my daughters. AddresSj JPharmer Copeia.
4. I have a beautiful supply of vestments, viz., chasubles, copes, and
stoles by me, also several handsome censers, which I should be glad to
exchange for a small quantity of honesty, humility, docility, and good
sound common sense. To sell these would not be right; but Exchange
is No Purchas. Ritualisticus, Brighton.
5. I want to exchange with anyone who has two thousand a year,
paid quarterly, and nothing to do for it. AddresSj Tuppence, City.
6. Mrs. Dash has a temper of her own. If any lady hasn’t got one,
she will be happy to effect an immediate exchange. Anything will be
taken.
7. I have got two curious old sixpences: date unknown. I will
change them for two shillings with anyone. Banquo.
8. Miss Spinstre has a very handsome ring, given to her years a^o
by her grandmother. She will exchange it for a wedding-ring, to be
given to her by her husband. Marta.
What does She Mean?
The Standard says that, at the termination of the first night’s per-
formance of Leah, Miss Bateman “received a perfect ovation of
bouquets.” If some of the Standard s favourite Conservative Candi-
dates are complimented on the hustings vdth cabbages, &c., shall we
be told that these performers “ received a perfect triumph of vege-
tables ? ”
To the Electors of Bam borough.
Gentlemen (I am debarred from saying Ladies and Gentlemen,
after the adverse decision of the Revising Barrister),
A Dissolution ot Parliament being looked upon as not improbable,
I, yielding with pardonable pride to a requisition signed, as I have
ascertained by a careful examination of the Borough Register, by a
clear majority of your number, am not unwilling to become a Candidate
for the representation of my native town in the Imperial Legislature.
With reference to the principal political questions now awaiting an
answer, I have deliberately weighed all that is to be said on both sides,
and am therefore fully prepared to give such a summary of my sentiments
as I should rejoice to find was considered satisfactory by a Constituency
so unprejudiced as that of Bamborough.
There are those who believe that Parliamentary Reform has been
indulged in to a dangerous, a ruinous excess, and who predict that the
funeral of the British Constitution will take place at an early date;
there are others who would do ten times more than has already been
done, and who prophesy a future for their country of such prosperity
and power as history can supply no example. I do not participate in
the despair of the alarmists ; I am not carried away by the enthusiasm
of the sanguine.
i shall vote for the gradual and graceful extinction of the Irish State
Church, if the Catholics desire it, and the Protestants do not object
to it, and a decided majority of the House demand it; and I shall be
ready carefully to examine the details of any scheme that may appear
to me to ensure a fair and equitable application of the revenues of the
Establishment—when it has been disendowed.
I am a loyal subject of the Church of England, but yet I respect the
conscientious opinions of those numerous ana influential religious
bodies who have separated themselves from her doctrine and discipline,
and have always regretted that I was not in Parliament when Church
Rates disappeared from the programme of party, nothing in the world
being so agreeable to my temperament as a judicious compromise.
With an impartial hand I would check the innovations of the extrava-
gant, and correct the laxity of the indifferent, amingst the Clergy.
Economy in our National Expenditure is essential; efficiency in our
National Establishments is not inferior in importance. Let there be
brought under my notice some plan which shall lighten the burdens of
the people, and at the same time insure the safety and welfare of the
Queen’s dominions, and no man in the House will give it a more pro-
tracted consideration than I shall.
The various religious communities will, I trust, be able to agree on
some comprehensive measure of National Education which, without
offending the conscience or interfering with that personal liberty of
action so justly prized by Englishmen, will offer the means of instruc-
tion to every child in the realm. When this happens, I shall not-be
found absent from the ranks of the workers against ignorance. It will
not surprise me if I live to see the day 'when the nation shall claim
and the universities yield the abolition of religious disqualifications.
The great landed proprietors of this country have only to form them-
selves into Leagues in favour of the adoption of the Ballot to secure
my humble co-operation.
In the same spirit of concession I would say to those who have
dominant influence in towns which though ancient and respectable are
now faded and forgotten—intimate your willingness to submit to the
political extinction of these, boroughs, and I will, in my admiration
of your unselfish patriotism give my voice for the transfer of their elec-
toral privileges to other and more important centres of industry and
enterprise.
One word in conclusion. You tell me that it is your practice to defray
by a subscription amongst yourselves all the election expenses ot the
Candidate ot your free choice. I have not language at my command
sufficiently strong to express my unqualified approval of so excellent a
custom, and one so creditable to the enlightened constituency by whose
suffrages I hope speedily to be placed in the proud position of Member
for Bamborough. your faithful Servant,
Swan Egg Ljane, E. C.
Bartholomew Trimmer.
Precaution for Prelates.
There is a Person who may not perhaps be quite so scarlet as she is
painted. What is there to prevent the Pope from giving Ritualists
gone over to Rome a dispensation to remain ostensibly in the English
Church, and there act the part of decoy-ducks in regard to geese ,J
You may be tolerably certain that he has, in fact, done no such thing;
but, my Lords Bishops, would it not be 'well to make assurance on that
point doubly sure by immediately taking all practicable measures in the
several dioceses over which you preside for making a clean sweep of
Ritualist duffers ?